Why Men Are No Longer Willing To Marry.

[ObakeTora]

Sorry, but that whole post is absolute rubbish. Maybe if you didn't have idiots for friends, then your outlook on marriage would be different.

You are right. My parents and grandparents were crazy about each other. My grandparents stayed together for 60 years until they died, and mom and dad stayed together for 40 years until he died in 1998. The biggest aspect people seem to forget is that your not suppose to marry for convenience, you have to be crazy about that person and that person has to be crazy about you.

Another thing, what most women do not realize is that they "are" the superior sex (emotionally.) Why we men are strong, most of us have fragile psyches and egos. The man mentioned in the first post of this thread may have been considered "too weak" for her tastes, and maybe she felt like a babysitter instead of a wife. Thats where communication comes into play.

 

[jaguarr]

No I'm not lumping women,.. I'm lumping concequences and the general feeling by single males who are considering marriage.

Yeah, not really getting that sense. Seems more like pigeon-holing an entire gender to me in how it's being communicated.

Devils advocate:
If you are shacking up with and cheerfully engaged in sexual relations with a female that you love, why exactly are you going to marry her?

Pat answer: To make your association official.

Cynical answer : To please her and reassure her that you won't bail the first time she gets knocked up.

Even single males in love have thought of answer number two. From engagement to the honeymoon,.... It was all about my wife. It wasn't about "us" except when I stepped to the plate and said "I do." Other than that it was "her day".

Third answer: Because we both wanted to marry as a ritual and symbol of our commitment to one another, not because it made us "official" or because it would "make her happy". It was OUR day and we loved sharing every moment of it together.

Marriage in the eyes of our families made our love "official". I didn't need it. She didn't need it - My wife loved me and was willing to do w/o,... but she appreciated and wanted marriage enough that given the choice she prefered it.

(what am I trying to say?)

Your own experience shows that there's as many answers and reasons for people getting married as their are couples that do so, not just the two options presented above.

no.
It's much more than "just his experiences". It's happening enough to write articles about,.. happening enough to give too many single men pause. IF, (in capitals) , IF this happens as they say,.. one in four males getting blindsided, then I'd think "25%" of men getting divorced in this drive - by - version is more than an isolated experience.

Yes. It is about his experiences and nothing more. It's taking someone's bad experience, finding others who have also had bad experiences, and then trying to develop blanket statements about women and marriage and apply them to everyone, which is fallible at best. And who is this "they" that says one in four males is getting blindsided? And where are their statistics coming from? Why doesn't the author of the article or "they" take into consideration that it takes TWO people to make a marriage work and it's not all the woman's fault? That there are things that they did (or did not do) that directly and indirectly contributed to the downfall of their own marriages and relationships? Peculiar that piece is neglected.

No doubt - I already admitted that there is a flip side to this,... sumbody needs to find an article discussing the same thing.

Maybe someone will if they feel like they need to read up on that.

meh
Mantra for this thread : "Choose carefully."

That's a mantra for life, really.

Can we agree that some women need to be taught?

I can agree that some PEOPLE are so dense that they need to be taught what is sometimes obvious to many others, regardless of gender.

No doubt,.. but you need to get them as soon as they mess up.
this delayed mess - or wasting my money putting them up for years when a good beating would serve better - is for the birds.

you match "caveman mode for caveman mode" if violence is what they understand,.. hold the convo in caveman then.


V.

There are certain aspects of a "less civil" society that are sorely missed these days, particularly where the criminally negligent or malicious are concerned.

jag

 

[Moviefan2k4]

I read the story at the OP's link, and found it very disheartening. the ex-wife seems to be a controlling, manipulative, greedy wench influenced by evil as well as her own foolishness. Her ex-husband has been crushed because of this, and from what the story says (which isn't much, truthfully), it sounds as if he'll be dealing with this for years to come...all because of a spiritual enemy working through an already-stressed situation.

 

[Varient]

Because you can turn the sound off?

Scary.

The noise is one of the indicators of how you are doing,....

I could get graphic but I think we have rules here on what you can describe and how you describe it if it's between male and female.

(Bitter - I do note that it is okay to get graphic here in same sex situations.)

V.

 

[terry78]

Most people I know, including my own family members have yet to get married but are shacking up because, in their words, "we don't need a label to define our love". So in essence why do we need to take that step and need that piece of paper to justify how we feel is their argument. To the more cynical, shacking up basically is saying, if this **** doesn't work out, we have an escape clause.

 

[Varient]

Most people I know, including my own family members have yet to get married but are shacking up because, in their words, "we don't need a label to define our love". So in essence why do we need to take that step and need that piece of paper to justify how we feel is their argument. To the more cynical, shacking up basically is saying, if this **** doesn't work out, we have an escape clause.

Well,....

That is one of my points in this convo.

Single,... living together is safer for most males, Married,... living together benifits women and any offspring you may have together.
(opinion - based on couples around me who have been married or unmarried for years.)

Marriage legitmizes children in the eyes of society and tries to ensure their care thru binding the family unit together.

Single living together appears to keep couples on their best behavior - there are folk who will try harder to stay with a boy/girl friend than with a spouse, (I find this backwards.)

Married couples spend too much time drawing lines of AOR, (Areas of responsibility), that interfere with living but gives one spouse or the other the warm and fuzzies.

One couple married each other twice,... divorced twice. From the outside looking in,... they couldn't cohabitate while married.

I still don't get it.

V.

 

[bell110]

I too don't get the distinction between living with someone for the rest of your life, and marrying someone. Someone people tell me WHY being married is better then just living together, without talking about religion (I'm looking at you Moviefan)

 

[The Lizard]

Lizzy no...

I'm sorry.

Eh -- such is life sometimes, despite our best efforts. The divorce was final over a year ago, and my ex has now moved out of state and remarried and got pregnant (although not in that order). It pretty much seems like your life is devastated when this happens, especially if you didn't see it coming. I'm just glad there weren't kids involved.

BUT -- one's life is never devastated permanently. You just have to walk a different path. And walk hard.

 

[Varient]

Yeah, not really getting that sense. Seems more like pigeon-holing an entire gender to me in how it's being communicated.



Yes. It is about his experiences and nothing more. It's taking someone's bad experience, finding others who have also had bad experiences, and then trying to develop blanket statements about women and marriage and apply them to everyone, which is fallible at best. And who is this "they" that says one in four males is getting blindsided? And where are their statistics coming from? Why doesn't the author of the article or "they" take into consideration that it takes TWO people to make a marriage work and it's not all the woman's fault? That there are things that they did (or did not do) that directly and indirectly contributed to the downfall of their own marriages and relationships? Peculiar that piece is neglected.




Maybe someone will if they feel like they need to read up on that.



That's a mantra for life, really.



I can agree that some PEOPLE are so dense that they need to be taught what is sometimes obvious to many others, regardless of gender.



There are certain aspects of a "less civil" society that are sorely missed these days, particularly where the criminally negligent or malicious are concerned.

jag

Comments in order of the above:

It probably comes off more hostile than intended - I made the mistake of listening to a group of men in the break room complaining about the holiday.
Seeing the article kinda jelled into my posting it here and reading how others felt.

I will take the time outside work to track down "they" and post the source.
(chuckle @ the ever present,.. all knowing "they".)

Knowledge is power and that person will never see the need unless they recieve outside stimuli that requires them to read up on it.
I know of many horror stories of men abandoning their families, but none of men destroying their families like this - deciding on divorce as soon as things finally leveling out, taking steps to damage and ruin the offending spouse because they can,.... most men in my experience who divorce just want to "get away" from the woman they no longer want. So I would be interested if someone with more knowledge would step up to challenge the view put by this article.

A mantra for life? heh,........... One of many.
Thats another thread,... I have ten + myself.

I'll take that as a yes.

Truth.
I accept I'm a monster by todays standards,.. I could see a person dead for raping / killing children,... killing for gang rep,... murder for personal gain.

I could maim or bankrupt for negligence, (Drunk driver cripples or kills someone,...Do the same to him/her regardless of their station in life.).

I believe in civilians packing because it would make the average criminal pause.

V.

(Not nice at all. )

 

[Obi-Ron]

Scary.

The noise is one of the indicators of how you are doing,....

I could get graphic but I think we have rules here on what you can describe and how you describe it if it's between male and female.

(Bitter - I do note that it is okay to get graphic here in same sex situations.)

V.

I think you missed the point, I was making a "women talk too much" joke, but it's not funny if I have to explain it.

 

[Varient]

I think you missed the point, I was making a "women talk too much" joke, but it's not funny if I have to explain it.

My bad,... I was looking for why internet sex was comparable to the real thing and missed my cue.

I only time I feel women may talk too much is when they are performing oral and pause for tips.



V.

 

[Dorian Gray]

I'm not afraid of marriage I just don't see a relationsip of mine lasting long enough to get or even stay married..

 

[Varient]

http://drhelen.blogspot.com/2007/12/sudden-divorce-syndrome.html

sigh,...

I WAS going to post every article on this topic via google,.. but there are literaly tens of articles talking about the one I did post.


MEH.

 

[Bill]

I too don't get the distinction between living with someone for the rest of your life, and marrying someone. Someone people tell me WHY being married is better then just living together, without talking about religion (I'm looking at you Moviefan)

The distinction is actually significant. You have none of the legal reprocussions should the relationship turn sour when you aren't legally bound in marriage. As a couple simply living together, you part. With marriage, the division of property is convoluted unless it is amicable, and matters are complicated even further with children.

The government allows certain advantages for married couples for tax purposes. Credit is easier for a married couple, especially for large purchases such as a house or car.

I think there is also a psychological difference in the two. But I also think that the pros and cons are dependent on the experiences of the two in the relationship. Some may work harder to make a marriage work during a tough time, while others may like the lack of pressure in trying to keep a marriage together.

I think it should be up to the couple to decide what course they feel would benefit their relationship the best. But there is a push by society toward a legally bound relationship.

 

[Obi-Ron]

I only time I feel women may talk too much is when they are performing oral and pause for tips.



V.

I didn't know I was supposed to tip them.

 

[Metamorpho1977]

I'm willing, what are you doing on Monday, Tzarinna?

 

[bell110]

The distinction is actually significant. You have none of the legal reprocussions should the relationship turn sour when you aren't legally bound in marriage. As a couple simply living together, you part. With marriage, the division of property is convoluted unless it is amicable, and matters are complicated even further with children.

The government allows certain advantages for married couples for tax purposes. Credit is easier for a married couple, especially for large purchases such as a house or car.

I think there is also a psychological difference in the two. But I also think that the pros and cons are dependent on the experiences of the two in the relationship. Some may work harder to make a marriage work during a tough time, while others may like the lack of pressure in trying to keep a marriage together.

I think it should be up to the couple to decide what course they feel would benefit their relationship the best. But there is a push by society toward a legally bound relationship.

Yeah, I realize the legal reasons for marrage. I was talking more about the psychological/emotional reasons.

 

[ANTOINE X]

You are right. My parents and grandparents were crazy about each other. My grandparents stayed together for 60 years until they died, and mom and dad stayed together for 40 years until he died in 1998. The biggest aspect people seem to forget is that your not suppose to marry for convenience, you have to be crazy about that person and that person has to be crazy about you.


Now thats not entirely true I m not an expert on relation ship cause I f*** up a lot of them. But from what I learn is that love is something really short and the ''crazy about U'' thing generally doesn't last long so U have to be inventive so that the relation stays healthy...and that part is not easy. Maybe your parent were in love like crazy for 40 years but this is really rare especially today.

 

[ANTOINE X]

Actually I Think wedding shouldn't be a big thing , I mean financially speaking.t:

 

[Metamorpho1977]

My grandparents were together forever. Almost literally, they were in school from preschool until they got married before he went to WW2. Then when he came back, they were reunited in one of those classic romantic moments in Times Square. They were married from before WW2 until before she died in 1991. He even promised to take care of her mother who hated him up until she died.

 

[Badger]

Now thats not entirely true I m not an expert on relation ship cause I f*** up a lot of them. But from what I learn is that love is something really short and the ''crazy about U'' thing generally doesn't last long so U have to be inventive so that the relation stays healthy...and that part is not easy. Maybe your parent were in love like crazy for 40 years but this is really rare especially today.

Marriage requires work and constant maintence, that has never changed. If anyone relies on 'yesterday' to show their love 'today', then their marriage is doomed.

 

[Addendum]

He even promised to "take care of her mother"

t:

 

[Metamorpho1977]

not like that.

 

[ANTOINE X]

Marriage requires work and constant maintence, that has never changed. If anyone relies on 'yesterday' to show their love 'today', then their marriage is doomed.

But its worse today!

 

[Addendum]

But its worse today!

SERENITY NOW!!!!