Three Times A Lady: A Darren Daring Adventure

[Darren Daring]

I liked both

How about Lady In The Water. Hey... "Three Times a LADY".... it works!

See, this is why you're going to star in the sequel

 

[Fran]

When's the next part coming?

 

[Darren Daring]

Today, sometime. There's ****

 

[Fran]

Hey, awesome!

Hey, you got to 6,000. I got to 7,000!

 

[Darren Daring]

Part Ocho: Sofa, So Good

Washington D.C. Darren Daring's hotel room. It's quite a scene. Our Dashing young Hero, Darren Daring, is crouched in front of Vice President Kypade, who is bleeding from no less than 7 orifices. Triplefive, daughter of the recently deceased German mad scientist Jaguarr, has just thrown Sofa, Gun for Hire Extraordinaire, to their feet. She too is bleeding from quite a few orifices, but not so many as Kypade.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand go.

Darren Daring: Well, Sofa, what is it you've got to say?

Sofa: Nuffing. I was just at the Seven Eleven and she grabbed me.

Triplefive: Lies! She killed my father!

Triplefive punches her already broken nose and rips her shirt off, revealing a delectable black lace brassiere. Her breasts are firm and pert. The nipples press against the fabric, aching to burst free. Just great **** overall.

Kypade: Ohh, Mr Daring, look at those.

Darren Daring: I see 'em, I see 'em.

They stare for a few moments.

Darren Daring: Triplefive, maybe you should stop punching her nose, it's already pretty broken.

They stare some more.

Darren Daring: Actually, Maybe you should grab her and bounce her up and down, her nose is probably numb by now. There you go. Yeah. That's teaching her a very important lesson.

Several minutes of staring

Darren Daring: Woah, Woah, Woah, woah. Woah. Jaguarr is dead?

Triplefive punches Sofa in the face again.

Triplefive: Yes. Shot twice in his own laboratory. By her!

Darren Daring: Sofa! How could you. Jaguarr is the greatest private weapons manufacturer on the east coast. I know for a fact you've spent thousands on his work.

Sofa: You're right, Daring, we were close. So close, that we banded together to form a Commune! A commune that was intent on ruling the world! A world that was desperate for leadership that only we could provide!

Darren Daring rushed across the room and punched her in the face a few times.

Darren Daring: Then why did you kill him!?

Sofa: Because he gave you that ******ed Monkey child, Enterthemadness. You hang around with him for more than 20 minutes, you're liable to get killed. For that, Jaguarr needed to be punished

Darren Daring: So, what, this was all for my protection? What makes me so important?

Sofa: Because you're the one we hired to kill Erzengel.

Darren Daring: What? This makes my head hurt. Why do you want Erz dead?

Sofa: Don't you get it, you bloody fool, we're not doing this on our own. The Commune has a member who would have everything to gain from Erz's death.

Darren Daring furrows his brow and thinks. A lot. He starts to sweat.

Triplefive: Uh, Darren, Vice President Kypade untied himself and ran away

Darren Daring: Quiet, I'm thinking.

Darren Daring Grits his teeth and goes back to thinking. He stops gritting his teeth and looks down at his feet

Darren Daring: Oh, ****

*******************************

Kypade runs across the grounds of the hotel and into the street. Vehicles swerve around him as he tries to flag one down. A white van screeches to a halt next him and the drivers side window rolls down

Kypade: Please, you gotta let me in, I could be killed!

A puff of smoke rolls out of window

Cigar Man: I'd say that is a very definite possibility.

The Cigar Man grabs Kypade and drives away.

******************************

Darren Daring: Who else is in this Commune?

Sofa: Kypade's ****e and the man you thought you trusted, Tukiluka. The plan was that you would kill Erzengel, Kypade would take power and we would rule the world. But you're just so goddamn inept.

Darren Daring: I was building up to it! What about Erz's plan to destroy all awesomeness, is that real?

Sofa: Oh yeah. That's why we needed you to kill him. But it's been a year since you were hired and nothing. Now all he needs is the The Dog Lips Commemorative Trophy for Awesomosity and he can do it.

Darren Daring: I'm so conflicted. On the one hand, A world run by the Commune would be disease and crime free, a true Eden. On the other hand, Erz is a cruel bastard and he wants to destroy Awesomeness, my main property. The Commune looks like the the only logical choice. I just have one question.

Sofa: Yeah?

Darren Daring: Why wasn't I invited?

Sofa's eyes go wide. Then Darren Daring unleashes a kick of truly awesome proportions and knocks her the **** out.

Triplefive and Darren Daring drag Sofa out to her El Camero and drive back to Jaguarr's mansion.

Darren Daring: Triplefive, make sure she doesn't get away, I'm gonna take her car and do some thinking.

Darren Daring opens the door and slides behind the wheel. On the passengers seat is The Dog Lips Commemorative Trophy for Awesomosity.

Triplefive calls out from the porch

Triplefive: Think about what?

Darren Daring stares at the Trophy for a moment

Then, to himself.

Darren Daring: Think about meeting the President.

Darren Daring starts the car, puts it in Awesome Gear, and drives to the whitehouse.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm not able to put this down.

My only critique is that not enough time was spent on Sofa's breasts.

Maybe when you release the Special Edition, it will have some extended scenes.

 

[Darren Daring]

There really should be several paragraphs about them, shouldn't there

 

[Mee]

"Two thumbs up with a side of beans."

-Roger Ebert

 

[Fran]

All I can say is

Is there gonna be an Uncut and Uncalled For edition (could be on GR, for example)?

 

[bored]

How many more awesome things will appear?

 

[tzarinna]

Man sofa was taking those punches well.

 

[Fran]

"Shifts it into Awesome Gear."

 

[Darren Daring]

Man sofa was taking those punches well.

Well, she's a pro

 

[Fran]

Brodie, I'm preparing some questions...

 

[enterthemadness]

This part kicked all kinds of ass.

 

[Sofa]

Well, she's a pro

 

[Darren Daring]

Not ****e

 

[Sofa]

Shut.

 

[Darren Daring]

I :heart: you, Sofa, really sorry about your finals

 

[Darthphere]

Im going to be the uber awesome secret villain ain't I?

 

[Sofa]

I :heart: you, Sofa, really sorry about your finals

Thanx.

 

[Darren Daring]

Im going to be the uber awesome secret villain ain't I?

You're a goddamned security guard

 

[Fran]

Part Nine...

 

[bored]

Im going to be the uber awesome secret villain ain't I?

Can I be the inevitable angry-looking cat, then?

 

[Wolfwood]

Darren has abandoned us! Repent, repent!