Farting Etiquette

[Calvin]

So a somewhat new buddy of mine farted in front of me the other day, sort of nonchalantly, with a "pardon me." I wasn't really sure how to react to it, since he wasn't the type of guy I'd expect that from. One of my redneck friends from GA, sure. I just sort of froze. But it got me thinking about how weird the whole farting etiquette is. I can't imagine what it's like for couples to do that in front of each other for the first time. Granted, my longest relationship is two months, so I've never really had to deal with it, but I feel like I'd try to hold out for my entire life if I had to. I've also avoided taking s**ts at girlfriends' houses my entire life. I think there's something beautiful about two lovers pretending that nobody ever needs to take a s**t. Anyway, I'm drinking beer that I stole from an office party, and figured this is something that needs to be discussed in full and at large.

 

[Bat Attack]

My fourth grade teacher used to scare us into farting because she said "If you don't release gas you'll have severe, painful, problems in the future."

 

[jaguarr]

jag

 

[Calvin]

It's such an awkward thing. My greatest fear is that I'll let one slip in front of a girl I'm into. I've had some pretty grueling holding sessions.

 

[Mr. Walters]

When will we accept that farting is like breathing?

 

[Calvin]

When will we accept that farting is like breathing?

Never. I'll fight it till the day I die.

 

[Bat Attack]

When I saw King Kong last year there was this bastard in front of me letting them off like party poppers. She just wouldn't stop.

 

[04nbod]

i bent over and farted once in front of a friend- all i did was start laughing- its the best you can do.

 

[Calvin]

When I saw King Kong last year there was this bastard in front of me letting them off like party poppers. She just wouldn't stop.

Man, that's gross.

One time a girl I was dating farted during sex. I couldn't get it up after that. I told her it was because I was too drunk, and pretended it didn't happen.

 

[Bat Attack]

Man, that's gross.

One time a girl I was dating farted during sex. I couldn't get it up after that. I told her it was because I was too drunk, and pretended it didn't happen.

That sucks, alot.

 

[Calvin]

Tell me about it. She even held that night against me when we broke up, and I was still too embarrassed about it to admit that it was her fault and not mine.

 

[Poetic Chaos]

Man, that's gross.

One time a girl I was dating farted during sex. I couldn't get it up after that. I told her it was because I was too drunk, and pretended it didn't happen.

are you sure it wasn't a queef?

 

[Calvin]

are you sure it wasn't a queef?

It probably was, which, I somehow find even grosser. So I'll tell myself it wasn't.

 

[Bat Attack]

I had to go to a team building camp in 6th grade with my entire class as a 3 day long field trip, and we were divided up with teachers into 6 different cabins with one teacher for each one. And the teacher that was in our cabin with us kept farting all night long and I was next to the room where she slept, and I remember waking up at like 5 in the morning to go take a piss, and my teacher let out this huge, I mean GIANT fart that lasted for atleast a minute. And it smelled like she had **** her pants. Oh gawd, the smell engulfed the entire cabin in a matter of minutes.

 

[Calvin]

I wish people didn't have to expel waste.

 

[Mr. Walters]

Never. I'll fight it till the day I die.

Don't get me wrong. There is a right and wrong way to fart...did that make sense to anyone? What I mean is that, you shouldn't have to be embarrassed because you are letting trapped gasses out of your body. You think it's odd to fart? Try not farting for a few years. Talk about awkward. But, you know, one should walk away from people to fart. I do. And my friends find this weird. Last night, for example, I was hanging out with some friends and had to fart. I took a few steps away, went to my own little corner of the world and let go. They all wondered why I left to fart. I think it is rude to just rip one around a group of people, but farting in general is not rude. We all do it. Even your dream girl.

 

[GunBlade]

HAaaahahahaha!!

 

[Bat Attack]

What happens if you never let yourself fart?

 

[jaguarr]

I swear that if it were somehow possible, like with smell-o-vision components on all of your computers or something, I would fart in this thread.

jag

 

[Kaboom]

i try to fart ON my friends and then laugh at them.

 

[Calvin]

Don't get me wrong. There is a right and wrong way to fart...did that make sense to anyone? What I mean is that, you shouldn't have to be embarrassed because you are letting trapped gasses out of your body. You think it's odd to fart? Try not farting for a few years. Talk about awkward. But, you know, one should walk away from people to fart. I do. And my friends find this weird. Last night, for example, I was hanging out with some friends and had to fart. I took a few steps away, went to my own little corner of the world and let go. They all wondered why I left to fart. I think it is rude to just rip one around a group of people, but farting in general is not rude. We all do it. Even your dream girl.

If I have to, like if it's a post Taco Bell situation, and I can't fight off that many of them, I find a bathroom.

 

[Calvin]

I think Gunblade just let one fly.

 

[Bat Attack]

My sister was sleeping on the couch once and I farted in her face and woke her up.

 

[Calvin]

I think awkward relationship farting is something that needs to be covered in a serious film drama.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Oh, I've got some pretty flatulatous torture methods with ATP