Stupid People Doing Stupid Things Thread

[JAK®]

Stockton, California Residents Mistake Cloud for UFO Because of Course

These people crack me up

If you didn't know it was a cloud (understandable as it is a very rare and unusual type) then it is accurate to describe it as a UFO, that is, an UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

After Alleged Dog Bite, Man Sues for Two Undecillion Dollars

In a twenty-two page complaint filed in a Manhattan federal court, Anton Purisima, 62, is suing everyone from New York City to Kmart to a "Chinese couple" who allegedly took photos of him while he was being treated at a hospital.

The complaint was handwritten and listed the dollar amount he was asking for: two undecillion dollars—a 2 followed by 36 zeros—more money than there is on earth.

According to the New York Post:

His claims include having his middle finger infected and bloodied after being bit by a "rabies-infected" dog on a city bus and then having a "Chinese couple" taking unauthorized photos of him while he was being treated at a local hospital.
In the suit, he claims that "the pain and damages he suffered can't be measured in money and are, therefore, 'priceless.'"

Also being sued in the case is café chain Au Bon Pain, which seems fair.

http://nypost.com/2014/05/16/man-suing-almost-everyone-for-all-the-money-on-earth/

"Yes your honor my damages are so great you should award me all the money on Earth." I'll say one thing, this guy has balls, not much brains though

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Man Accidentally Shoots Himself in the Leg at a Phoenix Wal-Mart

Police say a man accidentally shot himself in the leg while in line at a Wal-Mart store in Phoenix, Arizona on Saturday. Whoops!

Phoenix police spokesman Officer James Holmes said the man had a gun on his hip and it went off accidentally. AZFamily spoke to a woman named Christa Allejandro, who was checking out at the store when she heard a loud bang:

"It sounded like a balloon. ... We were in the aisle paying for our stuff and then the next thing you know, a couple of aisles down from me, we hear a gunshot and we see a man cover his belly."
She explained that she was there to get supplies for her son's birthday "and next thing you know, all this chaos, and now it's shut down." The shot caused confusion and panic among shoppers and the store was evacuated.

Holmes said the man's injuries were not life-threatening and no one else was hurt.

http://www.azfamily.com/news/Man-accidentally-shoots-self-in-leg-at-Phoenix-Wal-Mart-259661791.html

Funny how often I end up reporting on these "accidental" shootings yet I rarely come across the random guy saves the day from bad man with his guns stories

 

[Teelie]

If you didn't know it was a cloud (understandable as it is a very rare and unusual type) then it is accurate to describe it as a UFO, that is, an UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT.

Being a cloud, Unidentified FLOATING Object is probably more appropriate.

 

[guitarsingerguy]

Obviously didn't learn anything when she did attend.



That's the part that still dumbfounds me too.....you can't live in America without their picture or name being blared out at you where ever you turn....all because that one girl filmed herself having sex with someone famous. Ridiculous.

A very boring tape at that.

 

[Anubis]

Yeah, Mimi's is waaay better.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Critics Accuse Obama of Snubbing Troops After Obama Honors Troops

Saturday was Armed Forces Day. How did you celebrate? Oh, you didn't know? Neither did Commander-In-Chief Hussein Obummer. He was too busy celebrating International Day Against Homophobia Or Transphobia. That's according to right-wing bloggers. And they'd never steer you wrong! Right?

Riiiiiight. First, here's the outrage:

Today was Armed Forces Day. Armed Forces Day was created under Harry Truman in 1949, celebrating all the branches of the military. Among other things, it was meant to be a day to honor and acknowledge the people of the Armed Forces of the United States.

Many recognized it today, including Senator Ted Cruz and Rep. Darrell Issa...

But our President, our Commander-In-Chief, failed to recognize it in his Twitter account, although the account recognized 'International Day Against Homophobia Or Transphobia', even using the #IDAHOT hashtag...

Various embassies followed suit, going to the trouble to recognize the IDAHOT date by displaying the Pride flag, but making no mention of Armed Forces Day...
No presidential tweet for the troops? That bastard. Or, as other reasonable commentators put it, "While He Kills Troops In VA, Obama Ignores Armed Forces Day" and "Honors Gays & Trannies Instead of Armed Forces." You could practically hear FoxNation's heart breaking.

It's especially unfortunate that all those U.S. embassies ignored Armed Forces Day, seeing as how the State Department oversees the armed forces. That's how it works, isn't it? I mean, they banned their Marines from using ammunition in a surrender to Islam, didn't they? (Serious question: Do these conservapundits realize that many brave foreign service officers have been gay? Like, say, Ambassador Chris Stevens, who was killed in Benghazi?)

The most troubling aspect of all this, though, is that effete leftist terrorist-palling president of ours COMPLETELY snubbing the troops and pretending Armed Services Day just never happened, all so he can prance around with the gays, as is his wont. What is wrong with this America-effeminizer?

Just to confirm the absolute lunkheadedness of this awful administration, I went over to the White House website to see what other gay-hugging troop-hating communist propaganda they'd promulga—- what's this?

For Immediate Release
May 16, 2014

Presidential Proclamation:

Armed Forces Day, 2014

ARMED FORCES DAY, 2014

- - - - - - -

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

In every generation, there are men and women who stand apart. They put on the uniform and put their lives on the line so the rest of us might live in a safer, freer, more just world. They defend us in times of peace, times of war, and times of crisis, both natural and man-made. On Armed Forces Day, we honor the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, and Coast Guardsmen who render the highest service any American can offer.

The patriots who stand sentry for our security are a proud link in an unbroken chain that stretches through the centuries. This generation has distinguished itself on mission after mission, tour after tour. Because of their heroism, the core of al-Qaeda is severely degraded and our homeland is more secure. Thanks to their extraordinary sacrifice, we are winding down more than a decade of war and strengthening alliances that extend our values. These are the gifts they have given us, and this is why we owe them a profound debt of gratitude.

It is our obligation to ensure our troops have all they need to complete their missions abroad, but we must also support them when they return home. We must care for the families who serve alongside them and fulfill our promises today, tomorrow, and forever. And we must demonstrate our thanks by building a Nation worthy of their sacrifices, a Nation that lives up to our founding ideals and allows every citizen to write their chapter of the American story.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, and Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States, continuing the precedent of my predecessors in office, do hereby proclaim the third Saturday of each May as Armed Forces Day...

Finally, I call upon all Americans to display the flag of the United States at their homes on Armed Forces Day, and I urge citizens to learn more about military service by attending and participating in the local observances of the day. I also encourage Americans to volunteer at organizations that provide support to our troops and their families.
Well... but that's just a presidential proclamation. Where's the tweet, dammit? Socialism!

http://linkis.com/shar.es/nILF8

How dare the president only put out a Presidential proclamtion honoring our troops! He should know better than that

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Dad Arrested for Throwing Baby Into Pool "To Teach Her a Lesson"

[YT]vA8LHMGkYn4[/YT]

A Phoenix man was arrested on child abuse charges after repeatedly throwing his 23-month-old daughter into a pool, in what he said was an attempt to teach her that water is dangerous.

Corey McCarthy was caught on video tossing daughter Mia into the water as his girlfriend hurried to rescue her, and then picking her up and throwing her again. McCarthy claimed the toddler dropped a 5-week-old puppy into the pool, killing it, and he was trying to show her not to play in the water.

The little girl survived the "lesson," but her mother, who wasn't there, is outraged.

"I am very angry and I'm very hurt and I just hope that my kids are going to be OK from this," the toddler's mother, Samantha, told KTVK. "People make mistakes, but this is past a poor decision and a mistake. This is a child."

"What people don't know is also in the beginning of the video, he hoses her down with a water hose to kind of torture her that way."

McCarthy and Samantha, an off-and-on couple who have two children together, have recently had disagreements over custody.

Family members said McCarthy, arrested last week, is still locked up. He's currently in an infirmary after he was beaten up in jail.

http://www.azfamily.com/news/Dad-al...nto-pool-to-teach-her-a-lesson-259555891.html

What the **** was this idiot thinking? I'm glad they are showing him how child abusers have fun in jail. There really needs to be some kind of IQ test or something to prevent people like this from ever having any kind of effect on a child's life

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Drunk Man Humped Picnic Table After Humping ATM

According to police, Lonnie Hutton, 49, was arrested last Friday night at a bar in Murfreesboro, Tenn. after drunkenly attempting to have sexual intercourse with an ATM and a wooden picnic table.

Hutton apparently walked into the Boro Bar and Grill ("Since 1985, The Cleanest Little Dive Bar This Side Of The River!") and attempted to copulate with their ATM, WKRN reports.

He pulled down his pants and underwear, exposing his genitals, and then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM, the report stated.
Police soon after arrived on the scene, where they found Hutton still naked from the waist down and thrusting his hips in the air. He was taken outside and told to wait at a wooden picnic table, which also proved to his sexual liking.

The report stated he "exposed himself again and engaged in sexual intercourse with the wooden picnic table."
Hutton was charged by police with public intoxication.

http://www.wkrn.com/story/25554171/police-man-tried-to-have-sex-with-atm-picnic-table

In all my dang near 20 years of drinking I have been pretty smashed before. I have had multiple blackouts even and yet I still have never gone around humping inanimate objects. I hope this guy doesn't have kids, imagine what the other kids will say when they Google his name

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Ray J Offers Kim His Sex Tape Profits as a Wedding Gift

When a lady gets married, it's traditional that the man who had sex with her on camera should donate four months' worth of his profits from the sex tape to the happy newlyweds. And by "traditional," I mean "a new thing Ray J just made up."

TMZ reports that singer/sex-haver Ray J, famous for having sex with Kim Kardashian, plans to write Kim and Kanye a check for around $47,000, representing his profits from Kim K. Superstar from January through April of this year.

Vivid Entertainment says the sex tape has grossed $50 million, and Kim's share is said to be "at least" as big as Ray J's.

If Kim and Yeezy reject Ray J's gracious wedding present, he's offered to donate the money to Kim's favorite charity instead. (The Kardashian family's favorite charity is reportedly itself.)

http://www.tmz.com/2014/05/19/ray-j-kanye-west-kim-kardashian-wedding-gift-check-vivid-sex-tape/

Funny how we were just discussing this earlier. What husband doesn't like being reminded that some other guy was banging his wife on film and makes lots of money from said tape? Even more surprising to me is people still apparently pay for porn

 

[Marvolo]

Drunk Man Humped Picnic Table After Humping ATM

http://www.wkrn.com/story/25554171/police-man-tried-to-have-sex-with-atm-picnic-table

In all my dang near 20 years of drinking I have been pretty smashed before. I have had multiple blackouts even and yet I still have never gone around humping inanimate objects. I hope this guy doesn't have kids, imagine what the other kids will say when they Google his name

He rubbed his junk on a wooden picnic table... Besides the obvious splinters, Chiggers get in that half rotten wood. Anyone who doesnt know what a chigger is should look it up and prepare to squirm.

 

[Hal_Jordan]

Funny how we were just discussing this earlier. What husband doesn't like being reminded that some other guy was banging his wife on film and makes lots of money from said tape? Even more surprising to me is people still apparently pay for porn

Couldn't have happened to a classier group of people.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Another Suspected Criminal Wears T-Shirt Rich with Foreboding

Rocky Fisher and Jennifer Balfe were arrested yesterday in Lewiston, Idaho on suspected bank-robbing charges. Officers picked up the pair in a motel room after an anonymous tip revealed that someone matching the description of the robber was spending a lot of cash at the local casino.

Fisher's shirt, which reads "It's all fun & games until the cops show up," sure was, um, prescient.

http://www.ktvb.com/news/crime/Treasure-Valley-pair-arrested-after-bank-robbery-259802041.html

Those two really look like the kind of people that could pull off a bank heist and get away with

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Senior Faces Graduation Ban for Making Science Joke in Yearbook

The senior class vice-president of a high school in Georgia may be banned from her graduation ceremony for using the periodic elements to spell out "Back that ass up" in her yearbook quote.

Paris Gray, a student at Mundy's Mill High School in Clayton County, Ga., used the following quote in her yearbook: "When the going gets tough just remember to Barium, Carbon, Potassium, Thorium, Astatine, Arsenic, Sulfur, Uranium, Phosphorus."

For those of you who can't remember the periodic elements: When spelled out, the full quote reads, "When the going gets tough, just remember to back that ass up."

The quote is probably a reference to Juvenile's 1999 hit, "Back That Ass Up," though Gray insists it had an inspirational meaning.

"Basically, it was me just saying start all over again," Gray told WSB. "You have to go back and start all over."

Once school administrators realized what the quote meant, Gray received an in-school suspension and was told she couldn't participate in last week's senior walk. She may also be banned from her this week's graduation ceremony, where she's scheduled to give the inspirational speech.

"I think their reaction was beyond what it should have been because nobody understood it," Gray said. "It just completely destroyed me, and my mom's been telling me don't let it ruin my happiness but it's like really taking a big toll."

Gray's mother, Zarinah Woods, seems to be taking the controversy in stride. "My first reaction was, you are such a nerd," she said.

No final decision on Gray's punishment has been made, though the school's principal and the area superintendent are meeting with her mother on Tuesday.

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/news/local/student-says-touchy-yearbook-quote-could-ruin-seni/nfzk4/

That is awesome and the stupid people here are the school officials screwing with this girl's graduation. More than 3/4 of the school probably didn't get it and I'm sure someone had to point it out to the officials since I doubt they picked up on it either. Never in my life would I imagine a science joke pisses off a school so much

 

[Monsieur Xavier]

You don't joke with Mendeleev periodic table !

 

[KevanG]

Overreacting idiots to a simple joke from a high level student. School systems have both too much and not enough power. They have no power to enforce anything on students but misuse the power they do have for utter nonsense like this.

 

[Teelie]

I think they were more embarassed they didn't know what it meant than the fact she said it. And she should be given some kind of praise for it, not punished because she made a joke they couldn't get.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Drunk Mom Is Bad at Parenting, Great at Mugshots

Nothing says "I just got arrested for endangering my child" like jazz hands.

Humble, Texas police arrested Sandra Grohman, 29, on April 22, after a witness reported that she appeared drunk and had tipped over a stroller near a busy street, causing her one-year-old to fall out.

Grohman pleaded guilty to child endangerment and was sentenced to 180 days in jail, according to WHAS 11. The baby was checked out by EMTs on the scene, and has been released to Child Protective Services.

She won't be winning any Mom of the Year awards, but look for Grohman to take home this year's Tony for Best Mugshot, with a stirring performance that HyperVocal calls "full-on Fosse."

http://hypervocal.com/news/2014/mugshot-of-the-year-drunk-mom/

I dream of a time in the future when all the stupid people are restricted for breeding purposes

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Man Is Shot In the Face By His Brother, Spits Out Bullet

Police are investigating an alleged shootout between two brothers in Chesterfield, Va. that ended with one brother being shot in the face and neck.

Per WWBT:

Police say a 23-year-old man living in a mobile home, had a severe showdown with his older brother. The visiting brother came to check on his sibling, after alleged prior arguments and word that the younger brother shot off a gun inside the home.
The older brother told police that when he saw his brother flash his gun, he fired in self-defense. After calling 911, the younger brother, still conscious, coughed up one of the bullets in his nose while speaking with investigators, police say.

According to authorities, the younger brother was taken to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries; his brother was taken into police custody, but was later released without charges. Police say that they are continuing to investigate.

http://www.nbc12.com/story/25548964/gunfight-between-two-chesterfield-brothers-sends-one-to-hospital

No matter the question, guns are the answer

 

[Teelie]

Snots a bullet out of his nose but has non-life threatening injuries? Sounds badass to me.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Georgia. Guns in bars: OK. Vibrators in bedrooms: need a prescription. Good luck mail-ordering that power-drill-assisted fleshlight.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/may/20/buying-sex-toys-prescription-georgia-normal

Wow Georgia, really?

 

[KevanG]

Hey guns kill people but vibrators mean that your wife might not put out. Which is really more important?

 

[charl_huntress]

Snots a bullet out of his nose but has non-life threatening injuries? Sounds badass to me.

That was my thought exactly.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Terrible Babysitter Arrested for Making 3-Year-Old Eat Her Own Feces

You're babysitting a 3-year-old, and she poops in the bathtub. Do you A) Hold her down and make her eat own feces, or B) Literally anything else? An Arizona woman reportedly chose the first option while watching her boyfriend's kids last week.

The three children were with their father and his girlfriend, Nicole Candelaria, 27, for six days. When they came home Friday, the three-year-old told her mom that she had pooped in the tub, then Candelaria got angry and forced her to eat it. She also said Candelaria held her down on the toilet and put soap in her mouth.

The other two children, ages 3 and 5, confirmed her story, according to court paperwork.

The girl was examined at a hospital, where doctors found bruises on her chest, back, sides, and legs.

Candelaria told police the little girl is a habitual liar, and claimed the injuries occurred while the two were play-fighting. She did admit to giving the kids a bath on Friday.

She's now in a Tempe jail, charged with one count of domestic child abuse.

http://www.kptv.com/story/25556706/pd-caretaker-forces-child-to-eat-feces-as-punishment

What the hell is wrong with this lady? People like her really piss me off. I'm sure a groupd of children under the age of five all came up with a story about she made one of them do that. I hope she does some serious time

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

New Math Will Make All of Our Schoolchildren Gay, Says Idiot

[YT]iQwO1I1ckOY[/YT]

It's the Common Core, you see, it's got the gay-making all built into it. Do an arithmetic problem all new and gay-like, and you go gay. This simple Florida lawmaker can see that. Why can't you? Are you gay or something?

There are a lot of valid arguments to be had about Common Core, the federal-state partnership to create national basic standards for kids' education. Arguments like: How socialist are the assigned readings? How Nazi is it? How much of it damns our children to hell?

Another valid argument in that vein is: Just how gay or lesbian do you want your child? Because Common Core, you see, is gay and lesbian. That's according to Rep. Charles Van Zant in this video obtained by ThinkProgress:

This ominous warning came at an anti-Common Core event in March courtesy of Florida State Rep. Charles Van Zant (R). Speaking at the "Operation Education Conference" in Orlando, Van Zant warned that officials implementing Common Core in Florida are "promoting as hard as they can any youth that is interested in the LGBT agenda."

Their aim, Van Zant warned, was to "attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can." He then apologized to the crowd for having to be the bearer of bad news. "I really hate to bring you that news," the Florida Republican said, "but you need to know."
Reluctant as he was to go on, he went on:

VAN ZANT: These people, that will now receive $220 million from the state of Florida unless this is stopped, will promote double-mindedness in state education and attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can. I'm sorry to report that to you.
I know it sounds crazy, but it's not. This is the same state representative who derided critics of the oil and gas industry by explaining that the supply is endless, because God:

"Some people would like to think that (the world's petroleum supply is limited). Estimates might show that. But that doesn't mean that at all. We happen to worship a god who made it all out of nothing anyway. And if we ran out, I certainly believe he could make some more."
Why would a man like that ever steer you wrong on educational policy?

http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2014/05/19/3439163/state-rep-common-core-gay/

I really hate that morons like this can be elected to office.