Does it matter how many sexual partners your girlfriend/boyfriend has had before you?

[Anita18]

It pretty much does though. I'm not saying there couldn't possibly be exceptions but for the most part you get wisdom and experience from going through things, making mistakes, screwing up, being screwed over, and learning from it. Your right about emotional maturity but where does THAT come from. Experience also. Sure some have more than others naturally but learning in a vacuum is knowledge not wisdom.

Or you could just good at thinking through things and having a good perspective on life. Not all experienced people are mature, or vice versa. Now that I've gone out into the real world, coming across incredibly immature people in their 30s or 40s no longer surprises me.

You're right that it usually takes actual living to gain real wisdom and maturity. I've always been pegged as mature for my age (people consistently think I'm 5 years older than I really am, and that started in high school) but I look at myself even back in college and think, "Geez, what was I thinking back then?" So even at my head start, I had a ways to go, and I still have some things I'm working through now.

Maybe not, but many are. We usually just don't notice because we are in the 14-18 yr old range and we are all like that. You don't really notice at the time.

You could be cool, not saying your like that. I don't know you. Doesn't mean what I said is not generally on the money though.

Now there's a good point - how much of that obsessive angst is teenage angst and how much of it is virgin angst? Does it multiple the angst?

But I have the feeling that some may be referring to virgins in their 20s and beyond, and I'm here to say that not everyone is like that. (I'm no longer a virgin but I was one until my mid-20s and I think I'm pretty normal.) Sure SOME are, but there are examples of anything if you look hard enough. My point is, you can't go by assumptions using superficial numbers, but you have to know the person first.

 

[knowsbleed]

23.5

You can't post a "23.5" without telling us about the .5.

 

[Eggyman]

You can't post a "23.5" without telling us about the .5.

It's not one '.5'. It's three of them added up. So it's actually 22 and three halfs, if you get me. One wasn't so long ago on a first date--about two years ago--and we'd started but she was very easy pleased and looked up, her eyes shining and she says, 'I should've told you, I'm a squirter.' I just couldn't make things happen after that and seeing where she'd aimed. Another one was with an ex and we'd started and she had this really overly friendly mother who came in her room halfway through the deed but I was quick, like a hyperactive ninja, and rolled onto my back, and she says, all jokey, she says, 'What you two up to?' and whips the covers off thinking that we were just chilling in bed. But no, that is my erection--see? The third half was with this kinky milf who wanted to do it on my balcony. Being a gentleman I obliged but it was slippy from rain and she slipped but didn't fall down completely but the quick loss of altitude almost made me Eggywoman. I went in and had a beer and pretended not to cry.

 

[WildcatNC]

You can't post a "23.5" without telling us about the .5.

Midget? t:

 

[Poetic Chaos]

Suddenly regretting telling my date last week that I'm a virgin... ****.

 

[Erzengel]

The first person I slept with didn't know I was a virgin.

*smooth*

 

[Poetic Chaos]

She said she could feel my heart racing when we were making out so I had to tell her it had been a while...that conversation just led us to partners. I need to utilize the internets more before my dates apparently.

 

[Paroxysm]

Who wants to post up some numbers? Eggy, you go first.

57

 

[Dark Guardian]

The thing is that many people aren't the one-night-stand types, and only sleep with people they are in relationships with. You may feel that you've found The One, and then some time later you realize that that person was not right for you at all.

This would be why we took it as slow and careful as we did. We didn't get this committed, either of us, until we both felt there was a big chance that this was for life. The fact that we've been together for three years now should be some testament that we may be right.

 

[Anita18]

This would be why we took it as slow and careful as we did. We didn't get this committed, either of us, until we both felt there was a big chance that this was for life. The fact that we've been together for three years now should be some testament that we may be right.

Yes, its a good thing you're pursuing long-term relationships, but really, three years is NOTHING. I've been with my current bf 2.5 years and that time flew by, but we're still very young and have a lot of living left.

We're approaching some crossroads right now, since he might move away to pursue career opportunities while I want to stay and go to school here. If he really wants to move to Europe to work, I won't stop him. IMO, being in a relationship means wanting the best for the other person no matter what. If we stay together, that's great, but if we don't, that's fine too, because we already have changed each other for the better. And nobody should apologize (or be forgiven) for not being with one person their entire life. I don't think that's the point of relationships.

It's actually pretty amusing because my dad used to work abroad for months at a time, and my mom got a little tired having to explain to people that it was totally fine with her. I didn't understand it when I was young, but I understand it now. You always want the best for the other person.

She joked that it was fine as long as the money kept coming in, but in reality she knew that he would always be part of the family, and was confident that nothing would change that. In fact he retired recently and she joked that she might go crazy with him in the house 24/7.

 

[Erzengel]

Is the career opportunity in Europe for a short time period or indefinitely?

 

[Anita18]

Is the career opportunity in Europe for a short time period or indefinitely?

Probably short-term. He has a habit of not doing anything long-term, or even planning past 6 months. He's 28 and hasn't held a job continuously for more than a year. He's lucky that he works in a specialized field and he's good at it.

I joke sometimes that our relationship is probably the longest thing he's managed to hold onto.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't see why you guys couldn't stay together if he leaves for only a few months.

 

[Anita18]

I don't see why you guys couldn't stay together if he leaves for only a few months.

Sure, but he's been itching to leave SoCal for a while now and I'm not sure if he'll ever come back if he decides to move to Berlin or wherever. It's really up to him, since he's been working on his own project (read: no job) for a while now and he has yet to decide where to apply for another job. Could be upstate, could be across the world.

But we'll figure it out when we have to. No point in worrying about it now.

 

[Erzengel]

Oh yeah definitely. But it just sounds like such a, logical, rational reasons while relationships are usually more emotional. I turned down being transferred out of the country because I wanted to see where a relationship with someone I just started dating would go. I would have made more money for a 6 month to a year's time but in the end I never regretted my decision.

 

[Danalys]

most people would want someone to be attractive enough to have had an amount of partners but choosy enough that you feel special.

 

[Anita18]

Oh yeah definitely. But it just sounds like such a, logical, rational reasons while relationships are usually more emotional. I turned down being transferred out of the country because I wanted to see where a relationship with someone I just started dating would go. I would have made more money for a 6 month to a year's time but in the end I never regretted my decision.

Yeah, I think those kinds of decisions have to be taken on a case by case basis.

Actually, my bf quit his job (first time ) and moved away after we had only been on a couple of dates, and I figured that was the last I'd see him. A few months later he moved back down to take essentially the same job (which he quit again 6 months ago ) and we started seeing each other again. So I don't think we'd give up on the relationship right away if he moved off for a few months. But obviously we're a lot closer now than we were back then.

But yeah, not going to worry about it, nor talk him out of making such a decision if he really wants to go. I may have forgotten to point out that he certainly doesn't HAVE to go to Europe (he's not being transferred or otherwise forced), but he's been wanting to go for a while and now's probably better than later.