Why Stay Single?

[PyroChamber]

For anyone here who is single, what would say your reasoning for being single is? Maybe it's a choice, or just bad luck.

Me personally, as much as I would love to have a girlfriend; I don't have the energy to deal with being around someone without them annoying me quickly.

Plus, I kinda like living selfishly.

 

[Schlosser85]

I'm not single by choice.

 

[twylight]

I've been on both sides, single by circumstances and by choice. I'd say I'm single by choice despite the fact that the circumstance happened back in January that propagated it. The relationship took it's toll on my studies and other personal interests. Right now I'm not interested in having to emotionally or physically invest in anyone except myself. I have too many things to focus on and finish to have to worry about a relationship. So even if something presented itself I'd turn it down.

 

[RedSkull]

Im single by choice. My last girlfriend was rude and terrible and I'm happy enough with myself and my life that I don't need someone to make me happy.

 

[SpideyVille]

I used to think it was just some really bad and horrible luck because I could never get past the "liking" a girl part without something going completely wrong in ways that only I could be capable of, but after looking back at things with a clearer sense of perspective, I've come to look at everything as a blessing in disguise, especially since a lot of the girls I've went after turned out to be completely different people than when I started to like them. Plus, I've realized that I'm a complete mess on my own and I would hate to put that on someone else. So for the moment it's a bit more of a choice, even though I still remain a hopeless romantic who will someday, hopefully soon, find that one special person.

 

[Anita18]

My bf and I are super-chill and we've never fought, but I gotta say, it's REALLY nice having a soothing long drive by yourself, blasting loud music and singing at the top of your lungs. He doesn't like noise so by my own choice, I've never played piano or sung in his presence...and I've actually had training in both. I'd just feel bad about bothering him, but that's part of my personality in general anyway. I'm always afraid I'm bothering people.

I was single for a LONG time (years and years), because I thought I didn't have time and wouldn't be able to put in the effort etc, but I've learned that if you meet the right person, you'll feel comfortable in setting boundaries and being around each other all the time without going insane. It won't feel like work, because you'll feel comfortable enough to not be worried about what the other person will think.

Like, my bf is a super-duper introverted hermit-type and I'm pretty sure I'm the only person he can stand being around for hours. It helps I'm quiet and do my own thing too. You just gotta know yourself, and know what you're willing and not willing to compromise. One of my friends always has these stories about how she attracts awkward guys and I'm just about the point of asking her what's wrong with awkward guys if she's complaining how she's still single. Not all awkward guys are total creepsters! Usually they're just cute-awkward.

Don't get me wrong, staying single is a totally cool decision. But if the reason why someone is single is because they're bitter, hurt, or jaded, isn't that healthy IMO. But everyone figures out their own life stuff in time...

 

[The Apocalypse]

Simple answer. You really can't get hurt when you're single.

 

[Erzengel]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay single but I wonder if the people who seem to make excuses as to why they don't want to be in a relationship, actually meet an incredible person and turn them down because of their stance.

 

[Hound55]

Well, you can go with this:

I was single for a LONG time (years and years), because I thought I didn't have time and wouldn't be able to put in the effort etc, but I've learned that if you meet the right person, you'll feel comfortable in setting boundaries and being around each other all the time without going insane. It won't feel like work, because you'll feel comfortable enough to not be worried about what the other person will think.

Or you can go with that:

There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay single but I wonder if the people who seem to make excuses as to why they don't want to be in a relationship, actually meet an incredible person and turn them down because of their stance.

 

[Hobgoblin]

For anyone here who is single, what would say your reasoning for being single is? Maybe it's a choice, or just bad luck.

Me personally, as much as I would love to have a girlfriend; I don't have the energy to deal with being around someone without them annoying me quickly.

Plus, I kinda like living selfishly.

I'm a lot like that. I guess I'd be willing to date, if I could find someone I were interested in. I just dont put in the effort. I'm not going to date someone just to date someone.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Upside of being single: There's excitement and a fun uncertainty when you hit the town... what might happen tonight? Maybe I'll meet (and shag?) a new girl? Life is a bit unpredictable. Plus there's freedom.

Downside of being single: It's sweet for a while, but ultimately hollow and unfulfilling. Like those chocolate bunnies you get at Easter. There's something so damn lonely about being single too... even if you can do what you want, there's less purpose. Being single and having meaningless sex loses its appeal especially as you get older, like late 20's, early 30's.

Disclaimer: I'm single now, but recently broke up and broke off my engagement with my girlfriend of 3 years.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Hmmm am I single by choice or not?

Well I dunno. I wouldn't say no if a hot guy asked me out. I'm not impervious to falling for someone if i find myself really attractive to their character.

But I'm not looking for it obsessively.

Everyone gets lonely. But at this time in my life I think it's better for me to be single. I like having my own plan, my own space and my own freedom. I love being able to do whatever the hell I please.

Only one man ever took that away from me, and he ended up cheating on me with a couple of my male friends.

So it'll have to be someone pretty awesome to get me to give up my independence for them again.

 

[Erzengel]

I've always wanted to be with someone since I was in Elementary School. I always had a crush on someone. I guess I probably "idealized" relationships up until high school/college, but I always wanted to date or be in a relationship.

Even when I wanted to be "single", I still was seeing people. I can't imagine being just happy for extended periods of time without being with someone at least intimately.

 

[Donut]

Life ends up being cheaper & no type of drama that belongs on daytime television

 

[PyroChamber]

I'm a lot like that. I guess I'd be willing to date, if I could find someone I were interested in. I just dont put in the effort. I'm not going to date someone just to date someone.

That's another thing, there's just no one I'm attracted to. The only women I see on a daily basis are the women I work with and they do nothing for me.

 

[SuperFerret]

I've been on both sides, single by circumstances and by choice. I'd say I'm single by choice despite the fact that the circumstance happened back in January that propagated it. The relationship took it's toll on my studies and other personal interests. Right now I'm not interested in having to emotionally or physically invest in anyone except myself. I have too many things to focus on and finish to have to worry about a relationship. So even if something presented itself I'd turn it down.

I've been this for the last six months or so, but now I'm considering getting back on the prowl, depending on whether or not I go back to school and wind up moving again.

Simple answer. You really can't get hurt when you're single.

Simple answer, yes, and like most simple answers it misses a lot. You can get hurt when you're single, even if you're not actively looking. Trust me, I know.

 

[Erzengel]

That's another thing, there's just no one I'm attracted to. The only women I see on a daily basis are the women I work with and they do nothing for me.

Well, it's always about putting yourself out there and trying to put yourself in a situation to meet people. If all you do is going to work and then coming home, how do you expect to meet people that way?

 

[PyroChamber]

Well, it's always about putting yourself out there and trying to put yourself in a situation to meet people. If all you do is going to work and then coming home, how do you expect to meet people that way?

I don't know, it's usually all I have time for.

And maybe I'm the only one, but I'm not the type of person that can just talk or start a conversation with a total stranger.

 

[Erzengel]

Well there are lots of different ways to meet people.

It's not always just a cold meet up at some bar or party etc.

You could meet people through friends and families, join local community clubs, if you go to religious services, I'm sure there are some sort of Single Meet Ups, and lastly, there's the internet.

There are options out there.

 

[Anita18]

I've always wanted to be with someone since I was in Elementary School. I always had a crush on someone. I guess I probably "idealized" relationships up until high school/college, but I always wanted to date or be in a relationship.

Even when I wanted to be "single", I still was seeing people. I can't imagine being just happy for extended periods of time without being with someone at least intimately.

It can depend on your level of extrovertedness. Planning dates is pretty exhausting for me. Plus the smart women I know are super picky. I still have some awesome female friends who've been single the entire time I've known them. I was actually surprised my sister actually found someone as smart (and vocal about it) as she is. She's way more extroverted than I am so she's definitely dated around more than I have, but never to the point of being physically intimate with them. Just checking them out personality-wise.

Speaking as an extreme introvert, internet is always a good place to go. At the very least you know the other party's interested in dating you.

 

[PyroChamber]

Dating sites are tricky, you never know who's there to actually meet someone or who's there just for attention.

 

[RedSkull]

second answer: I guess I'm single because Michelle Rodriguez is a lesbian

 

[Erzengel]

Planning dates was never such an arduous task for me. I mean you know what's around you, you know a thing or 2 about the person, you plan accordingly. She likes the beach, take her to the beach.

 

[Erzengel]

Dating sites are tricky, you never know who's there to actually meet someone or who's there just for attention.

Dating sites aren't sure bets. It's like dating in real life, just the "bar or club" you're at is the internet. It's all a weeding process, you sign up and start talking to a person, find out more about them, if what they reveal is interesting towards you, continue, if not, move on.

 

[Anita18]

Dating sites are tricky, you never know who's there to actually meet someone or who's there just for attention.

Or for a straight woman, which guys just want to get in your pants. IME it's very easy to tell when you start chatting with them online. But as a petite woman raised by paranoid Asian parents, I have a very well-developed sense of intuition, especially for weeding out creepsters.

Planning dates was never such an arduous task for me. I mean you know what's around you, you know a thing or 2 about the person, you plan accordingly. She likes the beach, take her to the beach.

It's not just the planning thing, it's the "gotta make room in my schedule OMG will I have time to get ready and get there and what if we have trouble finding each other and geez now I have to think of good conversation starters" that are exhausting for an introvert.