Random Simpsons Quotes Thread

[Mdizzle]

That reminds me of one of my favorite Homer quotes when he was in Mr. Burns office.

Burns: What is your name?
Tell a lie, tell a lie!
Homer: Homer Simpson
DOH!

Or:

"Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a package for me."
"Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"
"Um, I don't know."

...."Great plan, Bart!!"


What a doofus.

 

[Mdizzle]

I actually gave that advice to my best friend when he got married. t:

Hahah that's awesome. So random, and so true.

 

[Kingfish]

Krusty: Uh, just one thing. Are you guys any good at covering up any youthful and middle-aged indiscretions?
Mr. Burns: Are these indiscretions romantic, financial, or treasonous?
Krusty: A Russian hooker, you tell me.
Mr. Burns: Oh, no problem. We'll say you were on a fact-finding mission.
Krusty: I did find out one fact. She was a guy.


Ned Flanders: I really hate to be a snitch.
Chief Wiggum: Don't worry, your yellow-bellied ratting will be held in the strictest confidence.
Ned Flanders: Well, in that case, my neighbor Homer released a radioactive ape into my house. It's, uh, taken over the top floor.
Bart: It wasn't dad's fault. The ape tricked him.

 

[Mdizzle]

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine!"

"Man, these clothes suck!"
"Bart! Where do you get that language?"
"Yeah Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. Moe I gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening."

 

[Brainiac 8]

Or:

"Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a package for me."
"Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"
"Um, I don't know."

...."Great plan, Bart!!"


What a doofus.

Awesome! Same episode for both of them.

Or:

Mayor Quimby: "Do I hear uh, briefcase opening?"

 

[Mdizzle]

Awesome! Same episode for both of them.

Or:

Mayor Quimby: "Do I hear uh, briefcase opening?"

Hahah Mayor Quimby! This is the one I always think of:

"You're just a bunch of low-income nobodies! Who are you to demand anything?"
*Says quietly* "Uh, election in November. Election in November."
"What? Again? This stupid country!"

 

[The Joker]

Homer impersonates Mr Burns' mother on the phone in an attempt to help Smithers get his job back after he stupidly accidently disconnected Mrs Burns on the phone:

Homer: "Helloooo Mr Burns, this is your mother"
Mr Burns: "Ughhhh! Oh hello, mater. Sorry for pulling the plug on you and all. Who'd have guessed you'd pull thru and live for another 5 decades? Ooooh is my face red"
Smithers: "Mrs Burns is 120 years old, so try to sound more desicated. And she doesn't call her son Mr Burns"
Homer: "Son, this is Mrs Burns. I just called to say I don't love you. You are a bad son, Montel"

 

[Mdizzle]

"Son, you don't have to follow in my footsteps."
"That's ok, I don't even like using the bathroom after you."
"WHY YOU LITTLE-!"

Similarly...

"What did you do today son? Catch any junebugs?"
"Well today me and Milhouse took mail from the mail truck and threw it down the sewer."
"Son, I know you meant well, but that wasn't the right thing to do."
"What the hell are you talking about? You're the one who double-dared us!"
"WHY YOU LITTLE-!"

 

[Dr. Evil]

This is an awesome thread.

 

[Dr. Evil]

From the last episode:

Homer: How could this have happened?
Flanders: Because your father lives with me now!
Grandpa: Flanders feeds me people food!
Homer: Well, I can't compete with that!

 

[Kingfish]

Board chairman: Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant…
Dr. Nick: But I cleaned them with my napkin!
Board chairman: …misuse of cadavers…
Dr. Nick: I get here earlier when I use the carpool lane!

Marge: Well, Lisa is now a horse and Bart is dead.
Homer: Well, me saying sorry isn’t going to fix things.
Marge: The gypsy said it would!
Homer: She’s not the boss of me.

Assistant: Mayor, there’s an angry mob to see you.
Quimby: Does it have an appointment?
Assistant: Uhhh… yes, it does.
Skinner (from the back): I phoned ahead!

 

[Mdizzle]

This is an awesome thread.

I'll take credit for that. jokes.

Which reminds me...

"...He's smart, he's sensitive, he's clearly not obsessed with his physical appearance..."
"My ears are burning."
"Uh, I wasn't talking about you, Dad."
"No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip."

Haha, there is a Simpsons quote for any given situation.

 

[Mdizzle]

Board chairman: Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant…
Dr. Nick: But I cleaned them with my napkin!
Board chairman: …misuse of cadavers…
Dr. Nick: I get here earlier when I use the carpool lane!

More Nick Riviera:

"Doctor Nick, Doctor Nick Riviera. Please report to the Coroner's office immediately."
"The Coroner? I'm so sick of that guy. Well, see you in the operating place!"


"And remember, if you're not sure about something, just rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain! Bye bye, everybody!"

 

[K.B.]

Groundskeeper Willie: Ach Wendel. Tis a mighty puddle of puke.
Wendell: I'm sorry.
Groundskeeper Willie: That's all right lad. You reminded me of why I got into this work in the first place.


Kent Brockman: The phony pope can be identified by his high top sneakers, and incredibly foul mouth.


[Comic Book visits a dating service and grabs all the one-nighter presentation videotapes]
Clerk: Are you going to call all those women?
Comic Book Guy: No, the tapes will do just fine.


Lionel Hutz: And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Often as a lawyer.

Homer: If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it's not a fair.

Krusty the Clown: Homer gave me a kidney: it wasn't his, I didn't need it, and it came postage due- but I appreciated the gesture!

 

[aaron]

bring on the wiggum quotage

 

[Kingfish]

Wiggum, eh?

Chief Wiggum: Okay folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's... Oh my god! A horrible plane crash! Hey everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around!


Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.


Chief Wiggum: Oh, man, what a day. It's no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls ... two, I suppose.

 

[Mdizzle]

Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.

I love that one. Springfield's most lovable dumbass.

"There's two guys fighting at the Aquarium, Chief."
"They still sell those frozen bananas?"
"I think so."
"Let's roll."

"Come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says Capricorn, and something with coconut on it!"

"Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be "policing" the entire city!"

 

[Mdizzle]

Another favorite of mine:

"Oh Lisa, you and your stories. Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that...building thingee...where our beds and tv...is"

 

[aaron]

lolol wiggum <3

 

[Kingfish]

Chief Wiggum: Uh sorry, sorry, no dumping in the lake!
Fat Tony: Fine, I will put my *yard trimmings* in a car compactor.
Lou: Uh, Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.
Chief Wiggum: I thought that too, until he said yard trimmings. You gotta learn to listen, Lou.

And some classic Sideshow Bob.

Sideshow Bob: You want the truth! You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you! Bah! I deride your truth handling abilities!

Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder, now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?

Sideshow Bob: Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!

 

[Mdizzle]

Or the combo with David Hyde Pierce as Cecil:

"I didn't do this! I'm innocent!"
"Tell them they'll live to regret this."
"YOU'LL LIVE TO REGRET THIS!.....Oh great. Now I look crazy."

 

[K.B.]

Homer: " Welcome to the jungle, Kevin."

 

[Kingfish]

Some more classic Bob

BOB: "Soon I will kill you."
SELMA: "Huh?"
BOB: "'Son pied sentit beau.' - french for, 'her foot smells lovely.'"
SELMA: "Oh."
BOB: "Prepare to be murdered."
SELMA: "Huh?"
BOB: "'Hai pa de babe mu' that's...sanskrit for 'Your toes are like perfume.'"
SELMA: "Ah."
BOB: "Voy a matar a usted."
SELMA: "Wha?"
BOB: "That's Spanish for 'I'm going to kill you.'"


LAWYER: "Robert, if you were released, would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson?"
SIDESHOW BOB: "Bart Simpson? The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hell-hole?"
PAROLE PANEL: "We object to the term 'urine-soaked hell-hole' when you could have said, 'pee-pee soaked heck-hole'."
SIDESHOW BOB: "Cheerfully withdrawn!"


SIDESHOW BOB: "Kudos for bringing the public back to the Republican party. It's high time the public realized we conservatives aren't all Johnny-hatemongers and Charlie Bible-thumps, or even, God forbid, George Bushes."


BART: "So Krusty double-crossed you. But your basic plan was pure genius. Where do you get your ideas?"
SIDESHOW: "Oh please, let's not embarras us both with that hoary old 'stall the villain with flattery' scheme!"
BART: "I should have known you were too smart for that."
SIDESHOW: "Really? What type of smart? Book smart? Because there are a lot of people who are book smart but it takes a very special type of genius to..."


BOB: "Just the thought of all that raw, surging power makes me wonder why the hell I should care."
CECIL: "Because, you'll be supervising the construction crew."
BOB: "Oh great, whenever a woman walks by, I suppose it will be my job to lead the hooting: "Oh yeah! Shake it madam! Capital knockers!""

 

[Mdizzle]

"Homer no function beer well without."

"You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning."

"All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer."

 

[aaron]

haha homer <3