Golgo-13
The Return of the O.G
- Joined
- May 19, 2003
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- 27,455
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Here's another:
In my Pre-marital days, me and my friend used to mess with a lot of girls. So he had met this one girl and ask her did she have any friends that 'i' could hook up with. She said yes. So the girl my friend was messing with handed my number to her friend and we started conversing on the regular. After a few lengthy phone calls we decided to hook up with each other and meet. It was gonna be like a double date. Now, to this very day, my friend claims he had never seen what my date looked like (even now, i still think he was lying) but i gave the situation the benefit of the dout. She described herself as being 5'5 inches, cute with dimples and claimed all the guys in the club and anywhere else she went, were all over her, so i though i was getting a real catch.
The night of the double date arrived. I put on my best clothes, splashed on my best cologne and headed to the meeting site, with my friend. We were meeting at Red Lobster. The girl my friend had, had already got a table and waved us over as we walked in the door. I sat down and asked where her friend was. She said she had just went to the bathroom and would be right back, so i said cool and just sipped on a glass of water that the waiter had bought over. A couple of minutes went by then my friends girl suddenly pointed and said "oh here she comes". I stood up (being the gentleman that i am) and proceeded to turn my head and greet her with a friendly smile and a hand shake......suddenly my hands started to shake uncontrollably... my eyes teared up, as they had made eye contact with 'the' most hideous incarnation of human debauchary i had ever seen!...this chick was indeed 5' 5inches and yes, she did have dimples but she failed to tell me she looked like a cross between a 'star-trek klingon and jabba the ****ing hutt'! This girl could be the 'poster child' for everything that could possibly go wrong with human cloning in the 21st century! It took every ounce of concentration and musclular endurance to hold my now trembling smile in place! I shook her hand and peered over at my friend, who now had his face buried in the menu (obviously giggling) ,as the girl sat down next to me.
Rolls of lard-like fat poured out of this girls low cut shirt. It was absolutely disgusting!
Her teeth we're chipped, like on every other tooth, like she had been in the bathroom chewing on nails or something. I was in a state of disbelief. Anyway, as i got over the shock, we ordered dinner. My appetite at this point had been destroyed but i made the best of it and ordered some fries. The girl kept rubbing on me. She was really aggressive and kept caressing my thigh, which sent chills passing through my skin. She ate like there was no tomorrow and i can still hear her chew with her mouth open ,sometimes, when i think back on the situation. My friend and his girl were all lovely dovey, so i guess she felt we had to be the same. Well after stomaching the evening the waiter came and placed the bill on the table (i had agreed on the phone with her, that i would pay)...there was no way i was paying for this now, especially when my friend suggested we should all go get a hotel room and chill out in there until the morning!
I got up and said i needed to use the bathroom..in there i could think of a way to get out of the situation, clearer...then i saw it...the ****ing window!. I climbed up on the ledge and squeezes my narrow a$$ out the tiny bathroom window! I grazed up my sides squeezing myself through, but the thought of seeing this girl naked in a hotel room was an instant pain anesthesia! The funny thing was, as i was going through, a guy came in and saw me, and bust out laughing. Like he had seen my date in the resturant and knew why i was trying to escape! Anyway i ran down the alley, ducked past the window, so they wouldn't see me, and had to get on the train to get home cause i had rode there with my friend. My friend told me the girl was pissed and that she ended up paying for everyone. She even called me and left me some nasty messages, saying "i wasn't all that either"..whatever. That's why from that day on whenever a girl tells me she looks good, i don't believe her..it's true..even ugly girls think they look good once they slap on some make-up and some high heels. Fellas' beware!!!!
Trust me guys, this girl belongs in a travelling circus...she'd be a great attraction.
In my Pre-marital days, me and my friend used to mess with a lot of girls. So he had met this one girl and ask her did she have any friends that 'i' could hook up with. She said yes. So the girl my friend was messing with handed my number to her friend and we started conversing on the regular. After a few lengthy phone calls we decided to hook up with each other and meet. It was gonna be like a double date. Now, to this very day, my friend claims he had never seen what my date looked like (even now, i still think he was lying) but i gave the situation the benefit of the dout. She described herself as being 5'5 inches, cute with dimples and claimed all the guys in the club and anywhere else she went, were all over her, so i though i was getting a real catch.
The night of the double date arrived. I put on my best clothes, splashed on my best cologne and headed to the meeting site, with my friend. We were meeting at Red Lobster. The girl my friend had, had already got a table and waved us over as we walked in the door. I sat down and asked where her friend was. She said she had just went to the bathroom and would be right back, so i said cool and just sipped on a glass of water that the waiter had bought over. A couple of minutes went by then my friends girl suddenly pointed and said "oh here she comes". I stood up (being the gentleman that i am) and proceeded to turn my head and greet her with a friendly smile and a hand shake......suddenly my hands started to shake uncontrollably... my eyes teared up, as they had made eye contact with 'the' most hideous incarnation of human debauchary i had ever seen!...this chick was indeed 5' 5inches and yes, she did have dimples but she failed to tell me she looked like a cross between a 'star-trek klingon and jabba the ****ing hutt'! This girl could be the 'poster child' for everything that could possibly go wrong with human cloning in the 21st century! It took every ounce of concentration and musclular endurance to hold my now trembling smile in place! I shook her hand and peered over at my friend, who now had his face buried in the menu (obviously giggling) ,as the girl sat down next to me.
Rolls of lard-like fat poured out of this girls low cut shirt. It was absolutely disgusting!
Her teeth we're chipped, like on every other tooth, like she had been in the bathroom chewing on nails or something. I was in a state of disbelief. Anyway, as i got over the shock, we ordered dinner. My appetite at this point had been destroyed but i made the best of it and ordered some fries. The girl kept rubbing on me. She was really aggressive and kept caressing my thigh, which sent chills passing through my skin. She ate like there was no tomorrow and i can still hear her chew with her mouth open ,sometimes, when i think back on the situation. My friend and his girl were all lovely dovey, so i guess she felt we had to be the same. Well after stomaching the evening the waiter came and placed the bill on the table (i had agreed on the phone with her, that i would pay)...there was no way i was paying for this now, especially when my friend suggested we should all go get a hotel room and chill out in there until the morning!
I got up and said i needed to use the bathroom..in there i could think of a way to get out of the situation, clearer...then i saw it...the ****ing window!. I climbed up on the ledge and squeezes my narrow a$$ out the tiny bathroom window! I grazed up my sides squeezing myself through, but the thought of seeing this girl naked in a hotel room was an instant pain anesthesia! The funny thing was, as i was going through, a guy came in and saw me, and bust out laughing. Like he had seen my date in the resturant and knew why i was trying to escape! Anyway i ran down the alley, ducked past the window, so they wouldn't see me, and had to get on the train to get home cause i had rode there with my friend. My friend told me the girl was pissed and that she ended up paying for everyone. She even called me and left me some nasty messages, saying "i wasn't all that either"..whatever. That's why from that day on whenever a girl tells me she looks good, i don't believe her..it's true..even ugly girls think they look good once they slap on some make-up and some high heels. Fellas' beware!!!!
Trust me guys, this girl belongs in a travelling circus...she'd be a great attraction.
The bowl was big and had a cover over the top of it. I went in a stall , removed the cover, poured out some of the punch in the toilet..unzipped my pants and..emptied the entire contents of my bladder into the bowl! I then zipped up, picked up the bowl..smelled the punch to make sure you couldn't tell it contained piss, made sure the coast was clear and took the punch up to the conference room! I was really nervous because i knew that if they had even thought there was something wrong with the punch, my ass would be finished. Anyway me and my co-worker finished up and went back to our department. About 2 hour later my boss came to see me, he told me they wanted me down in the conference room..i thought to myself "oh ****!". The whole ride up on the elevator was nerve racking! I stepped off the elevator and proceeded into the conference room and it was packed with important looking men and women, in suits and ties. The *****y lady, who had snapped at us early on, waved me over from the other side of the room. I thought she had found out. When i got over there, the rest of my co-workers, who had helped set the conference room, were also there. The lady said she had called us down to appologize for how she had acted earlier and that she is normally a nice person, and that all this was a success because of our help. She was so sincere about her apology that i was starting to like her. As she continued to talk nicely to us,... i saw her raise a glass to her mouth....yep,...you guessed it..it was a glass full of 'the red punch'! I stood there and watched in shere horror as she gulped down the fruity/piss cocktail!...and then said "hhmm..that was tangy!" as she walked over to get another serving of the dreaded concoction! She even poured glasses for everyone of my co-worker including me. I stood there, face frowned up as my beloved co workers washed down their crackers and other party snacks with the punch. When she ask my why i wasn't drinking, i said.."Oh,... i don't like fruit punch!" 
