Might not be the best place for advice, but need help with a lady dilemma

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

My head has been living up my arse for the past week or so, because I just dont know what to do about a girl, we really like other, at the moment anyway, and are due to be going out in the next few weeks, but she has genital herpes, I really dont know what to do because obviously I will be at risk of catching it and we could split up in a month, I just dont know what to do as it could be a decision that effects the rest of my life!

Anyone ever been in a similar situation? I dont want to come accross as shallow but it really is a big decision.

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

OK here's my honest advise to you. If you really like this girl go out with her and don't make it physical until you guys have been dating a while. That may take a month or two but I think it would be worth it. That way if you realise you don't really like her the way you thought you did, you stay herpes free!

 

[scifiwolf]

Agreed. If it's about more than sex, and it seems that it is, then keep it about more than sex for a while. If it's looking like it might be long term, then you can explore that avenue. Another piece of advice I can offer is to consult your doctor about options you have. Tell him/her that you're planning on starting a relationship with someone with an STD, and you'd like some advice on how to protect yourself.

Above all, consider this: she's been honest with you about something, even when it risks her happiness with you. It would be grossly unfair to respond by running away. Hope that helps. If you want some more personal advice based on my own experience, feel free to PM me.

 

[Erzengel]

This is why I don't want to be single.

There is medication to keep outbreaks in check. Also, use protection.

You have to decide if you want to enter into a relationship and have to deal with all this.

I would take it slow and see if this is a girl you can see having a long relationship with.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

^Thanks guys, I do plan on taking it slow anyway, and I really like the girl, its just I have done some research into the situation and it doesnt sound promising.

I haveng heard directly from her about this, its through the grapevine of her friends, who would know these things.

 

[Erzengel]

Well for those who have it, it's like a strike maybe even an out before you even get up to bat.

Cute neighbor I heard a story about her. She has herpes and was dating a new guy and eventually has to come out with that she has it, and he turns around and says I have it too.

I think most people wait until the relationship has grown you don't want to mention this on the first date almost hoping they'd like you before you somewhat spring it on them.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

I'm not expecting her to mention it for a while, and I dont plan to get physical straight away, but as I said I heard it through the grapevine and am not sure whether to just end it before it begins to save her some hurt.

 

[Erzengel]

Take it one date at a time.

 

[Nightmare]

Eh, better getting it from her then getting it from someone you regret having sex with. You'll likely get it during your lifetime anyway.

Lots of good advice in here so far though.

 

[Spider-Who?]

i once knew a chick who would LITERALLY have guys fill out a "sex application" and show proof of a clean STD test before dating them.

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

So you failed the app. process huh!?!

 

[Spider-Who?]

So you failed the app. process huh!?!

HA, no i almost married her!

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

Whoa! I stand corrected!

 

[CrashNburn]

It could be a lie though, right? Could just be rumor. Give it a shot. See if you could find whether or not it's worth being with her. That way, atleast you gave it a shot and you can walk away with a clear conscience

 

[amazingfantasy15]

My head has been living up my arse for the past week or so, because I just dont know what to do about a girl, we really like other, at the moment anyway, and are due to be going out in the next few weeks, but she has genital herpes, I really dont know what to do because obviously I will be at risk of catching it and we could split up in a month, I just dont know what to do as it could be a decision that effects the rest of my life!

Anyone ever been in a similar situation? I dont want to come accross as shallow but it really is a big decision.

Why are you waiting a few weeks to go out? Ask her out, when you're on a date with her, you or her may find out there's actually not much of an attraction. You're thinking way too far in advance right now. Go out, if you have a good time, go out again, maybe things will get physical, maybe things will fizzle out before then. Cross the herpes prevention bridge when you get to it, but right now it's far down the road.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

This is all great stuff and has helped a lot, thanks guys and gals!

 

[terry78]

I also must take a step back and applaud you for admitting that this is indeed not the best place for romantic advice, and still taking it.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

I also must take a step back and applaud you for admitting that this is indeed not the best place for romantic advice, and still taking it.

Ha ha, I just meant a movie forum may not be the best place to discuss my dilemma, but the responses have been really helpful.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I havent heard directly from her about this, its through the grapevine of her friends, who would know these things.

First of all, I'd suggest talking to her about it before you make any decisions on your relationship. It is such a delicate subject, and chances are that if she does have it, SHE will be the best person to advise you on the dangers facing you and catching the infection.

As far as I am aware, using a latex condom is pretty effective, as long as it is not during an outbreak. So as long as she is honest about when her symptoms have flared up, you should be pretty safe. Also, people who take antiviral medication long-term to prevent recurrences have a reduced risk of passing on the virus.

All this is stuff you need to talk through with her.

And best case scenario, the people who told you were very seriously misinformed. I mean, it could be a rumour that everyone believes whole heartedly, but because of the nature of the subject, no one has actually asked this girl if it's true, because it's too embarrasing.

Good luck, and I hope you don't do a runner.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

First of all, I'd suggest talking to her about it before you make any decisions on your relationship. It is such a delicate subject, and chances are that if she does have it, SHE will be the best person to advise you on the dangers facing you and catching the infection.

As far as I am aware, using a latex condom is pretty effective, as long as it is not during an outbreak. So as long as she is honest about when her symptoms have flared up, you should be pretty safe. Also, people who take antiviral medication long-term to prevent recurrences have a reduced risk of passing on the virus.

All this is stuff you need to talk through with her.

And best case scenario, the people who told you were very seriously misinformed. I mean, it could be a rumour that everyone believes whole heartedly, but because of the nature of the subject, no one has actually asked this girl if it's true, because it's too embarrasing.

Good luck, and I hope you don't do a runner.

Thanks, and no i'm not going to do a runner, just take it very slow if it happens, there are other factors so we may not end up going out, just wanted a bit of advice in case we do, this has all been great.

 

[Cracker Jack]

Jamon, first you have to find out if she loves Ang Lee's Hulk as much as you do. If so, roll with it it's a match made in heven.


Seriously, take it slow Jamon, her condition is definitely something you need to know before you risk the rest of your life.

 

[guitarsingerguy]

I actually dated a girl with herpes for like 7 years. You definitely have to take precautions. There's also possible complications with children, etc., but those are so minor it's almost not worth mentioning. If it makes you feel better...some people are actually immune to the herpes virus.

 

[Mee]

Tell her to get genital removal surgery, obviously.

 

[AndThePickles]

I think you very much have to take the future into consideration here. Where do you see yourself in a year? In five? If she is someone you can see potentially dating long-term, I think it is worth it. However, I'll be the shallow one here and say that when it comes to casual dating and figuring out who you want to be with, I would never choose to be with someone who had herpes if I knew before we became overly attached to each other.

 

[knowsbleed]

That's good that she told you because you know what conversation would suck?



"Hey, that felt sooo great and I'm sooo glad you wore a condom"