Action-Adventure Anaconda - The Reboot

[terry78]

Anaconda Reboot in the Style of The Meg Is in the Works - IGN

My anaconda don't want none unless you got reboots hun.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

It won't get my money. Rented the original WAY back and... Yeah, haven't bothered with any other version.

 

[Wheels]

You can't hurt most people's feelings here since the original means nothing to most viewers.

 

[Roose Bolton]

@Reek, so, we’re going opening night?

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

You can't hurt most people's feelings here since the original means nothing to most viewers.

Eh... personally I see tons of hurt feelings online for a **** metric ton of IPs that I would think should be on the bottom of the barrel when it comes to any real meaning or value to, well, anyone. And that's because I truly feel the pop culture needs to understand that there's nostalgia for the time and circumstances of one's youth and then there's appreciating something for it's quality, longevity or it's simple entertainment value. Or in other words, just cuz something was on cable TV constantly as one was growing up doesn't automatically make it good or worthy of some deep connection.

But then... That's just the stick up my ass.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

@Reek, so, we’re going opening night?

We all know what you're hoping shows up in the movie:

Spoiler

 

[Luigi]

Really enjoy the original Anaconda, especially with Jon Voight chewing the hell out of the scenery.

Hopefully this turns out well.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

When I intentionally try to do an impression of Voight doing a bad Hispanic accent from Anaconda, I'm still doing a better accent than Voight.

 

[Reek]

@Reek, so, we’re going opening night?

depends... are you going to wine and dine me and attempt the popcorn trick?

 

[Roose Bolton]

Don’t I always?

Only this time the wine will have a wasp in it...

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Little known fact... Popcorn will kill an anaconda.

 

[Roose Bolton]

Anacondas, unique amongst snakes, will regurgitate their prey so they can kill again.

Christ, the movie had a goddamned opening crawl..

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Don’t I always?

Only this time the wine will have a wasp in it...

There's some crass joke about Reek "consuming" Evangeline Lilly on the tip of my tongue, but I'm just too classy to make it.

 

[Reek]

you arent classy shut up

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Anacondas, unique amongst snakes, will regurgitate their prey so they can kill again.

Christ, the movie had a goddamned opening crawl..

And... Literally ripped off the ending of JAWS in it's first five minutes.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

you arent classy shut up

 

[Reek]

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

"I hunt de snake for many jeers..."

 

[Reek]

Jon Voight once ate an entire anaconda... alive.

 

[Roose Bolton]

And... Literally ripped off the ending of JAWS in it's first five minutes.

It wasn’t until I watched the film again recently that I realised the guy at the start was Danny Trejo....


....this film should be studied for science.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

It wasn’t until I watched the film again recently that I realised the guy at the start was Danny Trejo....


....this film should be studied for science.

And... It should have BEEN ****ing Trejo in Voight's part from the get go.

"We need an actor to play the mercurial South American river boat captain that's probably someone with a criminal history who can reasonably be thought of as someone that could make even Ice Cube think twice about crossing him..."

"Danny Trejo?"

"No... JON VOIGHT."

"Are... Are you okay man? Everything alright at home?"

 

[Reek]

And... It should have BEEN ****ing Trejo in Voight's part from the get go.

do us a favor and SHUT THE **** UP

HOW DARE YOU SIR

Trejo couldn't pull off that creep rape stare like Voight and you know it you slimy sack of

sorry sorry i got upset. but how dare you.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

do us a favor and SHUT THE **** UP

HOW DARE YOU SIR

Trejo couldn't pull off that creep rape stare like Voight and you know it you slimy sack of

sorry sorry i got upset. but how dare you.

I rest my case.

 

[Reek]

God dammit, Gump!

 

[Schlosser85]

We're rebooting crappy monster movies from the nineties now?

Also Jon Voight's hilariously campy performance was the sole highlight of that movie.