To Be Or Not To Be?

[Spider-Who?]

Wow... Great & interesting feedback. Definitely not something anyone should rush into.

I need to let you guys know that no one's suggesting to try and change anyone hey. If you read in my initial post, I ask:

"Do you marry them anyway, hoping they'll just change in time and that things work out?"

Not "Do you marry them and try to change them?"

I reckon the latter is unrealistic, selfish & not really up to anyone but the actual person willingly wanting to hey.

I think we all understood that, but the replies remain the same. Hoping for change is just as unrealistic and selfish as trying to change; and the former usually leads to the latter.

If you're not happy with those differences PRIOR to marriage, nothing about that will change after the wedding night.










...unless she ends up being SUPER kinky.

 

[Bboy]

I don't think hoping for change is selfish hey. Especially if someone's in an abusive situation but they really believe that in time the person will change, because of love or whatever else etc. It's not that surface.

Anyways, this is an interesting conversation and the responses have been great.

 

[Bboy]

I don't think hoping for change is selfish hey. Especially if someone's in an abusive situation but they really believe that in time the person will change, because of love or whatever else etc. It's not that surface.

Anyways, this is an interesting conversation and the responses have been great.

 

[JStorm]

I'm a red flag guy.

All of my relationships have been saved - or dodged - because of so. I'm not about making someone change, nor am I willing to change for said person.

My boobs on legs and I agree with these ideals. If we get to a point where we are cussing at one another, not enjoying the basic of dates, etc. . then what is the point.

 

[Bboy]

Totally agree.

 

[Spider-Who?]

I don't think hoping for change is selfish hey. Especially if someone's in an abusive situation but they really believe that in time the person will change, because of love or whatever else etc. It's not that surface.

Anyways, this is an interesting conversation and the responses have been great.

okay....i was speaking generally, but if you wanna be more focused about it, and to be specific, when an abusive relationship is the situation, then it would be FOOLISH to hope for change. There is NO excuse for abuse, be it physical or mental and is the ULTIMATE reason to not only NOT get married, but to leave the relationship entirely as soon as possible. Hope this is not the case for you...

 

[Johnny Drama]

If she doesn't put out, then walk away. You don't want that in your life.

That's not what I meant. I meant if, she isn't riding the rollercoaster why save her spot in line, y'know?

Oh dear, that's not right either...

 

[BlackLantern]

I think what JD means is that a person may not change and that's fine, but if they are unwilling to compromise or directly address issues, you don't want to get serious with someone like that

 

[Johnny Drama]

YES! That's exactley what I meant.

Or something to that extent.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I don't think hoping for change is selfish hey. Especially if someone's in an abusive situation but they really believe that in time the person will change, because of love or whatever else etc. It's not that surface.

Anyways, this is an interesting conversation and the responses have been great.

Abuse should never be tolerated ever, there is no love in abuse and taking those beatings hoping at some point things will change is foolish.

 

[Lightning Strykez!]

Abuse should never be tolerated ever, there is no love in abuse and taking those beatings hoping at some point things will change is foolish.

Exactly. It's a habit that is rarely broken, ergo a hamster on a wheel that will never get off and make progress.

For example: I once had a guy friend I used to work out with at the gym. He used to beat his boyfriend's ass all the time. : His dude was like...5'6 and my gymrat friend was 6'2 and built like the Hulk. He was raised in an abusive household so beating on someone else smaller than him was all he knew. And despite his efforts, he was never able to break the cycle. His boy just kept tolerating it. It was terrible to see develop over the years. And the relationship eventually ended violently...and bloody. Some s*** will NEVER change.