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'Distracted boyfriend' meme is sexist, says Swedish ad watchdog

I worked for a lawyer who was a stripper during college to pay for law school. Given how stupidly expensive post secondary education is, I would rather pay off student loans in full than live with debt for decades.

I also chipped in for a friend's 30th birthday present - a prostitute. He was a virgin and we thought that sex might loosen him up a bit and give him more confidence. Not only did he gain more confidence, but he's also had girlfriends (and therefore sex) since he was 30.

I think that sometimes, for guys, it's easier to just pay for sex than to try and wheel and deal a girl at a bar. There's nothing wrong with that.
 
All depends on the guy and their views, perspective and comfort with 'sex' as a process and being. I had/have a very uneasy 'relationship' with sexual contact and having the confidence to be 'naked' as such with another person. I don't find it easy putting myself 'out there' in my birthday suit as others would. On the subject of strip clubs, I went once as part of a friend's stag-do and I've never felt so uncomfortable in my entire life, I spent the entire evening at the bar, drinking, averting my eyes so I wouldn't have to engage in conversation or be seen as a 'client' be asked for a lap dance or performance, I detested it and couldn't wait too leave.
 
I think sexual repression is one of the most harmful things that can be forced on a society.
 
I think sexual repression is one of the most harmful things that can be forced on a society.


Whether I'm repressed, I don't know, I know my fear of sex and sexual contact exists and plays a bearing on my being but whether I'm oppressed or repressed, I couldn't say.
 
Whether I'm repressed, I don't know, I know my fear of sex and sexual contact exists and plays a bearing on my being but whether I'm oppressed or repressed, I couldn't say.

It probably has a lot to do with how you were raised. My guess is repression. Maybe you were taught that sex is wrong.
 
It probably has a lot to do with how you were raised. My guess is repression. Maybe you were taught that sex is wrong.


Not that it was 'wrong' per sae, and I grew up in an era when private lives where still private and not plastered everywhere on social media, where there is no such thing as privacy anymore, only self promotion, but in a place where it was not spoken of in 'positive' tones or even spoken of, by older parents than my peers (10 yrs older on average) who themselves grew with older outlook themselves and they had their own issues with it's concept, so it could I suppose be termed hereditary issues with sex & relationships that were unresolved going into my conception and simply allowed to germinate as such.

Plus to be fair, I've never made it a huge thing in my life, (whether that's through choice or simple acceptance of my relationship with the relationship of sexual practice, one would have to discuss further with a health professional), I've not made it central to my existence or a born 'need' for it. I've gone years without so I know I don't crave or miss it as such.
 
I'm staying out of the overall conversation there but I will say sex should not be seen as wrong or inappropriate. Sex is one of the main drives of biology and trying to repress it is trying to repress a part of who and what you are. Obviously it should be taken seriously and with consideration.
 
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I also chipped in for a friend's 30th birthday present - a prostitute. He was a virgin and we thought that sex might loosen him up a bit and give him more confidence. Not only did he gain more confidence, but he's also had girlfriends (and therefore sex) since he was 30.
I'm 31, and I didn't lose mine (virginity) until later in life; my teens and (most of my) 20's had me still a virgin, and I was constantly told that once I'd done the deed, everything would change; I'd be more confident, I'd meet more girls, I'd be happier, I'd be more knowledgable (etc etc). Long story short, once the deed was done, nothing did change. I don't think it's quite as simple as many people make it out to be.

A lot of people make this big song and dance about sex and virginity, when it reality, it's just another aspect of life. Being a virgin frowned upon in adulthood for childish reasons.

I think that sometimes, for guys, it's easier to just pay for sex than to try and wheel and deal a girl at a bar. There's nothing wrong with that.
In your friends case, it was a one off, though (I'd think) anyone who pays for sex on a regular occasion, or even irregularly, loses a sense of reality, and in turn would start to view women as objects rather than people. I don't condemn prostitution, strippers, escorts (etc) if that's what these women want to do, but I don't think it's healthy for men to pay for sex.

I'm managing perfectly well without it at the moment, and reading a few other posts here and there, I see I'm not the only one. It's circumstancial and subjective; if you're having loads of it then you may think those without are losing out, but that's just because those who are engaging in said activity deem it as the norm, whilst those going without have a different norm.

Society has placed this false percetion on us that everyone must be bonking else there's something wrong with them, when that's simply not true.
 
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I think there is definitely a 'feeling' of 'sexual confidence' as such, that there has to be an air of confidence in the 'role' that plays in one's own relationship with sex & relationships, the view that one is worthy of a relationship, or a partner, in that you instantly are not 'just the friend', that you can be 'the boyfriend', that you are legitimate able and worthy of such a situation.

This, for me, is the aspect I have had/have most problems with, in that I know I am a good person, responsible, strong BF material, but having suffered from very destructive self hatred & self loathing during my teens and early-to-mid 20's, where suicide was an option, that, almost by default was my setting for how I saw myself and so relationships were NEVER going to be an option.

To this day, I find it very hard to project myself as anything 'but the friend' so you are in 'friend-zone' before you have even begun, where a role to yourself and also how you are seen, I am seen as 'safe, reliable, the best friend' never Jim, the sexual being and the confidence that gives off because I find it incredibly hard to project that feeling of air of confidence, in short, I have a very uncomfortable relationship with sex & sexual contact.

Agree with Flash in the view, that so much is made of virginity and what it represents and how 'losing it' as early as possible is some form of positive framework. It's a very personal journey for one to take and ease into at one's own pace frankly.
 
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I think there is definitely a 'feeling' of 'sexual confidence' as such, that there has to be an air of confidence in the 'role' that plays in one's own relationship with sex & relationships, the view that one is worthy of a relationship, or a partner, in that you instantly are not 'just the friend', that you can be 'the boyfriend', that you are legitimate able and worthy of such a situation.

This, for me, is the aspect I have had/have most problems with, in that I know I am a good person, responsible, strong BF material, but having suffered from very destructive self hatred & self loathing during my teens and early-to-mid 20's, where suicide was an option, that, almost by default was my setting for how I saw myself and so relationships were NEVER going to be an option.

To this day, I find it very hard to project myself as anything 'but the friend' so you are in 'friend-zone' before you have even begun, where a role to yourself and also how you are seen, I am seen as 'safe, reliable, the best friend' never Jim, the sexual being and the confidence that gives off because I find it incredibly hard to project that feeling of air of confidence, in short, I have a very uncomfortable relationship with sex & sexual contact.

Agree with Flash in the view, that so much is made of virginity and what it represents and how 'losing it' as early as possible is some form of positive framework. It's a very personal journey for one to take and ease into at one's own pace frankly.

I'm probably the last person here who can dispense advice about heterosexual dating, but the first thing to do is get rid of terms like "friend zone" from your vocabulary. That just plays into the same kind of ridiculous toxic lad culture that is at the heart of the problem to begin with. The male side to hookup culture and losing-your-virginity culture is just a step away from rape culture; the person you are now gives you a wonderful opportunity to be better than all that.
 
I'm probably the last person here who can dispense advice about heterosexual dating, but the first thing to do is get rid of terms like "friend zone" from your vocabulary. That just plays into the same kind of ridiculous toxic lad culture that is at the heart of the problem to begin with. The male side to hookup culture and losing-your-virginity culture is just a step away from rape culture; the person you are now gives you a wonderful opportunity to be better than all that.


PR, I'm about as far away from being 'lad culture' as there is humanly possible to be, I don't even associate myself with that thinking or behaviour, I'm not quite sure why you've included this sentence within the framework of 'advice' you offer, but believe me, I am 'better than all that' already, thanks all the same. I always have been and to be associated with that line of approach or thought is frankly insulting, if indeed, that's what you are doing.
 
It now has company.

Crackdown on sexist ads outlaws bad female driver and inept dad commercials

London (CNN) Depictions of girls as less academic than boys or men being belittled for "unmanly" behavior will be soon be a thing of the past in British commercials.

The new rules, announced Friday by advertising watchdog the Committee of Advertising Practice (CAP), ban companies from including "gender stereotypes that are likely to cause harm, or serious or widespread offense" in their ads on TV, radio, websites and in print.

Problematic adverts

Advertisers will have to tread carefully in scenarios the watchdog cites as problematic. These include commercials that show a man with his feet up while a woman cleans; a man or woman failing at a task because of their gender; suggestions that a person's physique has held them back from romantic or social success; or a man being belittled for performing stereotypically "female" tasks.

The change will come into force on June 14, 2019, following a review by the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) -- a regulator that administers the advertising codes issued by CAP.

The review found harmful stereotypes, which can be reinforced by advertising, "can restrict the choices, aspirations and opportunities of children, young people and adults."

"Harmful gender stereotypes in ads contribute to how people see themselves and their role in society," Ella Smillie, the lead on CAP's gender stereotyping project, said in a statement. "They can hold some people back from fulfilling their potential, or from aspiring to certain jobs and industries, bringing costs for individuals and the economy."

'Beach body ready?'

The public furor over a 2015 poster on the walls of London's subway system, showing a woman in a bikini with the words "Are you beach body ready?," prompted the regulator to look into all gender portrayals in British advertising. The ad -- for a weight-loss product -- was not banned by ASA, as it did not explicitly break any rules, but the regulator eventually banned it for its health claims, ASA spokesman Craig Jones told CNN.

While some on social media have dismissed the move as too politically correct, Jones called on critics to look at the evidence of "real-world harms of people not living up to their full potential" due to many factors, including sexual stereotypes in advertising.

Economic harm from stereotypes

He said there are "solid" examples of economic harm, including staff shortages in the engineering profession. "People who represent engineers in this country said to us they believe one of the factors contributing to a labor shortage... is too few women are going into it," he said. "They think the role of advertising presenting engineering as a male role is partly to blame."

The watchdog emphasized that the new guidance does not bar commercials from featuring "glamorous, attractive, successful, aspirational or healthy people or lifestyles," as seen in the many perfume ads that line the billboards. It isn't a ban on "products developed for and aimed at one gender," it said, or the use of "gender stereotypes as a means to challenge their negative effects."
CNN
 
Someone is going to have to one day show me the evidence such advertising stereotypes actually have physical and mental harm to enough people to warrant such ridiculous rules. Well done Britain, first you shoot yourself in the foot with Brexit, now you're taking up the outrage fight no one asked for or cared about.
 
The people behind stuff like this want us to live in a completely sterile humorless world where the thought police monitor everyone for problematic thoughts and everyone has to watch every word that comes out of their mouth like a hawk.

The absolute last thing on their mind that they have any kind of care for is "social justice".
 
The people behind stuff like this want us to live in a completely sterile humorless world where the thought police monitor everyone for problematic thoughts and everyone has to watch every word that comes out of their mouth like a hawk.

The absolute last thing on their mind that they have any kind of care for is "social justice".

It's the exact type of people who cause The Prohibition era in the 30's in the US.
 

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