Bullied or Over-Sensitive?

Discussion in 'SHH Community Forum' started by Optimus_Prime_, Mar 6, 2013.

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  1. Optimus_Prime_ Registered

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    The term "anti-Bullying" is big news these days, and we see a lot of people with powerful spokespersons coming forward against bullying, but to me it's a rather odd word to throw around.

    The story that's on the first page, for example, went past bullying and right onto assault, something we have laws against. If the situation had involved two older individuals who were adults it just would've been called assault, not bullying. I also think this door swings both ways. When a kid gets shoved in a locker, or beaten up, we should not call that bullying or teasing, because I know a Judge, a lawyer and a police officer would all have different words for those things. Although I realize sometimes younger people assaulting each other is brushed aside as 'rough housing'. Something I find pretty stupid and thoughtless.

    Though you hear many claim bullying is always wrong. This, I'm not so sure of. Sure, I agree words do hurt, but from my experience if you want to survive in the world, having a thick skin about what gets said to you is sort of a necessity. Most people perform "sh** tests" on people. A good example is women and men. Women will sh** test a guy sometimes just to see if he can "take it", because the last thing anyone wants is someone who folds like a cheap accordion anytime they get called some mean name.

    So what do you think? Do you think all bullying is reprehensible, or perhaps that there are certain forms of bullying that are helpful to normal development.
     
  2. RetrogradeOrbit Do I look like I'm joking?

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    A good question, I hope the debate is equally so.

    If treatment of one individual by another leads to that person feeling threatened/intimidated/fearful then it is wrong and needs to be addressed. It does not matter whether the treatment is physical or mental in nature. Both hurt.
    Of course circumstances matter, but I am talking about an unprovoked attack on one person from another.

    Taking the above as the example, saying someone needs to have a "thicker skin" is a poor response as far as I am concerned.
     
  3. Optimus_Prime_ Registered

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    To this, though, I would say, anyone you know who is successful, who is in management, who is actually capable at work and life has sort of a thick skin. Think about all the people that hit you up for money when you get older.

    One of my roommates had this problem. People would stiff him at gigs. I told him how he had to get in their face about it (metaphorically), or things he could do to kind of tell them off. Things I've used in business when people didn't want to pay me, which happens like every five minutes. You'd probably think being in manufacturing when someone orders $100,000 worth of parts they pay you...haha, that's funny. He was in a much cheaper outfit, being a DJ, but would get stiffed constantly. I'd tell him to threaten to not play after setting up, sticking around, getting something signed and taking it to a lawyer, etc. But he was so afraid he would "piss them off" by doing this he never applied any pressure. They eventually fired him over some nonsense. That's a great example of someone who LET themselves be bullied, and then played the victim card about it.
     
  4. The Guard Registered

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    Agreed, to a point. Especially if you're a man.

    I think bullying, insulting or putting down of any kind is wrong, and ultimately damaging to both the victim and the perpetrator, but one needs to learn how to respond to various types of adversity in life, and how to recognize the intent and meaning behind different types of communication.

    Specifically, people need to learn that there are some people who are just *******s in the world, and to learn not to let what they say affect how they feel about themselves, and to learn how to deal with these people. It's easier said than done, but it is very possible. Too many people do not possess these skills, or any kind of balanced approach to the matter.
     
  5. NickNitro Extra Terrestrial

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    Alright Optimus, here we go

    Children being bullied and someone calling you an a** hole when you're 25 are 2 completely different things. When you're a child, you are more responsive to negative actions than say a person who's lived through life for a few decades. When a child falls and scrapes his/her knee, they cry. When an adult does the same, they curse and swear. Does this mean the childs weak? No, it means to me that they are just more emotionally sensative and have not yet been able to properly develop their feelings.

    When a child is called names in school, feels neglected from their peers its a much more dramatic feeling. I agree you have to develop a tough skin, but that takes time. These young kids, they are JUST starting to learn how to interact in social groups, make friends, etc. When you have someone who is pushing you, hitting you, always cutting you down verbally, as a child you feel it a lot more because its all new to you. You haven't have time to learn to deal with difficult circumstances in life.
     
  6. Optimus_Prime_ Registered

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    You threaten to stunt whatever natural emotional progression they may have when you try to shield them too much.

    Ever heard of the "Skinner Box"?
     
  7. NickNitro Extra Terrestrial

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    Im not talking about the parents shielding their children from being picked on. I'm describing how an adult can view the situation, as we are. We may see the child as "Over-Sensitive" I am saying we may see them as emotionally frail but its because they are still developing.

    In my eyes, we are now outsiders looking in. We are adults now, with proper logical thinking skills and social understanding to handle these situations better than say an 8 year old. So to judge their behavior based on our current mind set I think we have to take what I said previously into consideration.
     
  8. Hotwire Dealin' W/ Demons

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    Bullying is never justified. All it does it make someone else feel worse so that you can feel better. It's pure selfishness and there is no excuse for it. While it is true that people need a "thick skin" to survive, that does not mean that those who torment others should get a pass. The idea of people giving others a "s*** test" is just childish. There are grown up ways to test someone's mettle.
     
  9. Figs Registered

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    I fully agree.

    Also, getting bullied doesn't really give someone a thick skin. It actually tends to do the opposite by dropping their self esteem.
     
  10. Hotwire Dealin' W/ Demons

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    I saw this on Facebook and thought it would fit here, too.

     
  11. Optimus_Prime_ Registered

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    I'll be honest: that's the biggest piece of "emo" bullsh** I've ever heard.

    I used to call Helicopters "Hecto-copters" and got teased about it. Get over it. It's kind of funny. Especially his story. Claimed his Grandmother karate chopped him...sounds like the set up to a great stand up comedy bit. Instead he wants me to feel sorry for him? Pretty silly.

    The lesson of his story he doesn't say: maybe he should've tried being honest instead of lying to cover up being embarrassed about falling out of a tree. He tries to avoid the petty fate of being b*tched at by his grandmother and instead makes things much worse. It's all his fault for simply not owning up to what he was doing in the tree.
     
  12. Soapy Registered

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    Bullying is reprehensible and anyone who defends it is a total scumbag. End of story.
     
  13. Hotwire Dealin' W/ Demons

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    Did you not watch the whole thing? It seems like you didn't because, the end of it he goes into how to help yourself get over what happened. And calling it "emo bulls***" is a bit of a cop out and rather snobbish of you to say. It's turning a blind eye to those who are hurt by bullying, not so much physically but emotionally. Watch the whole thing and maybe you'll understand it a bit better.

    As for the part about not telling his Grandmother, we've all done something like that.
     
  14. Optimus_Prime_ Registered

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    Yeah, that's great, but not all of us wrote over-dramatized poems about it. We learned "hey, maybe lying to every other authority to try to protect myself actually ended up hurting my grandmother and maybe I shouldn't do that again".

    There was literally zero self-criticism here, and that's his problem: the whole video is about how the world should simply bow down to his imperfections. "So, I thought pork chops and karate chops were the same thing". Yeah, and they aren't, so that's hilarious. "I didn't want to tell my grandmother about the tree so I invented an elaborate lie that implicated my grandmother with the authorities." After that moment in the poem the rest should've been how sorry he was for inconveniencing his grandmother like that. That's awful. Can you imagine having to argue with protective services, and the police, having to talk to lawyers and not knowing whether they'll return your kid or not? That's dreadful what he put her through.
     
  15. Hotwire Dealin' W/ Demons

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    No, the whole video is NOT about how the world should bow to his imperfections. You really turned off as soon as you started listening. He didn't lie to the authorities, he even said he told them the truth about his grandmother. From what I can tell, they never asked specifically how he got the bruises.

    Here's a transcript of it since you seem to be too busy putting him down for the first part to hear the rest of it. The part about the girl with the birthmark, the part about the boy who was adopted, and the part about how you help yourself get past these things that happened and hurt you in your life.

     
    #15 Hotwire, Mar 6, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2013
  16. Optimus_Prime_ Registered

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    You can post it all you want dude, that's the biggest sob story, pity party crap I've ever heard.

    Like this

    "every school was a big top circus tent
    and the pecking order went
    from acrobats to lion tamers
    from clowns to carnies
    all of these were miles ahead of who we were
    we were freaks"

    He perceives a pecking order; there isn't actually one. I hate to say it, but for him, the "get over it" crowd is right. I looked at him, he is pretty fat, he can do something about that, his whole story is petty and all about him. That's why he is so ********, it's pretty clear he doesn't actually get out there and 'do' anything. This is a textbook brat if I ever read one.
     
  17. Optimus_Prime_ Registered

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    This is an interesting video addition, perhaps a response to Koyczan from the movie Glengarry Glen Ross

    Alec Baldwin's Blake gives a speech to open the film (WARNING: THIS VIDEO CONTAINS HARSH AND ABUSIVE LANGUAGE)

    The video itself is a bit of a psychological test. Blake is intentionally a jacka**, materialistic, ego-maniacal, and abusive. The genius is half watch the video as if he's a motivational coach, they understand that while he is demonstrative, this is work and they feed off the energy. The other half seethes in anger since they feel Blake has no right to talk to them like that. The great thing about the video though is Blake represents exactly what the world will expect of you.

    There are other subtleties as well that you really only pick up on when you watch the movie.
     
    #17 Optimus_Prime_, Mar 6, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2013
  18. Hotwire Dealin' W/ Demons

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    There is a pecking order. You just never lived it, that's all. I did. You are really trying your hardest to put all the blame on him for everything that happened to him and give him zero credit for how he's managed to get past it and write this to help others do the same.

    Tell me how this is part of that ******** brat you just mentioned?

    "but I want to tell them
    that all of this s***
    is just debris
    leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought
    we used to be
    and if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself
    get a better mirror
    look a little closer
    stare a little longer
    because there’s something inside you
    that made you keep trying
    despite everyone who told you to quit
    you built a cast around your broken heart
    and signed it yourself
    you signed it
    “they were wrong”
    because maybe you didn’t belong to a group or a click
    maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything
    maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth
    to show and tell but never told
    because how can you hold your ground
    if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it
    you have to believe that they were wrong
    they have to be wrong
    why else would we still be here?
    we grew up learning to cheer on the underdog
    because we see ourselves in them
    we stem from a root planted in the belief
    that we are not what we were called we are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on a highway
    and if in some way we are
    don’t worry
    we only got out to walk and get gas
    we are graduating members from the class of
    f*** off we made it
    not the faded echoes of voices crying out
    names will never hurt me
    of course
    they did
    but our lives will only ever always
    continue to be
    a balancing act
    that has less to do with pain
    and more to do with beauty."
     
  19. Hotwire Dealin' W/ Demons

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    Just FYI, that disclaimer won't stop a mod/admin from infracting you for posting it.
     
  20. Optimus_Prime_ Registered

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    No, there isn't. It's something insecure people imagine exists.
    How do you know? I didn't think much of myself in High School, and yet looking back I was the Captain of everything. People who think there is a pecking order have divorced themselves from reality so they can enforce this notion that everyone is out to get them.
    But he hasn't. Here he is, nearing middle age, complaining about what happened to him while he was in short pants. It's really silly and whiny, and he's coddling people who are just like him. He isn't a soldier who volunteered and lost a limb, or damaged his quality of life for years to come; he's some ******** child wanting me to feel sorry for him. Like I said, in that video/poem he never acknowledges that lying is wrong which is something he did. He only points fingers at people who made fun of him for it. That may be wrong too, but he clearly hasn't moved past it because he didn't even self-reflect on something it took me two seconds to notice: the OTHER people involved in HIS story. It's all about him. That poem: all about him.

    You clearly missed the point of what I said. For all the hurt it caused him, his grandmother got the worst of it. She could've been thrown in prison over that incident, could've been barred from ever being around children again for "karate chopping" someone she was responsible for. That's horrifying that throughout that whole poem he never once said "oh yeah, I'm sorry for lying, for stringing along all those people, for getting embarrassed over something stupid like falling out of a tree".
     
  21. Optimus_Prime_ Registered

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    Okay, they're welcome to remove it then.
     
  22. Hotwire Dealin' W/ Demons

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    :whatever:
     
  23. Optimus_Prime_ Registered

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    So you don't find anything funny or ironic about the story involving his grandmother?
     
  24. Erzengel |-o-| (-o-) |-o-|

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    There wasn't a pecking order in my school.

    We did have the jocks, nerds, metalheads, goths, hip hop, and those who didn't fall into a group.

    But there were groups and while there were "stragglers" who kept to themselves, there wasn't hierarchy at all. Actually, a lot of the groups intermingled all the time.

    Don't get me wrong, this wasn't a utopia, there were fights and what not but even some of the smarter kids were jocks as wells.
     
  25. NickNitro Extra Terrestrial

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    In HS I didnt see the bullying as much as in elementary school.
     
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