Supporting a friend?

[SuperDan007]

I don't know why I am posting here, I just need somewhere to vent rather than keeping this all bottled up in my head. I am supporting a friend at the moment who is going through some really tough stuff which has involved severe cyber bullying and her contemplating ending it all. Every time she puts a post on Facebook, about 30 minutes later she has to take it down because she cops so much abuse.

I hate that she has to do that. I hate seeing her in so much pain. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all disappear, but I can't and it's so frustrating. I wish I could go to her and hug her tight and tell her everything is going to be okay but I can't because we live to far apart and don't have transport. All I can do is write words in a facebook message and console her that way. It is all so frustrating.

Sorry guys, I just needed to vent somewhere.

 

[ComicChick]

why cant she block the people who are bullying her?
i dont know where you guys live but cyberbullying is a crime

 

[SuperDan007]

why cant she block the people who are bullying her?
i dont know where you guys live but cyberbullying is a crime

These people keep tagging in their friends so it's like a game of whack-o-mole (she has a friend list of over 4000). I'm aware of that, and from what I am aware, there are already moves with the police underway.

 

[KevanG]

Personally, I'd recommend she delete her FB page and start over with people she can trust. She can add more people over time but 4000 is way to many to try and control.

 

[SuperDan007]

Personally, I'd recommend she delete her FB page and start over with people she can trust. She can add more people over time but 4000 is way to many to try and control.

I've recommended that. So far she hasn't done it.

 

[Arachnerd]

She has to, though. Or at least, lay off of Facebook for a while.

There are always gonna be pricks on the Internet who are gonna insult you with everything they've got for various reasons, and the best anyone can try to do is not pay any mind to them. I've learned that a long time ago.

 

[Fallen Angel]

DELETE THE DAMN PAGE!

4000 is way too much. I rarely use my Facebook account these days but I must have about 60 people on there and most of them are family members.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

If what she deals with is bullying, and she wants to maintain her facebook account, then she should just block the accounts that bully her, it will immediately unfriend them.

But it won't be easy to filter out constructive criticism from bullying in her case, she might actually delete the wrong people.

She should probably take a week off of that site.

 

[Warhammer]

I have a simple solution that some have already stated. Delete the damn account. The fact that she has 4000 friends probably means that she is obsessed with her Facebook and has much deeper issues like self-esteem and seeking validation. Nip that s*** in the bud and delete it. Take a break. Then she needs to make a new account and slowly add those who she feels are needed in her circle. It will be easier to filter.

If your hand is in a pot of boiling water, pull yourself together and take your hand out of the pot. It may not be easy but it's better to take the right step before having to have your hand cut off.

 

[MadderMaximus]

I have a simple solution that some have already stated. Delete the damn account. The fact that she has 4000 friends probably means that she is obsessed with her Facebook and has much deeper issues like self-esteem and seeking validation. Nip that s*** in the bud and delete it. Take a break. Then she needs to make a new account and slowly add those who she feels are needed in her circle. It will be easier to filter.

If your hand is in a pot of boiling water, pull yourself together and take your hand out of the pot. It may not be easy but it's better to take the right step before having to have your hand cut off.

This.

 

[Sensi]

I agree with that too.

 

[jokesonm3]

I also vote for the "delete the account" solution.

A small social sacrifice for preventing cyber-bullying.

 

[Lantern Venom]

Without sharing too much of her personal situation, what is the reason behind the bullying? Is it something specific, or has she become a designated outcast at her school for some reason?

 

[ComicChick]

i'm curious to her age as well.
there are settings where you can choose your audience of people who view what you post. she can have it public where anyone out there can read it, friend only, or friends of friends. sounds like friends only would be her best choice if she is insistent upon keeping her account.
she shouldn't have to delete her account because of bullying, but i would highly recommend removing at least half, and blocking anyone who is out to get her, so to speak.
also, screen shot everything. any proof of harassment, bullying, etc SCREEN SHOTS

 

[SuperDan007]

Without sharing too much of her personal situation, what is the reason behind the bullying? Is it something specific, or has she become a designated outcast at her school for some reason?

She claimed that she did something bad to cover up something much worse that happened to her that she didn't know how to deal with. It's a very bad situation.

Sorry, I know it's vague, but as you can understand, I don't want to give too much away here.

 

[SuperDan007]

i'm curious to her age as well.
there are settings where you can choose your audience of people who view what you post. she can have it public where anyone out there can read it, friend only, or friends of friends. sounds like friends only would be her best choice if she is insistent upon keeping her account.
she shouldn't have to delete her account because of bullying, but i would highly recommend removing at least half, and blocking anyone who is out to get her, so to speak.
also, screen shot everything. any proof of harassment, bullying, etc SCREEN SHOTS

Again, without giving too much away, I'll just give the age bracket - 18-24.

I just checked, she's chosen the public option. I'll suggest the friends only option. I have all mine on Friends because I'll like to maintain some sort of privacy, if that's possible of social media.

In terms of the Screenshot, I believe it's being done.

 

[SuperDan007]

In regards to everyone else, I agree completely 100% with everything said. However, all I can do is suggest it.

 

[Greens]

Again, without giving too much away, I'll just give the age bracket - 18-24.

I just checked, she's chosen the public option. I'll suggest the friends only option. I have all mine on Friends because I'll like to maintain some sort of privacy, if that's possible of social media.

In terms of the Screenshot, I believe it's being done.

If you wanna go all out...

Have her go through her privacy settings and make sure SHE controls who can comment on her page and who can view it.

Have her make sure her password is indecipherable and if it isn't change it to something else, in case one of those bullies tries to get into her account and makes her look stupid in front of 4000 people.

Have her document any potentially criminal acts and go to the police with these documents. In addition to that she can report the biggest offenders to Facebook. There's a big chance they will at least get a temporary ban.

Lastly, have her block and unfriend the perpetrators AND people she doesn't normally communicate with. Only keep the bare essentials and build back up from there.

If any of the bullying was done in the form of image manipulation, have her report the images to Facebook so they can be removed. If she was tagged in the images, have her remove the tags in case Facebook doesn't get to removing the images themselves. Tagged images will show up on your page!

A FINAL MEASURE, have her Google herself. If anything shows up, whether it's a link or an image, that she doesn't want potential future employers or friends/family to see, have her fill out a request form to Google asking them to remove the page from any queries. This is very easy to do in the EU, not sure about the US.

It's labor-intensive as ****, but this would wipe away any trace of what happened and allow her to start with a clean slate.

 

[SuperDan007]

If you wanna go all out...

Have her go through her privacy settings and make sure SHE controls who can comment on her page and who can view it.

Have her make sure her password is indecipherable and if it isn't change it to something else, in case one of those bullies tries to get into her account and makes her look stupid in front of 4000 people.

Have her document any potentially criminal acts and go to the police with these documents. In addition to that she can report the biggest offenders to Facebook. There's a big chance they will at least get a temporary ban.

Lastly, have her block and unfriend the perpetrators AND people she doesn't normally communicate with. Only keep the bare essentials and build back up from there.

If any of the bullying was done in the form of image manipulation, have her report the images to Facebook so they can be removed. If she was tagged in the images, have her remove the tags in case Facebook doesn't get to removing the images themselves. Tagged images will show up on your page!

A FINAL MEASURE, have her Google herself. If anything shows up, whether it's a link or an image, that she doesn't want potential future employers or friends/family to see, have her fill out a request form to Google asking them to remove the page from any queries. This is very easy to do in the EU, not sure about the US.

It's labor-intensive as ****, but this would wipe away any trace of what happened and allow her to start with a clean slate.

Thanks mate. I'll go through all that with her.

I just did the last bit (google). No images that I can see, or anything compromising relating to her.

That said, I did just find a song that she posted of herself singing on youtube (Titanium which is potent considering what's going on now) which has floored me.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

DELETE THE DAMN PAGE!

4000 is way too much. I rarely use my Facebook account these days but I must have about 60 people on there and most of them are family members.

I call these type pf people friend collectors. No reason to have 4k people unless you're some type of celebrity. It just screams of somebody that's completely insecure and craves likes for superficial validation from strangers for the most part.

As Greens posted, it's pretty damn easy to go into your Bookface and adjust your privacy settings to keep this stupidity from happening.

I'll also second all who stated to delete the account because this person needs to learn how to be okay with themselves or else their life is going to be a lot of misery seeking approval from strangers on the internet.

 

[Greens]

I'll also second all who stated to delete the account because this person needs to learn how to be okay with themselves or else their life is going to be a lot of misery seeking approval from strangers on the internet.

Obviously deleting the account would be the easiest option, but if she's not willing to do that she should at least give Facebook and law enforcement the ammunition to dole out some justice.

 

[SuperDan007]

I call these type pf people friend collectors. No reason to have 4k people unless you're some type of celebrity. It just screams of somebody that's completely insecure and craves likes for superficial validation from strangers for the most part.

As Greens posted, it's pretty damn easy to go into your Bookface and adjust your privacy settings to keep this stupidity from happening.

I'll also second all who stated to delete the account because this person needs to learn how to be okay with themselves or else their life is going to be a lot of misery seeking approval from strangers on the internet.

I agree. I've got 977 friends at the moment and most of them I know.

 

[SuperDan007]

SWEARING WARNING

Okay, I just need to let out my ****ing sheer frustration. She posted a status saying she was coming back from hospital (for a second time in 3 days, last time was when she was considering ending it) and her ****ing sister - I'll repeat that - SISTER told her to grow up and show some respect, if not for herself, for her family. She also told her it was becoming a joke and to move on.

I'm not saying the sister is a bad person, but what sort of ****ing ignoramus would think that someone would consider ending their life because their relationship ended? And you don't end up in ****ing hospital if you can just "get over it" and "move on" with the click of your fingers. It's clear to blind freddy that she has more issues than just guy troubles.

Perhaps I'm so angry because I know what it's like to have an invisible illness and have family not take you seriously. I've had mild depression in the past, and also suffer from migraines and in terms of the migraines, when I was asked to do something and couldn't because I could not physically lift my head off the pillow I've copped "how convenient".

If I was closer to the family situation, I'd ****ing tear her a new one, but it's not my place I believe, so I needed to come here to vent my anger.

This is the EXACT reason why we need to have more conversations and remove the stigma around mental health, so people ****ing learn that "no this person isn't just having a phase that they can snap out of". It's why we need to educate people that just because you can't ****ing see that someone is sick, doesn't mean they aren't. Maybe then the suicide rate will be ****ing lower.

I've had my rant. I don't really feel much better as that has just pissed me right off. But I do feel a little better. Sorry about all the swearing.

 

[ComicChick]

i'm not downplaying your feelings or emotions, but i can see where her sister is coming from. i can also see why you'd be upset as well.

why did she feel the need to post that she was out of the hospital, unless she wanted ppl to ask why she was there or for attention and "how are yous?"
this can also go back onto the family because people gossip. no way around it.
shouldn't natters like this be personal and private and not for 4000 random people on the internet?
i value privacy immensely. i just am not one of those people who puts their entire life story and business out on social media.

maybe i'm reading the section wrong, but are you saying she was contemplating suicide because of a bad breakup? if so, she definitely needs a break from social media. it won't do her any favors to continuously check in.

 

[SuperDan007]

i'm not downplaying your feelings or emotions, but i can see where her sister is coming from. i can also see why you'd be upset as well.

why did she feel the need to post that she was out of the hospital, unless she wanted ppl to ask why she was there or for attention and "how are yous?"
this can also go back onto the family because people gossip. no way around it.
shouldn't natters like this be personal and private and not for 4000 random people on the internet?
i value privacy immensely. i just am not one of those people who puts their entire life story and business out on social media.

maybe i'm reading the section wrong, but are you saying she was contemplating suicide because of a bad breakup? if so, she definitely needs a break from social media. it won't do her any favors to continuously check in.

I can definitely see where you're coming from. It's not something I would have done if I was in her situation.

Where I took exception to the post is it's as clear as day to anyone who talks with her for about 2 days that she has depression, and if the sister had said "I don't think you should have put this on Facebook out of respect for you and your family", rather than "show respect if not for yourself, but your family", and she made a number of claims of which I have no idea whether they are true or not, and it's not for me to judge, but those acts that were claimed also typify depression, then I wouldn't have had an issue. And I will add, if any of the claims that were made subsequent to the original comment that I took exception too (and I know for a fact 1 is), then they should have been a catalyst to say "Woah hang on, we've got an issue here, we've got to get her serious help."

Following the original comment, someone called her out on the comment, and that is when the additional claims were made, and it was real dirty laundry stuff, I did comment but it some time after I posted on here and I had calmed down somewhat even though I was still worked up, and still am now as a matter of fact even though I know I shouldn't be. I was respectful, no swearing. However, in addition to me, there was other family members commenting and what I saw was absolutely disgusting. Accusations of alcoholism, one person was accused of being an unfit mother, throwing around blame. There are clearly deeper issues in this situation and, I know I really shouldn't, but I can't help judging here. It's clear to me that the family is more focused on hating each other rather than supporting a family member who has just come out of hospital twice in as many days due to depression and wanting to end her life.

You can talk about the girl chucking the families situation up on Facebook for 4000 people to see, but they certainly had no issues because they were chucking around dirty laundry and stuff that DEFINITELY should have remained private out there like there was no tomorrow.

Re: contemplating suicide due to a bad break up, yes and no. Yes, this was triggered by a bad break up, in addition to something that happened that I am definitely not going to reveal for the whole world to see. However, she did depression for a while prior.