The FACEBOOK Thread

[Fresh Prince]

Um.....follow your hurt? You can take the high road or the low road really. To me it's kinda close to call.

Yup.

 

[Addendum]

BUT at some point in your life you're going to have to learn to forgive or you'll have a tough row to hoe. That doesn't mean everything has to go back to the way it was or anywhere close. It doesn't mean it can't either. That part is up to you and them. I say forgive them, clear the grudge, you'll sleep better at night. Then take it from there.

I'm proud to say that I've never forgiven anyone that has done me wrong, and I always get a good night's sleep. In fact, the hardest part is getting up since I like the rest so much

 

[Spider-Who?]

My first thought when you talked about the relationship that you and this girl had was that it was beginning to get alittle inappropriate - not that you had any intention - but it is VERY easy for emotional cheating to happen; its highly possible that she began to feel this way, and took a step away from the friendship, but still wanted your kindness; the whole "have your cake and eat it too" mentality. Her reactions to your honesty with the situation helps this idea (imo, anyway).

Or it could simply be that the boyfriend was getting uncomfortable with you and his girlfriends' growing friendship, and confronted her about it, which caused her to push away.

Either way, whether you mention it or not, I'm sure there were things that you did or said that helped bring the destruction of the friendships (it's hardly ever COMPLETELY one sided), but that doesnt mean you should allow them to jump back into your good graces.

I would either completely ignore their message, or EVENTUALLY send a short, impersonal reply; just so they know you're doing good and don't need/want them (without mentioning what happened). Or you could always be a massive dick to them about it, not hold any punches back, let them know how much pain they caused you; either way, its your call.

 

[LiveWire777]

Take em to small claims court!!! Get yo money back!!!

 

[Figs]

after this story are you serious? show them them the finger.

she was obviously using you. its that simple. how many peopel are on earth? enough to ignore those mutherf....

Agreed.

Just now read what happened and she is a major ***** or the C word which I prefer to use for women like this.

Sounds like a case of you were too nice Nell and the female took advantage of that...surprise, surprise. Not saying ALL women are like that but yeah...a lot are. You weren't in the wrong at all and I don't think you should be friends with people or a woman like that. I think your better than that and it would be desperate of you to befriend them again.

Just curious, what did you do back to them that didn't help the situation out as you put it? You can PM me if you don't want to air it to everyone. I think that's screwed they literally robbed/ripped you off with the no refund on rent.

 

[taskmaster]

You go back to a person like this and you set yourself up to be used for the rest of your life. Small things can be forgiven but something this big should never be forgiven.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Just curious, what did you do back to them that didn't help the situation out as you put it? You can PM me if you don't want to air it to everyone. I think that's screwed they literally robbed/ripped you off with the no refund on rent.

I threatened to take them to court for the money, and I would have done it, except I was leaving the state, and doing so would have delayed my move.

Also, before I left, I did attempt to get them kicked out of the house. I confronted her aunt about the things that had been going on in the house, the way they had treated me, the money that they stole from me, and I also informed her that one of the other room mates was constantly doing drugs on the property, and having people over at all times, all sitting around doing drugs. The aunt didn't want drugs at all in the house.

I do admit that it may have been wrong of me to attempt to do something like that, it was done in anger, hurt, and frustration. They ended up not getting kicked out of the house, but I guess the aunt confronted them about it, because one day the guy called me up and cussed me out about it.

As far as some other responses I've seen - I have thought about the "emotional affair" type thing, and always wondered if perhaps he was getting a bit jealous of the bond her and I had. I mean, it was never secretive, EVERYTIME her and I were together, we let him know where we were at and what we were doing. In fact, in the beginning it was HIS idea for her and I to start hanging out together, because the 2 of us actually worked at the same mall together. It was also his idea a lot of times for me to come over and spend time with her and what not. So he did know. But yea, then again, he could have been getting jealous, knowing how close her and I had gotten.

As far as the whole being pregnant thing, I also wonder how much of it may have been that, because her and I did have some big problems prior to that as well that stemmed from her being pregnant. We were able to work through all of those problems.

I don't know exactly why things went the way they did, and I'm sure that it was something that had been building on BOTH sides (as it wasn't just the shoes that made me snap, it was a combination of things), so I'm sure I'm not blameless. BUT, there was no justification for what they did to me there at the end.

As far as my response to them, I took a bit of a high road. I decided to give them a mature response - after all she had given me one a few months back. I sent her a message in September to wish her daughter a happy birthday, and she replied back to me rather civily. So I figured they deserved a civil response from me. As far as where it goes from here - who knows.

 

[Majic Walrus]

Wait wait... I dig that there was probably a bigger problem dude, but did all of this really start over her asking about shoes?

People can tell you all they want to not forgive and not forget and if that's what you do that's fine, but I do not think that harboring resentment for years will make you feel as good as just forgiving them and moving on. You're out some cash and they hurt your feelings, and that blows.

As far as them wanting to be your friend? Well I probably wouldn't move back in with them, but hell... If they send you funny jokes in your email and chat with you every once in a while what harm could that cause? Especially "Facebook Friends" that's not even like a real friend.

 

[Wiseman]

Especially "Facebook Friends" that's not even like a real friend.

I knew it

 

[Majic Walrus]

I knew it

Hype friends are better than real friends though because I can always imagine that you are actually Buddy Christ in-the-flesh here to sarcastically piss off the world into salvation.

 

[taskmaster]

People can tell you all they want to not forgive and not forget and if that's what you do that's fine, but I do not think that harboring resentment for years will make you feel as good as just forgiving them and moving on. You're out some cash and they hurt your feelings, and that blows.

I don't think it's necessary to forgive someone in order to move, nor do I think you have to harbor resentment if you don't forgive them. I have had people hurt me in the past, I don't hate them (anymore) but I don't need to forgive them or have them in my life. You can move on without forgiving or resenting them.

 

[The Guard]

Without more details, it's impossible to give you much in the way of advice.

Without details, it sounds like you got used by some immature, selfish people.

I guess the question is...here you are now, what did these people ever do for you that makes you think you'd want their friendship back? What will they do for you now? What makes them any more special or worth putting the effort of a friendship into than the average person?

 

[VampElvis]

I'm proud to say that I've never forgiven anyone that has done me wrong, and I always get a good night's sleep. In fact, the hardest part is getting up since I like the rest so much

And that's why no one likes you and in your time of need you will be alone and unloved.


EDIT follows
OK, so that doesn't properly convey the sardonic tone I was hoping for but take it that way (tongue in cheek). I don't actually mean that your a friendless wretch. I don't know you well enough to say for sure

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Wait wait... I dig that there was probably a bigger problem dude, but did all of this really start over her asking about shoes?

It happened because the only time she'd ever want to talk to me anymore was when she wanted or needed something out of me. The pair of shoes was one of the things that she wanted, along with rides to work.

Outside of needing or wanting something, she wouldn't speak to me.

Which is rather quite opposite of how the friendship HAD been. I'd often just volunteer to help her out with things, and she had always been rather grateful, and I never felt that I was being used. But by the time I moved into the house, all of the favors became expected, and no longer appreciated.

 

[bullets]

I'd say just be friendly on facebook but nothing outside that.

 

[ross2287]

I'd say just be friendly on facebook but nothing outside that.

This is good advice.

 

[E-Man]

There has been some good advice in this thread, so I'll just piggy back by saying this. You don't want to let them back in your life like nothing happened. You want to let them know how pissed and hurt you were that they did what they did. At the same time, you don't want to hold a grudge, so making peace in the form of Facebook is good enough. Basically you want to hold them accountable for what they did without starting something bad with them. If you respond, make sure your tone is that you're cool now, but you don't want to deal with them because you don't trust them anymore. If you happen to catch them out and about if you're in your home state, give them a little friendly hug and some dap, then make the conversation quick before letting it go further. Just a nice, "Hey how's it going? I'm fine, just doing my thing out in [whatever state you moved to]." After that quick two minutes is up, just bounce. You don't need to reconnect, because eventually you'll have it out about the situation that got you here in the first place. It's best to leave these people in the past.

 

[Majic Walrus]

I don't think it's necessary to forgive someone in order to move, nor do I think you have to harbor resentment if you don't forgive them. I have had people hurt me in the past, I don't hate them (anymore) but I don't need to forgive them or have them in my life. You can move on without forgiving or resenting them.

So what benefit do you get from not forgiving someone?

It happened because the only time she'd ever want to talk to me anymore was when she wanted or needed something out of me. The pair of shoes was one of the things that she wanted, along with rides to work.

Outside of needing or wanting something, she wouldn't speak to me.

Which is rather quite opposite of how the friendship HAD been. I'd often just volunteer to help her out with things, and she had always been rather grateful, and I never felt that I was being used. But by the time I moved into the house, all of the favors became expected, and no longer appreciated.

I see what you mean. She could be doing something similar now. I stick with what I said before, forgive what she did in the past but do not allow it to happen again in the future.

 

[taskmaster]

So what benefit do you get from not forgiving someone?

You don't put yourself in a position to be harmed again. People rarely learn lessons without consequences, if you go back to people who use you the message you're sending them is that they can do whatever they want to you without worrying about you leaving. It usually sets up a bad chain of events. Maybe this way they'll think harder about others feelings next time but maybe not. At least you know that you won't be the one they're using.

 

[Majic Walrus]

You don't put yourself in a position to be harmed again. People rarely learn lessons without consequences, if you go back to people who use you the message you're sending them is that they can do whatever they want to you without worrying about you leaving. It usually sets up a bad chain of events. Maybe this way they'll think harder about others feelings next time but maybe not. At least you know that you won't be the one they're using.

I see what you mean I think I just have a different definition of forgiving someone. When I forgive someone I don't hold a grudge anymore or anger anymore but I still remember what they did and things do not "go back to normal" just because I considered them forgiven.

I guess as long as you're not lingering on it and you are actually moving on then forgiveness doesn't really matter. I guess I just think if I can't manage to just forgive someone then I will harbor bad feelings towards them.

 

[Darthphere]

The girl was about 7 or 8 months pregnant when we all moved into the house. Throughout her pregnancy, because she didn't have a car, and her boyfriend was always away from home for work and stuff, I'd always drive her to and from work, to doctor's appointments, to pick up her daughter from school, and stuff like that. Her and I would always end up hanging out, either going to lunch, or just hanging out at her place. Whatever. She'd offer to buy me lunch a lot of times, and she'd offer gas money, but I'd always decline, because I did it because she was my friend, not because I wanted anything in return.

For some reason that I'm not too sure of, when we moved into the house, she just really stopped talking to me. The only time she'd really talk to me is if there was some problem in the house - a mess, dirty dishes, whatever.

When she found the due date of her baby, she had posted it on her myspace page, which is where I found out. She had never told me, but she started calling me to ask me to get her a pair of shoes from my work. I was a bit upset, and so I told her something like "You can get at me when you need some shoes, but you can't tell me when your baby is going to be born?" She'd talk to me in the house if she needed a ride, or she kept asking me to get her the shoes, but she wouldn't talk to me for any other reasons. So, I started feeling like she was beginning to use me, that all the things I'd do for her were now expected, and not appreciated. I confronted her about it, and she didn't really like it, and when things continued on the same path, I would continue to confront her about it, until everything just reached it's boiling point one night where she told me it'd be best to find a new place to live, and that maybe she didn't want to be my friend anymore.

Part of what really made me angry was when I confronted her about it, she snidely talked about how I could just take the shoes back if it meant that much to me. I tried to tell her I didn't give a crap about the shoes. When she asked what then the problem was, I told her that all I wanted was a little appreciation and respect. When I told her that, her response is "I don't have to show you any appreciation, you're not my boyfriend." I told her it wasn't about being her boyfriend or not, it was about being her friend. She didn't take too kindly to that.

The ending of it all entailed them stealing $400 from me. I had JUST paid them for the month's rent in advance when they decided to kick me out of the house. When I asked for my money back, they refused to give it to me, and refused to acknowledge me when I tried to contact them to get it. They also shut me out of the house, and didn't allow me to say goodbye to the daughter. In anger, I attempted to do some things back to them that made the situation even worse.

Arguing with a pregnant woman, men have never won.

 

[ross2287]

^^Demotivational in the making.

 

[E-Man]

I see what you mean I think I just have a different definition of forgiving someone. When I forgive someone I don't hold a grudge anymore or anger anymore but I still remember what they did and things do not "go back to normal" just because I considered them forgiven.

I guess as long as you're not lingering on it and you are actually moving on then forgiveness doesn't really matter. I guess I just think if I can't manage to just forgive someone then I will harbor bad feelings towards them.

I go by this definition of forgiveness as well. To me forgiving is not being mad anymore. At some point in time everyone gets forgiveness. No one stays mad forever at something.

 

[AlteredEgo]

You should totally throw a sheep at them or super poke them. Seriously though, life's too short. If you want to be friends with them then do so, but like Ross said, don't forget what they did. Just incorporate it into the funky soup that is you. Live and learn.

seconded.

 

[Addendum]

And that's why no one likes you and in your time of need you will be alone and unloved.

That doesn't sound like a big deal. If it happens, oh well.

EDIT follows
OK, so that doesn't properly convey the sardonic tone I was hoping for but take it that way (tongue in cheek). I don't actually mean that your a friendless wretch. I don't know you well enough to say for sure

I'm just too lazy to see my friends from college that live out of state. I'd rather spend my vacation slacking. I have some friends at work, but that's just to make the day go by faster. Off the clock, I don't hang with them.