Comics Amazing Spider-Man #559 spoilers. I'll read it so you don't have to

No I'm not. People have thanked me for pointing out why the issue is garbage. And you're giving me what I want by posting in this thread. You must feel threatened if you're trying to discourage me. You're not the resident spoiler here anymore. Get over it.


Keep up the good work, Ayers! Nothing like reading a detailed synopsis of the latest trash that is the Spider-man comics. Good for a laugh, too.
 
Keep up the good work, Ayers! Nothing like reading a detailed synopsis of the latest trash that is the Spider-man comics. Good for a laugh, too.

Reading reviews by Ayers and posts like yours are fantastic for laughs as well...

:yay:
 
There was actually a local guy who was arrested after "impersonating" Ben Rothlisberger in bars.

i swear it wasn't me...

Our local theatre has started to show "cult classics" at midnight on one Friday per month, and the first one was "Army of Darkness"... so this guy shows up with an Ash outfit (complete with fake shotgun strapped to his back and a chainsaw attached to his arm).

Somebody freaked out and called the cops, and when they pulled up to him (guns in the air), they asked him to gently drop the chainsaw to the ground to which he replied "I can't... I need a screwdriver to remove it"

:woot: :woot: :woot:

He's got a lifetime free pass to these "Fanboy Friday Nights"... :word:

:yay:
 
Our local theatre has started to show "cult classics" at midnight on one Friday per month, and the first one was "Army of Darkness"... so this guy shows up with an Ash outfit (complete with fake shotgun strapped to his back and a chainsaw attached to his arm).

Somebody freaked out and called the cops, and when they pulled up to him (guns in the air), they asked him to gently drop the chainsaw to the ground to which he replied "I can't... I need a screwdriver to remove it"

:woot: :woot: :woot:

He's got a lifetime free pass to these "Fanboy Friday Nights"... :word:

:yay:
Damn thats awesome lol, Ash rules! :hyper:
 
Before I start my rant let me point out this issue helps my theory that they're shifting stories out of their intended order to accomodate last minute changes that are being announced. Remember in the arc before last where the creepy Mayans covered the city in snow, then in the next issue the snow melted? Well it's back and it's also referenced as being the snow from that same storm.

Read the previous issue (which took place exactly AFTER the blizzard issues)... there are snow patches all over the place, so I guess it DIDN'T all melt as you mention in your obviously negative bias.

Before starting a rant, you should really get your facts in order. :yay:

So, there's a new villain introduced that robs some bank, and Spider-Man can't catch her despite her having no super powers since she practices Parkour, or urban gymnastics. I know exactly what they're talking about here but Spider-Man can run faster than a normal human (anywhere from 50-70 mph) AND not only his abilities are on an unnatural level he should've caught her no problem. So he get's close enough to nail her with a spider tracer (Enough with the spider tracers and malfunctioning webshooters already.) So she sees the webshooter, cries to the cops, and turns herself in because she doesn't wanna be murdered.

Did I mention she also had a bunch of guys with webcams film her, so she could commit crimes and have them simultaneously stream on the internet.

What are you? On DRUGS??? :wow:

Spider-Man has NEVER been able to run at 50-70 mph... he obviously has speed and agility, but has never demonstrated that kind of running prowress.

And we haven't seen a malfunctioning web-shooter since the second month of BND, so that's about 8 issues ago...

:huh:

And Spidey used to use his Spidey Tracers all the time... practically every issue... so why the big deal about him using one in this issue, which happens to be the first one he's used in a bit... he might have used one in the original Freak storyline, but I'm not so sure...

So Peter get's his camera back, tries to sell the pictures to the DB, and Dexter won't buy them since everyone has cameras on their phones or carries digital cameras making the whole Spider-Man photographer angle dated. It's been dated for years, but Marvel made him go back to that. Probably just so they could tell this crap story. He then offers Peter two million dollars to do some paparazzi shots and then Joe Robertson questions Peter's integrity if he goes down this path. Bennett also offers this to Peter, because of the photos he can get from views no one else can capture, because he knows he's Spider-Man. Actually he didn't say that he referred to Peter as some sort of photographic ninja.

Clark Kent is a reporter, Peter Parker is a photographer, etc... did you complain about how stale and boring it was when Peter was promoting his "Webs" book (about the pics he took of Spider-Man throughout the years) because he had been still taking pics of Spidey for over 300 issues?

Please... you're grasping at straws...

And Bennett does not know Peter is Spider-Man... I didn't get that at all from reading the book... again... more grasping... :whatever:

We get a scene of Jonah doing tai chi, and then he flips out seeing a DB billboard. Two cops come up to him trying to calm him down, and one just happens to be the cop that hate's Spider-Man that Peter might move in with. Another stupid subplot that's been done before where get's close with someone that happens to hate Spider-Man.

Not with a police officer roomate... and now that Spidey is both wanted for questioning of the Spidey-Murders as well as being an unregistered super-hero, it could prove to be interesting. :yay:

Next Peter goes to the club where some heart throb *****ebag celebrity is. It's referenced as being the club from the first BND issue. We see some chick made out of paper meanwhile Peter's walks past her to the rafters (she's blended in the wall, but the spider sense should've warned him about this) of some VIP section trying to get pictures of the guy doing something celebritylike. The guy get's sassy with a waitress that asks for his autograph,

If she's just standing there, NOT being a threat, why would his Spider-Sense tingle?

More straws... :oldrazz:

Peter get's pictures and then they start chasing him. He get's in to the club section of the building and the spider sense is forgotten yet again by Dan Slott as Peter get's stonewalled by a bouncer. Harry and Lily see him ask if he's ok, then Harry immediately pretends he doesn't know Peter as bouncers drag him out and stomp his camera. Luckily his memory card is undamaged, but we know he's not getting two million dollars so who gives a crap? Then we see the Paper Doll chick with a room decorated in newspaper photos stroking that same celebrity's photo. I'm willing to bet she's not infatuated with photos so much as the photographer. I guess if this is the case Dan Slott saw Clueless recently.

Peter has always been careful not to use his Spider-Powers in front of his friends, so why would this be any different? Not to mention that he can still get a punch in the head when he's distracted by the sudden appearance of his friends, and the cub lights & noises, etc...

And as far as Paper Doll goes, it's all just speculation on your part...

So there's more crap puns, thinly veiled nostalgic throwbacks, and two new crap villains no one could give a crap about. And the sales continue to drop.

All good Spidey puns, awesome nostalgic Spider-Man feel, two new villains that could prove to be interesting, and I hope sales continue as they are or get better.

:yay:
 
Our local theatre has started to show "cult classics" at midnight on one Friday per month, and the first one was "Army of Darkness"... so this guy shows up with an Ash outfit (complete with fake shotgun strapped to his back and a chainsaw attached to his arm).

Somebody freaked out and called the cops, and when they pulled up to him (guns in the air), they asked him to gently drop the chainsaw to the ground to which he replied "I can't... I need a screwdriver to remove it"

:woot: :woot: :woot:

He's got a lifetime free pass to these "Fanboy Friday Nights"... :word:

:yay:


Classic reply!
 
What are you? On DRUGS??? :wow:

Spider-Man has NEVER been able to run at 50-70 mph... he obviously has speed and agility, but has never demonstrated that kind of running prowress.

On that I disagree. Peter Parker can move at a very fast rate. At least 50 mph. I remember in Maximum Carnage Pete was just barely not able to keep up with Deathlok who could run at 100+ mph. No street gymnist should be able to come close to Spider-Man when it comes to gymnastics through NYC, no one. Plus if you look at some back issues where Pete can cross the city in minutes you realize he has to be moving at pretty amazing speeds.
 
This is only an issue because of nitpicking. If you wanted to, you could make the same exact cases for villains like the Vulture, Rocket Racer, The Prowler, etc. Comparing stats, these dudes wouldn't be anymore than one panel of a colorfully dressed webbed up guy. But what fun would that be?

I also don't get what the big deal about the order of the issues is. I mean, isn't that the purpose of one-shots, to be able to use if scheduling gets mucked up? Even if it was out of order (which I haven't seen anything to make me think that think it was), considering they're putting it out 3x a month, I think I can cut them a little slack. This, again, is mere nitpicking.
 
This is only an issue because of nitpicking. If you wanted to, you could make the same exact cases for villains like the Vulture, Rocket Racer, The Prowler, etc. Comparing stats, these dudes wouldn't be anymore than one panel of a colorfully dressed webbed up guy. But what fun would that be?

Vulture's got a suit to augment him, Rocket Racer has, well, rockets, and Prowler has never been shown to outrun or outmanuever Pete (though I think Hobie is fing awesome). But we're talking about some chick that's practicing the flavor of the month fitness trend. This would be like someone giving Iron Fist a hard time cause they're masters of tae-bo.
 
On that I disagree. Peter Parker can move at a very fast rate. At least 50 mph. I remember in Maximum Carnage Pete was just barely not able to keep up with Deathlok who could run at 100+ mph. No street gymnist should be able to come close to Spider-Man when it comes to gymnastics through NYC, no one. Plus if you look at some back issues where Pete can cross the city in minutes you realize he has to be moving at pretty amazing speeds.

I know that Peter can move at amazing speeds, probably nearing the 50-70 mph, but I think of that more in terms of agility and hand/feet quickness... not simple running.

And there is a difference in moving around with web-slinging and amazing agility... doesn't mean he can simply "run" that fast.

I could be wrong though... I really just can't remember any scenes where Spidey is merely "running".

Also, in said issue, Spidey said he was holding back because he didn't want to be caught on her cameras.

Vulture's got a suit to augment him, Rocket Racer has, well, rockets, and Prowler has never been shown to outrun or outmanuever Pete (though I think Hobie is fing awesome). But we're talking about some chick that's practicing the flavor of the month fitness trend. This would be like someone giving Iron Fist a hard time cause they're masters of tae-bo.

Just because she "says" she's a top-notch gym master doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't have "super-powers"... I guess time will tell on that one.

But again... Spidey said he was "holding back".

:yay:
 
I know that Peter can move at amazing speeds, probably nearing the 50-70 mph, but I think of that more in terms of agility and hand/feet quickness... not simple running.

And there is a difference in moving around with web-slinging and amazing agility... doesn't mean he can simply "run" that fast.

I could be wrong though... I really just can't remember any scenes where Spidey is merely "running".

Also, in said issue, Spidey said he was holding back because he didn't want to be caught on her cameras.


But again... Spidey said he was "holding back".

:yay:



I just saw that spoiler pages of him getting schooled by some chick in a helmet and I couldn't believe it. Frankly I expect better from Slott. Holding back or not, Peter Parker is the definative master of NYC acrobatics, it's what he does every day just to get around. Unless this chick has super speed or something, which it didn't appear she had this capture should have been a walk in the park for pete. Though he did manage to let Freak get by him even though he deployed the "wall of web" so maybe Pete's lost some steps.
Just because she "says" she's a top-notch gym master doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't have "super-powers"... I guess time will tell on that one. Also his disappearing spider sense can detect cameras so it shouldn't be too hard for him to avoid them as well, or just web their lenses as he went along.
 
I've read Spider-Man getting belted by the Stilt-Man TWICE!!!! :wow: :wow: :wow:

So I'm willing to give Slott the benefit of the doubt so early on with this new character.

:yay:
 
I've read Spider-Man getting belted by the Stilt-Man TWICE!!!! :wow: :wow: :wow:

So I'm willing to give Slott the benefit of the doubt so early on with this new character.

:yay:

one stilt man is awesome and never got the respect a man with giant stilts deserves.

two I agree on giving the benefit of the doubt, but that was still embarrassing for me just seeing pete get handled in such a manner.

three, I've also seen pete get nailed by the walrus (best comedy issue ever), although that came more from the convulsive laughter.

It just troubles me when someone with apparently average human athletic abilities schools Pete doing the very thing he does best. Not everything slott does is excellent (though most are).
 
MoralD: This would be like someone giving Iron Fist a hard time cause they're masters of tae-bo.

Exactly. Thank you.

Or like David Blaine out dueling Dr. Strange.

Or like a local weight lifter giving the Hulk a hard time in battle.
 
Too bad Punisher had to be a jerk and kill him. Oh well, it made for an interesting wake :oldrazz:

Punisher was a total dick to do that, and the whole bar thing? God, I'd just once like to see someone completely school the punisher and remind him why despite having the power to have all the guns he shouldn't always be getting over his head. Next he'll be hitting that tailor that does all the super costumes.
 
Anyone remember when he went off the deep end and started shooting jaywalkers. I thought that was pretty funny.
 
I don't (not a regular punisher reader) but now I really want to. When does he do this?
 
Punisher was very hardcore crazy against crime in the early days. :woot:
 
Punisher was very hardcore crazy against crime in the early days. :woot:

The first appearence of the punisher was the first Spider-Man I ever read. He really was a *****e. I mean if a guy in a jackal suit's word plus some negative press was all it took for the punisher to kill someone, then you're officially a dick.
 
If I remember right, it was in Spectacular, way back in the 80s or early 90s.
 
awesome nostalgic Spider-Man feel,
:yay:
If you admit it's nostalgic, you should be able to admit that nostalgia has a very limited appeal, and no business has ever been able to sustain business going back to the well for too long. It happens in wrestling, automaking, movie producing, television....nostalgia is good for a fun, temporary boost in sales and interest, but not for long term success.
 

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