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The Joker: Detective Comics


Jan 12, 2007
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Just a bit of an idea I had for a Joker story about him investigating crimes.

Fish! All I ever smell is fish! Maybe it was a bad choice to use a real fish for my fish phone, BAH! What does Harley know.
"Uh..Mista J, I think your accidentally speaking your thawts again."
"HARLEY!!! Where did you come from you sneaky little tick."
"I've been heah the whole time Mista J."
"I forget how forgettable you are." Maybe that's why I haven't killed her yet, I always forget until she pops up and does something useful other than being beaten, unlike the rest of the idiots working for me.
"You really mean it Mista J?"
"What words erupt from your mouth to interrupt my thoughts now?"
"Ya really think I'm useful?"
"Damnit Harley, was I talking aloud again, listen Harley about that, I really need you to shut your mouth and remind me where the warehouse is."
Well at least she listens to me. "You can open your mouth only if what you have to say leads directly to the warehouse."
"I was trying to say we're heah!"
I watch her jump in the air and squee with joy at her reveal, I almost laugh, I DO laugh after I push her to the ground, giving away our position to whoever is inside...wait a minute WHAT DO I CARE?
The doors opened just a crack, I slide in my specially crafted Jokernades, and in seconds the place is filled with my yummy JOKER GAS!!!
"Harley, remember your lungs are invulnerable to the gas so you can go first."
"Very funny Mista J, but you tried that one on me three hours ago at our last visit."
Drats! I'll get her good one of these day, meanwhile my lungs ARE immune to the feel good effects of my gas, unfortunately, I've not had a good hahehohahahahahahehehahaha until right then.. which is far too long a time. The door opens smoothly, DAMN!!! I was hoping to use some wind up teeth bombs to blow it in but so be it, I'll do it after, hahaheehehehahahohaheh.
And just as I suspected three victims in the front, and two in the back. Now where is Face-Faces safe.. ahahahehoh....No! the safe is open, I know it's empty before looking in. The safe was blown by mini pressure charges, like what Darling Batsies uses when I decide to lock up half the police force in a gymnasium with two Siberian Tigers...ahahahehehehohoheh.. what a party pooper he was that night!
The people in this warehouse were dead before I got here, not a single smile adorns their sad blank dead faces, I feel sad, until I remember I have a whole sack of wind up teeth bombs outside with Harley. I'll go stand a good distance away while Harley winds them up and throws them in the warehouse. Then I'll figure out who is trying to outplay The Clown Prince of Crime.
So the Joker is still a bad guy, but must investigate what exactly?

I like the premise. At first I thought this would be an alternate reality/dimension where Joker was a cop/detective that was injured by a criminal Batman and went around solving mysteries and fighting crime under the disfigurement of being the joker from a chemical accident. Bruce Wayne/Bats is a crooked business tycoon/crime lord/kingpin that rules the underworld as Batman, a violent vigilante turned supervillain.

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