BOUGHT/THOUGHT for June 13, 2007

Well, like I said, there are rarely ever absolutes in fights. The Hulk has gotten powerful enough to outright break physical laws before, which, stupid though it may be, is something that a lot of writers also forget. Pak has stated in interviews that the Hulk is angrier (and therefore stronger) than he's ever been before in WWH, and that the warp core explosion on Sakaar has boosted his powers even further. For all we know, BB tried every single one of those tricks, but:

- the Hulk's Warbound scooped him up in space and brought him back to the moon.
- the Hulk, who's always been a gamma reactor to some extent, is so angry and so brimming with excess energy from the warp core explosion that he's now generating gamma energy so fast that even Black Bolt couldn't siphon it off quickly enough to make a difference.
- the Hulk is, again, so juiced up from the rage and warp core energy that he can withstand Black Bolt's voice even at louder levels.

We don't get to see the fight, so we don't really know. It's basically the same deal as the future King Thor vs. the Hulk and the Thing fight from Jurgens' run. Their fight happens when Thor is at his weakest, yet he manages to kill both the Hulk and the Thing. Because we don't see it, we can't really say it's bull**** because it's not absolutely inconceivable that he couldn't have killed them somehow. Same thing with the super-Hulk vs. Black Bolt. Look at it objectively, keep in mind that Pak has stated himself that he's writing the most powerful Hulk ever, and then fill in the blanks in the no doubt numerous scenarios where the Hulk could indeed beat Black Bolt, because it's really not totally inconceivable that he could. Clearly, based on the outcome that we see in the comic, he does.
 
I think Corp had an accident and they gave him some of Ang_Hulk's blood in a transfusion.:(
 
I think Corp had an accident and they gave him some of Ang_Hulk's blood in a transfusion.:(

*Ka-tackles!!* HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:heart: :heart: :heart: :dry: :heart: :heart:
 
Well, that's a gross oversimplification of my reasoning, but it's partially true. I just don't see what the point of shaking your fist and shouting "no fair!" is when, from the very start, the point of this event has clearly been for the Hulk to kick everyone's ass. Obviously, the writer is going to make the Hulk's power level such that kicking everyone's ass is plausible, hence it's plausible for him to have kicked Black Bolt's ass.
 
Agreed with Corp. We don't know the extent of Hulk's new power nor how he beat Black Bolt. While it all seems fairly unlikely, it's not impossible.

We're talking about a whole new beast here.
 
The truth is I'M a Skrull, too. I killed Tropico and spent all this time reading his posts to be able to supplant him. I'm glad Hulk beat up that Skrull, he stole my girlfriend and had it coming it to him. Excuse me while I go pose as a baby to get breast fed. Mmmm, BOOBIES!!!
 
Fantastic Four Thoughts (No real spoilers, don't worry):

Yawn!!!!

I saw the midnight showing of Fantastic Four last night. While not as packed as the early showings of Spidey 3 or Pirates 3, it still had a respectable crowd. (Unlike last years Superman, which only had about 25 people.) I'd say 3/4 of the theater was packed. Anyway, without giving anything away, I'll say the following.

I really liked the movie. (But, won't say "loved.") I thought it outdid the first film, and it's running time of 1 1/2 hours seemed perfect, especially after having sat through so many 2 1/2 + hour movies lately.

The cast is pretty good, imo. That is, except for Jessica Alba. She just looks terrible with that blond wig, and she's really not that good of an actress. (I was listening to Howard recently, and they really summed her up well, I think. She's beautiful, for sure, but she isn't sexy. It's kind of crass to say, but when you look at Alba, you don't think she'd be that good in the sack.) Jessica Alba is one of the worst cast comic characters I've ever seen.

I was hoping that they'd do something with Doom's voice. I remembered in the first film finding that actor's voice not adequate when Doom had his entire armor on. Sadly, it's the same in this film. (Although, Doom was much more Doomish this time around.)

Silver Surfer looks awesome! He is the film. Too bad so much of the money probably went into his character. Some things just didn't come off as powerful. For example (and, I don't think I'm giving anything away), great Galactus moments in comics is seeing Galactus devour a world, the inhabitant's reactions....it brings alive how dire the situation is. With this movie, all you see is a planet be devoured, no planet reactions. I just don't think they had the money to go all out, which is a shame. It could really have blown people away a bit more if it had.

Critics are still slamming the movie for being too campy. They obviously don't get that this is what the Fantastic Four is about. Sure, in the first 20 minutes it was maybe a bit too silly at times; but, it works for this comic adaptation.

In the end, this movie's biggest flaw just seems to be Jessica Alba. She really distracts from the movie's enjoyment. When a viewer is focusing on a bad wig, that's not good. Still, I give it a solid B. I had more fun than I did with Spidey. There's definitely more action, and once that action starts, it's pretty constant.
 
So Bendis watched Battlestar and stole their ideas for new Cylons.

Hey next revelation, there are Skrulls who don't even know they're Skrulls!

Reed I'm looking at you.
 
If there were a Spider-Man tie-in, I bet he'd have put something about it in there. Alas, Joe Q's stupid "One More Day" crap is gumming up the works too much to allow that.
 
More Thoughts:

Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four #25: This issue pays homage to the old What If? stories by having Johnny Storm travel through various alternate realities based on the F4 getting their powers. This title has improved a great deal, and isn't so unreadable anymore. I doubt it will ever get a really high score from anyone; but, each of these past issues has it's moments. (I laughed out loud when Johnny came across the scariest of worlds for him. He thought he made it back to his own reality, only to discover it wasn't Reed who hooked up with his sister, but Spider-Man. As he says, "That was teh worst alterniverse yet!") 7/10

Franklin Richards - Son Of A Genius: Definitely one of the cutest comics Marvel (or any comic company) puts out. Plus, unlike previous issues, there weren't any of the strips that I'd previously read in the back of one of Marvel's other comics. If you loved Calvin and Hobbes back in the day, the adventures of Franklin and H.E.R.B.I.E. is for you. It simply blows me away that the Franklin comics are ones I look forward to reading. It's vastly superior to the Power Pack comics. 8/10

New X-Men #39: Wicked! Cool!! Awesome!!! This story is blowing me a way, and I'm probably more impressed with it than I was with World War Hulk. The art is kinda wacky, but it blends itself so well to this story, and the story is so fast paced. Action, action, action throughout, and there were just so many moments in this where I was thinking "Holy Crap!" Really, Belasco makes Nimrod look like a *****. So far, this is the best New X-Men story I've read. After it's all over, I want to go back and read it again. If some of you haven't picked this title up yet, go to your comic shop, grab issues 37, 38 and 39, and enjoy. 10/10

Mystic Arcana - Magik: So, let's see if I get this correct. Ian McNee, a man who once challenged Dr. Strange for the mantle of Sorcerer Supreme, is sent on a quest for four magical artifacts in order to cast a spell to save a magician, Heka-Nut, whose spirit is trapped in a "canopic" jar, and who plays an important role in the dawning of a new age in magic. The main story that links the four issues is the second story in these books, and the stories that preceed it are from some yesterday in certain heroes' pasts. This issue deals with Magik and takes place during events from New Mutants #32, and helps the reader understand the importantance of the first magical artifact, "The Sword Of Bone."

Not a bad issue. It tells its story well-enough. There is just no "wow" factor. It's good to see Magik again; yet, it definitely pales in comparison to the much better New X-Men story. This isn't a title that will hook you and give the reader an lusting to pick up the next issue...it's more like a comic where you say, "If I have enough cash next month, I might check it out." 7/10
 
On the subject of the exploding ship, there has never been (unless I missed something) any explicit confirmation that the Illuminati rigged the ship to explode; that's just what the Hulk thinks happened. There's no actual evidence it was anything more than an accident caused by all the damage the ship took.

I've always had several problems with the idea it was a deliberate act on the part of the Illuminati:

1) First, if the ship is meant to explode, why does the computer forewarn everyone that the explosion will happen, as if it was an accident?

2) Why wait so long after the Hulk's arrival, if the intent is to stop him from fixing the ship? A considerable period of time passes, and, for all they knew, he could have fixed the ship and returned in the interim.

Those are fair points, which, because I basically got a summary of the events leading here, I didn't know.

The point remains that the very act of shooting the Hulk into space with a ship that easily could burst like a nuke was reckless, regardless of whatever science junk Reed attached to it. Hulk smashes stuff for a living, and if anyone, Reed should know that things in space sometimes run counter to all the planning in the world. That's how he got his powers and cursed his best buddy to become granite incarnate, right? If the explosion of the ship was not a deliberate "time bomb" type act, then the Illuminati are at least responsible for being reckless with not only a dangerous craft, but the Hulk.

I can understand the desperation of the Illuminati, I really do. The Hulk has been battled for years, and doesn't stay down. He can't be contained and every attempt to cure him, from Banner himself to even Reed & Stark, as the Prologue mentions, has failed. Marvel can't determine whether or not Hulk killed people in his latest rampage in Vegas, but even if he didn't, it simply is yet another rampage where people were at least ENDANGERED, and there was millions in destroyed property. The Hulk's actions haven't been limited to New York, he's stomped across the country for years. Yeah, he's stopped his share of menaces. There were long periods where either as Joe Fixit or "The Professor/Smart Hulk" he had control and was more of a hero. But inevitably, Hulk always remains unstable, and dangerous. I don't like the notion of him killing civilians, because you can't root for someone who does. But that doesn't negate him being dangerous.

From Hulk's perspective, he has been hated and manipulated for years. He's screamed, "LEAVE ME ALONE!" to the military and the superheroes for years, and they don't listen. And there have been plenty of times where, as the Hulk has justly noted, he was used merely because his strength was useful. I noted Onslaught as a fairly recent (yet distant) example, but there are far more. "Puny Banner" has tried to be rid of Hulk endless times and yet when push came to shove Hulk had to keep him alive; PAD notes that whether the real person at this point is Hulk or Banner is up in the air. Is Banner a guy who becomes the Hulk or the Hulk who becomes Banner and lacked power or a vessal until the gamma accident? The Hulk always sees his battles as acts of being provoked, and he is right maybe half of the time. Gen. Ross and the army have basically played war games with a near mindless brute for decades. Villains also have provoked him. The Hulk may have endangered people, smashed lots of property and at times threatened to murder heroes trying to do their job (or even reason with him), but he also has saved plenty of people. Yet to Hulk his "friends" abandon him, from Avenger to Defender. Being exiled was the final betrayal and so whether the explosion of the ship that nuked his planet & his family was deliberate or not, Hulk will see it that way, as the Illuminati built it.

FYI, BrianWilly, I don't think Hulk wants to kill Professor X or Namor. In the PROLOGUE one-shot, PAD irons out who Hulk wants to defeat, and those two aren't mentioned. He wants Mr. Fantastic, Iron Man, Dr. Strange and Black Bolt. Right now he's gotten half.

Sure, there are two sides here, but there is some less complication. There's no hand-wringling about Congressional laws, no social debate of rights vs. security, none of that. Just a green behemoth from space who feels he has been wronged, and has some justification, out for superhero blood. And the superheroes, registered or not, banding together to make sure Manhattan Island isn't mashed to dust and see that he doesn't kill people in cold blood. As reckless as exiling Hulk to space was, the Illuminati didn't try to kill him. At least in the sense of beating him down until he wasn't breathing anymore, as Hulk wants to do to Iron Man & Co. They may have planned to either have him drift in space or land on some barren world, but that's not death. It was a space version of what Dr. Strange once did, exiling him to a Dimensional "Crossroads". The difference, which all sides forget, is Strange truly wanted Hulk to find happiness on some world, so part of the enchantment was that if Hulk landed on a world and didn't like it, he could basically wish himself back to the crossroads and try another world. True, this also endangered the lives of other people in other dimensions, but it didn't seem as crude. But, it also inevitably failed.

Of course, all these attempts to cure, control, or kill the Hulk HAVE to fail because the Hulk is a franchise and needs those things intact. In some ways comics have sometimes had issues with taking genre expectations and trying to make them seem deliberate and nefarious. But this one is a bit simplier and more workable, as there are countless past events of Hulk battling nearly every hero on the block and there being two sides to it.

Pak writes INCREDIBLE HULK and naturally is telling a lot of things from his perspective, as the counter arguements have been made by other writers, i.e. Bendis or PAD thus far. Millar proved utterly incapable or unwilling to present two sides fairly, obviously making the Pro-SHRA villains and the anti's heroes to throw the audience. Pak has 4 double sized issues to prove better than that. I hope he does. And hopefully whatever the outcome it, it is satisfying. The fan community & shop orderers have remained loyal to Marvel over DC (via overall sales), if only by comparison, despite two events in a row over the past 2 years that have had universally lambasted endings. A third might be begging for disaster.

Again, I don't care how angry Hulk is, he shouldn't beat Blackbolt, end of story.

Having read the issue, I still agree. The notion of even a "stronger Hulk" defeating Black Bolt is debateable. The fact that this happened off panel is slightly irksome. Some could say it leaves the actual fight off screen so that the end results happen however the audience wants it to happen, thus avoiding blame to the writer for tactics. On the other hand, it also means a writer may not have any good plan for how the Hulk beats Black Bolt, and wants the fans to do it for him. Black Bolt does have more powers than his voice, but few have actually portrayed them in years; while I won't assume Pak is as ignorant as Bendis about comic research, we do know that Marvel's editors rarely work overtime to make sure a writer gets certain things right. If a writer goofs, accidentally or deliberately, the editors shrug. It was a shame, though, because Black Bolt is far more poweful than Iron Man, but because he isn't popular, he doesn't get a 10+ page fight sequence. But, c'mon, DC does this too. Who is going to get a longer fight scene if, say, Mongul was storming a city, Batman in ghetto armor, or Lightray? The latter is more powerful, but the former is more popular. Marvel did this sort of stuff with Wolverine for ages, is anyone really surprised when it happens with Iron Man? Hell, the fact that this event is underway and the fanboy community doesn't seem to believe Wolverine will be a major player, when he could have been a decade ago, is an accomplishment for mainstream Marvel.

Logical arguements aside, though, Black Bolt's defeat was easily the lowpoint of the issue, and a definate "con" so far. But it could be worse. I mean, c'mon, NO ONE can beat the Hulk or even come close until at least halfway. That is the risk of taking such a simple action scene and making an event of it. Will Pak make it count?

I mean, hell, couldn't Iron Man have tried sleeping gas? Spidey's beaten Hulk that way once. :p
 
Those are fair points, which, because I basically got a summary of the events leading here, I didn't know.

The point remains that the very act of shooting the Hulk into space with a ship that easily could burst like a nuke was reckless, regardless of whatever science junk Reed attached to it. Hulk smashes stuff for a living, and if anyone, Reed should know that things in space sometimes run counter to all the planning in the world. That's how he got his powers and cursed his best buddy to become granite incarnate, right? If the explosion of the ship was not a deliberate "time bomb" type act, then the Illuminati are at least responsible for being reckless with not only a dangerous craft, but the Hulk.

I can understand the desperation of the Illuminati, I really do. The Hulk has been battled for years, and doesn't stay down. He can't be contained and every attempt to cure him, from Banner himself to even Reed & Stark, as the Prologue mentions, has failed. Marvel can't determine whether or not Hulk killed people in his latest rampage in Vegas, but even if he didn't, it simply is yet another rampage where people were at least ENDANGERED, and there was millions in destroyed property. The Hulk's actions haven't been limited to New York, he's stomped across the country for years. Yeah, he's stopped his share of menaces. There were long periods where either as Joe Fixit or "The Professor/Smart Hulk" he had control and was more of a hero. But inevitably, Hulk always remains unstable, and dangerous. I don't like the notion of him killing civilians, because you can't root for someone who does. But that doesn't negate him being dangerous.

From Hulk's perspective, he has been hated and manipulated for years. He's screamed, "LEAVE ME ALONE!" to the military and the superheroes for years, and they don't listen. And there have been plenty of times where, as the Hulk has justly noted, he was used merely because his strength was useful. I noted Onslaught as a fairly recent (yet distant) example, but there are far more. "Puny Banner" has tried to be rid of Hulk endless times and yet when push came to shove Hulk had to keep him alive; PAD notes that whether the real person at this point is Hulk or Banner is up in the air. Is Banner a guy who becomes the Hulk or the Hulk who becomes Banner and lacked power or a vessal until the gamma accident? The Hulk always sees his battles as acts of being provoked, and he is right maybe half of the time. Gen. Ross and the army have basically played war games with a near mindless brute for decades. Villains also have provoked him. The Hulk may have endangered people, smashed lots of property and at times threatened to murder heroes trying to do their job (or even reason with him), but he also has saved plenty of people. Yet to Hulk his "friends" abandon him, from Avenger to Defender. Being exiled was the final betrayal and so whether the explosion of the ship that nuked his planet & his family was deliberate or not, Hulk will see it that way, as the Illuminati built it.

FYI, BrianWilly, I don't think Hulk wants to kill Professor X or Namor. In the PROLOGUE one-shot, PAD irons out who Hulk wants to defeat, and those two aren't mentioned. He wants Mr. Fantastic, Iron Man, Dr. Strange and Black Bolt. Right now he's gotten half.

Sure, there are two sides here, but there is some less complication. There's no hand-wringling about Congressional laws, no social debate of rights vs. security, none of that. Just a green behemoth from space who feels he has been wronged, and has some justification, out for superhero blood. And the superheroes, registered or not, banding together to make sure Manhattan Island isn't mashed to dust and see that he doesn't kill people in cold blood. As reckless as exiling Hulk to space was, the Illuminati didn't try to kill him. At least in the sense of beating him down until he wasn't breathing anymore, as Hulk wants to do to Iron Man & Co. They may have planned to either have him drift in space or land on some barren world, but that's not death. It was a space version of what Dr. Strange once did, exiling him to a Dimensional "Crossroads". The difference, which all sides forget, is Strange truly wanted Hulk to find happiness on some world, so part of the enchantment was that if Hulk landed on a world and didn't like it, he could basically wish himself back to the crossroads and try another world. True, this also endangered the lives of other people in other dimensions, but it didn't seem as crude. But, it also inevitably failed.

Of course, all these attempts to cure, control, or kill the Hulk HAVE to fail because the Hulk is a franchise and needs those things intact. In some ways comics have sometimes had issues with taking genre expectations and trying to make them seem deliberate and nefarious. But this one is a bit simplier and more workable, as there are countless past events of Hulk battling nearly every hero on the block and there being two sides to it.

Pak writes INCREDIBLE HULK and naturally is telling a lot of things from his perspective, as the counter arguements have been made by other writers, i.e. Bendis or PAD thus far. Millar proved utterly incapable or unwilling to present two sides fairly, obviously making the Pro-SHRA villains and the anti's heroes to throw the audience. Pak has 4 double sized issues to prove better than that. I hope he does. And hopefully whatever the outcome it, it is satisfying. The fan community & shop orderers have remained loyal to Marvel over DC (via overall sales), if only by comparison, despite two events in a row over the past 2 years that have had universally lambasted endings. A third might be begging for disaster.



Having read the issue, I still agree. The notion of even a "stronger Hulk" defeating Black Bolt is debateable. The fact that this happened off panel is slightly irksome. Some could say it leaves the actual fight off screen so that the end results happen however the audience wants it to happen, thus avoiding blame to the writer for tactics. On the other hand, it also means a writer may not have any good plan for how the Hulk beats Black Bolt, and wants the fans to do it for him. Black Bolt does have more powers than his voice, but few have actually portrayed them in years; while I won't assume Pak is as ignorant as Bendis about comic research, we do know that Marvel's editors rarely work overtime to make sure a writer gets certain things right. If a writer goofs, accidentally or deliberately, the editors shrug. It was a shame, though, because Black Bolt is far more poweful than Iron Man, but because he isn't popular, he doesn't get a 10+ page fight sequence. But, c'mon, DC does this too. Who is going to get a longer fight scene if, say, Mongul was storming a city, Batman in ghetto armor, or Lightray? The latter is more powerful, but the former is more popular. Marvel did this sort of stuff with Wolverine for ages, is anyone really surprised when it happens with Iron Man? Hell, the fact that this event is underway and the fanboy community doesn't seem to believe Wolverine will be a major player, when he could have been a decade ago, is an accomplishment for mainstream Marvel.

Logical arguements aside, though, Black Bolt's defeat was easily the lowpoint of the issue, and a definate "con" so far. But it could be worse. I mean, c'mon, NO ONE can beat the Hulk or even come close until at least halfway. That is the risk of taking such a simple action scene and making an event of it. Will Pak make it count?

I mean, hell, couldn't Iron Man have tried sleeping gas? Spidey's beaten Hulk that way once. :p

Good points but I don't think the black bolt thing is as bad as everyone makes it out. Black bolt definately has the power but he's blindsided by an attack he didn't see coming. While the Hulk with his team has had quite a while to figure out strategies and plans to take out each man. Hulk for the first time is not just smashing but is deliberately attacking with a thought out plan and with help both from this world and from distant planets. Add to that his recent exposure to heavy radiation and him being enraged and I do think he could take BB (just not alone). He's less a fighter and more a soldier following a battle plan that they've carefully laid out.

Maybe I'm wrong and the rest of this is just gonna be one side against the other on the streets on NY slugging each other until only one is left standing but I doubt it.
 
Good points but I don't think the black bolt thing is as bad as everyone makes it out. Black bolt definately has the power but he's blindsided by an attack he didn't see coming. While the Hulk with his team has had quite a while to figure out strategies and plans to take out each man. Hulk for the first time is not just smashing but is deliberately attacking with a thought out plan and with help both from this world and from distant planets. Add to that his recent exposure to heavy radiation and him being enraged and I do think he could take BB (just not alone). He's less a fighter and more a soldier following a battle plan that they've carefully laid out.

Maybe I'm wrong and the rest of this is just gonna be one side against the other on the streets on NY slugging each other until only one is left standing but I doubt it.

I know Hulk is more powerful and more cunning, but something like Black Bolt's defeat shouldn't be made so pedestrian to me.

Speaking of which, my review of FF2: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER

The link here: http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=11881394&postcount=146

Or the spoiler tagged version here:
Going into the theatre to see FF2: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER, I had been thinking about the first movie for a bit. The original FANTASTIC FOUR had some definate strengths, but also considerable weaknesses that kept it being average fare, fun superhero popcorn fluff with some chuckles but not much else. Mike Chiklis & Chris Evans were picture perfect as Ben & Johnny, respectively, and literally carried the film. Jessica Alba was woefully miscast as Sue Storm; she's more of a hot body/stuntwoman than an actress, and when her sequences involve her being invisible or not beating down people with fists & feet, things suffer (yeah, like anyone who saw INTO THE BLUE did it for the plot). Ioan Gruffudd's Reed was sort of average; not bad, but the movie depicted him more as an awkward bumbler geek than a genius, and as Reed never had the everyman appeal of Peter Parker, who does that better (and has Tobey Maguire to do it better), that was a poor angle to take. Perhaps the biggest flaws of the FF of 2005 was their portrayal of Dr. Doom. Julian McMahon was actually fine at playing Victor before the accident, as an arrogant, vindictive genius. But it was everything AFTER that which failed. Firstly, giving Dr. Doom powers completely ruins most of his appeal as a character; it is akin to giving Batman superpowers to explain some of his nearly-inhuman feats. Quite why a film that expects the audience to buy cosmic rays making someone elastic or combustable wouldn't be able to buy a man building a suit of armor is unknown. To top it off, Doom's origin was like a cheesier version of Green Goblin's from SPIDER-MAN, right down to throwing a doctor through a table in a lab when they don't get the results they like. The costume was actually impressive, but McMahon's voice isn't. He always sounded puny and pedestrian when Dr. Doom should sound intimidating. He was the base for Darth Vader. Every cartoon under the god damned sun has employed some metallic sound effect for him, but some 100+ million blockbuster from Hollywood can't even get that right? The action was pedestrian and everything just seemed amusing, but not inspiring. A ** star out of ***** effort. Not to say "average" movies can't be fun, but rarely are worth a rewatch. Dr. Doom was pedestrian in voice, origin, and direction, Reed a joke, Alba miscast; Johnny & Thing were essentially the main pro's. Perhaps had FANTASTIC FOUR debuted as Marvel's first modern flick in 2000, some of these flaws might not have been so apparent (the original X-MEN is hardly perfect, but was good enough for the time, barely 3 years after BATMAN & ROBIN, and 2 after BLADE pulled off a success). But after X2 and SPIDER-MAN 2, it just wasn't enough to make it beyond average entertainment.

The Fantastic Four have always been a difficult property. They come from a brighter era and usually are media darlings. Their powers and family-feel have been ripped off so many times since 1961 that they now seem generic, much as Superman has become since 1938. And they have to walk that fine line between sci-fi cliches and cheese and geniune drama. That doesn't mean it is impossible; STAR WARS and STAR TREK, or the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, succeeded at this. But I had my doubts as to the improvement of a sequal. Alba will always be who she is, and that will be that. Dr. Doom's origin can't be undone, but at best he could have a better plot or voice. And Reed could be written better. I fully expected Johnny & Thing to carry the film again, and they do. Silver Surfer, however, looked incredible, a marvel (pun intended) of special effects, and it got everyone's attention.

The plot actually takes some elements from the comics, as the last did. Reed & Sue want to get married, after some awkward romance last movie, but can't because a media circus or some experiment/disaster interupts them. Thing is still all craggy, but he's dating Alicia Masters (Kerry Washington), who has more airtime but still doesn't do a whole lot besides remove the Thing's self-loathing. Johnny is still a showboating, commercializing, skirt-chasing jerk. However, when the Silver Surfer shows up and starts mucking with the weather and drilling massive holes into the earth's surface, he gets the attention of the U.S. military and the Four, who assemble to stop him. Turns out he's naturally "the janiter to the apocalypse" as The Tick was to Omnipotus, but before the Four can figure out whether the Surfer is friend or foe or how to save the planet from "Galactus", they have to contend with Dr. Doom, back from Latvernian storage and cured of his deformities, out to steal the Surfer's "Power Cosmic" for himself. Toss into the mix Johnny trying to act serious as well as get army Capt. Frankie Raye (Beau Garrett, but any lean female would have done) to not hate him, as well as being afflicted with som sort of "cosmic radiation flu" that causes Johnny to swap powers with any one of the Four he touches, which is used for both comedic and dramatic effect.

Much as the first, Johnny and Thing carry the film with their buddy chemistry, only Chris Evans' Torch gets a lot more airtime this time, as well as his moment to define himself as both a hero and a brother/brother-in-law/pal to the Four beyond his showboat exterior. Gruffudd's Reed is still not nearly as impressive a mind as in the comics, but he does come across as slightly more interesting this time. He's reserved and would rather work on his machines and theories than fool around with his hot lady, or have a bachelor party with the boys. He can cobble together any super-science gadget to advance the plot, just like he does in the comics. Sue, for her part, spends most of the movie until the end pining for a normal life, reminding me of the 60's fare when all she wanted to do in the comics was be a housewife. In some attempt to make Alba look more like Sue, or older, she has a bleachier wig and heavier makeup, which made her look almost ugly in promo posters. She looks better in the film itself but still seems covered in the stuff. Alba does geniunely try to get things right in her performance and succeeds at times, but there is one bit where she attempts to look smart by wearing glasses that symbolizes how miscast she is. Look, she is lovely to look at. But despite all of her whole-hearted efforts, she was miscast. Plain and simple. But despite that, she is nowhere near as disappointing as McMahon's Doom. The film tries to homage a classic scene in the comics when Doom has monks peel his armored mask over his ruined face, but he spends too long in some cloak left over from "The Emperor Palpetine" collection. A zap from the Surfer cures all his scars and thus his one major character draw, and Dr. Doom may homage a classic story by trying to steal Surfer's powers, but he still is nothing more than a generic villain.

40 years of depictions on the small and big screen, dozens of actors/writers/designers, and NO ONE has been able to get this villain right. The BEST depiction of Dr. Doom remains from the 1981 syndicated version of the SPIDER-MAN cartoon that blipped on TV screens a season before it got the attention of NBC and led to Amazing Friends. That version of Dr. Doom had a solid design, a noble yet intimidating voice with metallic enhancement, and a plotline that made full use of his status as dictator of Latvernia with Diplomatic Immunity. It was a product of the times and not perfect, but to this day is the best version of Dr. Doom I have ever seen outside the comic. Every over cartoon and movie pooched it, usually by making him either silly or generic.

Silver Surfer, on the other hand, was nearly perfect here. Voiced by Laurence Fishburne and acted by Doug Jones (Abe Sapien from both the HELLBOY feature film and DTV's, both of which are better than this FF2 film), the Silver Surfer is an awesome presence. It didn't help that half of his good scenes were shown in trailers, but that still didn't ruin the effect on the screen. He looked like a silver, organ-less man who didn't look silly or cheesy, but truly like something from another world. His board looked sleek and powerful without being too long or too much like a surfboard. Fishburne's vocals also were subtle yet powerful, a shame they couldn't have rented any one of the dozen capable voice actors I could think of to take over for McMahon once the armor is on. If the film did anyone right, they got Surfer right. A passive yet powerful being from another world, Norrin Radd agreed to serve as errand boy to a cosmic menace to save his own planet, and the one his loves on it. Sue was switched from Alicia as the person who gives Surfer some faith in humanity, most likely to give her more to do besides pine. The Surfer inevitably realizes he has a choice from the Four's heroism and confronts his master. Really nothing I could say to tarnish Surfer, and the film might be worth seeing just for him alone. Truly a masterpiece of acting & CGI. Just a shame that Surfer was alone in this.

Removing Dr. Doom's disfigurement just makes him a generic pretty-boy baddie, unlike about a billion I could think of, and removes some of his contempt for the world. It just seemed tacked on to provide a sequence where the army could trust him enough to work with him after Surfer is captured. Dr. Doom actually dons some cool looking armor and the board of the Surfer (which in this movie was his power-source), but oh lord, the coolness ends there. Sure, Cosmic Doom gets in some night explosions and a great finale fight with "Super Torch" (Johnny absorbs the powers of the Four, in a showing of what Super-Skrull could look like for a 3rd), but his vocals are wimpy and his lines are terrible! "Everyone want to go for a spin!" Dr. Doom quips while he does some silly whirlwind spin; for chrissakes, Royal Pain from SKY HIGH sounded better! Even the new anime cliche Dr. Doom from the new CN cartoon with man-fingernails comes off better than this iron joke. It utterly is a shame to see such a classic regal villain mishandled at literally every turn. People complained up and down about SPIDER-MAN 3, but at least he got Sandman & Harry right, and even Venom was more entertaining for his finale cameo. Heck, I almost would take "College Eddie Munster"/Blackheart from GHOST RIDER over this pathetic steel whipping boy that poses as Doom. Man, he wouldn't even make a good Doombot. All the cool costuming or effects in the world can't overcome stale lines & acting, and paper thin motives.

Speaking of lines, some of them were cringe-worthy. There were some good exchanges, some chuckles, and after angsty fare like PIRATES or S-M3, I did actually feel somewhat refreshed at seeing a lighter hero tale that was under 2 hours (hell, it was barely 90 minutes). The movie introduces the Four as beloved heroes and media darlings who tangle with crime and disasters, and I would have liked to see that displayed in a scene. It would have made them seem more accessable stopping a bank robbery or something vs. all of their action scenes being against Cosmic Doom or Silver Surfer.

But, Dr. Doom wasn't the only tarnished villain here. Nope, not even Galactus can avoid the Hollywood grinder. If you were expecting some design to rival the utterly DROP DEAD GORGEOUS depiction shown in cinematics for MARVEL: ULTIMATE ALLIANCE, then you are sorely mistaken. No, here Galactus is a big space cloud. With tentacles. He basically is Hedorah the Smog Monster from GODZILLA VS. THE SMOG MONSTER, circa 1972. It was cheesy then with baggy suits and it's cheesy now with multi millions in CGI. There are hints of the classic stuff, or homages, like shadow images of Galactus' three pronged helmet in shadows or in his core, but these feel more like teases of should have been, like a big Nelson-esque "Ha HA!" And after all the end-of-the-world shipping, fearing, and whatnot, Galactus-Cloud goes down in like 3 minutes when Surfer, inspired by Alba's babage, sucks the gas into himself and floats into space. Really. That's it. It was so anti-climatic that Sandman literally floated next to Surfer and said, "Damn, that's anti-climatic!" If any blockbuster leaves you with a feeling of, "that's IT", then this is it. Some will try to claim this space cloud was some spaceship, but it's not, it's space dust. Some others will say that the concept of a big, purple armor man could never be taken seriously by the audience. To that I say, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? After expecting the audience to buy the Four's powers, Johnny switching them, Doom's terrible performance, and silve men surfing through space, a LARGE COSMIC ALIEN MAN is somehow TOO MUCH TO SWALLOW!? That reminds me of some Marvel writers who feel the concept of a man gaining a half ton of muscle mass from nowhere from gamma radiation is acceptable, but him not killing people in a rampage isn't. You can either over-realistic comics to death and make everything low powered leather angst affairs, or go all out and produce stuff like 300 that doesn't even pretend to make comic action look real, but embraces the art of it. Movies like the FF ones make the common mistake of trying to be a mix of both, picking and choosing, but fail. Raimi gets it right, but Tim Story is no Raimi. This utterly pathetic depiction of what is supposed to be the biggest menace in the universe makes even Wuss Doom look incredible.

There are good things to be had. Evans' Torch really steals the show and proves himself a hero, and Chiklis' Thing is always reliable. Reed is slightly better here than the last film, and so is Alba (who has another joke scene that teases nudity). It gets the square elements of the franchise right, and the Surfer is just a spectacle to behold. But the clunky lines and underwhelming villains can't keep it above mediocrity. I'd give it ** 1/2 stars out of ****, if only because Reed & Sue had minor improvements from the first film, Evans stepped up, Surfer is great and some of the action sequences are cool to watch, at least once. But really nothing for the classic list, or a repeat viewing for me. Evans & Jones/Fishburne/CGI carried this one almost as much as Jim Carrey & Val Kilmer carried BATMAN FOREVER. I mean I didn't leave the theatre angry and it is a fun superhero romp for the masses, but it's the TGI FRIDAYS to the high class steak joint that is, say, SPIDER-MAN 2. It's a fun film, and lord knows every comic fan will see it, but it's not the best of the genre, or even the best the Four could be. They're a hard franchise to translate perfectly to another medium and that may never change.

Despite the flaws, SPIDER-MAN 3 was still the best blockbuster of the summer to me, and I really doubt Bay's TRANSFORMERS is going to top it.
 
Mine was a bit more...pedestrian.
My god, this was so horrible. I never thought that two movies as bad as Ghost Rider could even physically exist.

The dialogue was embarrassingly atrocious. Nearly every other scene had me wincing at the poor direction and "chemistry" these people had. The "plot" hung together by the barest of threads. Characters sort of just did things and stuff sort of just happened without rhyme or reason.

Galactus is the single biggest disappointment I've ever had in a superhero film, and I've seen the Absorbing Man, people. Doom is, well, Doom. They were never going to get it right, and now they never will.

I will say this, though: they did the Surfer really well in almost all respects. And Johnny, as usual, steals the show.

The depressing thing is that it could have been great. This had the makings of what could have been great. But scene after scene after scene of laughably bad moviemaking just dumps it all in the poop chute.
Oh, I totally forgot about the part where Doom apparently forgets to account for [blackout]being too heavy to swim[/blackout]. "Chemistry 101, Victor!"
 

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