Batman Quotes: The Best of the Best

[darknight7]

^That is a good one

--dk7

 

[spittingvenom]

The Joker: Can't be too careful with all those weirdos around!

so good! hahaha

 

[ultrasuperduckman]

This is from Batman: TAS episode Joker's Favor (I'm sure most of you have seen but for those who haven't.)

When Joker calls up Charlie after a while to collect his favor. Charlie goes and meets the Joker expecting to have to do something really terrible. The Joker brings out a giant cake (which later is of course a bomb) and tells Charlie that all he has to do is open the door for Harley. Charlie is skeptical and asked, "That's it? Open the door?" and the Joker replies.

"LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT CAKE, MAN!"

I never laughed to damn hard in my life. Hamill's best.

 

[Reflectionist]

Does anyone know what Joker meant by the 'n'est-ce pas' bit?

It means:

"Bruce... Wayne, isn't it?"
"Most of the time."

 

[CFE]

BATMAN: "I made a promise, long ago...And regardless of the chaos, the destruction I’ve seen...that promise has become my life. I’m in debt to those that fight beside me...to those that have died for me. But this vow is, and will forever be, mine to honor...mine to sacrifice for. And while that truth my break my heart...it will never break my spirit."

 

[darknight7]

^^I like that one

--dk7

 

[bulletbillx]

Joker: Whoops! Ha! I guess the joke's on me. You're not Batman after all. Looks like there's a new face in Gotham and soon his name will be all over town... to say nothing of his legs, and feet, and spleen, and head...

Alfred: Vengeance blackens the soul, Bruce. I've always feared that you would become that which you fought against. You walk the edge of that abyss every night, but you haven't fallen in and I thank heaven for that.

[At Bruce's parents' grave]
Bruce Wayne: It doesn't mean I don't care anymore. I don't want to let you down, honest, but... but it just doesn't hurt so bad anymore. You can understand that, can't you? Look, I can give money to the city - they can hire more cops. Let someone else take the risk, but it's different now!
[thunder and lightning]
Bruce Wayne: Please! I need it to be different now. I know I made a promise, but I didn't see this coming. I didn't count on being happy.
[thunder and lightning]
Bruce Wayne: Please! Tell me that it's okay.
Andrea Beaumont: [enters] Maybe they already have. Maybe they sent me.
[They embrace in the rain]


[Alfred sees Batman in costume for the first time]
Alfred Pennyworth: My... God!

 

[Darkness Falls]

This is from Batman: TAS episode Joker's Favor (I'm sure most of you have seen but for those who haven't.)

When Joker calls up Charlie after a while to collect his favor. Charlie goes and meets the Joker expecting to have to do something really terrible. The Joker brings out a giant cake (which later is of course a bomb) and tells Charlie that all he has to do is open the door for Harley. Charlie is skeptical and asked, "That's it? Open the door?" and the Joker replies.

"LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT CAKE, MAN!"

I never laughed to damn hard in my life. Hamill's best.

lol that always makes me laugh

and ur username is awesome

 

[darknight7]

B:MOTP is by far the greatest Batman...anything!

--dk7

 

[Two-Face]

Two-Face: "One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve, politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred, and junkies grow legion. Why? Why, why, why, why, why? Luck! Blind, stupid, simple, doo-dah, clueless luck! "

Two-Face: "You're counting on the winged avenger to deliver you from evil, aren't you my friend?"
Bank Guard: "Are you going to kill me?"
Two-Face: "Maybe, maybe not. You could say we're of two minds on the subject"

Harvey Dent: "Remember that name you all had for me when I was at Internal Affairs? What was it, Gordon?"
Lt. James Gordon: "Harvey, I..."
Harvey Dent: "Say it. Say it!"
Lt. James Gordon: "Two-Face. Harvey Two-Face."
[Harvey turns his head, revealing the scarred side of his face]
Harvey Dent: "Why should I hide who I am?"


Two-Face: "Poison Ivy".
Poison Ivy: "It's been a long time, Harvey. You're still looking halfway decent."
Two-Face: "Half of me wants to strangle ya."
Poison Ivy: "And what does the other half want?"
Two-Face: "To hit ya with a truck."
Poison Ivy: "We used to date."
The Joker, The Penguin, Killer Croc: "Ah."

 

[darknight7]

Two-Face: "Poison Ivy".
Poison Ivy: "It's been a long time, Harvey. You're still looking halfway decent."
Two-Face: "Half of me wants to strangle ya."
Poison Ivy: "And what does the other half want?"
Two-Face: "To hit ya with a truck."
Poison Ivy: "We used to date."
The Joker, The Penguin, Killer Croc: "Ah."

Great line...great episode...

TAS is the best!!!

--dk7

 

[Two-Face]

Yeah! one of my favourite episodes Almost Got 'im'

Batman TAS: The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne:
Two-Face" "Get outta my face clown!"
Joker: "Which one?"

 

[darknight7]

haha Joker and TwoFace interaction in TAS is probably some of the best moments of the series

--dk7

 

[CFE]

^^I like that one

--dk7

Thanks. I wrote it myself.

 

[darknight7]

No way! That's crazy. I thoguht it was from a comic I've never read or something.

sweet!

--dk7

 

[ronny]

Two-Face
You see, Harvey Dent was one of the good guys. Being good in this town means you need guts. You gotta' be tough. You gotta' do things that aren't in the lawbooks. The bat didn't have the stomach for it. He punked out on Harvey.
The great outlaw protector of Gotham hid behind Lady Justice's skirts. But she's blind for a reason, brat. 'Cause she doesn't see what needs to be done in her name.
I wanted you to understand that. Before it's all over, I wanted you to know.
It wasn't me that killed you. It was the bat.

 

[The Caped Knight]

BATMAN: I am the night! I am vengeance! I am Batman! ~ Batman : the animated Series -Nothing To Fear

 

[spider-neil]

the batman -

batman takes off his mask

batgirl: batman is bruce wayne, I knew it, that makes you robin (to dick grayson)

robin (takes of mask): ok, spill, who are you

batgirl: I not ready to give up my secret identity just yet

batman: she's barbera gordon (he'd obviously worked it out)

batgirl: showoff

I'm parapharsing but you get the idea

 

[ultrasuperduckman]

lol that always makes me laugh

and ur username is awesome

Thank you sir.

Bruce Wayne: You blinked. I switched the cups. Force of habit.

(Someone was trying to poison him only to realize they were the ones getting poisoned.)

 

[MightyBatman]

" I am the goddamn Batman."

I don't remember what was exactly going on at that moment but I could never forget that quote.

 

[tekken]

in that episode, "Almost Got'em"..

joker: i would say ladies first, but since there aren't any, why don't you go first poison ivy?

something like that. i don't remember all the words, but i remember it being really funny. that whole episode was pretty funny.

 

[Darkness Falls]

Batman TAS: The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne:
Two-Face" "Get outta my face clown!"
Joker: "Which one?"

thats one of my favourite quotes ever
loved twoface's facial reaction


i also like when joker gets of the plane and he says something like

Joker: careful you might just lose your tip..... and your head t:

 

[MaskedManJRK]

Wow. Suprised someone brought this back. Here's some:

Batman: The Man Who Laughs

GORDON (narration): I get to the scene a little after four a.m., just as they're bringing out the first body. Vincent and Maroni both have nearly twenty years in on the force and they look like they just had their guts ripped out. A paramedic nearly drops the stretcher because he can't stop himself from throwing up. What the hell is happening to my city?

JOKER: Good evening, Gotham and Gothamites everywhere...thought I'd take time out of my oh so busy schedule to say hi and make a few not so veild threats...so, hello, goodbye, you're all going to die! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, sometimes I just kill me, especially when I think about killing you.
...
In fact, if I were a psychic, I'd sya that the bell would certainly be tolling for the tonight at midnight. Oh what the hell, I'll say it anyway--you die at midnight, Henry. And then we can all have a good laugh at your expense.

GORDON (narrating): The strange thing is, I'm glad he's been here. My wife and niece were watching that broadcast with me tonight. I saw their faces. This psychotic has to be stopped, and fast.

"One by one
they'll hear my call,
then this wicked town
will follow my fall."

BATMAN (narrating): They aren't responsible for their actions, I know. I don't care. I count two dead and eight injured. This stops now.

BATMAN (narrating): Hard to believe anyone would kill so many people just to hide a motive, but we're obviously not dealing with a rational mind. So how do I figure out the plans of an insane man? I never prepared for this. I planned for the killers, the muggers, the rapists. Desperate people doing desperate things. But I never imagined something like the Joker.

BATMAN (narrating): I was right about Joker's motives, I just didn't understand the full nature of his desires. His poem explained it perfectly, though... He'd get personal revenge on the people who made him what he is. And then the whole city would "follow his fall." His fall was into a vat of toxic poison that spilled out into what should have been a clean bay.
So he poisons Gotham's water supply, and everyone dies laughing.
In his sick mind, we're all to blame just for being alive. I understand that now. That paranoid anger and hate. He may be a genius, but that hate is all he knows.

JOKER: What did you just do?
BATMAN: Destroyed the viaduct. I rigged it with C-4 on my way here.
JOKER: But--you just cut off all water to the city...you've crippled them for weeks.
BATMAN: Better crippled then dead.

BATMAN (narrating): This will have to do.
*krak smak knch krak*
JOKER: okay...uncle...you win...i'll kill them...some other time...
BATMAN: No, you won't.

GORDON (narrating): And for the first time in weeks, people in my city are looking up... In this new world, with men like the JOker and whatever else may be headed our way, that's a small victory, I know. But hell, I'll take what I can get.

Batman & Son

JOKER: I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled kids! Now get me SANTA CLAUS! EEEHAHAHAHAHA!

NURSE: See, I just don't find live beheadings all that funny, commissioner.
GORDON: Are you kidding? HAHAHA...lok at the size of this guy? How did they manage to find his neck?!
...
GORDON: Is that really you? Has anyone ever told you how ridiculous you look in that getup?
BATMAN: They don't usually get the chance.
...
BATMAN: Hh. How did they find his neck?
GORDON: That's what I just said! ...Does that mean I'm getting better or worse?

ALFRED: I'm sure it's just a coincidence, sir. Kirk Langstrom is well-known as a philanthropist. I'm confident in the fact that he's also the inventor of a serum which transformed him into a crazed Man-Bat has very little to do with his presence at a charity gala like this one. I feel quite confident about that.
BRUCE: There goes my vacation.

BRUCE: Look, how about I make this easy and take ALL of your numbers. Then everybody gets to be happy. Espicially me.

BATMAN (narrating): It's not Langstrom. Not Man-Bat. Man-Bats. Ninja Man-Bats. Alarming twist.

BATMAN (narrating): Six hundred pounds of meat, gristle and hide. What does that remind me of?
(flashback to a Thanksgiving dinner)
AUNT AGATHA: It's a wee bit overdone, boys.
BRUCE/DICK: Happy Thanksgiving, Aunt Agatha!

BATMAN: Had to be. Who but the daughter of the ultimate international criminal would have her own secret liar in London's sewers? Let me guess. Daddy got you this place for your sixteenth birthday?
TALIA: Eighteenth, actually. No, wait...you're right.

ALFRED: Allow me to show you to your temporary quarters, young sir.
DAMIAN: **** you.
ALFRED: Ahh...memory lane.

DAMIAN: I fought crime tonight. Crime lost.

TALIA: Who else in this world is like us, Bruce Wayne? The century's greatest crimefighter, the daughter of its greatest crimelord, and their genetically perfect child. Join me and I promise I'll never threaten civilization again. We'll found a dynasty that will rule the planet for a thousand years. Ours is a love story, remember?
BATMAN: That was a long time ago, Talia.
TALIA: Then it's war. And you're responsible. My dear Detective, my mad, billionare, brilliant genius with your secret hidouts, your double life and your Justice League membership...it's not over.

JEZEBEL: He says you're cool, like James Bond.
BRUCE: Oh, I'm much cooler than he is.

JEZEBEL: I read about your parents. I'm so sorry, Bruce. You were so young. It must have been terrible. My own father was assassinated because of what he believed in. I want you to know I understand.
BRUCE: Jezebel, it was...it was a long time ago. I...I got over it.

ROXY: Hey, Batman! You want I'll do you a freebie!
BATMAN: I'm busy right now keeping the city safe from dirtbags, Roxy.

BATMAN: Thought you promised me you'd get a straight job, Ellie.
ELLIE: I...I can't hardly read or write...
BATMAN: I don't need to hear excuses. You can talk. YOu can smile and answer a phone right? *hands her WayneTech card* I hear these people are hirign reception girls. Don't let me see you on the streets after tonight.

BATMAN (narrating): Regular patrol. My nightly workout. Chasing a few old leads. Missing street girls. Cases nobody seems to care about. But this... Bent cops. Monsters. Sick sweet smell of human flesh past its sell-by date. The crawling sixth sense that tells me I'm on to something rotten. I'm opening a can so full of worms you could bury your dead in there and they'd be bones by morning.

ALFRED: Why exactly are you toweling yourself with Bruce Wayne's unlaundered shirts, sir?
BRUCE: The man I faced tonight has been transformed into a testosterone-driven hulk. But I come from generations of old money. I've beaten up Superman. I wore this shirt when I was chewing out the shareholders in the WayneTech boardroom yesterday. What's the one thing an alpha male is programmed to respect? Alpha Male Plus.

BATMAN: You're covering for a rapist. A murderer. And something more. But you know that, don't you? Cop or no cop--you're on my list.

GORDON: Why did you have to choose an enemy that's as old as time and bigger than all of us, Batman?
BATMAN: Same reason you did, Jim. I figured I could take him.

DAMIAN (as Batman): *to the UN* Go and make the world a better place or I'll hunt you down one by one.

 

[Rodrigo90]

BTAS. Joker on the answering machine.

"BOY! Did you pick a wrong number. Leave your message after the scream".

Followed by a mans voice.

"NO!...Please,God,NO!. AHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

[JokerBlogs]

Joker: (holding a deck of cards) How about a magic trick? (fans em out, has the cameraman pick one) ......

You know, if you shuffle a deck of cards 7 times, the deck becomes completely random. Like life. Some people say cards can tell the future. Doesnt work like that, no thats just to predictable......
there are no bad hands, just bad people. Its not about the cards you are, but the cards you are not. So are you gonna fade away with the rest of them? Theres only one card that doesnt add or take away from the deck, it just is.
And it always comes when you least expect it. (produces the joker card out of thin air) Was this your card?

Cameraman: No, mines the.......ace of spades.

Joker: TADA! (shoots cameraman.)