Come on...like SERIOUSLY!!!!

[Majic Walrus]

I don't see why not. We all want to be treated a certain way, so we should just put ourselves in other people's shoes. It's only logical. Mr. Spock would approve.

I don't think that you and I are talking about the same thing.

Being respectful is different from "not being a jerk". I don't think that anyone should be a jerk, but to me respect is something that is earned and is an honor to receive. I'm not recommending that anyone walks around in *****ebag mode non-stop, but the idea that everyone should be respected is bunk. People should be treated according to their actions and intentions.

No one gets the benefit of the doubt.

 

[ChickenScratch]

I take it back--he's not paranoid just cautious.

You are paranoid.

Maybe, but have you seen kids nowadays? Dumb as dirt and with the mentality of pack animals.

 

[Obi-Ron]

Maybe, but have you seen kids nowadays? Dumb as dirt and with the mentality of pack animals.

Like seriously.

 

[SuperFerret]

Maybe, but have you seen kids nowadays? Dumb as dirt and with the mentality of pack animals.

That's not fair at all. Both dirt and pack animals actually contribute to the world.

 

[Crook]

Maybe, but have you seen kids nowadays? Dumb as dirt and with the mentality of pack animals.

Perhaps, but if you raise YOUR own child right, then they would be able to handle themselves just fine without a parent's overprotection. A lot of the missteps a parent makes is not trusting their own child. It tends to be the bar of separation between the two.

 

[ChickenScratch]

Quite right, and that's what I'm doing. You a parent by the way?

 

[Crook]

At 21, I better not be!

I've just learned from my own personal experience and how me and my friends would take advantage of such situations, that said parenting style does not yield a good outcome.

 

[Majic Walrus]

No offense, but if you would take advantage of a situation where your parents were protecting you in such a way that would cause a divide between you and your parents, maybe it is your parents parenting skills that should be questioned.

 

[Crook]

You misunderstand, I wasn't taking advantage of my parents. They were the overprotective type, but I never did anything to warrant it, and still haven't. At best there's resentment for never trusting me.

What I was referring to, is me (but mostly) my friends being the type of guys that the overprotective parents were worried about. Most of the girls rebelled just to spite their parents, and we reaped the rewards, haha. But that was years ago, we were kids then.

 

[terry78]

As most married guys with daughters say, "I know how men think....I used to be one."

 

[Majic Walrus]

I see I see.

I just don't necessarily think that there's a direction connection between "overprotection" and "rebellion". It happens that a lot of parents are overprotective and when kids rebel it's often blamed as the cause, but correlation is not causation.

 

[Crook]

As most married guys with daughters say, "I know how men think....I used to be one."

That's what confuses me sometimes. This is the mentality of a lot of fathers, yet their conquered trophies in another life were most likely daughters of the type of father they are now! They're unknowingly perpetuating the cycle.

 

[ChickenScratch]

Ok, but it's not about your parents.

It's about this kid and the father of the girl he's into. If he wants to see her, date her, he's gotta play by this guy's rules, it's that simple. I see nothing wrong with him wanting to know who this kid is, who his parents are, what kind of family they are and their home life. It's not only vital information should something happen, but it's insight into the kid's values system, how he would treat his daughter, if he's an ambitious go better or a lazy lay-about. I'm sure the last thing he would want is his daughter going out with the son of a jobless welfare collecting wife beater.

You brought up a good point about raising your own children well, with good values. It would also be nice to do your due diligence in finding out if his parents had the same types of values too. Also, as well as you raise your child, sending her out with a guy you didn't find out about, as nice as he seems on the surface to her, she does not have the experience to read a person. Nice on the surface, nut job underneath.

 

[Crook]

I see I see.

I just don't necessarily think that there's a direction connection between "overprotection" and "rebellion". It happens that a lot of parents are overprotective and when kids rebel it's often blamed as the cause, but correlation is not causation.

Oh, I'm not saying there's a direct correlation. After all, I myself am not part of that equation. But I can safely say that it's most definitely a common occurrence amongst female teens. It's called "overprotective" for a reason. Too much of anything is never good.

 

[ChickenScratch]

I don't think there's a quantifiable correlation. The one's who deem it "overprotective" are the ones who wanted to and did act out. I had protective parents, some would call them overprotective but I was fine with them, but I turned out just fine, same for my sister, my wife and her brother. Non of us had drug habits or dropped out (in fact I finished high school 2 years early). I think those who call it overprotective are the ones on the other side of the equation after already having acted out and are trying to point a finger as to why they acted out.

 

[katie_girl09]

I see I see.

I just don't necessarily think that there's a direction connection between "overprotection" and "rebellion". It happens that a lot of parents are overprotective and when kids rebel it's often blamed as the cause, but correlation is not causation.

This. I don't think it's fair when people blame "over-protection" for a child turning out badly.

And I've never understood why people resent their parent for being over-protective either. I mean if they're smart enough to sit down and think about it, it makes no sense. Are you going to over-protect something that you don't love dearly? No. They're only doing it because they love you so damned much. They're never going to steer you wrong on purpose. Seriously, you live in their house, you eat the food that they buy, they buy the clothes on your back for years. Would they do all of that for you if they didn't want you to be happy?

I'm sorry, but even though I'm pretty young myself, I find that a lot of young people today are painfully self-centred where their parents are concerned.

 

[BillyZaned]

Long story short, last thursday was a Halloween dance at another school, I grinded and danced with some girls, had a good time, and met some new people. But one of the girls i danced with was really attractive and seemed attractive so I talk to her outside and got her number for future hangouts.

So today i call her and her dad said her and I could not hang out because that he's curious to know who am, what i do, and what my parents do. Honestly, I understand maybe the who i am part, but my parents???? Seriously, am I missing something or does this not click at all?

how old are you?

 

[C. Lee]

how old are you?

I believe he's around 15 or 16.

 

[FrostBite]

Maybe, but have you seen kids nowadays? Dumb as dirt and with the mentality of pack animals.

Please... I go to college my friend, I see kids and adults--both of them fit your description and worse.

Christ, I end up teaching 3/4ths of my classes and the teachers area like "Oh.. well, I didn't know that." Because, you know, you just spend 6 years getting a masters to tell me you don't know about the field you're discussing. When a 20 year old is teaching most of his psychology, anthropology, human studies, and sociology classes with no prior experience, there is a problem with the generation handling our children.

There's a reason people are dumb as dirt, its because their parents and superiors are too. And I'm calling neanderthal parenting methods such as overprotection and intimidation to achieve results, primitive and stupid. Same goes for uninvolved lenient parents. You act stupid, you're going to raise stupid. Parent do not know how to balance their parenting anymore, and it's extremely hard how to know how to parent correctly, if your generation itself is filled with ignoramuses.

This. I don't think it's fair when people blame "over-protection" for a child turning out badly.

And I've never understood why people resent their parent for being over-protective either. I mean if they're smart enough to sit down and think about it, it makes no sense. Are you going to over-protect something that you don't love dearly? No. They're only doing it because they love you so damned much. They're never going to steer you wrong on purpose. Seriously, you live in their house, you eat the food that they buy, they buy the clothes on your back for years. Would they do all of that for you if they didn't want you to be happy?

I'm sorry, but even though I'm pretty young myself, I find that a lot of young people today are painfully self-centred where their parents are concerned.

You can love something too much though, and overstep into obsessive territory where you act on it for selfish reasons, which is where overprotection comes in.
"I will pet him and hug him and squeeze him and call him George."...until you break the bunny's bones. When you over-protect and you aren't protecting, you are controlling.

Which, on the other hand there has to be some amount of control or else you are a **** parent, but finding that special balance between "letting my kid be their own person" and "this is my child and I have to make sure they are a cared for" is what you have to do.

And no, people don't steer their children wrong on purpose... but dang do they do it more often than not.

 

[BillyZaned]

I believe he's around 15 or 16.

well then, what does he expect... a strange guy from another school dances on his daughter, then calls her up later that week to hang out..

am a father, and have a son, but if I did have a daughter, I would have told him the same thing... infact, iw ould want to meet his parents even before they started to hang out to get some "ground rules in place"...

 

[C. Lee]

well then, what does he expect...

He's a young teenager....do you expect him to act reasonably or with intelligence? Go back and read his previous posts since he's been here...and you will see why he wasn't allowed to make threads for about 6 months.

 

[BillyZaned]

Please... I go to college my friend, I see kids and adults--both of them fit your description and worse.

Christ, I end up teaching 3/4ths of my classes and the teachers area like "Oh.. well, I didn't know that." Because, you know, you just spend 6 years getting a masters to tell me you don't know about the field you're discussing. When a 20 year old is teaching most of his psychology, anthropology, human studies, and sociology classes with no prior experience, there is a problem with the generation handling our children.

There's a reason people are dumb as dirt, its because their parents and superiors are too. And I'm calling neanderthal parenting methods such as overprotection and intimidation to achieve results, primitive and stupid. Same goes for uninvolved lenient parents. You act stupid, you're going to raise stupid. Parent do not know how to balance their parenting anymore, and it's extremely hard how to know how to parent correctly, if your generation itself is filled with ignoramuses.

The thing that I see alot that bugs me... parents trying to control every aspect of their childs life.... and/or, living through their kids....

my wifes aunt for instance... structure structure structure...

her kids have every second of every day planned for them...
both kids are in multiple sports, clubs, and activities... they don't have one second to be a "kid"...

and when they do have a chance to play with a friend, it's a scheduled play date, off the approved friends list...

it's just crap... these kids have no personality, and you can tell they are intimidated by their mom....

 

[BillyZaned]

He's a young teenager....do you expect him to act reasonably or with intelligence? Go back and read his previous posts since he's been here...and you will see why he wasn't allowed to make threads for about 6 months.

LOL... nice....

well, being a hormonal teenager once, I can see how he is "intimidated" by this whole thing.... but the truth is, even when I was his age, I liked the gilrs that came from a strong family structure.... you could tell which girls were raised within a household with no boundries... lets just say they had to go to special schools at the age of 16 to learn how to change diapers....

 

[FrostBite]

The thing that I see alot that bugs me... parents trying to control every aspect of their childs life.... and/or, living through their kids....

my wifes aunt for instance... structure structure structure...

her kids have every second of every day planned for them...
both kids are in multiple sports, clubs, and activities... they don't have one second to be a "kid"...

and when they do have a chance to play with a friend, it's a scheduled play date, off the approved friends list...

it's just crap... these kids have no personality, and you can tell they are intimidated by their mom....

I agree with you wholeheartedly, but man...

That is depressing. I mean, clubs, sports, activities are all wonderful, but unless those kids got to pick them themselves and didn't have it forced on them... just ew.

This is something that bothers me to no end, because, as you said, kids are being raised with absolutely no personality. They don't have time to be kids, goof up, break an arm, laugh, go smacking trees for 30 mins for no apparent reason .

It's just whatever their parents tell them.

Really, society has to find some balance between the easy going, and the structural life style and soon or I pray for us all.

LOL... nice....

well, being a hormonal teenager once, I can see how he is "intimidated" by this whole thing.... but the truth is, even when I was his age, I liked the gilrs that came from a strong family structure.... you could tell which girls were raised within a household with no boundries... lets just say they had to go to special schools at the age of 16 to learn how to change diapers....

Well as I said earlier, too much structure landed my girlfriend's sister into "special classes" :/. Ditto for my cousin who had strong supportive parents with rules and boundries, and punishments... he became a coke addict. (Which after having a child his brother joked about how he went from using meth to making jams and jellys.)

Whereas my easy going mom never grounded me, never spanked, we just kind of fought occasionally yelling back and forth... and I received high grades, stayed clean, was extremely responsible (despite being hormonal and over-reactive at times.) And... I came out the most responsible of my equally aged family members (and most of my classmates as far as I can tell.)

So I do think there is some sort of "Wild Card" element that goes into this whole equation; actually I am more than sure of it.

 

[BillyZaned]

I agree with you wholeheartedly, but man...

That is depressing. I mean, clubs, sports, activities are all wonderful, but unless those kids got to pick them themselves and didn't have it forced on them... just ew.

This is something that bothers me to no end, because, as you said, kids are being raised with absolutely no personality. They don't have time to be kids, goof up, break an arm, laugh, go smacking trees for 30 mins for no apparent reason .

It's just whatever their parents tell them.

Really, society has to find some balance between the easy going, and the structural life style and soon or I pray for us all.

I think my parents did it pretty well.....
encouraged me to partake in something like sports.... but never made me do it... and by giving me support, I grew to enjoy football, and baseball...

when I gave them up Junior year, my dad told me "that's fine your doing that, but were not going to have you coming home, and sitting on your butt everyday... It would be nice to see you get a part-time job"... to which he helped me get one, and then gave me a loan to get a cheap car to get me there and back... I had to pay him back every week till it was paid in full, and if I quit my job, I would either have to get another one, or give back the car....

with friends, I could hang out with who I wanted, but they new who were the bad kids... and ussualy rewarded me for picking the right friends... ussualy by taking us to movies or sporting events...

they let me make mistakes, becuase they always feeled that mistakes and failure helps make a man grow, and causes more growth in character...