UNLIKELY HEROES ~ Feat. Electron (The Original Story)

[Climperoonie]

Just found my original Story on my made up Superheroes, including Electron. This is one of my first stories on my made up Superheroes, and Electron is the only one I really bothered with. But, anyway, I'll post the first chapter to see what you think, and if I get positive feedback I'll post the next two and then continue writing it. So, here's Chapter 1:

U N L I K E L Y ~ H E R O E S


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Chapter 1
Jake Coles stood on the edge of the Rugby pitch, watching the other boys beating each other up to get to the ball. Jake never did like PE much. As the cold wind beat down on him, hurting his legs that weren’t covered by his shorts, Jake wished he could be back inside the classroom, reading a book. He was fifteen years old, and had brown hair and wore thick-rimmed glasses. He only had four friends – Two of which were his sisters Chelsea and Tara. They were in the same class as him, but weren’t on the same PE field.
“Go on Jake!” A voice from behind him boomed. He spun round to see the PE teacher, Mr Shuttleworth, looking at him sternly.
“Oh, but sir, can’t I read about rugby instead?” He pleaded.
“No!” Mr Shuttleworth retorted, and Jake opened his mouth but was cut off, “And don’t give me any of that ‘I don’t like Physical Education’ crap, if you like to go to Athletics club you like Physical Education, so go play before you lose your Lunch break!”
Jake walked off. He wouldn’t have cared if he’d have got detention anyway; he only went to the library at Lunchtime. He made a feeble effort to kick the ball, when the bell rang. He sighed a heavy sigh of relief, and then ran back into the changing rooms. He quickly changed back into his uniform, before running to the coach. He paired up with his third friend Daniel Jefferson.
“Thank god for the bell.” Jake said.
“You really hate PE, don’t you.” Daniel grinned.
“Yup, say, are you going to Athletics club tonight?” Jake asked.
“Sure I am.”
“That Athletics club may not have many members, but it sure is fun. People like me there!”
“People like you anyway.”
“Really, I couldn’t tell by them shouting ‘Geek’ and ‘Four-eyes’ at me Twenty-four/Seven.”
“Don’t worry ‘bout it.” Daniel reassured, just as the coach pulled up. They all filed out and into their classrooms to get their coats and bags. Jake was ready first, so he waited outside for his friends, so they could go to Athletics’ club together. When they were all out they started walking.
“Have a good PE lesson?” Michael Brant, Jake’s fourth friend, asked.
“Me? Have a good PE lesson? I always have good PE lesson.” Jake let out a sarcastic quip back.
“Ah, crap then was it?” Chelsea asked.
“Yep.”
“Never mind. At least we have athletics club now.” Chelsea finished the conversation, and they got to the school’s gym. It was only them in the Athletics club, but their teacher, Mr Savage, hadn’t closed it.
“Today, class, we are starting on the High Jump.” He explained. “If you would like to get into a line, I’ll explain how to do it.”
They did as he said, and he continued.
“Now you will run in a curved shape; either left or right, and take off on the foot farthest from the mat. You should take off on your side, and land on your bottom.”
The last bit received a few giggles from Chelsea and Tara, but they started. Michael was first, and he done a perfect semi-circle round the right of the area, and scored an eighty centimetres. Daniel was next, and he did it perfectly too. Then Jake. He swallowed, before running round and closing his eyes before jumping.
“Ninety-six centimetres!” Mr Savage shouted out. Jake joined the back of the queue.
“Jake, that was amazing!” Daniel whispered.
“Thanks.” Jake whispered back. Then they heard something from outside. The girls had just finished their jumps, when a strange whistling pierced the air slowly getting louder. Mr Savage opened the double doors to look, and saw an orange spot in the sky, rapidly growing in size. Then he realised what this was. The meteorite, about the size of a bicycle, hurtled towards him.
“Children, get inside!” He shouted, and attempted to follow. Too late. The burning Space rock smashed into the ground, sending waves of strange purple light out. The worst of it smashed into Mr Savage, and he howled in pain as light consumed his body. Jake turned round, and the last thing he saw was the mangled, smoking corpse of Ryan Savage hit the ground, before everything went black.

 

[Climperoonie]

 

[Climperoonie]

Here's the second (More interesting) chapter, to try and get some replies:
Chapter 2
Jake gasped. Where was he? Everything was a blur. There was lights, and he could hear a beeping, but where was he? Wasn’t he at the school? Then he remembered the accident. He was scared to think of it, but because he was blind to the real world, his mind’s images became a lot clearer. The skeletal, charred face of Mr Savage. The purple glowing. Where was he? Where was he? Where was he?!
“Help me!” He screamed, without even realising he was doing it.
“Oh may god, Doctor Reynolds! Jake Coles is awake!” He heard a feminine voice shout, “It’s okay sweetie, you’ll be okay.”
“Help me! I can’t see! Where am I?” He blurted out, feeling tears running down his cheeks.
“It’s alright, you have a concussion, you’re in McFarlane city Infirmary. Emergency Department.” He heard the voice say again, “Now you’ll just have to relax. You’ve had a major shock, and it’s lucky you’re alive.”
“Chelsea….Tara….Where are they? Where are my sisters? And Danny and Mike, where are they?”
“Relax, they’re in here too. If you want your vision to come back, you’ll just have to relax and concentrate.”
“Okay, okay. I just want to see again.” Jake said, and he relaxed, and tried to focus. Slowly, everything became clear, and he saw a pretty blonde staring down at him. He blinked and looked around. He was in the bed nearest the window, and he could see out over the city. Not that far, however, because he didn’t have his glasses.
“Can you see?” The woman, whose nametag read Nurse Altham, asked.
“I need….I need my glasses.”
“Here.” She said, passing them to him. He put them on, and began to intake everything much better. The walls were white, and the curtain around his bed was half closed, but he could see Daniel lying in the bed opposite, still unconscious, and hooked up to a drip and a heart monitor. He looked down to see he, too, was hooked up to a heart monitor and a drip.
“How long – How long have we been in here?” Jake asked.
“About two weeks.” Nurse Altham replied.
“Two weeks?!” Jake was taken aback, but just then a man with a black beard and black (Greying) hair wearing a long Doctor’s coat walked in.
“Ah! Hello young man! How are you feeling?” He asked.
“Better than I was when I first woke up, thank you.”
“Good, good. My name is Doctor Reynolds, and I was treating you.” The man said kindly. Then something else happened.
“Help!” Came from the bed next to Jake, which he couldn’t see because of the curtain, but he recognised the voice as that of Chelsea.
“Chelsea?” He shouted.
“Jake?” Came the answer.
“How are you?”
“I can’t see!”
“Nurse, please could you pull the curtain open.” Jake asked, and Nurse Altham pulled it back, and Jake saw Chelsea, laying in bed, and hooked up like the rest of them. She looked terrified.
“Jake?! Are you still there?”
“I’m here! Look, you need to relax, the same happened to me when I woke up.”
“Okay!” Chelsea shouted, and began to lie down. She then smiled, and looked at Jake, “Right, I can see now, thanks.”
“That’s okay.” Jake said. Doctor Reynolds pulled out a syringe.
“I need to take a blood sample, is that okay?” He asked.
“Go ahead.” Jake answered, and Doctor Reynolds stuck the needle in his arm. He pulled it out and turned to Nurse Altham.
“Nurse Altham, please would you run this up to diagnosis.” He asked.
“Sure.” She said, and bustled out of the room. Reynolds then went to Chelsea and began asking her the same questions.

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* * * * *​

Later on, Doctor Reynolds went up to the diagnosis room to see about the children.
“How are they doing?” He asked the chief scientist, Carl Roberts.
“Well, so far we’ve only analysed Jake’s blood.” He replied
“And?”
“They’re going to live, anyway.”
“Okay, so they’re fine.”
“Well –“
“What?”
“There are some abnormalities to his bloodstream.”
“Like what?”
“He has Electrons in it.”

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* * * * *​

That night, all the children where awake. Nurse Altham came in.
“Lights out now, okay?” She said.
“Okay.” They all replied in unison. Jake turned over to sleep. Later, however, he was woken by rain on the window. He looked up, and saw there was a thunderstorm. Lightning crashed somewhere in the city, and he thought he saw a face at the window, not unlike the face of Ryan Savage’s corpse. Jake swallowed a yelp of fear. He crept out of bed, and closed the curtains. He got back into bed, and turned over. But he couldn’t get back to sleep. What if he hadn’t have imagined the face? He thought, but then shook it off and closed his eyes once more.

 

[Climperoonie]

I'll neva give up til I get replies:
Chapter 3
Next morning, Nurse Altham returned.
“What would you like for breakfast?” She asked.
“Scrambled egg, please.” Jake answered, licking his lips.
“Yeah, same here thanks.” Daniel agreed.
“Frosted flakes would be nice, thanks.” Tara replied.
“Please may I have fried egg on toast.” Chelsea requested.
“Cor, wouldn’t mind some Cheese on toast.” Said Mike.
“Certainly, I’ll just get them for you.” Nurse Altham smiled, and walked out of the room again. They all sat in silence for a bit.
“How come the curtain’s closed?” Mike asked, “It wasn’t last night.”
“That was me, the lightning flashing kept waking me up.” Jake admitted, “I’ll go open them.”
He got out of bed and went over to the window. He pulled open the curtains, and outside it was just as gloomy and rainy as it was last night. Jake got back into bed.

* * * * *​

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Carl Roberts sat in his lab, wondering what it all meant. All the teenagers had abnormal blood streams; Jake had Electrons in his, Chelsea had very hot blood, Daniel’s DNA was made up a lot of H2O, Tara had lots of air in hers, and Michael’s blood cells where a lot like the molecules in soil.
“Carl….” He heard someone whisper. He turned round.
“Okay, who is this?” He shouted.
“I need you….I need your body….” He heard it again, and turned just as a skeletal being leapt at him. He screamed out as it began clawing at his head, and melted into his brain. Carl let out a scream, but then smiled.
“Now I have a suitable body, and poor Roberts’ knowledge.” He sneered, and walked over to the microscope. He took the blood samples from the teenagers, and poured them all into a beaker. He walked over to a shelf and took down a veil that said ‘Acidic liquid – Warning! Highly Dangerous’. Carl grinned and poured it all into the concoction. He pulled out a glass stirrer and mixed it up, before pouring it into a syringe.
“Let’s see if this will work.” Carl sneered, before sticking the syringe into his arm. The liquid drained out, and Carl grinned a triumphant grin. The he screamed. His muscles began flexing and bulking up. His teeth grew to hideous fangs and his eyes turned yellow. Veins popped all over his body and his skin turned a monstrous shade of red. His clothes and his lab coat were ripped and tattered. He dropped to the ground, just as Doctor Reynolds came in.
“Carl…?” He goggled.
“Carl is gone….” The beast sneered, and picked up a desk, “I am Savage!”
He roared and threw the desk at Reynolds, and it smacked into his stomach, sending him crashing out of the room and into the wall of the corridor, the desk smashing into his head. Savage threw back his head, and laughed a terrifying laugh. Nurse Altham walked in.
“Doctor Reynolds, is everything all—“ She screamed at the sight of Reynolds body.
“Everything’s just fine, Altham.” Savage grinned, showing his yellow teeth, “I’ll need you.”
Nurse Altham screamed as Savage leapt at her and grabbed her by the arm, and pulled her toward him. He bared his fangs and sunk them into her shoulder. Immediately, Altham’s skin started greying, and her hair began turning wispy and white. Her eyes sunk back and shrivelled up, until there were just black sockets, blankly staring up at the terrifying figure. Savage dropped the body, which hit the floor in a cloud of dust. Savage looked out into the corridor.
“Now for the kill.” He grinned, and bounded out.