Justice League The Official Justice League Caption Thread

[Lily Adler]

WB: So Miss Germanotta what makes you believe you will be able to direct this project?

GAGA: Because I have the vision and artistry to pull off a project of this grandure. My catchy beats and timeless fashion sense will keep it fresh in people's minds for generations.

For example, Wonder Woman's costume, I shall replace her main suit with a polar bear fur lined corset. Then replace the gold breastplate and belt with police tape. Then make her silver bracelets out of Lady Schick razors. Add spikes and stiletto heels to her boots and paint them blood red. Finally, I will replace the gaudy tiara with a lobster head ornament with peacock feathers coming out of the sides.

WB: Mm-hmm. And what about the film itself?

GAGA: Picture this, we fade in on a close up of Wonder Woman riding on a unicorn with a trail of glitter behind her. Then we see her jump off, screaming and crying frantically as she destroys a box of cereal. Finally, she decapitates the unicorn. Blood and glitter spew forth from its neck. Enter Black Canary who eyes Wonder Woman. They fight wrestling each other upside down in unicorn blood as glitter and sparks rain down from the heavens above.

Cut to me being sold as a piece of meat in a meat suit at a sex auction. Behind me are monitors showing images of a unicorn, diamonds and a burning cross. Then show beds all around me with the male members of the league fondling each other and dancing around me in BDSM versions of their costumes. We dance and then mermaids with crutches come out of bathtubs with butterflies all around.

Finally, I join Wonder Woman and Black Canary in the unicorn blood where I will say "walk, walk, fashion baby" over and over again. Then we make out and dance some more.

Of course my new song will be playing in the background which shall be the anthem and the voice for the next generation of little monsters. All of this will roughly be a three hour cut and a special six hour extended edition will be on sale for DVD and available on YouTube.

WB: And how much will all this cost?

GAGA: About a billion dollars, I want everything to be authentic and you know how much it is to genetically create unicorns. Genius!

NARRATOR: Lady Gaga, genius or crazy, you decide at gaga4jl.com. This message brought to by the LMJLA (Little Monsters for the Justice League of America).

GAGA: And I will repeatedly say "eh" at the end of every lyric in the chorus.
[Singing] Superhero, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh... Superhero, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh....

 

[Panthro]

Your Welcome.

BATMAN: Now after hunching over you want to talk in a gravelly voice that no one really understands, for example, "WHEREZZZZ TEH TRIGGGGEEERRR!!!"

WONDER WOMAN: Man's world continues to puzzle me.

Hehehehehehehe

For all you David Lynch/Frank Herbert fans -

SUPERMAN: "I am Paul Atreides of the House Atreides, also known as Isul, also known as Paul Maud'Dib. My Fremen allies and I have come for the Spice Molange."

 

[Lily Adler]

DIANA: So what is Clark's weakness anyway?

BRUCE: I know for sure it's Kryptonite.

HAL: I thought it was electricity.

ARTHUR: You mean it isn't magic?

BRUCE: No, it's that too.

WALLY: I always thought Supes weakness was men in tight pants.

CLARK: Mind saying that to my face?

WALLY: Um well I...

BRUCE: Heh for the fastest man alive you are not the fastest thinker.

WALLY: Shut it...

 

[Lily Adler]

AQUAMAN: So come here often?

LOIS: Surprisingly, yes.

 

[Lily Adler]

WALLY: Bruce, I need your help, Supes is missing and Grodd is trying to turn Metropolis into another Gorilla City.

BRUCE: Hold tight, I'll Facebook for Grodd's profile to learn his weakness through his likes and dislikes.

DIANA: And I'll use Google Maps to find his location.

HAL: I see him, I'll Instagram you guys the pic.

WALLY: Wait, Grodd just posted a tweet. It says ' @Lex Luthor So going to use my de-evolution ray on Superman hahaha #EVIL".

CLARK: Okay when WB told me they would be doing a more modern Justice League this isn't what I had in mind.

 

[Panthro]

Funny stuff L

SUPERMAN: "Hi we're looking for a friend of ours who goes by the name of Aquaman, maybe you know him? He's like 6'1", he kinda looks like a young Burt Lancaster."

PINHEAD: "Welcome to Hell... I am... the Devil!"

SUPERMAN: "You're not the Devil. You're practice."
BATMAN: "Hey, that's my line!"
SUPERMAN: "Shaddap you!"

 

[Panthro]

edit - wrong pics

 

[Lily Adler]

DIANA: Want to play lasso the Bat.

BRUCE: I tried that once...

DIANA: What happened?

BRUCE: I don't want to talk about it.

SELINA: I forgot to untie you one time, and I never hear the end of it. So what if you were naked with nothing but your mask on in a hotel room.

DIANA: Really?

BRUCE: I told you I didn't want to talk about it.

 

[Lily Adler]

SUPERMAN: I just got word from corporate they're going to redesign us.

EVERYONE: *gasp*

WONDER WOMAN: Let's just hope for the best.

SUPERMAN: Other than the shield belt buckle, which sort of looks like an arrow pointing towards my crotch, I like it--

OMG! What have they done to Aquaman!

BATMAN: That's Cyborg...

SUPERMAN: Oh! Yeah um I knew that...

 

[Panthro]

Funny stuff Lib

 

[Lily Adler]

Why thank you.

SUPERMAN: How about you lasso me up in an epic make out session in the sky.

WONDER WOMAN: Please, not in this continuity.

DIANA: [Thinking] 'I try to tie him up and throw him away from me so I can fix this damn wedgie and all he wants to do is make out. Hera help me.'

 

[Lily Adler]

NARRATOR: There she is the only female member of the Justice League-- Well until I came along that is...

DINAH: My name is Dinah, I fight evil. It's what I do.

DIANA: So that's the new girl...

BRUCE: Yep.

DIANA: I don't like her...

BRUCE: Meow!

 

[Lily Adler]

DIANA: So how exactly do you proclaim we capture Catwoman?

BRUCE: With this!

 

[MarvelKnight]

all of these are classic. Good frickin stuff.

 

[Lily Adler]

BLACK CANARY: I don't get it we're strong, beautiful female superheroes and yet we're not as popular as the guys.

VIXEN: I know it's like fanboys don't care if we exist.

ZATANNNA: Like we're nothing more than T&A.

WONDER WOMAN: It's simple really. In the hierachy of comic book fans, men in tight spandex will always trump us.

WALLY: Hey if you got it flaunt it. Hit it!

LMFAO: [Singing] I'm sexy and I know it...

HAWKGIRL: Hey, if you can't beat 'em join 'em.

*all start dancing*

 

[Lily Adler]

SUPERMAN: So I heard we're the new power couple.

WONDER WOMAN: I thought that was you and Bruce.

WALLY: Rimshot!

 

[Panthro]

Funny stuff Lib

WONDER WOMAN: "Oh Bruce..."
BATMAN: "Damn woman I just made sweet love to you five minutes ago! You tryin' to kill me?!"

 

[Panthro]

BLACK CANARY: "You wanna know why super-heroines struggle so much? I'll tell you why - first it's because we don't conform to the traditional male empowerment fantasies no matter how scantily we dress, and second of all, it's because the companies that own us don't know how to tap into their female fanbases!"

 

[Panthro]

BLACK CANARY: "I am not Debbie Harry!"

 

[Lily Adler]

HAL: I got an animated series now. Now can the GA take me seriously.

BARRY: Great your movie flops and you get a show, and I get nothing.

 

[Lily Adler]

BARRY: Man I love this suit. It feels like I'm wearing nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all...

HAL: Stupid sexy Barry...

 

[Panthro]

Good stuff Lib

CAPTAIN MARVEL: "Why can't I have my own movie?! Huh?! Huh?!"

AQUAMAN: "Where's your Messiah now, Mr. Prep Time?"
BATMAN: "Now I'm not normally a praying man but if you can hear me... help me Superman!"

ELECTRIC BLUE SUPERMAN: "Hmm... No."

FLASH: "Hey John, what's in YOUR wallet?"
JOHN GL: "Don't touch me."

 

[Lily Adler]

Where's the second pic from?

DIANA: I know what you're thinking, and I just want to say we're interested. But Bruce wants to lay down some ground rules.

 

[Lily Adler]

CAPTAIN MARVEL: I'm going straight to Warner Brothers and demanding my own movie.

HAL: But you're Superman you already have a movie.

CAPTAIN MARVEL: ...

SUPERMAN: Should you tell him or should I?

 

[Lily Adler]

JOHN: Who said you can feel my material.

WALLY: I just wanted to know what it felt like.

JOHN: You ask before walking up to someone and feeling their material, what kind of weirdo goes around feeling material. It's inhumane.