The Hype gang in crime story

[Ghostrider87]

After reading some of the very interesting stories that Immortalfire has done with members off shh message boards I decided to start write one.

The main villain is Superman79. Ghostrider87 is the detective in the windy city who is going to take Superman79 down and expose that he has been murduring so many people, along with stealing plenty of money and many other felonies. The henchmen of Superman 79 are JackRabbit,AllstarSuperman, and Badgerphil. The reporter is mee.


Here is the woman he gets in the end Isabella who is shown below.

 

[Mr. Socko]

This sounds like it could be good.

Name it Hypefellas

 

[Asteroid-Man]

Can I be a random Gang Lord that doesn't do anything?

 

[Ghostrider87]

Can I be a random Gang Lord that doesn't do anything?

So basically you could just say about two lines and that would be it. I was thinking about some type of assistant that reminds him that he has a date with Isabella. Would you want that Asteroidman?

 

[fangrl06]

Sounds cool! Can I be a gangster? Please?

 

[Ghostrider87]

Sounds cool! Can I be a gangster? Please?

Fine you wan't to be Superman79 bodyguard?

 

[fangrl06]

Suret:

 

[Asteroid-Man]

So basically you could just say about two lines and that would be it. I was thinking about some type of assistant that reminds him that he has a date with Isabella. Would you want that Asteroidman?

Sure, as long as I'm badass, I get a gun and I get to fight.

 

[Ghostrider87]

Sure, as long as I'm badass, I get a gun and I get to fight.

Sure. How about asistant who has a gun. You get to take on Superman79s body guard. I have to deal with him and his minons.

 

[Ghostrider87]

Asteroid-Man do you also want a woman that you get in the end?

 

[Ghostrider87]

One more character to add. The lovely Lola which Asteriod-Man gets in the end of the story.

 

[fangrl06]

I can't wait for you to get started!t:

 

[Asteroid-Man]

Woohoo! I get Lacey Chabert!

EDIT: Haha, I go up against fangrl

 

[Mee]

Where's the story?

 

[Ghostrider87]

Woohoo! I get Lacey Chabert!

EDIT: Haha, I go up against fangrl

Yes but in this story here name is Lola which Asteroid-Man gets in the end.

Then the lovely Penelope Cruz as Isabella which Ghostrider87 gets in the end.

 

[Duende Verde]

Duende Verde is another detective that gets a woman named Isabella II at the end.

Here is the woman he gets in the end Isabella II who is shown below.

 

[Ghostrider87]

Duende Verde is another detective that gets a woman named Isabella II at the end.

Here is the woman he gets in the end Isabella II who is shown below.

Ok thats fine. So what kind of gun or set of two guns do you want? The woman above is Isabells sister.

 

[Badger]

Well as long as we're calling women...

:heart: x 10

...and her name shall be Judi Dench.

 

[spdrknight]

ghostrider, perhaps you should start writing something, maybe?

 

[bored]

You and I should fight over Judi Dench, Badgerphil. It'd be epic.

 

[Badger]

It's on, Chickenhawk.

Loser gets Mangina.

never too early for some MU/KU football trash talk. :heart:

 

[Asteroid-Man]

Tehe. Those are yummy

 

[Ghostrider87]

Mee I am reporting live here in Downtown Chicago at UNO where the entire workers at the resteraunt were murdered and robbed along with 6 other citizens.
Narrator After seeing the report on the tv Ghostrider87 grabs his hat and trenchcoat along with Duende Verde, and Asteroidman getting into Ghostrider87 2007 Toyota Camry.
Duende Verde So who do you think did this?
Ghostrider87 I don't know yet but this lowlife is going to get pummelled by me.Where I am suppose to be meeting Isabella?
Asteroidman At UNO the pizza resteraunt
Ghostrider87 That is the place that just got shot up. Ok now it's really personal this guy just really screwed up part of my date. Once I get done pummelling this guy he is going to be wishing he never commited these crimes.
Narrator The detectives arrive at the scene of the crime and get out of the car.

 

[Ghostrider87]

Where's the story?

There you go Mee the start. Oh as you can you see you are the first one to talk in the story. I still have to write the rest but there is the start. t:

Mee I am reporting live here in Downtown Chicago at UNO where the entire workers at the resteraunt were murdered and robbed along with 6 other citizens.
Narrator After seeing the report on the tv Ghostrider87 grabs his hat and trenchcoat along with Duende Verde, and Asteroidman getting into Ghostrider87 2007 Toyota Camry.
Duende Verde So who do you think did this?
Ghostrider87 I don't know yet but this lowlife is going to get pummelled by me.Where I am suppose to be meeting Isabella?
Asteroidman At UNO the pizza resteraunt
Ghostrider87 That is the place that just got shot up. Ok now it's really personal this guy just really screwed up part of my date. Once I get done pummelling this guy he is going to be wishing he never commited these crimes.
Narrator The detectives arrive at the scene of the crime and get out of the car.

 

[spdrknight]

Is this being written as a script? If so, you may want to work on the formating. The character's name and speech should be distinguishable. And when you write the action you don't need to start off by saying "narrator", a space would work the best. Speaking of spacing, use spaces when writing. It is too confusing when you don't have space between the all the dialog and the action. And one last thing... try to use scene transitions, because if your going to write a script you might as well do it right.