I could understand the friend talking to Nell or the girl Nell's sorta seeing, but talking to the boyfriend is where things cross the line. It's the girl's job to tell her boyfriend, she's the guiltiest party here. The friend really shouldn't be getting directly involved.
that's how i feel, and like i said, i'm kind of caught off guard by it all.
when her and i first started talking / seeing each other, he was okay with everything. in fact, he was encouraging me to do it, so that i could end up with her. then her and i got into a couple fights that all but ended everything, and in talking to him, he began to change his mind a bit. she had tried contacting me, to make amends for what had happened, though the couple talks we did have didn't go well. and he began to change his mind on the situation, thinking i was wrong for what i had done. talking to him did make me feel guilty, so i went up to visit her at work, talked to her, apologized for the way i tried to pressure her into leaving her boyfriend, and she apologized to me for things that she had done. we began talking again, with a known mutual interest in being together, but also without any kind of pressure in terms of physical actions or what have you. basically, getting to know each other for who we are, not letting our hormones get in the way.
when i told me friend about this, he was completely okay with it, continuously saying "as long as you go about this the right way, i have no problems with it", and everything that her and i were doing by this point was his definition of doing it the "right way".
but he got mad again, and started on his feelings about how he couldn't sit back any longer while this guy was in the dark about it. he agreed that it needs to be her to tell him what's up, but says if she doesn't do it, then he doesn't know how long he can keep silent.
i wasn't upset about him telling me i was wrong. i'm not going to lie to myself or anyone else - i know i am the bad guy here. i am actively trying to take a girl from her boyfriend. normally, this isn't me. except for 1 time in high school, which i feel completely bad about, if i've ever been into someone that had a boyfriend, that's where it ended. she had a boyfriend, end of subject. maybe someday she'll break up with him, but it won't be by my doing.
this situation is different. i do understand that people play games, and lead others on. and i understand why everything is looked upon so low by people on the outside looking in. but i've been played before, i know what it's like, and when i'm with her, and when i'm talking to her, i don't get that sense that i am being played, or that she is just keeping me around to have her cake and eat it to. i truly get the sense that she wants me over her boyfriend, but she is scared of change. because i know what she's been through, and i know why that change would scare her.
and if i am being naiive, and she is just playing me for a fool, then i have accepted that possibility, and i can accept those consequences.
but, my best friend, trying to get himself involved when it's not his situation catches me off guard. and him not talking to me for over a week now is really starting to bother me. and if it IS because of what's happening with her, then no, those are consequences that i can't accept. and i will NOT lose my best friend over some girl, no matter how much potential i believe her and i have. she'll be nothing more than a memory to me before i lose my friend.
it's just so out of character. he is not the type to hold a grudge. not like this. he and i have been the only people that we could rely on. i mean, i have a good family, and i have great friends. about 3 other than him that i could consider a "best" friend. but when it comes down to it, i can tell him things that i can't tell anyone else, and vice versa, even if we both don't always have the best of advice.
i can understand him being upset. i'm walking into a situation that has the potential to be very bad. hell, it's already not that great. i just never expected him to take it to this extreme. all of my other friends have flat out told me how stupid i am. they wish me the best, and hope it works out with her and i, but they feel i'm being stupid. but at the same time, they also feel that there are certain lessons i need to learn for myself, and they aren't going to hold a grudge against me for my mistakes. i'll live, and learn, and become a better man for it.
and i am learning lessons - lessons i didn't need his reaction to teach me. and changes i am already in the process of making. it just shocks me how he wants to get directly involved, and take matters into his own hands, and basically live my life for me. and her's as well. and now seemingly avoid me because i didn't agree.
good luck...btw find new friends.
