Five-Minute Infinite Crisis

[Zev]

Majel Barrett: Previously, in the DC universe...

***

Fans: We want happier, lighter superheroics! More heroes that are fun to read about, like Steph!

Dan Didio: *kills Steph*

Fans: And Blue Beetle!

Dan Didio: *kills Blue Beetle*

Fans: And... Booster Gold?

Dan Didio: *makes Booster Gold a jerk*

Fans: Whew.

Dan Didio: *kills Booster Gold anyway*

Fans: WAH!

***

Dr. Light: It's raping time!

Sue Dibny: I'm marginalized!

Green Arrow: Hey guys, let's not mind-wipe him. It could lead to repercussions down the line.

Green Lantern: C'mon, what are the chances that this would prove some kind of slippery...

Batman: Hi guys!

JLA: GET HIM!

***

Jean Loring: All work and no cock makes Jean something something.

The Atom: Go crazy?

Jean Loring: DON'T MIND IF I DO!

***

Donna Troy: Hold on, I realize all these female heroes dying may seem bad, but really, DC is in no way misogyn...

Superman Robot: BEEZAP!

Donna Troy: Oh, **** all you guys.

***

Spectre: I am the instrument of God's wraith. There is nothing that can desuade me from my holy mission.

Jean Loring: Hey Spectre, LOOK AT THESE HOOTERS!

Spectre: *sproing*

Jean Loring: Hey sexy embodiment of cosmic justice, wanna destroy all magic?

Spectre: DO I!?

***

Shadow Pact: We really have nothing to do with the main plot except in the most arbitary way.

***

Adam Strange: Same here.

***

Max Lord: I'm evil now! Err... I've been evil all along, but metatextually, I'm evil now!

Wonder Woman: *crick*

Max Lord: I'm dead now!

***

Superman: Murder is wrong! Bad wrong! Wrong bad!

Wonder Woman: Like that time you killed three Kryptonians?

Superman: That point renders my entire argument invalid, so I choose to retcon it out of continuity.

Emoboy-Prime punch: **** you, Bryne!

John Bryne: I probably had this coming.

***

Jason Todd: Hey, guess what, I'm alive!

Batman: Whew, luckily I've got a back-up Dead Robin for just such an occasion!

***

Batman: I'm going to create a super-intelligent, self-aware computer with an easily corruptible central objective. My studies of history show that this cannot possibly go wrong!

OMAC: You really are an idiot, aren't you?

Batman: Well, that didn't take long.

***

Superboy: I retire. But it's one of those Michael Jordan retirements.

***

Batgirl: I'm leaving to go find my birth mother.

Robin: Try not to turn evil while you're out.

Batgirl: I won't.

***

Hush: Bwahahaha, I... oh, wait, no one cares about me.

***

Lex Luthor: Superman, you will bow down before my almighty political allegory!

Superman: Wait, are you Lex Luthor or "Lex Luthor"?

Lex Luthor: To be honest, I lost track of this whole thing back in Young Justice.

***

Crisis on Infinite Earth: Oh, yeah, I'm important to this cluster**** too.

***

Majel Barrett: And now, the conclusion...

 

[Zeu]

BWAH! AHA AHA

Priceless!

Too bad Robot Chicken doesn´t do this sort of material.....

 

[Ultra-Herald9]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!t: t: Oh my freakin goodness this is great! Especially since I just got through reading a 248 page compilation of infinite crisis! That was truly funny!

 

[Doc Destruction]

I always look forward to a good Zev post

 

[Kitsune]

Reminds me of a flash animatione someone did a while back. Zattana and green arrow were going around hitting people on the head with a giant wooden mallet to wipe out their memmories. I think Batman was explaining what was going on to Blue Beetle or something.

 

[SonOfCthulhu]

More! More!

 

[WompuM]

I bow to you.

 

[Assassin]

it wasnt that bad. I hope superboy prime punches you out of continuity

 

[gildea]

that was funny.

very very funny.

 

[Sloth7d]

Lol.When civil war is done I look foward to your parody of it. Btw: didn't someone do a parody on Civilwar#4?

 

[XwolverineX]

lol, pretty good.

 

[The Shredder]

Nice.

 

[fifthfiend]

Needs creepy Golden Age Superman in there. And something about how all the Teen Titans had their personalities surgically removed.

The Jean Loring bit was pretty good.

 

[Doc Destruction]

OMFG Zev doing Civil War will be AWESOME.

 

[roach]

where's the rest of it

 

[Mee]

Nice.t:

 

[fifthfiend]

Also and I'm neither quite sure why this occured to me nor under the illusion I'm the first to bring this up, but is it just me or does DC have sort of a long running streak of misogyny going for a while now, along the lines of "Everything woulda been fine and then the crazy ***** ruins everything." Like Batman's got his backup plans in case the justice league loses it, and then his crazy ***** girlfriend breaks into his house and steals his diary. Or Batman's got his put-down-the-Gotham-mob plan, then the crazy ***** teenager breaks into his house and ****s everything up. And then the crazy teenage girl actually manages to make it into medical care, then the doctor's like **** practicing medicine, I'm just gonna go crazy-***** and let the girl die. Or Superman's being jacked with by Maxwell Lord, and like okay maybe he could've broken free or Batman would've worked something out, but WW's like, nope, I'm a CRAZY ***** and I'ma gonna solve this with MURDER. And hell then there's Jean Loring, I don't even know what you say about Jean Loring.

I'm pretty sure this is 90% bull****, but I thought it merited pointing out.

 

[Zev]

Also and I'm neither quite sure why this occured to me nor under the illusion I'm the first to bring this up, but is it just me or does DC have sort of a long running streak of misogyny going for a while now, along the lines of "Everything woulda been fine and then the crazy ***** ruins everything." Like Batman's got his backup plans in case the justice league loses it, and then his crazy ***** girlfriend breaks into his house and steals his diary. Or Batman's got his put-down-the-Gotham-mob plan, then the crazy ***** teenager breaks into his house and ****s everything up. And then the crazy teenage girl actually manages to make it into medical care, then the doctor's like **** practicing medicine, I'm just gonna go crazy-***** and let the girl die. Or Superman's being jacked with by Maxwell Lord, and like okay maybe he could've broken free or Batman would've worked something out, but WW's like, nope, I'm a CRAZY ***** and I'ma gonna solve this with MURDER. And hell then there's Jean Loring, I don't even know what you say about Jean Loring.

I'm pretty sure this is 90% bull****, but I thought it merited pointing out.

You're not the first to notice it.

Don't forget how Cassandra Cain was doing fine, then she turned evil for... reasons completely inconsistent with eighty-plus issues of her comic book and countless guest spots. Or the new "lipstick lesbian" Batwoman.

At least with Marvel, they keep their disgusting prejudice issues where they belong... on rich white guys.

 

[Zev]

it wasnt that bad. I hope superboy prime punches you out of continuity

I hope Superboy Prime punches some basic grammar and punctuation into your continuity.

 

[Kitsune]

I still can't believe Dan Dildio was going to kill of Nightwing

 

[fifthfiend]

By the by, does anyone have a link for this Dan-was-gonna-murder-Richard thing? I think this is the second thread today I've heard it mentioned.

 

[Knives122]

He talked about it at the preview page at the end of some issues(it had nightwing in skeleton form).

I'll upload it:

The actual interview or whatever, I do not have.

penguin

 

[Darthphere]

I hope Superboy Prime punches some basic grammar and punctuation into your continuity.

LAWL!t:

 

[The Question]

Also and I'm neither quite sure why this occured to me nor under the illusion I'm the first to bring this up, but is it just me or does DC have sort of a long running streak of misogyny going for a while now, along the lines of "Everything woulda been fine and then the crazy ***** ruins everything." Like Batman's got his backup plans in case the justice league loses it, and then his crazy ***** girlfriend breaks into his house and steals his diary. Or Batman's got his put-down-the-Gotham-mob plan, then the crazy ***** teenager breaks into his house and ****s everything up. And then the crazy teenage girl actually manages to make it into medical care, then the doctor's like **** practicing medicine, I'm just gonna go crazy-***** and let the girl die. Or Superman's being jacked with by Maxwell Lord, and like okay maybe he could've broken free or Batman would've worked something out, but WW's like, nope, I'm a CRAZY ***** and I'ma gonna solve this with MURDER. And hell then there's Jean Loring, I don't even know what you say about Jean Loring.

I'm pretty sure this is 90% bull****, but I thought it merited pointing out.

I really don't consider Diana killing Max Lord to be mysoginistic. Diana's simply a character who would kill if she felt it were absolutely necessairy.

 

[Varient]

props.