<< 2º WRITING Competition! >>

[flavio_lebeau]

Yeah I've noted that to. I try to limit myself from how many camera directions I include (as you say, it's more for the directors to decide) but sometimes I feel it helps set the tone, and the atmosphere of a scene.

Yeah. Sometimes they're necessary, either to set the atmosphere, or to show some suspense, especially when you don't want the audience to know it is a certain character on screen until the camera slowly reveals it.

 

[TKing]

Exactly. Or if intense detail is needed, or I want to portray something significant to the audience, then I might decide to use "CLOSE UP".

 

[ToriL90]

Exactly. Or if intense detail is needed, or I want to portray something significant to the audience, then I might decide to use "CLOSE UP".

It's really difficult sometimes to write exactly how to picture a scene. Sometimes, it feels almost like describing the color orange to a blind person. You know what I mean? You know exactly what you're trying to get across, but to can't really get the precise image across to anybody unless they're a psychic.

Oh, Xavier, where are you when I need you?

 

[La_She-Beast]

Haha, so I take you've been reading the X-movie scripts too?

Nah I just don't have the time :S Noticed it, that's all...

I did a lot of research on writing scripts for my X4 one, until I got it to look professional (I think).

Rather than proffesional, I think you should be just your own critic- usually I say to myself "if this were somebody else's, would it sound cheesy? To quick? Should she say "I love you"? Or just stare at him for a while? Obviously is easier to say it than to do it...

But the X2 script is a little misleading, since they DO describe camera movements, "push in ons", etc. But later I found out it only was this way because it was the final script, already with Singer's touches, etc. Usually they just don't put these details, because it might upset the directors, since they're the ones who choose how the scene looks, etc

Yeah I've noted that to. I try to limit myself from how many camera directions I include (as you say, it's more for the directors to decide) but sometimes I feel it helps set the tone, and the atmosphere of a scene.

Amazing what the camera can do... there are some very interesting comments by Brad Bird (Incredibles, Ratatouille) were he's talking about a Simpsons episode (executive consultant) camera focus and directions... I'll see if I can find them, if you're interested

 

[La_She-Beast]

I think some should do a political scene.

Everyone seems to like scenes between two x-men only, hehe. The film needed other kind of scenes involving the cure... the novel had one about a mutant from the brotherhood, I think... not sure... who get cured in the eyes of many people, I think it was atacking a base or something. Something in the line of that would be nice.

Well, when you said political, I thought of the government, something involving Trask... let's see.

 

[flavio_lebeau]

Rather than proffesional, I think you should be just your own critic- usually I say to myself "if this were somebody else's, would it sound cheesy? To quick? Should she say "I love you"? Or just stare at him for a while? Obviously is easier to say it than to do it...

By professional, I meant more the format than the writing itself. I still suck at vocabulary. I "finished" this script about 6 months ago, and now that I've been re-reading it, I notice so many mistakes and grammar assassinations that it gets me depressed. I'm also reviewing some of my plot points, since by the end of the story, the script gets a little too complicated, with confusing files stolen, etc.

Your advice is great though.

 

[Angamb]

I've started my scene yesterday. I think in a few days I'll have it finished, (if I work on it, of course, hehe). Maybe I post it next week, I'll see...

 

[xmenfilesfan05]

I was just wondering if anyone had read mine? I know it's long and doesn't qualify for the competition, but I had hoped you guys would have some constructive criticism or comments for it.

 

[TKing]

I just did. One word: Beautiful. :heart:

It was so moving. Such a powerful scene, especially when she wrote the words: My skin kills people.

Thank you for sharing that. It's a shame it doesn't qualify for the competition.

 

[flavio_lebeau]

It's indeed a great scene, xmenfilesfan05. Schizophrenic Rogue I must admit that when I first started reading the guys in her mind, I thought it was too awkard, but then it sinks in and I enjoyed it a lot. I also couldn't hide an amusing smile when I read "The gap in her teeth showing". Cute. The end paragraph is greatly written too. Congrats.

 

[Nadino]

This is a short piece I've had locked away in my files for some time. I suppose it's relevant here. It's primarily about the cure, it's effects on a particular character (Angel) and different attitudes to it (Storm).

As a film scene, this would appear shortly after Logan leaves the mansion to find Jean.

My entry:

INT. XAVIER’S MANSION – STUDY – DAY

Warren peruses keenly through the office. Storm watches from the doorway.

WARREN
You know my father had an office like this. He spent most of his time in one.

He FROWNS… saddened -- gazes out the window.

WARREN (CONT’D)
In fact… all of his time.

STORM
Warren, you can’t blame yourself for what your father did.

WARREN
I don’t. I blame these.

He indicates his feathering WINGS, concealed hastily underneath his top.

STORM
I know it might not be my place… but this mutation -- this gift was given to you for a reason. You’re meant to do great things with it.

WARREN
Says who? All they’ve ever caused me is pain and suffering.

STORM
(Thoughtfully)
Then why didn’t you take the cure?

WARREN
My father thought he was doing what’s best for his family. When all he could think about was what’s best for his family name.

STORM
My power did great things for people, Warren. It brought hope to them, when they had none. There’s no reason why yours can’t do the same.

She raises a gentle hand, touches Warren’s shoulder warmly. Slowly, he… SMILES.

WARREN
Are all the teachers this nice around here?

Suddenly her expression changes. A truth revealed. A look of loss and longing overcomes her.

STORM
I’m not sure we have any teachers left.

Beautiful scene, I love how you are so dedicated to character development, and how you show the relationship (or building one) with simplicity. As always, love your work! You get my vote for sure! t:

 

[TKing]

Ah, thanks Nadino. Glad others liked it.

 

[La_She-Beast]

I was just wondering if anyone had read mine? I know it's long and doesn't qualify for the competition, but I had hoped you guys would have some constructive criticism or comments for it.

pssst-where is it?

 

[TKing]

pssst-where is it?

Voila.

In case anyone is interested, here is my Rogue-Cure story. It doesn't really meet any of the guidelines...it is about a six page story, it's a little rough to say the least, but I thought I'd share.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3718687/1/Rogue_Is_Cured

 

[La_She-Beast]

Voila.

Great, thanks

 

[La_She-Beast]

I was just wondering if anyone had read mine? I know it's long and doesn't qualify for the competition, but I had hoped you guys would have some constructive criticism or comments for it.

It's a shame you're not entering xmff - I love to see that there is sentivity on the whole narration.:heart:

 

[ToriL90]

Great ideas there, xmff. I have a scene in my X4 depicting Rogue's cure, but I never thought of having an internal struggle amongst the psyches in Rogue's head. Would you mind if I used that idea, and one or two lines from your script? I love where she screams "Coward" on behalf of Magneto's psyche.

 

[Angamb]

who is working on any entry?

 

[snwboarder88]

I'm finished just havent been able to post it yet.

 

[scorchedmuse]

who is working on any entry?

I may enter, I have some thoughts on a scene but haven't got it done yet.

 

[Angamb]

Ok, I have my entry started, but have to finish it and read it a few times to see if it needs some changes...

If we post three entries, I think it will be an interesting competition. we'll see.

 

[xmenfilesfan05]

I just did. One word: Beautiful. :heart:

It was so moving. Such a powerful scene, especially when she wrote the words: My skin kills people.

Thank you for sharing that. It's a shame it doesn't qualify for the competition.

Thank you so much for the kind words, I'm glad to hear that you like it.

It's indeed a great scene, xmenfilesfan05. Schizophrenic Rogue I must admit that when I first started reading the guys in her mind, I thought it was too awkard, but then it sinks in and I enjoyed it a lot. I also couldn't hide an amusing smile when I read "The gap in her teeth showing". Cute. The end paragraph is greatly written too. Congrats.

Was it the structure of the story that made it awkward to read? The way it was written? Thank you for the constructive criticism and the supportive words. I really appreciate it Flavio!

It's a shame you're not entering xmff - I love to see that there is sentivity on the whole narration.:heart:

I thought that Rogue's, if anyone's story, was one that needed ten times the sensitivity that was given in X3, I'm glad you picked up on it La She Beast. Thank you for taking the time to read and review.

Great ideas there, xmff. I have a scene in my X4 depicting Rogue's cure, but I never thought of having an internal struggle amongst the psyches in Rogue's head. Would you mind if I used that idea, and one or two lines from your script? I love where she screams "Coward" on behalf of Magneto's psyche.

I am really thankful and flattered that you would like to use the ideas presented in my script (although battling psyches isn't really an original idea of mine), as for using lines from my script, I would agree to letting you use some, that is, if credit was given. Just let me know what ones you were thinking. , thanks for reading and reviewing ToriL90!

 

[flavio_lebeau]

Was it the structure of the story that made it awkward to read? The way it was written? Thank you for the constructive criticism and the supportive words. I really appreciate it Flavio!

Not the way it was written, but simply the idea of the guys talking to her. It's really unexpectable. But the way you wrote was what made it sink in and feel so nice. I figure it needs a lot of care to write something like that and not turn it into a cheese fest. And you managed the task with honor.

 

[TKing]

Thank you so much for the kind words, I'm glad to hear that you like it.

You could always write another scene? A shorter one which would fit the requirements?

 

[ToriL90]

I am really thankful and flattered that you would like to use the ideas presented in my script (although battling psyches isn't really an original idea of mine), as for using lines from my script, I would agree to letting you use some, that is, if credit was given. Just let me know what ones you were thinking. , thanks for reading and reviewing ToriL90!

Okay, here's the scene I wrote. You can see the lines I used inside it. I think all I used were two Magneto lines, but I still wanted to let you know that I was using them.

WORTHINGTON LABS - CLINIC ROOM 2 - SIX MONTHS AGO - DAY
Rogue, clad in a hospital gown, enters the clinic room. A nurse picks up her medical file.
NURSE: *Confused* “You put your name down as Rogue?”
ROGUE: *Shy, nervous* “Yeah.”
NURSE: “Are you sure you want to do this?”
But Rogue isn’t listening to the nurse anymore. The voices of the people she has touched over the last three years echo inside her head, reminding her how each of them would feel about her decision.
PYRO: Who exactly do you want to become by doing this? Do you think not having to wear gloves is gonna get rid of all your problems?
ROGUE: Most of ‘em.
LOGAN: But you’ll also lose yourself.
Suddenly, the nurse’s voice cuts through the others and catches Rogue’s attention.
NURSE: “Excuse me, miss.”
Rogue looks up, jarred by the nurse’s voice.
NURSE: “Are you sure about this?”
ROGUE: *Pause* “Yes.”
The nurse begins strapping Rogue to the slanted operating table. The struggle continues inside her head.
MAGNETO: If you do this, they win.
ROGUE: Oh yeah? What exactly do I win by not doing this?
LOGAN: Self-respect.
The nurse shackles Rogue’s hands and feet.
CODY: What’s so respectable about your current state? You almost killed me!
MAGNETO: You deserved to die, you shortsighted homo sapien.
ROGUE: Stop it… Stop it… Bobby, where are you?
She mouths her last thoughts, cringing, but doesn’t speak them out loud. The voices are muttering inaudibly as she continues to call for Bobby’s psyche to come forward, telling her what he wants. Telling her what is right.
He doesn’t answer.
The nurst loads the delivery gun. The voices become audible again, though they are talking over each other.
MAGNETO: You have a choice: be ordinary, or be extraordinary.
PYRO: You always were weak. You’re just doing this so Bobby won’t leave you. He will anyway!
CODY: Do this. You know you want to.
As the nurse swabs Rogue’s arm, Rogue begins tapping her hand against the table anxiously. She accidentally mutters one of her thoughts.
ROGUE: “Get out of mah head.”
The nurse looks up at Rogue, looking a little scared. She looks at the doctor. Though she doesn’t speak, her question is clear: is it safe to go near this obviously insane woman?
The doctor nods, encouraging the nurse to continue.
LOGAN: You’re tougher than this, Rogue. Don’t let them beat you.
CODY: Why should you suffer all your life, Marie?
LOGAN: Don’t do it.
CODY: Come on, Marie. End it all.
The nurse injects Rogue with the cure. Rogue throws her head back and shrieks.
ROGUE: “COWARD!!!”
But these are not her words. Magneto’s voice is also heard, as the last voice to ring inside her head.
The nurse pulls back in horror. The doctor, too, recoils from the sudden outburst. Rogue convulses as the cure suppresses her mutation. Through the convulsions, she slowly lowers her head. Finally, the convulsions stop. All is quiet.
The nurse unshackles Rogue. Rogue immediately collapses to the floor, sobbing. She pounds her fist on the ground as she, in her own words, echoes the words of Magneto.
ROGUE: “Coward! Coward…”
The doctor grabs her arm. She lets out a deep breath when he touches her, shocked by the sensation of touch. He helps her to her feet. She looks at him, and begins crying again. This time, however, she is smiling. Her tears are tears of pain, grief, anger, exhaustion, joy, and relief.