Ten Questions to ask a woman before you propose to her (courtesy of Deadspin)

[Rasmon Redux]

enjoy!!!

http://deadspin.com/5409407/ten-questions-to-ask-a-woman-before-you-propose-to-her

Ten Questions To Ask A Woman Before You Propose To Her





Okay, so we tackled the ladies' end of this topic last week. I think it's only fair we flip the script.

Got a ladyfriend? Thinking of popping the question to her? Good for you. Now, it's time for you to do your homework. You'd hate to marry your girlfriend without realizing that she has a secret zipper running down the back of her body, and that upon marriage she will unzip this skin suit and reveal that she is actually BEASTULA: VAMPIRE HYDRA QUEEN OF THE FIFTH CIRCLE. It does happen from time to time. Consult the "Succubus" episode of "South Park" for a refresher course.

I am not one of these people who thinks every woman out there is a raving nutjob. As I've said before, I think women are usually the ones who end up getting hosed in the whole marriage deal. They have to give birth. They usually have to do more of the child work. They get less real estate in the bed. They have to **** men. It's not a pleasant thing. But that doesn't mean guys can't end up getting screwed as well. Here now are ten questions you should politely and discreetly ask any woman before you go ring shopping. YOU COULD TEXT MESSAGE HER THESE! SHE'D LOVE IT!

1. Can we live together for a period of at least one year prior to marriage?
Oh, are you Catholic? Don't like the idea of living in sin? Awww, that's so quaint. You're a ****ing moron. Man or woman, you better damn well know if you enjoy the day-to-day experience of living with your potential spouse before you decide to get hitched. And the whole, "Well, we see each other all the time. We pretty much live together anyway," thing is WRONG. It's so terribly wrong. If you have your own place, that means you can GET AWAY.

2. Can we please be married for a period of three years before we begin trying to have children?
No woman will actually agree to three years. Strictly a bargaining point. Ideally, you negotiate down to two, one in a worst-case scenario. Are you marrying a woman over the age of 30? You're ****ed. She'll throw away her blister pack of Yasmin two months before your wedding night. But if you're marrying a woman in her twenties, IMPLORE her to give you some time before kids come and ruin everything. Travel. Eat. Have lots of sex. Spend money on ******ed things. You can do all that before you have kids. Get as much of that time as possible. Otherwise, you'll have kids, you'll pass each other in the night, and you'll ask yourself, "Hey, WHO THE **** IS THIS PERSON?"

3. I know we aren't going to have as much sex once we get married, but exactly how much sex will we NOT have?
Varies by woman. However, as a guideline, I'd take the number of times you have sex a month right now, divide that number by five, and then multiply it by zero. That'll give you a solid idea of how much future sex is in store for you.

4. If I agree to be the breadwinner in the family, will you accept that sometimes I have to DO ****ING WORK in order to win said bread?
Happens to some men out there. They get married, they get a job, they have a ****load of kids, and then wifey is on the phone at 2PM every day saying, "HEY, I NEED YOU TO COME HOME." Or, "Couldn't you take a day off or something?" Well, no. No, that isn't how it works. In order to live, we need MONEY. Which means we have to ****ing work, sometime late! We're not out a titty bar. We're not golfing. We're really, truly, legitimately working. And we'll be right home, unless you delay our work by calling every ten ****ing minutes.

5. Do you cook? Or clean? Are you mildly proficient in home economics?
Again, this question works for both sexes. Don't marry some lazy ***** (or *******) who won't ****ing do anything.

6. Have we broken up several times before?
Yes? Then you're going to end up getting ****ing divorced.

7. Do you take any medication for depression, particularly manic depression? What happens if you don't take it?
Oh, I'll tell you what happens if they don't take it. Your severed penis in a recycling bin.

8. I'm going to do my damnedest to provide for you and our children. But I can't guarantee we'll ever be rich or anything. Is that good enough for you?
Because it isn't, for some ladies. Some ladies will expect you to become CEO of Prestige Worldwide by age 37. When I worked in advertising, I had a lunatic ex-girlfriend who constantly demanded that I try and find a job in finance. Avoid women like this, women who could give two ****s about you following your passions and seeing where they lead. Women like that are horrid.

9. I like lots of sports and music and movies that you probably don't. Will you not try and get me to unlove those things?
In other words, do you want to marry me, or do you want to marry some wet dream version of me? Because I'll never be that ****ing person. Marriage is acceptance. You either accept the person, warts and all, or you don't. If your girlfriend is going to marry you hoping you'll become some other person who doesn't listen to Slayer and jack off three times a day, you may as well let her ass down easy now.

10. Would you mind signing this?
It's something that you need to have because if she leave yo ass she gon leave with HALF.

What it all boils down to is if you're marrying someone who's as dedicated to YOUR happiness as you are to theirs. Because if it ain't even, then you're ****ed. Forever. I'm sure I forgot millions more, including any and all questions about the history of the Baltimore Colts.

 

[SuperFerret]

Where's the romance anymore?

 

[Addendum]

Depending on the book store, it's near the science fiction/fantasy, crime, or horror section.

 

[BlueLightning]

Hahaha. Say that to a woman and then come to tell us the experience!

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Where's the romance anymore?

It died when women decided to be more concerned with the material things the man could provide to her, instead of the the man himself, and the emotional things he brings to her.

 

[SuperFerret]

I doubt it can be entirely placed on the woman.

 

[katie_girl09]

It died when women decided to be more concerned with the material things the man could provide to her, instead of the the man himself, and the emotional things he brings to her.

Translation: I cannot offer a woman anything material and so I want her to forget about that aspect of a relationship entirely.

Oh. And as for #1, I've read that couples who live together before getting married are actually more likely to get divorced than couples who don't statistically speaking.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I doubt it can be entirely placed on the woman.

I've talked to too many women, including women who would be considered "good women", who do nothing but talk about what the man has to do for her, and nothing about wanting the companionship and love from the man himself.

I'm way too jaded about the opposite sex. And it's not just because I've been rejected a lot. It's because literally every single one of them has the attitude of a spoiled diva princess.

 

[SuperFerret]

Translation: I cannot offer a woman anything material and so I want her to forget about that aspect of a relationship entirely.

Oh. And as for #1, I've read that couples who live together before getting married are actually more likely to get divorced than couples who don't statistically speaking.

Statistics only represent math, which can't represent everything. The logic in the first suggestion is sound.

I've talked to too many women, including women who would be considered "good women", who do nothing but talk about what the man has to do for her, and nothing about wanting the companionship and love from the man himself.

I'm way too jaded about the opposite sex. And it's not just because I've been rejected a lot. It's because literally every single one of them has the attitude of a spoiled diva princess.

I'd suggest that you widen your social circle then, or try traveling in others. I've only rarely met diva princesses.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Statistics only represent math, which can't represent everything. The logic in the first suggestion is sound.



I'd suggest that you widen your social circle then, or try traveling in others. I've only rarely met diva princesses.

Like I said, I'm talking about even women that wouldn't fall under the "spoiled diva princess" category, still going on and on about all the things a man needs to do for the woman.

Example: One of my best friends once told me that there's no way she could have ever seen herself with me, because -I wasn't good enough for her-, because I didn't have a good enough job to take care of her.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Translation: I cannot offer a woman anything material and so I want her to forget about that aspect of a relationship entirely.

You're absolutely right.

I want a woman that loves me for the man that I am, not because I have a bank account big enough to do nice, fancy things for her.

 

[katie_girl09]

Statistics only represent math, which can't represent everything. The logic in the first suggestion is sound.

Statistics suggests that there may be correlations between things. So that statistic suggests that while the logic may be "sound" on paper, it might not work out in real life in general. That's all I'm saying.

 

[enterthemadness]

Is it me...or is that woman in the pic in a wheelchair?

 

[SuperFerret]

Well, a marriage is give and take. Both sides need to do things for each other.

 

[katie_girl09]

You're absolutely right.

I knew it.

 

[Logan's Runt]

Oh. And as for #1, I've read that couples who live together before getting married are actually more likely to get divorced than couples who don't statistically speaking.

Because they have enough sense to leave if a relationship is obviously not working.

People who don't live together before marriage are likely religious and/or hold older fashioned ideas of marriage. Thus, they will stay in a marriage even if it's awful, abusive, loveless, etc- simply because 'marriage' means 'forever.' Statistics like that are misleading, because people automatically assume that less divorces equal more happy loving marriages.

 

[katie_girl09]

Because they have enough logic to leave if a relationship is obviously not working.

People who don't live together before marriage are likely religious and/or hold older fashioned ideas of marriage. Thus, they will stay in a marriage even if it's awful, abusive, loveless, etc- simply because 'marriage' means 'forever.' Statistics like that are misleading, because people automatically assume that less divorces equal more happy loving marriages.

That's quite an assumption to make. Religious people divorce as well. The idea that they stay in loveless marriages is nothing more than a stereotype.

Why do people take such offense when you mention this statistic? If it said that people who didn't live together before marriage got divorced more, I'm sure no one would be arguing against it.

 

[SuperFerret]

It's not what the statistic says, I've just never seen any proof that numbers can predict what living things do.

 

[katie_girl09]

I'm not arguing that it proves anything. That is why I'm using expressions like "suggests a correlation".

 

[E-Man]

The female 'ten questions to ask a man' was full of empty questions that really amount to nothing. I know marriage concerns for women are much more than that. The only thing the writer was right about was asking the man to help take care of the kids. Everything else was just comedic *****ing.

As for the questions to ask a woman, the questions actually seem like he took it serious. He probably should've had a female write the other article, because it's night and day in terms of quality.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I knew it.

Yea, forgive me for wanting a girl that likes me, and not my bank account.

 

[Anubis]

Well you can probably forget about that. You don't seem very appealing. My suggestion? Play the lotto.

 

[Lantern Venom]

Is it me...or is that woman in the pic in a wheelchair?

Yes, she is.

 

[Logan's Runt]

That's quite an assumption to make. Religious people divorce as well. The idea that they stay in loveless marriages is nothing more than a stereotype.

Why do people take such offense when you mention this statistic? If it said that people who didn't live together before marriage got divorced more, I'm sure no one would be arguing against it.

It's not offense that's being taken, except to the use of misleading statistics to perpetuate personal beliefs. That particular cliche quip is tossed around as pure fact, hard evidence that living together before marriage is dooming to the marriage. I was simply pointing out that 'less divorces' do not equal 'more happy marriages.'

And be careful about chastising someone for making assumptions and then lobbing your own (as bolded). Makes you look hypocritical.

 

[PyroChamber]

I know a friend who dealt with #6. He and his girlfriend constantly broke up and got back together on many occasions, and then they got married; her second marriage and his first.

It only lasted a year, last I heard about it it ended with the police getting involved.