My friend met a girl online and married her

[DBella]

I see. So based on your logic I would be perfectly happy and content with my friend marrying a chick he only met twice if she were cute?

No, that wasn't what I meant at all. Like I said, I can understand your concern, but he's married now and what are you going to do about it? Tell him not to? It's too late. Tell him to get a divorce? Wouldn't that ruin your friendship if he's happy with her? So be a friend and let him live his life and if he indeed made a mistake, let him learn on his own and be there for him if/when that happens.

 

[SuperFerret]

I see. So based on your logic I would be perfectly happy and content with my friend marrying a chick he only met twice if she were cute?

In part, that's how you made it sound. If you really wanted us to believe that your primary concern is the length of time they knew each other, then why bother mentioning her looks and the looks of girls your friend dated in the past?

 

[zanos]

No, that wasn't what I meant at all. Like I said, I can understand your concern, but he's married now and what are you going to do about it? Tell him not to? It's too late. Tell him to get a divorce? Wouldn't that ruin your friendship if he's happy with her? So be a friend and let him live his life and if he indeed made a mistake, let him learn on his own and be there for him if/when that happens.

I wasn't aware I was badgering him to get a divorce or trying to sabotage his marriage with tales of who he was the night before when he came home late. It's odd that you and maybe some others have somehow conjured up scenarious in your head of how I'm secretly scheming to undermine my friend's marriage when this isn't even close to the topic of the discussion.

 

[Darthphere]

Wow, zanos comes off as a pompous ass in every forum.

 

[zanos]

In part, that's how you made it sound. If you really wanted us to believe that your primary concern is the length of time they knew each other, then why bother mentioning her looks and the looks of girls your friend dated in the past?

Why not? It directly contributes to the topic of my discussion. If my friend were a wealthy millionaire or a male model should I leave that out too?

 

[chamber-music]

 

[Erzengel]

Zanos is mad that he wasn't the best man.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

A friend of mine chatted up some chick online for a few months and calling her up, etc. She lives on the other side of the state but she has visited twice to meet him in person. As far as I can tell those are the only two times they've met which seems logical considering the distance of the relationship. So what does my buddy do? He goes and marries this chick not too long afterwards. I find it very very odd that he would go and do this even though he's really only had an online relationship with this person. For the record she's kind of hideous looking so it's not a case of my friend hooking up with some Petra Nemcova lookalike. I just don't get it. I doubt he even had sex with this girl during those visits. Actually I doubt anyone has had sex with her. I can maybe see why she might be motivated but my friend actually got some attractive girls in HS. That's more than I can say about all my friends combined back then. Though I don't know what my friend's success rate was in college it couldn't have been so bad to lead to this. This just reeks of complete and utter desperation.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

quite frankly, i would say that out of all of my friends, i pulled the hottest girl. but - they would probably all say the same that they pulled the hottest girl. i've seen people dating girls who i thought were pretty tore up, but they felt they were beautiful.

in the end, it doesn't matter what -you- think is hideous or not, it matters what, in this case, your friend thinks is beautiful, what makes your friend happy.

i'll admit, i don't think that marrying somebody you've seen twice is a recipe for a good relationship. but you can't base your friend's happiness based off of what you think of this girl. maybe between this girl, and all of those attractive girls in high school, this is the one he is happiest with. afterall, while i do believe physical attraction is an important part, there is more to a relationship, and a person, than physical attraction, and maybe this girl who you think is pretty hideous has other qualities that he values more than your ideas of attraction.

 

[DBella]

I wasn't aware I was badgering him to get a divorce or trying to sabotage his marriage with tales of who he was the night before when he came home late. It's odd that you and maybe some others have somehow conjured up scenarious in your head of how I'm secretly scheming to undermine my friend's marriage when this isn't even close to the topic of the discussion.

So... let me get this straight. You're unhappy that he is married to someone whom he got to know online. And the subject of this thread is ... your displeasure of his marriage to someone "he barely knows", someone who is "kinda hideous" and someone you doubt he's "even had sex with"? Did you tell your friend all of this and how did he react to it, I wonder?

 

[zanos]

So... let me get this straight. You're unhappy that he is married to someone whom he got to know online. And the subject of this thread is ... your displeasure of his marriage to someone "he barely knows", someone who is "kinda hideous" and someone you doubt he's "even had sex with"? Did you tell your friend all of this and how did he react to it, I wonder?

I never said I was unhappy. Maybe it sounded that way because that's how I react to outrageous behavior but his marriage does not affect my life on any level.

 

[SuperFerret]

Why not? It directly contributes to the topic of my discussion. If my friend were a wealthy millionaire or a male model should I leave that out too?

All I'm saying is that it makes you look like a shallow ass that doesn't really give a damn about the feelings of someone you claim to be friends with.

 

[DBella]

I never said I was unhappy. Maybe it sounded that way because that's how I react to outrageous behavior but his marriage does not affect my life on any level.

No, you didn't exactly say you were unhappy but that first post of yours were full of shallow complaints... or should I say "concerns".

 

[dpm07]

Basically, it's important to allow an individual to make his or her decisions based on their own thoughts. While as associates or compadres, we may want or feel the need to impart our wisdom onto those who are close to us, it is important for them to make their own decisions.

Zanos, you may say that it does not matter to you what your friend does, but it must matter enough that you felt the need to express your dismay at the decision your friend is making.

The girl may not be attractive, and that is unfortunate. However, if your friend is pleased with the decision he is making, then all you can do is relinquish your perceived control over your friend, and allow him to be happy based on his own views.

Everyone's view on what is attractive is different. My view may be different than yours. Additionally, not everyone is physically attractive. We can't all look like a young Richard Gere or George Clooney (or can we?) My point is that you should be happy for your friend that he has found what he feels to be his own happiness. If you stay focused on his happiness or what he should be happy with, then you'll spend all that time on him, and perhaps never find your own fulfillment.

It's really rather logical when one puts themselves outside the box, and looks at things from a third person perspective.

 

[zanos]

Basically, it's important to allow an individual to make his or her decisions based on their own thoughts. While as associates or compadres, we may want or feel the need to impart our wisdom onto those who are close to us, it is important for them to make their own decisions.

Zanos, you may say that it does not matter to you what your friend does, but it must matter enough that you felt the need to express your dismay at the decision your friend is making.

The girl may not be attractive, and that is unfortunate. However, if your friend is pleased with the decision he is making, then all you can do is relinquish your perceived control over your friend, and allow him to be happy based on his own views.

Everyone's view on what is attractive is different. My view may be different than yours. Additionally, not everyone is physically attractive. We can't all look like a young Richard Gere or George Clooney (or can we?) My point is that you should be happy for your friend that he has found what he feels to be his own happiness. If you stay focused on his happiness or what he should be happy with, then you'll spend all that time on him, and perhaps never find your own fulfillment.

It's really rather logical when one puts themselves outside the box, and looks at things from a third person perspective.

Because it's perculiar. I would feell the need to voice the exact same opinion if I had read this in the newspaper about a total stranger. My friend could be the happiest man on Earth. It doesn't negate the fact that you don't marry someone you've met twice.

 

[Showtime]

So did mine.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

And then...?

No and then!

 

[PLAS]

Because it's perculiar. I would feell the need to voice the exact same opinion if I had read this in the newspaper about a total stranger. My friend could be the happiest man on Earth. It doesn't negate the fact that you don't marry someone you've met twice.

yet, it happens so very often

 

[knowsbleed]

No and then!

i think you and I are the only ones that remember that movie.

 

[LadyVader]

Because it's perculiar. I would feell the need to voice the exact same opinion if I had read this in the newspaper about a total stranger. My friend could be the happiest man on Earth. It doesn't negate the fact that you don't marry someone you've met twice.

It's also peculiar to discuss your friend's personal life with a bunch of strangers but you do it anyway.

 

[tzarinna]

This is a lot to read, so I'm going to ask...what's the age of the offenders?

Also, I think it's the lose of a close friend that could be bothering zanos more than anything. I had a close friend, known each other since the 6th grade, she met her husband on line and I was completely phased out while she began making babies for him and meshing with his family and friends.
May not be the case but it happens.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

This is a lot to read, so I'm going to ask...what's the age of the offenders?

Also, I think it's the lose of a close friend that could be bothering zanos more than anything. I had a close friend, known each other since the 6th grade, she met her husband on line and I was completely phased out while she began making babies for him and meshing with his family and friends.
May not be the case but it happens.

Possibly.

I'm going through a somewhat similar ordeal.

I have a friend who's been like my best friend since high school. He's had this girlfriend now for the past... well over a year, but I don't know how long exactly. She's a good girl, I personally don't have any problems or complaints with her, but at the same time, I also know that my friend is very easily manipulated, and really allows people around him to control him. Since they've been together, I hardly ever see him or talk to him anymore, he constantly flakes on plans with myself and other friends for her, and has basically pushed away anyone and everyone in his life that's not her.

I have concerns, because I know how he is, and I feel he's committing so much to her just because she is there right now, not neccesarily because she is the girl that he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

If he were to make that decision, then I'd be happy for him, because I honestly don't think she is bad for him, or anything like that. I just want him to make that decision because that's how he truly feels, not because she's the girl that's paying attention to him right now.

It can be hard when you don't agree with the choices that someone close to you is making. But at the same time, it's their life, and they have to make those decisions for themselves. I do know that my friend is happy. And so for that, I am happy for him. I might not be 100% convinced that he is in the best of situations, and I have discussed my concerns with him, but he is also happy, and I have to accept that. And I have also told him that as well.

I know that my current relationship status is not something that many people would approve of. I have heard the concerns from many different people, and I admit it is a pretty ugly situation. But, it is a decision that I have to make for myself. I know what I want, and I know what will make me happy, and if other people don't accept it, then that is their own problem that they need to deal with.

 

[Obi-Ron]

Only reason I wouldn't get involved with someone over the internet, is due to the possibility that the girl could be a psychopath.

They could all be psychopaths, not just the ones that go online.

 

[SuperFerret]

They could all be psychopaths, not just the ones that go online.

But online you can't see the hand painted "PSYCHO" signs that they wear around their necks.

 

[zanos]

This is a lot to read, so I'm going to ask...what's the age of the offenders?

Also, I think it's the lose of a close friend that could be bothering zanos more than anything.

They're both in their early 20s. I didn't really lose anything. He didn't reject his friends just because he got married. I didn't even hang out with him that much during the year leading up to his marriage.

I had a close friend, known each other since the 6th grade, she met her husband on line and I was completely phased out while she began making babies for him and meshing with his family and friends.
May not be the case but it happens.

Are you sure this person was your friend? There are friends and then there are close aquaintances. I had a childhood "friend" like this and he dumped all his friends after knowing some girl for a couple of weeks. lol.

 

[tzarinna]

They're both in their early 20s. I didn't really lose anything. He didn't reject his friends just because he got married. I didn't even hang out with him that much during the year up to his marriage.



Are you sure this person was your friend? There are friends and then there are close aquaintances. I had a childhood "friend" like this and he dumped all his friends after knowing some girl for a couple of weeks. lol.

We're both in our mid 30's seen a lot been through a lot.
But she is and always will be a con artist, mother of 4 but still a con artist.
Sometimes you just out grow your friends and in this case that's what happen. When I went to her house warming, new baby, new marriage party I was the only single person there. She's surround herself with like people. Meh. What are ya gonna do?