What constitues an affair?

[kainedamo]

We aren't just speaking in terms of guys though. What's applicable to both sexes? For the most part, I agree with "look but don't touch." Unless its a case where its looking and loving but not touching. Like in that Hinder song. That, to me, would be an affair and by definition of affair, cheating.

It's applicable to both sexes exactly as I described.

No allowances should be allowed for either sex. Although, women should understand that men are very visual creatures, and therefore WILL look at other women.

However, like I said in my previous posts, there is a line. If a man is looking TOO much, he doesn't appreciate his girlfriend.

 

[X-Chick]

I don't think that's necessarily true. Some men just look because its their biological reaction to look.

 

[Kritish]

It's not an affair until you've had sex with them. I think the whole concept of "emotional affairs" is bull ****.

 

[X-Chick]

It's not an affair until you've had sex with them. I think the whole concept of "emotional affairs" is bull ****.

So you'd be fine if your girlfriend was in love with another man and talked to him all the time on the phone behind your back as long as she never gave him a ******* or slept with him?

 

[kainedamo]

It's not an affair until you've had sex with them. I think the whole concept of "emotional affairs" is bull ****.

It may not be cheating technically. But if your partner is displaying an unhealthy amount of interest in other people, either physically or emotionally, then that isn't very nice. Is it?

 

[X-Chick]

Um-kay, here's what I really want to know:

Hypothetically, a couple is in a serious, committed relationship. Married even. Then one of them starts talking to someone else they haven't talked to in a long time and they want that other person. They still completely love and adore their spouse, but can't help the desire for the other person. Are the two who are talking all the time, despite one being married, having an affair?

To add on to that, if they'd never done anything physical because they knew it would be wrong, would it still be an affair?

Of if they'd never done anything physical simply because they really couldn't but wanted to, is that an affair?

 

[Drakon]

Here's one for ya.

Guy [Jake] and girl [Sarah] are best friends, and were always supertight with one another. Jake ends up falling, marrying and starting a family with another woman [Mona], but is still kinda friends with Sarah, but she backs off since Mona makes her feel 'unwanted' She eventually goes into the military and leaves the area. Mona and Jake start falling apart, and Jake ends up trying extra hard to preserve the relationship for the kids' sake, but it's in vain. Jake ends up splitting and striking out on his own, and realizes that he was never really in love with Mona, but stayed with her out of feelings of responsibility for his children. He decides to look up Sarah, only to find out she's married and has a kid with a man who, according to her description, is exactly like Jake.

Would Jake have been having an affair, considering that he was pining for Sarah up to and including the time of separation, even though he didn't realize he had romantic feelings?

 

[X-Chick]

No.

 

[X-Chick]

Now someone answer mine.

 

[Drakon]

If you didn't read the thread, and refuse to, don't post in it. It's spam.

 

[Kyalesyin]

Drakon FTW!

 

[Drakon]

Are the two who are talking all the time, despite one being married, having an affair?

No, as far as I'm concerned. If that were the case, then any contact with the opposite sex [or same in homosexual relationships, or ANYONE when dealing with bisexuals] would constitute as an affair.

To add on to that, if they'd never done anything physical because they knew it would be wrong, would it still be an affair?

Then no. Attraction is human. Restraint is divine.

Or if they'd never done anything physical simply because they really couldn't but wanted to, is that an affair?

I'd still say no, only because I think of it like this. Wanting people to stop living isn't a crime, but ending their lives is. Same basic rule applies here.

 

[kainedamo]

Um-kay, here's what I really want to know:

Hypothetically, a couple is in a serious, committed relationship. Married even. Then one of them starts talking to someone else they haven't talked to in a long time and they want that other person. They still completely love and adore their spouse, but can't help the desire for the other person. Are the two who are talking all the time, despite one being married, having an affair?

Technically, it's not an affair. But if you're spouse wants someone that badly, you should dump them. You're spouse should love you and only you.

To add on to that, if they'd never done anything physical because they knew it would be wrong, would it still be an affair?

Again, if nothing physical happens it's not an affair. But it is not fair on you if you're spouse badly wants to sleep with another woman, even if he hasn't actually done it. If this isn't so hypothetical, I'm sorry, but you need to dump him.

Of if they'd never done anything physical simply because they really couldn't but wanted to, is that an affair?

Technically not an affair. But if they want to THAT badly, dump your spouse.

 

[X-Chick]

Its kind of hilarious that people are automatically assuming its all him. Don't worry, its just hypothetical. My fiance is completely devoted to me.

 

[hotmail]

So me and someone were discussing this: what constitutes an affair?

Does physical desire for someone else, without any action count? What about a strong emotional connection with someone without any physical contact? What about physical intimacy, but without any feelings? What about a one night stand? How about phone or Internet sex? What about distance (the different time zone thing)? Are affairs limited to only those who are married or do they apply everyone? For that matter, how would you define "affair?"

It's perfectly normal to momentarily allow oneself to wander or get caught up with another person, aside from your significant other. It's when you choose wander to the point of pulling away from your significant other to be with another person that constitutes a break in the relationship.

For example, it's normal to let your eye wander when you see a cute girl or guy, but when you go get their telephone numbers or send them email telling them that you're attracted to them that it becomes a problem.

 

[Cаrter]

If you're in different zip codes, it isn't cheating

 

[hotmail]

If you're in different zip codes, it isn't cheating

What if you're both in different zip codes, but just across the street from each other?

 

[Cаrter]

Not cheating

 

[SentinelMind]

It's not an affair until you've had sex with them. I think the whole concept of "emotional affairs" is bull ****.

I have to agree with this.

Or for the semantic people..."its not cheating until its physical"...

 

[SentinelMind]

Here's one for ya.

Guy [Jake] and girl [Sarah] are best friends, and were always supertight with one another. Jake ends up falling, marrying and starting a family with another woman [Mona], but is still kinda friends with Sarah, but she backs off since Mona makes her feel 'unwanted' She eventually goes into the military and leaves the area. Mona and Jake start falling apart, and Jake ends up trying extra hard to preserve the relationship for the kids' sake, but it's in vain. Jake ends up splitting and striking out on his own, and realizes that he was never really in love with Mona, but stayed with her out of feelings of responsibility for his children. He decides to look up Sarah, only to find out she's married and has a kid with a man who, according to her description, is exactly like Jake.

Would Jake have been having an affair, considering that he was pining for Sarah up to and including the time of separation, even though he didn't realize he had romantic feelings?

That can't be an affair. An affair has to be mutual and both have to pursue each other, and two people pining for each other but not pursuing each other is not an affair. It's not even clear from this description Sarah is pursuing Jake, despite them being great friends.

 

[X-Chick]

No, as far as I'm concerned. If that were the case, then any contact with the opposite sex [or same in homosexual relationships, or ANYONE when dealing with bisexuals] would constitute as an affair.

Contact is one thing, emotional attachment is another.

Then no. Attraction is human. Restraint is divine.

Yeah, I pretty much agree that it wouldn't be cheating if they choose not to act on it.

I'd still say no, only because I think of it like this. Wanting people to stop living isn't a crime, but ending their lives is. Same basic rule applies here.

I don't think its that black and white. As for your murder analogy, wanting someone to die isn't a crime, but telling them how you're going to kill them is. So if the same basic rules apply, wanting someone is one thing and not cheating. Wanting someone and talking to them about you want them and telling them all the nasty little things you'd do to them if you could is.

 

[Drakon]

Sorry, Sentinel. Sarah and Jake both were pining for each other. However, Jake never said anything to Sarah because he felt he had to do the right thing with Mona. Sarah never said anything because she didn't want to put Jake in the position of choosing between her and his kid [since his wife was already treating him like puree'd dog****].

Contact is one thing, emotional attachment is another.

I meant "could", not "would". I was referring to the idea that it's not an affair. Could lead into one, but not one.

I don't think its that black and white. As for your murder analogy, wanting someone to die isn't a crime, but telling them how you're going to kill them is. So if the same basic rules apply, wanting someone is one thing and not cheating. Wanting someone and talking to them about you want them and telling them all the nasty little things you'd do to them if you could is.

 

[SentinelMind]

ok, they both had secret, subconscious love for each other....but neither pursued the other...Sarah went away and to some extent lost contact How can that possibly be an affair?

Are you saying if two people have a crush on each other, but keep it a secret from each other, they're having an affair?

 

[Drakon]

No, I was asking people if they thought that constituted as an affair.

Also, keep in mind that the guy she married and had a kid with was practically a carbon copy of Jake.

 

[FRUITY]

No, I was asking people if they thought that constituted as an affair.

Also, keep in mind that the guy she married and had a kid with was practically a carbon copy of Jake.

I think I saw this episode on Dawson's Creek.

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