Valentine's Day is also comic book day. Fortunately, I don't have to worry about cash priorities, because Dread is single again, as always. Like I keep saying, women know better than to date me. Or give me the time of day. After all, guys like me do grow on trees. Besides, like every single bitter guy says, this is a card company holiday. So to me it's just another comic day. To any women angry that Romance is dead, it's because I killed it. Stuffed some USM comics down it's neck. Enjoy the reviews.
In proof that I am starting to "get it", I still haven't bothered to track down the last issue of X-MEN: PHEONIX: WARSONG that I missed. I figure, why pay $3 for an issue almost everyone said is bad for a mini that I deemed as crud almost at the start? There are better uses for my money.
In the box of chocolates are full spoilers. Enjoy.
DREAD'S BOUGHT/THOUGHT list for 2/14/07:
52 WEEK #41: Naturally, the last issue was a tough act to follow, and this one showed. After a few weeks of bangin' climaxes, we get a "more of the same" kind of issue, more subtle. Not bad, but I won't pretend it was as good as some of the last 4-5. The Montoya chapter felt a little awkward, almost as if we'd missed something. Without much of a whimper, Question is actually dead (compare it to the over-the-top death and funeral of, say, Ultimate Xavier) and Montoya is stuck listening to "Eastern Zen cliches older than KUNG-FU" without him. It's done well, but rather predictable to form, as she seems set to move on with her life and become the new, sexier, PC Question II. Strange and Starfire struggle to fight past yet another bounty hunter and at the final hour are saved by some Green Lanterns who happened to be trucking by, and like the majority of Green Lanterns, they look kind of stupid to me. It's because of bums like this that the Corps got wiped in the 90's, fellas (in addition to, well, the 90's overindulgence on death, crossovers, and shock, which surely hasn't returned, wink). But I guess they all can't be the cool "non-humans" like Kilowogg or Katma. Finally, Ralph Dibney literally has to steal an artifact from a crippled ex-mad doctor to finalize his Fate-quest, and despite the lowness of it, succeeds. Starfire gets the origin bit. Not a bad issue, but after the last few, a "set up" chapter is going to seem slow.
JLA CLASSIFIED #34: Still a Slott supporter, but whoever said that JLA CLASSIFIED was DC's dumping ground for random JLA stories they bought and eventually have to push out the door was right on the money. While not bad by any means, in a way this title feels like X-MEN UNLIMITED or SPIDER-MAN UNLIMITED, a title that may have some decent stories but has little reason to exist aside to try to mooch another buck on a franchise. At least in this case, rather than just having a one-shot anthology, this has it's own arcs, even if they're OOC. "THE 4TH PARALLEL" continues onto the second of the 3 realities that Slott creation Red King has left to try to take over the world and beat the JLA. Unlike in the last one, where Red King became the world's greatest hero via playing both sides, in this reality, Red King seemingly triggers the destruction of the world. But most of the issue follows the JLA acting in quick, sometimes in almost fantastic Busiek-order to save everyone on Earth from the apocalypse and terra-form Mars to do so. It's all terribly heady stuff where you see these characters do in a page or two things that if this story really counted, would take months if not a year. Like I said, it reads like a very old school, Busiek-esque approach to comics you rarely see these days, where the JLA can act like gods and no one pisses on them for it. There are of course some good quiet moments; J'onn praying on Mars, Superman experiencing deje vu', Flash and Plastic Man mourning the loss of their hometowns, quelling violence between two cyphers for Middle East factions, and Wonder Woman being used as the "voice of truth" and empath to nature, a role that smacks in the face of some more "important" DC writers who seem to have lost the memo that she's not a barbarian. There is one awkward bit; Batman winds up on Profitt's trail simply from ONE random box that matched a detail from Red King's "holo-broadcast", but Superman encounters Dr. Destiny who literally mumbles the foe's name and doesn't at least get curious. On this world, Red King does destroy the Earth, but only takes Batman and some schmoes with it as the JLA do actually save everyone. Not a bad issue, but Slott peaked at part 1 and I am sort of waiting for the finish when it all ties together. Not a bad ride, though. Lord knows I've paid for a lot worse. In a way it's refreshing to see this old school approach to JLA adventures again.
GHOST RIDER #8: One of the most dubious placements of the CASUALTIES OF WAR banner, the only CW related material is that in the town that GR happens to be in, a TV report about the conflict is on and one of the supporting characters for the arc comments on it. Not even the title star, but the issue's antagonist, and it's as an aside. There are some tie-ins that are vital or interesting but Marvel is winning no friends when they shamelessly slap on that tagger for paper-thin reasons. Texeira is back on art, thank goodness, as Way starts his 3rd arc. Fortunately, it is an arc that doesn't rely heavilly on the Lucifer-retcon so far, which is good. Essentially, a flame-headed monster is killing people in Illionois, and Ghost Rider is inevitably going to get the blame, especially since one of the victims is the date-raping son of a dead friend of the sheriff of Sleepy Hollow. When Blaze awakens on a golf course covered in blood shortly after the murder (blood a flashback panel seems to suggest he got fighting more of Lucifer's "bodies" some time before as Ghost Rider), Sheriff Harry goes to town on him like a cliche corrupt, violent cop looking for "his man", and gets the scare of his life from Ghost Rider. However, naturally, the killer isn't him, but Jack O'Lantern. As Punisher killed the latest tech-using incarnation, this must be a new, possibly supernatually empowered Jack, which as an idea isn't new either, but ties into the Brian Pulido 1998 mini THE SUPERNATURALS, which also had a demonic Jack O'Lantern. I was one of the rare people who actually liked that mini so I don't mind that premise for Jack being used. After the last two issues, a promising start to the next arc, even if the CoW tagger is a shameless attempt to boost sales for a book that is already selling moderately well (within the Top 30-50). Dudes, if the film doesn't boost this book beyond where it is at, nothing will. Be fortunate that after years out of the limelight and some downright shoddy relaunch attempts (HAMMER LANE anyone), a GR book can sell beyond 6 issues within the Top 50. That's not bad.
ASTONISHING X-MEN #20: Maybe it was the fact that this issue cranked up the gear from the last one, or that this arc is already looking to blast DANGEROUS and TORN out of the water. Or maybe, after months of USM or WARSONG, I've gotten a refresher course of what REAL garbage comic stories look like and can admit to being a bit harsh on Whedon, who even at his worst manages to be entertaining. In fact the only thing that really hurts the book it it's erratic scheduling; sometimes it's one month, sometimes two, sometimes 4. Whedon claims it's not him while not pointing the finger at Cassaday, and Cassaday shows his work ethic by doing art for MAD Magazine, HUNTER/KILLER, and Vertigo while issues of this lag. Apparently that sort of thing doesn't bother his Marvel bosses in the slightest, because they've tagged him to draw a CIVIL WAR one-shot. Considering this is the #1 selling X-book they have, choosing to sacrifice the 190k or more readers for the larger CW event gives the impression that Marvel, once literally suckling the teet of their rabid X-Fans for survival, are now willing to abandon them at the drop of a hat if it means a bigger buck elsewhere. One can shake their head when the already-slow Cassaday takes side jobs from competitive companies, but it is another when Marvel seemingly contributes to this book's lateness (much as they did with ULTIMATE SECRET last year when they pulled McNiven off after 2 issues and needed 3 months for the fill-in guy to start, sucking the wind out of an event that'd already suffered from Hairsine's latenesses on ULTIMATE NIGHTMARE) simply by choosing one audience over the other.
None of this has much to do with the actual issue, which is quite good and readable and keeps the story on a fast pace. Agent Brand, still a typical "generic perfect battle hardened femm fatale", uses some quick wits to buy her and the X-Men time to land on Breakworld. Armed with uniforms, translaters, and breathing tools, the X-Men split up as they land on Breakworld; the Wolverine-Hisako-Colossus-Shadowcat pod landing rather harshly. Once again, Colossus proves to be THE wussiest 85 ton tanker in all of Marvel comics; a measely fall and he's TKO'd. However, the incident was used for a bit of symbolism to rile the Ordworld tyrant and the metal man punches stuff later, so I'll forgive it. On the plus side, Whedon ignores other writers who portray Wolverine as an invincible, unbeatable regenerating machine as after the crash, he acknowledges that he may not have lived without Hisako and it actually takes him a while to heal (30 minutes to regrow his face, no telling how long for the rest). Now this is a Wolverine that once again can be called an underdog; negate the stretched out "Logan as a Brit pansy who was freed by Beer" segment and Whedon has been flawless with him. Frost cleverly uses her power and while Whedon finishes the issue with a TV cliche sequence (Kitty telling Colossus that the prophecy can't be true as the Cyke-Frost-Beast-Brand squad finds it; naturally she says it "isn't carved in stone" when it actually is, the sort of TV hack cliche scene I have seen 800 billion times), the issue is exciting enough and gets one jazzed for more. The bar has fortunately been lowered, perhaps to sane levels, by the last two arcs and so now Whedon may be set to finish with a bang before focusing on RUNAWAYS (and his own BUFFY comics), and that's not so bad. As always, Whedon delivers on the small moments, from Colossus and Kitty talking to Hisako choosing her codename ("Armor", which is the most blunt codename after "Speed". What next? Strong Guy? Oh, wait...how about an invulnerable guy named "Tough"? A mind reader named "Psychic"? Good god, is EVERY name taken?) to Beast dressing down Brand and even another appearence from Lockheed, the issue is a solid effort. Such a shame then that we'll be getting no more until May, because Marvel appreciates their X-fans so much. Considering that the X-Fans were their sole courted audience from about 1997-2004, it's shocking to see how quickly they'd sell them out. It makes it doubly shameful when you consider that this is a story that really didn't deserve to have the anticipation sucked out of it. I'm glad ASTONISHING is back on track, and despite the waits I'll try to look forward to it. Easily the best book of the week for me, so far. Hisako/Armor hopefully will remain a mainstay X-Person (she's like X-23, only original and with a personality), and naturally Whedon writes the team well. The finale better pay off.
ULTIMATE X-MEN #79: After a string of some awkward arcs, Kirkman continues slugging it out in UXM. Paquette is aboard for art and while he's better than Oliver, he definately draws some characters as "too old" looking, especially Kitty Pryde. In this issue the world reacts to the passing of Charles Xavier and it's handled well enough; the characters react as you would expect and even the Fantastic Four and the Ultimates arrive to pay respects. In a way it makes you dislike the awkward way we got here (Xavier was killed by a time travelling Cable, who is Future Wolverine, immediately after telling Scott he had the hots for Jean and then nothing narratively done from that bombshell, making it seem worthless). Kirkman seems set on having Sabretooth be Logan's son and want to help him find their family, which is a twist from the sorts of things he said back in WEAPON X (Logan even alludes as much; Creed once goaded Wolverine into believing he'd killed his family) Kirkman attempts to tie in Cable to Logan's original purpose on the team and it almost works. Magneto also shows up since BKV set him up and reacts as you'd expect from Ultimate Magneto (he sees it as an oppurtunity and is more of a prick than his 616 counterpart, just as Millar intended). This issue is better than some of the last and it is a shame that it took some awkward crap to get here. Kirkman is ready to try to explore the "X-Men operate when Xavier is dead" schtick that the comics have done a half dozen times, first setting up Nightcrawler. In a way he is better with the characters than the stories they are in, which always seems underachieving (JMS had the same issue on ASM until CW bailed him out). Some of the continuity is awkward; it doesn't tie into USM well but it actually notes back to previous comics and even GAL AK TUS.
MARVEL LEGACY: THE 1990'S HANDBOOK: Finally the ML editions of the Handbooks are finished with this title, with good cover art by 90's stud Ron Lim, and for many of us this will be a nostalgia timewarp. It is for me. The 90's were when I really got into the MU more than just the handful of comics mom subscribed to. Anyone in their mid 20's should find some familiar faces here. Plus, this era is in more recent memory and nabs some 90's dudes the Handbooks have ignored, especially Sleepwalker and Darkhawk. I look forward to absorbing and enjoying this as always. But what are we going to call this first decade of the 21st century? The "Two-Thousands"?
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