Woman Stabs Man With Ceramic Squirrel

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

A South Carolina woman was arrested Wednesday for stabbing her common-law husband in the chest with a ceramic squirrel. His offense? Returning home without beer on Christmas Eve.

Helen Ann Williams, 44, of Charleston, S.C., has been charged with criminal domestic violence of a high and aggravated nature after police responded to a 911 call from the victim. She's also being charged—in the court of public opinion—for decorating her home with ceramic rodents.

According to the police report, Williams' husband was unable to purchase beer early Wednesday morning because stores were closed after midnight. After returning home and informing her of this fact, he began making himself a sandwich. Enraged by the lack of beer on Christmas Eve or perhaps her husband's sandwich-making in the face of disaster, Williams picked up a ceramic squirrel, hit him in the head, and then stabbed him in the chest.

Officers first arrived at the scene and noticed scratches on the man's face and a "large amount of blood smeared across his upper body and down his arms." When they took off his shirt, police also noticed a large gash in the man's chest. Rather than admit her role in the squirrel attack, Williams initially told police her husband must have fallen. The officers had a difficult time believing in an accidental squirrel impaling as Williams' hands and clothes were also covered in blood.

The police arrested Williams and she was held at the Charleston County Jail under a $10,000 bond. The man was treated at a local hospital for non-life-threatening wounds. And the squirrel learned a very important lesson: always stock the house with more than enough alcohol before Christmas.

I know it sucks this guy got stabbed and all but this really made me laugh! And I was surprised it wasn't Florida t:

 

[Piper Maru]

This is nuts.

 

[Maximus One]

Women have really had it with sandwiches, haven't they?! We go to make our own and they still can't deal with it!

 

[Schlosser85]

 

[The Squirrel]

I have no words.

 

[Thundercrack85]

The odd part is that people assume that beer would have made things turn out better.

 

[Immortalfire]

he began making himself a sandwich. Enraged by the lack of beer on Christmas Eve or perhaps her husband's sandwich-making in the face of disaster

No beer = disaster!

 

[Lantern Venom]

People and their alcohol =

Go to bed next time, Squirrel lady, so you might have the cognitive functioning to make better decisions.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

This was an interesting thing SOMEONE ELSE shoved into another person's body.

 

[charl_huntress]

I have no words.

Heheeh...lol

 

[Feenix]

This is nuts.

She's clearly a nutty woman.

 

[Xeno]

Okay, so not only did this man fail to provide his wife with the promised beer, he then waltzed into the house and calmly started making himself a sandwich? No wonder she went at him with the sharp end of a squirrel. The least he could have done was made her a sandwich, too. That might have distracted her from the DTs long enough for him to make his escape.

 

[KevanG]

For some reason I can just picture her waiting in the hallway outside the door, squirrel in hand, ready to run at him as soon as he says he forgot the beer. Her running and leaping at him, screaming like a warrior princess and attacking, squirrel in hand.

 

[Teelie]

At least it wasn't a live squirrel. One she trained to sic her husband when he doesn't bring home the beer.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

The answer is to train the squirrels to go get the beer for you. Teach the squirrel how to work a debit card, and BOOM! Beer delivery for the price of peanuts.

 

[Teelie]

Until the squirrel realizes it can just buy its own nuts at the store with the card and maxes it out on cashews.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Until the squirrel realizes it can just buy its own nuts at the store with the card and maxes it out on cashews.

"Honey, what is this huge bill from NUT EMPORIUM all about?"

 

[Duran Man]

Poor squirrel.

 

[chamber-music]

Crazy squirrel domestic abuse!

 

[NickNitro]

I missed you DJ, coming back to the Hype after Christmas vacation and you have produced yet another gem.

 

[Duke]

There is a shortage of beer & the whole world goes ape.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

I missed you DJ, coming back to the Hype after Christmas vacation and you have produced yet another gem.

Ya had some family time, I'd been looking for stories to post to but it had been slow on the news front. Luckily the crazies always come out around new year t: