Stuck between a rock and a hard place......Need help

[Heretic]

Your daughter is breaking the law...I would assume that it would be a good idea to intervene in some way.

I am very much against the concept of parents being "cool". You have a job to do, and it isnt to be your kids awesome buddy.

This always sounds weird...but I hang out with LOTS of teenagers. Its an occupational thing. It blows my mind to see what 14 year olds do these days. Drinking is literally kids stuff to them. 14 is a great time to start the talks that we all hate...

So...advice...man...none of us know your situation or your family dynamics. You cannt just let it happen, because youd be a punk and your kid would keep breaking the law. On the bright side, at least she wasnt drinking a huge bottle, and odds are that her and a bunch of friends shared that tiny bottle. You should definitely give a heads up to her friends parents, and there definitely needs to be some restrictions put in place about where she goes and how long she stays etc. Heck, your daughter could be the ring leader in this little drunkfest, so dont go accusing other kids (and your daughter WILL blame other kids).

Most kids experiment with drinking...its not the end of the world, but you have to step in to make sure shes not shooting heroin by the time shes 16.

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

I have opened up my past life to her about my drinking and smoking weed days. I told her I've drank and smoked at concerts, dropped acid at concerts, got wasted at parties, etc. All of this though I was 17, 18, and up. Never at 14. So I dont know if telling her of the things I have done in the past has intrigued her to try it, or if its just friends saying, hey, its cool, drink/smoke this. She'll probably come off as saying it was just a little drink, no big deal. But I want her to understand that little drinks turn into bigger drinks, bigger buzzes and eventually, making decisions not having a clear mind and that is where problems are created. I have told her that if she ever drinks or smokes, I want her to tell me about it and I would listen to her and we'll deal with it accordingly. Unfortunately, the couple things I have found out that she has done, it's because I caught her with the evidence or found out that she did it. She never just openly said, hey dad, I did this and that.

Well, I think it's time to get the authorities involved if she persists in this behavior. Plus I think a cap on the ages of her friends needs to be instituted. 16 is a pretty mature age for her to be hanging around. When you are a parent you have to become a benevolent dictator. If she is to stay overnight, tell her you want contact phone numbers in case of emergencies. Also tell her to call you every hour before bedtime. If she fails to call, get the police involved. She is a minor and this behavior should not be tolerated. I'm serious about you telling her to talk with me. My niece suffers because of the actions of my sister and I'm about ready to tell her to get her life straightened out. My sister is 32 and doing these childish things rather than being there for my niece.

 

[Halloween]

Thanks for the advice everybody. Everyone is definately on the same page. For everyone out there who wants to be a future parent, please don't be discouraged. Having kids can be the greatest event in your life and you have your whole life to enjoy it. Sometimes though there are bumps along the road and things have to be dealt with. It wont be easy and it wont be fun, but something as "little" (what a teen might reference it as) as taking a sip can lead to abuse and addiction. We all took our sips, etc in the past. It didnt take control of my life and I lucked out for sure. I dont want her to "luck out." I want her to be in situations where she is in complete control and there is no opportunity for "lucking out."

 

[Halloween]

Well, I think it's time to get the authorities involved if she persists in this behavior. Plus I think a cap on the ages of her friends needs to be instituted. 16 is a pretty mature age for her to be hanging around. When you are a parent you have to become a benevolent dictator. If she is to stay overnight, tell her you want contact phone numbers in case of emergencies. Also tell her to call you every hour before bedtime. If she fails to call, get the police involved. She is a minor and this behavior should not be tolerated. I'm serious about you telling her to talk with me. My niece suffers because of the actions of my sister and I'm about ready to tell her to get her life straightened out. My sister is 32 and doing these childish things rather than being there for my niece.

Oh yeah we always have phone numbers of where she is at. She hangs around friends that are her age and one year older. She is the baby in her class with her birthday being in May. She knows she can't hang with kids that are two/three years older. The maturity level is completely different with older kids.

 

[Pluto]

The only way to handle this is to just be completely open and honest about what happened. Don't overreact. Just bring it up when you see her and say hey baby, I found a bottle. Is it yours or someone elses? And if she admits that it's hers just tell her how much you care about her and how you don't want to see her get hit by all the horrible events that can come from drinking at a young age.

Good luck!

Trust me. If you're too strick kids will say, "F OFF, none of your business."
You need to be her parent/friend/ and confidant, not her ruler.

 

[Halloween]

I can make it fun for me actually. Right now she is at her cousin's house, who I completely trust. Straight A student, sophomore HS, participates in school activites, all around great kid. When I pick her up, I will drive by 7-11 to get a drink. I will ask her if she wants anything to drink and before she can answer, I will stop and say, "Wait, the kind of drink you want isnt sold here. I believe those places are closed on Sundays." haha. Or maybe, "You want a coke, icey, Bombay Sapphire Gin?"

 

[Nirvana]

Well here are my two cents. First of all, your her father and it's your house so you have every right to look and see what she has. Especially since you said it was so visible within her purse. Secondly, you should sit down and have a talk with her and ask her questions, without it being an interrogation but at the same time trying to reason with her. Hope all works out well.

 

[jaguarr]

I can make it fun for me actually. Right now she is at her cousin's house, who I completely trust. Straight A student, sophomore HS, participates in school activites, all around great kid. When I pick her up, I will drive by 7-11 to get a drink. I will ask her if she wants anything to drink and before she can answer, I will stop and say, "Wait, the kind of drink you want isnt sold here. I believe those places are closed on Sundays." haha. Or maybe, "You want a coke, icey, Bombay Sapphire Gin?"

Honestly? I wouldn't downplay it with a silly approach. Sit her down and treat the subject seriously. If you act like you're not taking it seriously, she won't either. That doesn't mean making a big deal out of it by any means; just treating the subject with the depth and weight that it deserves. Just my two cents.

jag

 

[Halloween]

Honestly? I wouldn't downplay it with a silly approach. Sit her down and treat the subject seriously. If you act like you're not taking it seriously, she won't either. That doesn't mean making a big deal out of it by any means; just treating the subject with the depth and weight that it deserves. Just my two cents.

jag

Makes sense. Thanks.

 

[jaguarr]

Makes sense. Thanks.

Good luck with it. If you can manage to let her know that your firm and tough but fair and that you do love her and want to ensure what's best for her, you'll have come out ahead. It's a tough line to walk to be their authority figure but someone they still trust and will bring their problems to without trying to be their buddy which will definitely blow up in your face at some point. Kids make mistakes, usually of the same or similar variety that we made ourselves when we were their age. It's a part of growing up and how they learn to navigate the world. We can't prevent them from ever making mistakes and it's a one-way ticket to the looney bin for you both if you try too hard to do it. Trying to give them the tools they will need to make smart decisions, stay as safe as possible and learn from their mistakes rather than getting mired down in them is the best we can do as parents.

jag