Hackers to Ashley Madison website: Pay up or we reveal the name of all your cheaters!

[Snow Queen]

Remember, only a sith deals in absolutes!

 

[TheBat812]

lmao.

And shadow, we've been over this, but I'll say it one more time for the hell of it - life is more complicated than right and wrong. It's not about justifying an act or decision, it's about seeing how things will affect people. I'm just asking what is gained by the truth in that particular hypothetical? It would likely just destroy that family, whereas ignorance truly can be bliss in certain circumstances. We work in shades of gray, and it's all contigent on context and circumstance. That's also not to say I'm gungho about that circumstance, that person should absolutely feel guilt about treating somebody they loved with a lack of respect. But it's very easy to judge people from the outside when you know nothing of their personal midnsets and circumstances.

 

[I SEE SPIDEY]

It's just not that black and white though. A person can be responsible about not getting diseases and cheating actually makes them realize the importance of the relationship they have, and it re-prioritizes them. They break off their cheating and go back and are a better partner. Who does it help for their spouse to know if at the end of the day it was a positive thing that person needed? this is a hypothetical just to say, it's not that black and white. Remember, only a sith deals in absolutes!

Eww no. If it takes one ****ing around behind my back to realize how important I am then I don't want to be married to that person because that person is an idiot.

And no I don't think everything is black and white. I just believe that if you want to see other people tell your partner and give them the choice to accept that life style or reject it.

 

[TheBat812]

Eww no. If it takes one ****ing around behind my back to realize how important I am then I don't want to be married to that person because that person is an idiot.

And no I don't think everything is black and white. I just believe that if you want to see other people tell your partner and give them the choice to accept that life style or reject it.

And that's totally your right. And if I were in that circumstance, I would much rather know as well.

It's important to note that I don't condone that hypothetical. It was an example. Being in a relationship with somebody over the course of many years can be very trying, and other mitigating factors can change them and their view on the world and of their relationships. These things happen. It doesn't make it right, but it's part of life. I feel like alot of times people like to deal in idealistic circumstances, but the real world is alot messier than that. It's like people clinging to religion and blindly believing things because it makes their lives easier to live. That's just part of life.

 

[Tanin]

It seems some people here think adultery/ cheating is justified in some cases. I don't even know how to respond to that really. I think anyone with any sort of moral fiber would agree adultery has no justification.

Adultery is perfectly justified if the spouse knows about it and has no problem with it.

 

[Majik1387]

No surprise bigoted homophobes are anti-open relationship/polyamory.

 

[TheBat812]

People are very afraid of labels, regardless of context. It's a silly part of the traditionalist way people think/are raised. People need a bit more empathy towards everybody. Empathy does not equal justification or excuses - it can explain the reasons behind actions.

 

[DarthSkywalker]

It's just not that black and white though. A person can be responsible about not getting diseases and cheating actually makes them realize the importance of the relationship they have, and it re-prioritizes them. They break off their cheating and go back and are a better partner. Who does it help for their spouse to know if at the end of the day it was a positive thing that person needed? this is a hypothetical just to say, it's not that black and white. Remember, only a sith deals in absolutes!

This is a ridiculous argument. You could jeopardy your spouse's health. And you know what, what if they don't want to be on a relationship with someone who has sex with others?

Well this is pure bull.

The way I see it, if you have a relationship where sex outside of the marriage is a constant, it leaves the door open to create a relationship with another partner, which can lead to prioritizing that relationship over a marriage. What happens if the person falls in love with another person? Is it an absolute? Of course not. But I think it makes it a stronger possibility.

 

[I SEE SPIDEY]

And that's totally your right. And if I were in that circumstance, I would much rather know as well.

It's important to note that I don't condone that hypothetical. It was an example. Being in a relationship with somebody over the course of many years can be very trying, and other mitigating factors can change them and their view on the world and of their relationships. These things happen. It doesn't make it right, but it's part of life. I feel like alot of times people like to deal in idealistic circumstances, but the real world is alot messier than that. It's like people clinging to religion and blindly believing things because it makes their lives easier to live. That's just part of life.

I agree that people like to idealize romantic relationships, that has been harmful.

 

[Majik1387]

The way I see it, if you have a relationship where sex outside of the marriage is a constant, it leaves the door open to create a relationship with another partner, which can lead to prioritizing that relationship over a marriage. What happens if the person falls in love with another person? Is it an absolute? Of course not. But I think it makes it a stronger possibility.

It doesn't.

 

[TheBat812]

This is a ridiculous argument. You could jeopardy your spouse's health. And you know what, what if they don't want to be on a relationship with someone who has sex with others?


The way I see it, if you have a relationship where sex outside of the marriage is a constant, it leaves the door open to create a relationship with another partner, which can lead to prioritizing that relationship over a marriage. What happens if the person falls in love with another person? Is it an absolute? Of course not. But I think it makes it a stronger possibility.

My hypothetical specifically included being very careful about health. Imagine in scenario 1 that this person cheated, stopped it, didn't get a disease and it improved their relationship and they both died happy in their ignorance. Whose life was ruined there? Now imagine in scenario 2 that somebody 'told on' that person, thereby sending both their lives and the lives of their children into a spiral, leading to the unhappiness of all involved. Once again, I'm not saying the person is a good person or that cheating was a great choice, but I would say scenario 1 is a much better scenario in terms of all these people's lives.

This is much more of a philosohpical debate and hypothetical, and I find it to be a fascinating point of conversation. *shrug*

 

[TheBat812]

It doesn't.

To be fair, it can, but most of the people I've ever known in open relationships specifically don't go for affairs, it's primarily a physical gratification. As soon as they think their new partner might be looking for more than just physical fun, they break it off. Really depends on the person.

 

[chaseter]

Again, no one said it was. Commissioner is saying that sometimes when one spouse has a medical or physical condition making sex an impossibility they will allow their spouse to seek out sexual gratification from other people. Not everyone on AM is a "cheater". Why is this so hard for some of y'all to understand?

The non cheaters have nothing to worry about....

There is no recourse for them if they were open and honest with their loved ones.

The only people sweating right now are the ones that have lied and hidden. No one is defending the hackers. Who knows what's next. People are however enjoying the comeuppance of cheaters. You all laugh at fail videos. This is a cheating fail.

 

[terry78]

Round and round we go. It's like we're talking about politics in here.

 

[Frodo]

There seem to be alot of people defending the hackers, so the idea that nobody is, isn't correct. The people who are sweating are the cheaters and the spouses who hope that their friends and neighbors don't find out about their dirty laundry.

Yeah, the cheaters are likely scrambling , but lets not pretend like the only people hurt and humiliated by the information being made public are the people who actually cheated and not their spouses or families.

If you're in favor of the information being leaked to the public ,then you're in favor of the collateral damage and public shame of the spouses who didn't do anything wrong. You can't hedge if you want things to be black and white.

 

[terry78]

Somebody is gonna get killed if this stuff gets leaked out, you know. You think every jilted person is gonna handle it sanely?

 

[Majik1387]

There seem to be alot of people defending the hackers, so the idea that nobody is, isn't correct. The people who are sweating are the cheaters and the spouses who hope that their friends and neighbors don't find out about their dirty laundry.

Yeah, the cheaters are likely scrambling , but lets not pretend like the only people hurt and humiliated by the information being made public are the people who actually cheated and not their spouses or families.

If you're in favor of the information being leaked to the public ,then you're in favor of the collateral damage and public shame of the spouses who didn't do anything wrong. You can't hedge if you want things to be black and white.

What you're misunderstanding is that the public shame is not on the innocent spouses. No one is looking at the unknowing spouses in shame or ridicule, they are looking at the cheater as such.

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

Somebody is gonna get killed if this stuff gets leaked out, you know. You think every jilted person is gonna handle it sanely?

Obviously the person who decided to cheat and the person who decides to murder are also somewhat responsible for that outcome.

 

[DarthSkywalker]

It doesn't.

Well I have seen cases where it ends in murder, so I am going to go with it being a possibility.

 

[Marvolo]

The non cheaters have nothing to worry about....

There is no recourse for them if they were open and honest with their loved ones.

The only people sweating right now are the ones that have lied and hidden. No one is defending the hackers. Who knows what's next. People are however enjoying the comeuppance of cheaters. You all laugh at fail videos. This is a cheating fail.

Your post is just one more example of how some of y'all haven't really thought this whole thing through.

Open marriages and swinging aren't widely accepted behavior. Its illegal in a number of places. That's why swingers and polyamorous people don't usually make their lifestyle public knowledge. So even the non cheaters now have to worry that them and their spouse will have to deal with judgement from others who do not accept or understand the type of relationship they have. Fact is, who people sleep with and how many partners a married person has is not the public's business.

 

[Thundercrack85]

I never realized how adulterous the world was.

I guess I'm just naive.

 

[Evelisse]

 

[TheCommissioner]

 

[Thundercrack85]

I have a hard time believing that the average joe is going to torrent that big file, scour through it to see if a co-worker is in there, and then confront them about it.

But then, I didn't know adultery was America's favorite pastime, so what do I know?

 

[jmc]

I never realized how adulterous the world was.

I guess I'm just naive.

Welcome to reality.