[Unsheathes beheading-axe....]
First, I doubt that anyone in their right mind is waiting for *your* review of the film. Who the Hell ARE you, anyways? A nobody, someone posting on these idiotic boards - as if that made you a minor deity or something, as if that gave you credentials. Don't you wish.
But... then there's....
me. Someone with the sheer clout to make you and those like you tremble, even after almost a year away from these boards. You continually discuss me and mention my name, even after so long an absence: I start to believe that you actually
miss me. Trust me, during my tenure away from here, I did not spare *you* a single thought.
Well, you've said "BeetleJuice" three times, and at last I have manifested. Happy now...?
I doubt you will be, when I remark that you can be certain I did not write Rex Reed's review,
if only because he is far kinder than I would have been. Spider-Man 3 was simply atrocious. It was *silly*, from Peter and Gwen dancing in a nightclub a la Morticia and Gomez tangoing in a nightclub in "Addams Family Values" to Harry's butler confessing that he Knew All. WTF?! Only two of several moments so bizarre, I felt as if I'd done a mild hit of acid.
There were NO villains in this film. Sandman was trying to save his daughter

Harry, not a villain. Venom.... OMFG, the mere idea of Gopher's voice issuing out of the symbiote's mask is a laugh-out-loud funny moment. Instead of the fearsome basso roar of rage that should exemplify an angry Venom, we get this thin little tenor voice issuing threats. LOL! Priceless! And so typical. Gopher as "Venom" was nothing short of a disaster; as I prophesied well over a year ago.
And don't get me started on the symbiote's origin or LACK THEREOF.
Peter slicks back his hair and points at girls: We know he's gone to The Dark Side now! You betcha!
In short, CRAP, CRAP, total CRAP. Thank GOD I did not have to pay to see this thing.
Are you absolutely certain you want me back, junior? Keep mentioning my name and I'll remanifest just to put you in your pokey little place: posting away day and night on this website, like the good little fanboi you are. No matter what slop this franchise dishes out, you'll be holding out your little bowl saying "Thank you Raimi sir, may I have another?" and that is so YOU, y'know?
I bet you don't know. I doubt you have the wit to know.
Have a nice day, you maroon.
Love and mastery - over you, at least:
Symbiotica
p.s.: I've read *your* review; please always keep in mind that
brevity is the soul of wit. I have a hard time imagining anyone's actually taking the time to parse your morass of apologia, but perhaps there are others more patient out there than I. In short, getting to the point is always a good idea. Kthanxbi.