<< 2º WRITING Competition! >>

Discussion in 'X-Men 1, 2 & 3' started by Angamb, Aug 8, 2007.

  1. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2005
    Messages:
    13,348
    Likes Received:
    0
    2º Writing Competition


    Theme:


    A scene involving the cure. Some scene that would have been nice, made X3 better, developed a bit more certain character/s, make the plot more powerfull, interesting... anyway, the scene you want involving the cure.​


    Rules:


    - Only one entry per member.
    - Post only the finished version.
    - The scene should be a new one, not one from the movie rewrited.
    - Should fit the film, so you can't write something that would have repercussions in the next scenes seen in the real movie, and would end modifying them.​
    - Limit: No more than 40 lines of text. Just don't make very large scenes, because with all the entries, people would get tired soon, and at least in my opinion, short scenes are always better for reading, so no large scenes, please, hehe. And if you use spaces often, would be better for the reading too :yay:
    - The winner will decide the theme of the next competition.

    Deadline:


    September 8th, 12 p.m. GMT.



    Good luck! :yay:

    ________________________________________________​

    Entries to date:

    TKing: http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=12448036&postcount=6

    ToriL90: http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=12578603&postcount=75

    BoBByJoMo: http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=12453601&postcount=15

    snwboarder88: http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=12607095&postcount=80

    xphoenix forcex: http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=12625963&postcount=89

    Angamb: http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=12676982&postcount=100

    La She-Beast: http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=12688006&postcount=107
     
  2. La_She-Beast

    La_She-Beast Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2006
    Messages:
    1,835
    Likes Received:
    0
    lol 2º... I'll se if I can do something :)
     
  3. ToriL90

    ToriL90 Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2007
    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've got a cure scene in my X4 script. Does it have to be an X3 scene?
     
  4. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2005
    Messages:
    13,348
    Likes Received:
    0
    yes, yes. Forgot to name X3, but definetly is a X3 comp, that's why is in this board, hehe.
     
  5. ToriL90

    ToriL90 Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2007
    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    0
    Okay, cool. :word: I'll get on that right after I finish my manip entry. ;)
     
  6. TKing

    TKing Registered

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2006
    Messages:
    6,865
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is a short piece I've had locked away in my files for some time. I suppose it's relevant here. It's primarily about the cure, it's effects on a particular character (Angel) and different attitudes to it (Storm).

    As a film scene, this would appear shortly after Logan leaves the mansion to find Jean.

    My entry:

    INT. XAVIER&#8217;S MANSION &#8211; STUDY &#8211; DAY

    Warren peruses keenly through the office. Storm watches from the doorway.

    WARREN
    You know my father had an office like this. He spent most of his time in one.

    He FROWNS&#8230; saddened -- gazes out the window.

    WARREN (CONT&#8217;D)
    In fact&#8230; all of his time.

    STORM
    Warren, you can&#8217;t blame yourself for what your father did.

    WARREN
    I don&#8217;t. I blame these.

    He indicates his feathering WINGS, concealed hastily underneath his top.

    STORM
    I know it might not be my place&#8230; but this mutation -- this gift was given to you for a reason. You&#8217;re meant to do great things with it.

    WARREN
    Says who? All they&#8217;ve ever caused me is pain and suffering.

    STORM
    (Thoughtfully)
    Then why didn&#8217;t you take the cure?

    WARREN
    My father thought he was doing what&#8217;s best for his family. When all he could think about was what&#8217;s best for his family name.

    STORM
    My power did great things for people, Warren. It brought hope to them, when they had none. There&#8217;s no reason why yours can&#8217;t do the same.

    She raises a gentle hand, touches Warren&#8217;s shoulder warmly. Slowly, he&#8230; SMILES.

    WARREN
    Are all the teachers this nice around here?

    Suddenly her expression changes. A truth revealed. A look of loss and longing overcomes her.

    STORM
    I&#8217;m not sure we have any teachers left.
     
  7. ToriL90

    ToriL90 Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2007
    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    0
    Beautiful! In my X4, I'm digging deeper into Warren's feelings about his mutation and his father. :yay:
     
  8. TKing

    TKing Registered

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2006
    Messages:
    6,865
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks Toril. :D It's a scene which I think provides more development for Warren and expands on Storm's view on the cure - hopefully portraying her more than just a whiny *****.
     
  9. flavio_lebeau

    flavio_lebeau Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2004
    Messages:
    5,326
    Likes Received:
    1
    :eek:

    You know this is actually very good. Unlike most fan written scenes, this just looks professionaly written. And the last line is just really beautiful, sad and powerful. Congrats.
     
  10. ToriL90

    ToriL90 Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2007
    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    0
    I just wrote one in this one now. This scene would have come some time before Xavier's death, but some time after Rogue hears about the cure. Probably right before the Logan-Jean makeout scene.

    ----------

    INT. XAVIER’S MANSION – 1ST FLOOR HALLWAY – EVENING

    Rogue walks down the hallway, stopping at the doorway outside the game room. She looks inside. Bobby and Kitty are playing table hockey together, against two other students. As Rogue watches them, she remembers when she and Bobby were first courting, playing that game together. She recognizes his expression, and she remembers herself in Kitty's shoes.

    Bobby reaches past Kitty's hand to grab one of the knobs. Their bare hands touch. He pauses, and looks up at Kitty. They smile at each other.

    ROGUE: "Bobby."

    Bobby turns suddenly to see Rogue. He didn't know she was watching. He looks down at his hand, and quickly pulls away from Kitty. He is ashamed.

    ROGUE: "Bobby, could we talk for a minute?"

    BOBBY: "Sure, Rogue. Uh... See you later, Kitty."

    Bobby meets Rogue in the hallway. They walk away from the doorway to talk privately.

    ROGUE: "I was gonna apologize for jumping down your throat the other day, but what was that?"

    BOBBY: "What was what?" *Pause* "What? Kitty? Do you really think I'm cheating on-"

    ROGUE: *Cutting Bobby off* "No, no. If I thought you were, I'da dumped you a long time ago."

    BOBBY: *Sarcastic* "Well, thanks."

    ROGUE: "But... Do you want to?"

    Bobby pauses for about 3 seconds. Finally, he scoffs, puts his hands on his hips in an offended gesture, then answers.

    BOBBY: "No. I don't."

    ROGUE: *Wounded* "Right..." *Pause, becoming angry* "It took you long enough to answer."

    BOBBY: "Because I couldn't believe you'd ask that!"

    ROGUE: "What kind of idiot do you think I am?! Our first month, you were all over me-"

    BOBBY: "That was three years ago!"

    ROGUE: *Putting her hands up in a mocking "afraid" gesture* "And you certainly haven't 'pushed me' since! You've hardly laid a hand on me."

    BOBBY: "What do you want? You want me to kill myself so you don't feel bad?!"

    ROGUE: *Taking off her gloves, speaking sarcastically* "Yeah! Let's get it on, Bobby!"

    Bobby sighs and walks away, angry. Rogue calms down after he leaves, becoming sad. She looks down at her bare hands, slowly rubbing them.

    ----------

    This scene is designed to:
    a) Further demonstrate the communication breakdown between Rogue and Bobby since Boston, citing that event as the "beginning of the end", if you will
    b) Correct the "whiney" image Rogue got in this movie by having her actually talk to Bobby about her feelings
    c) demonstrate a little better the reason Bobby is attracted to Kitty (he can actually touch her)
    d) symbolize Kitty "taking Rogue's place" in Bobby's heart
    e) Make Rogue a little edgier
    f) Make Rogue seem a little less weak for taking the cure by pointing out that she WOULDN'T do it if he were actually cheating on her
    g) Show a little more internal and external conflict leading up to Rogue taking the cure
     
  11. xmenfilesfan05

    xmenfilesfan05 Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Messages:
    923
    Likes Received:
    0
    Okay, so I had written a version of the Rogue-Cure scene, it's longer than 40 lines and not written in screenplay format...maybe I'll just post a link for it, if that'll be okay.
     
  12. xmenfilesfan05

    xmenfilesfan05 Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Messages:
    923
    Likes Received:
    0
    So simple, yet so powerful. I wish I could write like you. Wonderful job!
     
  13. ToriL90

    ToriL90 Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2007
    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm not running this show, but as long as it's not like 200 lines or something, I don't have a problem with it. If it's not okay with Angamb, maybe you could look for places to pair it down?
     
  14. ToriL90

    ToriL90 Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2007
    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    0
    Humph! You didn't say anything about mine! :cmad:

    lol jk! :woot:
     
  15. BobJM

    BobJM Uncle Charlie

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2005
    Messages:
    4,195
    Likes Received:
    143
    INT. X LAB - NIGHT

    ORORO enters the cold, metallic laboratory. Caught off guard by the immediate drop of temperature, she rubs her hands along her bare arms, trying to keep warm.

    BEAST sits at a desk, off to the corner, his eye glued to the sample beneath the lens of his microscrope. He takes a brief moment to acknowledge Ororo's presence and flashes her a quick smile before getting back to his work.

    BEAST
    I was able to get my hands on a sample of Worthington Lab's cure, thanks to a few colleagues at my department...This work is ingenious. The symbiotic bonds between both Jimmy's mutant X cells and the synthetic antibodies are...brilliant. However, I found some...anomaly in Jimmy's cells that I'll have to look into later...It has been a full day; I could be over-analyzing.

    ORORO
    And you?

    Beast turns away from his work and back to Ororo, a bit suprised at her direct question.

    BEAST
    What about me?

    Ororo doesn't bother to respond and only looks at Beast. He lets out a sigh of anguish.

    BEAST
    I don't know...I've felt the effects of this boy's power...Felt what it was to be...normal, I suppose. I'd be lying to you, Ororo, if I were to tell you that I didn't enjoy it...

    Ororo moves towards her friend, placing a comforting hand on his arm.

    ORORO
    Hank, just because you look...a little different...it doesn't make you any less human. Your mutancy is a gift...

    BEAST
    Ororo, please, I'm not one of your students. When you look the way I do, things like this...this cure...it can be the best thing in the world. I never really felt this weight on my shoulders until I felt it gone.

    Ororo doesn't know how to respond. It takes her a moment...

    ORORO
    It's your life, Hank, and I can't tell you what to do. But, whatever it is that you do decide, I'll be right there beside you. Just know this...you'll always be the same man that I met ten years ago.

    Ororo reachs into her pocket and produces a folded piece of paper. She hands it to Beast and walks out of the lab, leaving him alone.

    He opens up the paper and finds a picture of himself along with his three other colleagues (Jean, Scott, and Ororo) from the first day the Xavier Institute opened. He makes a faint smile and looks back at the cure, contemplating.
     
  16. flavio_lebeau

    flavio_lebeau Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2004
    Messages:
    5,326
    Likes Received:
    1
    Aw, I love the picture part. :heart:
    Just one little thing, would Storm ever feel cold? Doesn't she adapt her body to whatever temperature?
     
  17. BobJM

    BobJM Uncle Charlie

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2005
    Messages:
    4,195
    Likes Received:
    143
    Crap, you're right.
     
  18. xmenfilesfan05

    xmenfilesfan05 Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Messages:
    923
    Likes Received:
    0
  19. TKing

    TKing Registered

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2006
    Messages:
    6,865
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks, so glad you liked it. XFF05, I'll get round to reading yours soon. :)

    I love this scene. It reinforces the relationship Ororo and Beast have together perfectly. :up:
     
  20. ToriL90

    ToriL90 Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2007
    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    0
    I like this scene. :) It's very real, very simple, very touching. I do think there are a couple factual errors: 1) like Flavio said, Storm probably wouldn't get cold; and 2) Xavier's first class was put together about 20 years before the X3 time, not 10. Still, though, it's a great scene. Just a couple little factual errors, is all. ;)

    BTW, is the "anomoly" Hank's talking about what becomes the Legacy Virus?
     
  21. Angamb

    Angamb Registered

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2005
    Messages:
    13,348
    Likes Received:
    0
    I saw your link, xmenfilesfan05, haven't read the scene yet, but seems to be a nice scene.... I'll read it soon.

    I think it's a bit large for the comp, it's a shame... if you want to participate in the com, you could try to write it in script format, mostly with the dialogue parts, so it would be shorter, if the result is around 40-50, I could change the rules, if people is agreed... what do you think?
     
  22. xmenfilesfan05

    xmenfilesfan05 Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Messages:
    923
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for offering to change the rules around a bit. I have to say though, that I'd rather not shave off most of the story...I feel that if it were strictly dialogue, it would take away from the story. Thanks again though, I guess next time I'll have to be a little more conservative :)
     
  23. La_She-Beast

    La_She-Beast Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2006
    Messages:
    1,835
    Likes Received:
    0
    That... was sweet. Nice :up:
     
  24. TKing

    TKing Registered

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2006
    Messages:
    6,865
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks. :yay:

    Somewhere in my files I have another scene similar to that one; Warren is discussing the cure with Beast (who reveals how he created a serum to cure his mutation, but resulted in enhancing it).

    But in the end I felt the scene involving Storm worked best to get the point across (of accepting your powers) and to develop Storm's caring personality more -- which was kind of butchered in the film up to that point.
     
  25. La_She-Beast

    La_She-Beast Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2006
    Messages:
    1,835
    Likes Received:
    0
    :heart: :heart: :heart:

    But that doesn't mean you got my vote. :p
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice
monitoring_string = "afb8e5d7348ab9e99f73cba908f10802"