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[Master Chief]

EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBOURHOOD - NIGHT
A tie-dyed van is parked outside a quaint suburban neighborhood at night. There is something sprayed on the side but we can’t make it out in the light. A man in a trench coat walks up to the van and knocks on the door. The door opens and the man in the trench coat walks inside and sits down, then shuts the door.

INT. VAN
The man in the trench coat smiles at the man who has let him into his car, a long-haired hippie type of about 35 years of age. He smiles at the trench coat through food-filled teeth; he is trying to consume his veggie burger.

LONGHAIRED HIPPIE​

Hey, man, you look like you’ve had a rough day. Need a lift or something?​

​

TRENCH-COAT MAN
I guess you could say my day’s been…interesting. Anyway I had nowhere to go and I needed somebody to give me a ride there, so thank you.​

​

The hippie laughs.

LONGHAIRED HIPPIE​

That’s heavy man, that’s heavy. So what’s your name, bro?​

​

TRENCH-COAT MAN
Oh, I apologize, my name’s Jesse. Say, is this your business?​

​

The man laughs and shakes his head, one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on his veggie burger.

​

LONGHAIRED HIPPIE
Yeah man, well you know, no. I mean, my brother and me, hi I’m Stephen and my brother you know he’s Clint, we came up with the idea and it works pretty good.​

​

JESSE
How much do you get paid an hour?​

​

LONGHAIRED HIPPIE
Ah man, we don’t get paid by the hour, our jobs, like the places that we clean man, pay us. Yeah, 500 a job.​

​

JESSE
Dollars? That’s good money.​

​

LONGHAIRED HIPPIE​

Yeah, I mean I guess it pays pretty well. So what’s your story man? What’s with the trench coat and stuff?​

​

Jesse shakes his head and looks out the window down a couple houses past. He seems to be staring at a house far off in the distance in particular, a run-down ****-hole apartment complex.

JESSE
Tell me, something, Stephen. Hypothetically speaking, if someone told you one day that who you are, who you thought you were your whole life was a lie, would you believe them? I mean, what would you do after that?​

​

LONG-HAIRED HIPPIE
What’s the matter man, having problems with the IRS? Ha, man, I got you. But that’s a heavy question man, heavy.​

​

He starts chewing down on his burger, contemplating it. Jesse looks over at him.

JESSE
So, what would you do?​

​

LONG-HAIRED HIPPIE
Well, since I don’t know if he’s telling the truth, I guess I’d just go back to being the way I was before, only I wouldn’t really remember how I was before, so I’d be more me you know? Ignorance is bliss, man.​

​

Jesse shakes his head and exhales heavily.

JESSE
I guess you’re right. That’s what I would do, too.​

​

Jesse punches the hippie in the face and knocks him out cold. He starts searching through the guys pockets.

JESSE (CONTINUED)
Come on, keys, keys, keys…​

​

He finds the keys in the man's pocket and puts them in the ignition. He opens the man’s door and throws him out onto the sidewalk in the cold night air. Then he shuts the man’s door and hops into the driver’s seat. He looks at the veggie burger disgusted.

JESSE (CONT.)​

****ing liberals.​

​

He rolls the window down and throws the veggie burger onto the knocked out hippie next to the van. Then he starts the van, puts his sunglasses on, and starts driving.

FADE TO BLACK.​

FADE IN.​

EPISODE 23: “Protecting Those in Need”​

​

EXT. BLUE BUILDING - DAY
SPORK wakes up outside a tall building looking handsome as ever. He looks up at the tower that he fell from and cannot believe that he isn’t dead. High above in the sky a plane flies across the horizon and Spork watches it complacently. He gets up and sees that he is lying on the grass. In the horizon is a long turning sidewalk. A group of guards in white are approaching Spork, and he dusts himself off, waving to them.

​

SPORK
What’s up, crackers?​

​

The guards do not seem to be amused and they pull out their tasers.

INT. AUDITORIUM
A large group of reporters and press sit in the aisles looking up at the stage, the same stage where Robin and Ball Buster had their first encounter with the trolls. PHILLIP approaches the podium, looking gaudier than ever, and he removes his rotund sunglasses and smiles out at the crowd.

PHILLIP
The mind is a beautiful place…​

​

EXT. BLUE BUILDING
The two guards manhandle Spork and shove him to the ground. The chubby one picks him up, shoving his stick into his back. The other guard grabs his arm and they take him past the parking lot down the road that leads to a large abandoned parking lot save for a few staff cars and lots of vehicles for the press.

SPORK
My dimples man…you’re gonna **** up my whole complexion here.​

​

FAT GUARD
Shut up and just walk…Jesus, I’m glad this guy didn’t get out. Which one is he?​

​

OTHER GUARD
I don’t know, he looks kind of metro sexual. Must not be one of the dangerous ones. Be careful anyway.​

​

SPORK
Yeah you best be careful, I’ll bust my nine in this *****. Hey I’m pretty sure I just died, so is this heaven or hell?​

​

They approach a long sliding door under a signpost that says “HYPE”. The fat guard laughs.

FAT GUARD
Which do you think, dumbass?​

​

INT. AUDITORIUM
Phil takes a drink from his cup of water and continues. The crowd is buying it.

PHIL
Here at this facility, a franchise if you will for Hype Enterprises, we are fascinated by the things one can do with the mind. By the places it can take us…places like the imagination, but most importantly for us, Redemption. And when one is dealing with something as weighty and much discussed as that, best to tread lightly is it not?​

​

INT. MAIN HALL
The guards take Spork up to the front hall. The secretary, Morg, gets out of his seat. Everyone, even the janitors, stare at them. Spork beams, the center of attention.

MORG
What the **** is he doing here?​

​

FAT GUARD
He got out somehow…do you think I know? What do I look like, a dictionary?​

​

MORG
Get him the **** out of here…look at him, he’s going to slit my throat or something.​

​

SPORK
Hey how does statutory rape sound?​

​

Morg sits back down at his desk, scared. Footsteps approach the corner and other doctors show up, including Heather.

INT. AUDITORIUM
Phil walks away from the auditorium, addressing the whole crowd.

PHIL
The mind does not stop, it does not surrender. And we will not surrender until our job is done. That is why, of all our various endeavors, I am proudest of this building. The doctors here have created a beautiful society in which for their patients to live. Sadly Timothy, the head of operations here was not able to make it today, but I’m sure I’ll be able to answer any questions you have.​

​

INT. MAIN HALL
The doctors look at Spork. Besides Heather, there is a short nerdy looking guy and another creepy looking doctor with a nine ‘o clock shadow.

NERDY GUY​

Hey I know this one. This is that guy with the girlfriend…Prima or something, right?​

​

HEATHER
It’s Patrick.​

​

SPORK
Patrick? I’m sorry my name is Spork, Last of the Meatbags. So, I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong guy; so I’m just gonna go…bye bye!​

​

Spork turns around to leave but the two guards try to stop him. He punches one of them in the face and the other one in the stomach. They fall down and he does a roll on the floor, but the creepy doctor and Heather pounce on him. The creepy doctor grabs one of the tasers and uses it on Spork. It only distracts him for a little bit, enough for them to hold him down.

HEATHER
I’m afraid you can’t leave Spork...​

​

She gets up and looks around.

HEATHER (CONTINUED)
****, this is terrible…How did he get out?​

​

CREEPY DOCTOR
Let me deal with him.​

​

HEATHER
Not with your track record, Excelsior. I’m gonna give him to Matt.​

​

Heather points to the nerdy doctor, who is near trembling on the ground next to the other guards.

CREEPY DOCTOR
And let him get slaughtered? You know that can’t happen, Heather. Matt doesn’t have enough experience.​

​

HEATHER​

What about Susan, and Don and Richard…​

​

CREEPY DOCTOR
…They quit, remember? The benefits haven’t exactly been great, have they?​

​

HEATHER​

(Sighing)
Fine, you can take him. But pull anything stupid and it won’t just be me you’ll have to worry about, okay Excelsior?​

​

The doctor smiles and he drags Spork up off his knees.

SPORK
Oh, you have such strong, manly hands.​

​

CREEPY DOCTOR
Yeah, just keep making jokes. You and I are going to have a lot of fun together.​

​

SPORK
Oh, like I haven’t heard THAT one before.​

​

Heather leads Spork and Excelsior to an elevator, and they walk into it.

INT. AUDITORIUM
One of the members of the press has raised their hand. Phil picks him, and the guy stands up.

REPORTER
Is it true that you’ve implanted fake memories into some of your patients?​

​

There is dead silence. Phil suppresses a frown and grins slightly.

PHIL
Who do you work for? The National Enquirer?​

​

There is small laughter scattered throughout the audience.

​

REPORTER
Is it also true that you at one point hired writers, and that you have put former employees into the program here?​

​

PHIL
I’m sorry, what is your name?​

​

REPORTER
My name is Christopher Kringley, sir.​

​

PHIL
Chris, either go back to watching the sci-fi channel or stop spreading slander, thanks.​

​

The man sits down and there is murmuring throughout the audience. All of a sudden, several hands raise, and Phil backs away from the podium.

PHIL (CONTINUED)
I’m sorry, but I can answer no more questions at this time. Please come back again, and have some of our free toffee.​

​

Phil walks behind the auditorium into the work area behind the curtain. Another doctor is there with a pad and paper in his hands. He clings to Phil like a lost puppy dog.

PUPPY DOG​

Are you sure about bringing journalists to this area of the building? We used to put the people with cognitive disabilities over here, you know.​

​

PHIL
It doesn’t even matter anymore, D.L. The whole meeting just went to **** because the head of operations is nowhere to be found.​

​

PUPPY DOG
I’m afraid I don’t have any better news. Nobody’s been in contact with Timothy since last night, and one of the patients almost got out of the building.​

​

PHIL
What? When?

PUPPY DOG
Just now, sir. It’s been contained.​

​

PHIL
By whom?​

​

PUPPY DOG
Uh…Excelsior, sir.​

​

PHIL
Steven? That twisted ****? And with all the press here?​

​

Phil takes off his sunglasses and runs the palm of his hand across his face.

PHIL
If you’ll excuse me, D.L., I’m going to go throw up in the bathroom. And when you do find Timothy, you can tell him from me that he’s on his way to getting fired.​

 

[Master Chief]

INT. PIPEWAYS
BALL BUSTER, WEBMISTRESS and ROBIN walk down the pipe-ways together, the Golden Warrior leading the way. In front of them, Hollow has been tied up in a chair, passed out and with a paper bag over his head.

BALL BUSTER​

Wow… you really weren’t kidding when you said you had a doctor, huh?​

WEBMISTRESS
No I wasn’t. His nametag says Hollow Wood Director, whatever that means. He’s been passed out like this for a while now, and it doesn’t look like he’s going to wake up anytime soon…Which gives us just enough time to get ready.​

Ball Buster looks confused, so he looks down at Robin. Robin apparently has no answers, so Ball Buster gives up.

BALL BUSTER
Get ready for what?​

WEBMISTRESS
I’m leaving this place. You and your little friend here can come with me if you want.​

BALL BUSTER
But how in the **** are we going to do that?​

Webmistress points one finger at Hollow.

WEBMISTRESS
We have him…leverage. I’m guessing he’s important somehow, so that’s a start isn’t it?​

BALL BUSTER
Wait…whoa, whoa, backtrack. How did you get this guy in the first place?​

WEBMISTRESS
I walked to the other side of the hype.​

Ball Buster looks at her dumbfounded.

BALL BUSTER
You…walked…there? What about the trolls?​

WEBMISTRESS
Trolls? What trolls? I barely saw any people there, except for a few doctors and this guy, so I nagged him.​

BALL BUSTER
But what about the creatures that walked on the ceiling?​

WEBMISTRESS
What, you mean like a spider or something?​

BALL BUSTER
No I mean trolls.​

WEBMISTRESS
What, are you challenged or something?​

ROBIN
Oh, I think he is!​

Ball Buster puts his hand on Robin’s head and shoves him backward.

BALL BUSTER
Look, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about anyway.​

WEBMISTRESS
And what is it you wanted to talk about Michael?​

BALL BUSTER
Uh…Pira saw you talking with…a guy.​

WEBMISTRESS
What guy?​

BALL BUSTER
Um…Ego.​

Webmistress sighs, picks up her shotgun and turns around so her back is to Ball Buster.

WEBMISTRESS
She doesn’t know what she saw.​

BALL BUSTER
But she told me she heard…​

WEBMISTRESS
She doesn’t know what she heard, either.​

BALL BUSTER
But…have you been talking to Ego?​

WEBMISTRESS
That’s beside the point, Michael. But I’ll tell you this—yes; I have been talking to him, ever since he died. I even talked with him in front of you once.​

Webmistress turns around to face Ball Buster and he looks at her slack-jawed.

BALL BUSTER
…You did?​

WEBMISTRESS
Remember, just before Victor shoved that knife into you and you became “crippled”? I was talking to him, right in front of you, and you said something about me talking to myself if I remember correctly.​

Ball Buster tries to think of something to say but cannot.

WEBMISTRESS (CONTINUED)
There’s something about this place…it impairs your judgment, messes with your mind. That’s why we have to get out of here. Think about it.​

Webmistress walks away, and Ball Buster looks back down at Robin.

BALL BUSTER
Now see why don’t you ever try to defend me.​

ROBIN
Cause I’m a kid, silly. Plus, Webby is right.​

BALL BUSTER
Oh god; don’t say her name like that. Plus, she doesn’t even like kids.​

ROBIN
So? Neither do you.​

BALL BUSTER
Well I didn’t.​

Robin looks up at him and beams. Ball Buster tries to cover up his emotions, like it’s not effecting him at all, but it’s obvious. He takes Robin’s hand.

BALL BUSTER (CONTINUED)
Come on; let’s go talk to Chain Reaction. Maybe we’ll make it out of this crazy place after all.​

As the two of them walk out of the room, Hollow starts to move.

INT. HALLWAY
JOLLY JOHNNY is drawing pictures of stick figures on a pad of paper when CLERK walks by him, sipping down some Merlot. Clerk looks over at Johnny.

CLERK
Your fly’s unzipped again.​

Johnny looks down angrily.

JOLLY JOHNNY
Oh! ****ing great! What a wonderful ****ing day. Why are you here, anyway?​

CLERK
You know the Exalted is out looking for us. We can’t be wondering out alone.​

JOLLY JOHNNY
He doesn’t even know what we look like. Where is Movies anyway, that cocky bastard…Exalted has already seen him.​

CLERK
…You know Movies is more powerful than us.​

JOLLY JOHNNY
Yeah, whatever. Where the **** is he anyway? Out beating his meat like it owes him money or something?​

VOICE
I’m right here, you ignoramus.​

The two of them turn around and see their leader standing in front of them. Movies205 is a commanding slightly chubby individual. His eyes pierce the hearts of his two followers.

JOLLY JOHNNY
Oh…hi, Movies.​

MOVIES205​

Yes, yes, hi to you as well. You see, while you two were trifling around, I was concocting a stratagem. Our good friend the Exalted has been alerted of our existence because of my misapprehension, but I can assure that he will get nowhere in his scrutiny. Now is not the time for use to worry about some miscreant, now is the time for our most important endeavor yet.​

CLERK
And what exactly would that be?​

MOVIES205​

Do not ask such foolish questions, especially ones you already know the answer to. We are the Triad, and we will live forever…but this building is dying, and now is the time to take our vengeance. But first, we do have to deal with this inconvenience of the Exalted. He must know not to mess with us. And he must never, ever find us. So I would advise that you be more careful from here on out, Johnny.​

INT. MONITOR ROOM
On the screen Jolly Johnny gulps nervously, and Clerk chugs down the rest of his beer. Watching the trio on Hippie Hunter’s old office chair is THE EXALTED. His robe is off and his scarred face watches the screen intently as he straps a gravity knife to his wrist using duct tape. On his right hand a Ballistic knife has already been taped on. He finishes wrapping the tape around and looks over to see a pretty red-haired woman looking at him, though he knows she can’t really be there.

THE EXALTED​

You shouldn’t be here, Honey Vibe. You don’t want to see me like this.​

She touches his arm, just above the blade. He shivers.

HONEY VIBE
I thought you said you wouldn’t do this to yourself anymore, Jose…that you would devote yourself to peace.​

THE EXALTED
I’m not a soldier anymore, nor some assassin of the night. I’m a leader. I am a God.​

HONEY VIBE
Prove it.​

The Exalted stands up, and puts his robe back on. Honey Vibe disappears. He looks back at the screen. Movies205 is looking up at the camera like he knows Exalted is watching him. With a flick of the wrist, Exalted hurls the Ballistic knife at the screen, causing electricity to shoot out of it and all the other television screens to go dark. Then Exalted puts his hood back on and walks out into the hallway.

INT. ELEVATOR
Spork stands in front of Excelsior, dancing and singing to himself.

SPORK
I’m a model if you know what I mean, and I do my little dance on the catwalk…​

EXCELSIOR
How does it feel?​

Spork looks back at the doctor as if acknowledging him for the first time.

SPORK
Excuse me, how does what feel?​

EXCELSIOR
How does it feel now that you’re a killer?​

He turns back around, ignoring the question.

SPORK
I’m sorry you must have me confused with someone else.​

EXCELSIOR
(Laughing)
No, I’m afraid you have yourself mixed up with someone else. You killed my mole, and your friend Matt.​

SPORK
Don’t talk to me about my friends, you don’t even know who I am and you’re not cool enough to get in my exclusive company, okay there hotshot?​

EXCELSIOR
I know more about you than you know about yourself, Spork.​

SPORK
Yeah, well you can know all you want because I’m not a killer, and I know you’re just looking for an excuse.​

EXCELSIOR
…An excuse?​

SPORK
Yeah, an excuse to fight me or something. I know your type of people…that’s probably why all those people quit, right? Cause they didn’t want to work with you.​

Excelsior sighs and grabs something from his belt-buckle.

EXCELSIOR
Unfortunately for us both, you’re very wrong Spork…and I was lying back there when I was talking to Dew. You see, Richard didn’t quit. In fact, he made me this.​

The doctor pulls out a needle from his pocket, some kind of medicine. He holds it up in the air and smiles.

SPORK
…What the **** is that?​

EXCELSIOR
It’s the same concoction we gave Danger Mouse. You see, it alters your memories to our specifications, allowing you to be a bit more willing.​

SPORK
Wait a minute…you want to make me your lackey? Look I’m flattered but I’ve already got a date with a teddy bear so I really must go!​

Spork grabs Excelsior’s hand and the needle drops to the floor. Excelsior takes his other hand and puts pressure on Spork’s neck but Spork just steps on his foot hard and then punches him in the face. The Last Meatbag turns around and goes to open the elevator door but it does not budge. He starts hitting random buttons but none of them respond.

EXCELSIOR
Why do you think we never got to a floor?​

SPORK
Oh, right…fu—​

Excelsior shoves the needle into Spork’s neck, and the other man goes into shock and passes out on the floor.

 

[Master Chief]

INT. PUBLIC BATHROOM
The bathroom is a mess. Every stall door looks like it’s going to fall off the hinges. At the sink by the broken mirror stands PIRA, who is trying to wash her hands. Her pipe rests on the dirty ground beside her. She wipes off her face, looking at her face reflected in the glass. She picks up her pipe and heads towards the door when a very angry woman shoves her onto the floor. Pira looks up and sees JAYNA, holding a hello kitty Katana sword.

JAYNA
Do you know where I found this?​

PIRA
Uh…no, actually.​

JAYNA
It was sitting next to the dead body of my boyfriend…that’s right, Danger Mouse, is dead…and if I remember correctly, this is Spork’s sword right?​

PIRA
No….​

Jayna shoves the sword down but Pira rolls out of the way and the sword goes right into the ground. Pira grabs her pipe and backs away.

PIRA (CONTINUED)
I don’t want to fight you, but you’re acting irrational. You don’t know what you saw.​

JAYNA
No, I saw him clear as day, and I know who killed him. It’s not hard to put two and two together is it?​

PIRA
Spork wouldn’t harm a fly. He’s…confused.​

JAYNA
He killed my lover! I loved Danger Mouse and you took him from me!​

Jayna raises the sword, looking down at Pira in rage. Pira, realizing there is no way out of this, punches Jayna in the face before she can make a move. Then she rolls around on the floor and grabs her pipe. Jayna swings her sword around and Pira takes a step back, and then blocks the sword with the pipe. Webmistress walks into the bathroom, shotgun in her hand, and looks at both of them.

WEBMISTRESS
(Sigh)
I guess I’ll go use the other one.​

Pira turns over to her confused.

PIRA
Other what?​

WEBMISTRESS
You know the other bathroom, the one that’s all pretty. I thought you guys knew about—never mind.​

Webmistress turns to leave, but Jayna looks over at her.

JAYNA
Webmistress…​

WEBMISTRESS
Yeah?​

Jayna backs away from Pira, and Pira falls to the floor from lack of body support. The pipe and the sword fall to the ground in a clash of metal. Pira looks down at it in a shock, and Jayna walks up to Webmistress, getting very close to her.

JAYNA
Sometimes you think you know everything about someone, and then you wind up horribly wrong. Nothing in this world is certain. Remember that.​

Jayna walks out of the bathroom, and Webmistress turns back to look at her confused.

WEBMISTRESS
What the ****? What was that about?​

PIRA
…Danger Mouse died.​

Webmistress’s face turns contorted.

WEBMISTRESS
What? How? Did the doctors get to him? Did Exalted kill him? …Did Matt kill him?​

PIRA
I actually think my boyfriend did it.​

Webmistress looks relieved.

WEBMISTRESS
What are you gonna do then?​

PIRA
I don’t know. I’m gonna try to find him. Whatever he did, I know it’s not his fault.​

WEBMISTRESS
But you just said you thought he killed him.​

PIRA
Shut the **** up, I know what I said.​

WEBMISTRESS
Whoa, girl, I didn’t know you could swear.​

PIRA
Don’t play the race card on me, I really don’t have the time. Look, I’m all alone in this place. We all are. And I need Spork. He’s my ticket out.​

Pira shakes her head and picks up her pipe. She goes to leave but Webmistress puts her hand over Pira, blocking her.

WEBMISTRESS
You want out of this place? I can get you out, but only if you help me.​

PIRA
What are you talking about? Help you how, exactly?​

WEBMISTRESS
Are you good with interrogations?​

VOICE
No, she’s not. But I am.​

The two women look over and see Ball Buster standing there, looking pissed off. Blood is splattered across his shirt.

WEBMISTRESS
Ball Buster, what’s going on? Where’s Robin?​

BALL BUSTER
Let me talk to the doctor. I think I have some things I’d like to say to him.​

WEBMISTRESS
I don’t know if that’s such a great…​

BALL BUSTER
Now.​

Webmistress can tell that Ball Buster is serious. She nods her head, and points the other two to the door.

WEBMISTRESS
Alright fine, but can I at least take a pee?

INT. LIBRARY
The room is dark, pitch black. MATT MURDOCK wakes up, grasping for air. He is not wearing sunglasses. He touches the bottom part of his throat and sees that there is some blood on it. Lying on the ground next to him is the dead body of an older man, crushed by a chandelier. His mouth lays horrifically open, and a centipede crawls out of his eyeball and down his pants.

VOICE
NICHOLAS…​

Matt gets up, looks around the place. He cannot see where the voice is coming from. Instead, he sees a dead woman on the ground, her brains splattered across the floor. Another body lies not far from hers, and then another. All of them are wearing white coats. He wonders who could have done something this terrible.

VOICE (CONTINUED)
NICHOLAS…​

Matt Murdock scans the top floor and sees a man draped in a hood above him. It is The Exalted. Matt reaches into his pocket for his gun but sees that his holster is bare. Above him, The Exalted is holding his gun. Matt looks up at the Exalted and his whole body starts to shake, for almost no reason, and he finds that he cannot control it.

MATT MURDOCK
I warned people about you, Exalted! I told them you were evil, that you had no soul, but they didn’t listen to me. Now look what you’ve done, you sick bastard, and you’ve killed all these people!​

THE EXALTED
I DIDN’T KILL THESE PEOPLE, NICHOLAS. YOU DID.​

Matt looks around the room, at the bodies, at the chandelier, at the books sprawled across the floor. It’s all starting to look familiar.

MATT MURDOCK
Stop lying, all you do is lie to people. And my name’s not Nicholas, its Matt Murdock.​

THE EXALTED
MATT MURDOCK IS THE NAME OF A FAMOUS MARVEL COMICBOOK HERO. YOU ARE NOT MATT MURDOCK. YOU ARE NICHOLAS ECHESCRATES AND YOU…​

We see a flash of dead bodies sprawled across a room filled with green water.

THE EXALTED (CONTINUED)
ARE…​

Matt Murdock is standing on a platform, looking at all the bodies. He is shooting Victor Von Doom for merely looking at the girl he has a crush on.

THE EXALTED (CONTINUED)
A KILLER.​

Matt is shooting an innocent girl in the face as his friends watch on the sidelines.

MATT MURDOCK
No…​

He puts his hands to his head and he crouches down.

MATT MURDOCK
I couldn’t have killed all these people.​

THE EXALTED
COULDN”Y YOU HAVE THOUGH? YOU’VE KILLED BEFORE. YOU’VE DONE IT PLENTY OF TIMES NICHOLAS.​

MATT MURDOCK
My name’s not Nicholas. It’s Matthew…Matthew Murdock.​

Matt is standing in the doorway watching Webmistress come into the room. He’s been at this doorway before.

THE EXALTED
MATT MURDOCK IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. A FAUX.​

The Exalted reaches for his hood. The camera spins around Matt as he watches him. He is in a complete daze.

THE EXALTED
YOU ARE NICHOLAS ECHESCRATES…AND SO AM I.​

The Exalted removes the hood to show that he is also Matt Murdock, the glasses his still on. Before the other Matt has time to react, he takes his guns and shoots him in the head. The bullet falls on the floor with the other books. Matt Murdock falls backwards onto the chandelier, breaking it and losing all control.

INT. MONITOR ROOM
Spork wakes up in the chair. He is breathing rapidly so he takes a whiff of his inhaler. In front of him, Hippie Hunter is reviewing the footage of Spork killing Matt and Danger Mouse. He is laughing to himself.

HIPPIE HUNTER
I love this part.​

Spork looks around, perplexed.

SPORK
Where am I? Jesse?​

Hippie Hunter ignores him, and instead turns around, taking a sip of his coffee before setting the collector’s mug down.

HIPPIE HUNTER
There’s just one thing I have to know, Last of the Meatbags, and that’s this…how did my girlfriend taste? Her lips I mean.​

SPORK
I don’t feel that’s a legitimate question at this time really, and I sort of have to go, so while it’s been great talking to you there’s these doctors that have to brainwash me so…​

Spork tries to get out of the chair but then Chain Reaction enters the room wearing a silky red dress.

CHAIN REACTION
I think it’s a very relevant question, don’t you darling?​

HIPPIE HUNTER
Sure it is. Hey Spork, are you interested in a threesome?​

SPORK
Oh Jesus, I got to get the **** out of here…​

Spork darts of the chair and runs into…

INT. HALLWAY
Spork tries to make a dash for it but Sentinel_08 drags him over to the wall.

SENTINEL_08​

Somebody wants to talk to you.​

Spork looks over and sees Danger Mouse standing in the middle of the hallway, angry.

DANGER MOUSE
Why did you kill me?​

Danger Mouse picks Spork up and shoves him into the middle of the hallway.

SPORK
It was an accident really, Freudian slip of the gun so to speak. I didn’t mean to kill you…​

DANGER MOUSE
You didn’t mean to?​

Danger Mouse kicks Spork in the nose. Spork grabs onto his face in pain. Danger Mouse goes to punch him again.

DANGER MOUSE (CONTINUED)
You…​

Spork looks over and sees a ferret running down the hall. Danger Mouse punches him in the stomach.

DANGER MOUSE (CONT.)
Didn’t…​

Spork looks over and sees that there are people standing in the hallway watching them. Among those people are Dante, Lumberjack, Die Valuectic and Max Shreck. Then Spork looks back over at Danger Mouse and sees that he has turned into VICTOR VON DOOM.

VICTOR VON DOOM
…MEAN TO?​

And Victor kicks Spork very hard in the ear.

INT. ELEVATOR
Excelsior is standing over Spork, whose unconscious body is twitching around like he’s having a seizure. Excelsior is talking on the phone to somebody.

EXCELSIOR
No, Richard, I don’t find the dose I gave him to be extreme at all. No, Richard, I feel pretty confidant that I’m not going to get fired. Malice can’t run the show forever. And don’t worry…​

Excelsior looks down at Spork and smiles.

EXCELSIOR
He’s sleeping as sound as a baby.​

INT. PIPE WAYS
Webmistress takes the hood off of Hollow Wood Director, revealing a very agitated man with tape over his mouth. Ball Buster rips the tape off, and Hollow’s head is jerked forward.

HOLLOW WOOD
GET ME OUT OF HERE! I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE, WHAT THE ****, HOLY **** GET ME OUT OF—​

Webmistress punches him in the face, and he stops screaming. Ball Buster gets close to him.

BALL BUSTER
I want to ask him questions first.​

WEBMISTRESS
Fine, whatever. Just make sure he can understand what you’re asking him.​

BALL BUSTER
He’ll understand enough.​

Ball Buster taps Hollow’s shoulder. He looks over at him, convulsing.

HOLLOW WOOD
You’re…you’re Ball Buster, right? Don’t you just, insult people or something?​

BALL BUSTER
What did you do to Hippie Hunter and Chain Reaction?​

Webmistress looks at Ball Buster questioningly, who is continuing to stare at Hollow coldly.

HOLLOW WOOD
I don’t…I don’t know who those people are.​

BALL BUSTER
Uh-huh, but you know my name, right?​

HOLLOW WOOD
It’s pretty hard to forget Ball Buster, isn’t it?​

Ball Buster takes a step away and laughs. Webmistress looks over at Pira, and motions to her. Pira looks extremely nervous. Hollow notices the two of them looking at each other, and looks from one to the other.

BALL BUSTER
I guess it is. Earlier you asked if I was the guy who insults people. Well, I do insult people, maggot face, but there’s something else I do to. Are you ever going to get married?​

HOLLOW WOOD
What the **** does that have to do with anything?​

BALL BUSTER
Just answer the question.​

Webmistress is staring nervously at Ball Buster and she goes for her shotgun for the first time.

HOLLOW WOOD
Yes, I’ve thought about it several times. Not while I’m still working here, anyway.​

BALL BUSTER
And what is it you do here?​

HOLLOW WOOD
…I work night shift. I’m a janitor.​

Webmistress ***** her shotgun and gets extremely agitated, walking around in a circle. Ball Buster laughs loudly. Pira is getting scared now.

BALL BUSTER
You know, Hollow, I’m the king of ********, so don’t try it on me. Are you ever going to have kids Hollow?​

Now Webmistress looks back at Ball Buster, and she sees his face has turned severely serious.

HOLLOW WOOD
I’ve thought about it before, but you know, never that regularly.​

BALL BUSTER
Interesting. You know, I never really wanted to get settled down or married, not my style. I’m a porn star.​

Hollow laughs. Ball Buster isn’t amused.

BALL BUSTER (CONTINUED)
Something, funny?​

HOLLOW WOOD
No, not really, I mean, an actor of great esteem is interrogating me, you know. I’m sure you got a lot of charisma.​

BALL BUSTER
I’m going to ask you again. Where are Hippie Hunter, Matt Murdock, Spork, Danger Mouse, Chain Reaction, and Sentinel_08?​

HOLLOW WOOD
I don’t know who those people are—​

​

 

[Master Chief]

BALL BUSTER
********! What happens to people when they die here? Why do none of us have complete memories? Answer the ****ing questions!​

WEBMISTRESS
Michael…​

Hollow shakes his head and smiles a devilish grin.

HOLLOW WOOD​

I don’t know any of that information, sorry.​

BALL BUSTER
Oh, well…that’s okay!​

Ball Buster goes to walk away, and Hollow breathes a sigh of relief, until Ball Buster comes back and grabs Hollow in the private region. He yanks him in the crotch and twists his hand in a sharp turning motion. Hollow screams loudly, and then Webmistress grabs Ball Buster and pulls him off him.

HOLLOW WOOD
AGH GOD! HOLY ****, THIS WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! This was never supposed to ****ing happen!​

Webmistress pulls Ball Buster back and points her shotgun at him. He looks back at her disgusted.

BALL BUSTER
What? Are you going to shoot me?​

HOLLOW WOOD
This wasn’t supposed to happen!​

BALL BUSTER
What do you mean? What are you talking about? What wasn’t supposed to happen?​

WEBMISTRESS
Just leave, Michael.​

BALL BUSTER
**** this.​

Ball Buster shoves past Pira and walks down the pipe-way. He stops, the light reflecting on the side of his face, and he shakes his hands, getting the blood off of them. He shakes his head and walks on down the pipe-way.

Webmistress turns back to Hollow.

HOLLOW WOOD​

How did he find me?​

WEBMISTRESS
I found you.​

HOLLOW WOOD
How? You were supposed to be on watch, you were supposed to be supervised.​

WEBMISTRESS
Supervised? By who?​

PIRA
You know whom.​

WEBMISTRESS
Shut up, Pira!​

HOLLOW WOOD
Why the **** should I even tell you who it is?​

Webmistress picks up the shotgun and points it at his head.

WEBMISTRESS
Because if you don’t I’ll pull this trigger.​

HOLLOW WOOD​

At this point, I honestly don’t care. Do it.​

She sighs and puts the shotgun down.

WEBMISTRESS
You know who you remind me of?​

HOLLOW WOOD
Who?​

WEBMISTRESS
My father.​

HOLLOW WOOD
Ha! I wouldn’t be surprised.​

She puts the shotgun down and punches him in the face. He groans loudly. She looks back at Pira.

WEBMISTRESS
Pira, go find Spork if he’s even still alive. If you can find him, tell him we’re getting out of this place, now.​

Pira runs out. Webmistress turns back to Hollow, who is laughing and choking up blood.

HOLLOW
Is that what this is about? You can leave at any time you know.​

WEBMISTRESS
What?​

HOLLOW
You’re volunteers.​

Hollow starts laughing loudly, as if he’s the only one that gets the joke. Webmistress turns around and walks down the pipe-ways, leaving Hollow beaten and alone.

INT. HALLWAY
Clerk is walking down the hallway, taking sips of a cheap bottle of whiskey. He doesn’t hear or notice the hooded figure of the Exalted until he comes up from behind him, pointing a knife at his neck. The whiskey falls to the floor, crashing in a loud bang.

THE EXALTED
HELLO, CLERK. I SEE YOU’RE BY YOURSELF, OSTRACIZED FROM YOUR GROUP. NOT A VERY WISE IDEA, DO YOU THINK?​

​

CLERK
How did you know…?​

​

THE EXALTED​

THE SAME WAY I KNOW YOU SHOULD START LISTENING TO YOUR OWN ADVICE. THE WALLS HAVE EARS. OR ARE YOU TRIAD NOT AS SMART AS YOU APPEAR TO BE?​

​

Clerk twitches about nervously, but the Exalted retains his grip.

CLERK
What do you want with me?

THE EXALTED
SIMPLE, I WANT TO KILL YOU. YET NOT JUST YOU, YOUR CO-WORKERS AS WELL -- THAT”S WHY I’M GOING TO USE YOU AS BAIT.​

​

CLERK
You think they’ll go for that? Then you must not be as smart as you appear to be, Mr. Exalted.​

​

The Exalted thinks about this.

​

THE EXALTED
INTERESTING. I THOUGHT YOU ONLY A THREAT WHEN YOU WERE SOBER. IT APPEARS I HAVE UNDERESTIMATED YOU, CLERK. YOU CAN LEAD ME TO WHERE YOU THINK THE TRIAD WILL GO NEXT. IF NOT, YOU DIE RIGHT HERE AND NOW. IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ME.​

​

CLERK
Well, I suppose I have no choice.​

​

Clerk steps on Exalted’s foot hard so the grip on his shoulder and neck is lessened. Then he elbows Exalted in the face, and twirls around. Before he can fight back, Exalted swishes the knife across Clerk’s throat, letting blood squirt across the floor. He falls dumbly down until his dead body slumps against the wall. Exalted grabs a bottle of whiskey and pours it down Clerk’s mouth.

THE EXALTED
HAVE ONE LAST DRINK, CLERK OF THE TRIAD.​

​

The Exalted takes his fingers and shuts Clerk’s mouth. The body falls over on it’s side. Exalted stands up, and walks back down the hallway.

EXT. STREET CORNER
A blue van decorated in tie-die colors pulls up to the corner of East and Main and parks there. The printing on the side reads “PSYCHADELIC PLUMBING”. From out of the driver’s seat steps JESSE WHITE wearing darks shades over his eyes and a long black trench coat that seems to be concealing some sort of weapon. He takes the shades off and walks into an Ammo Shop, a particularly ghetto looking brown used warehouse turned lucrative business.

INT. AMMO SHOP
Jesse walks up to the manager of the store, a middle-aged black man with bags under his eyes. He is on the phone with somebody. He looks over at Jesse, a little irritated. We see that what Jesse is concealing isn’t a weapon at all, but a plunger.

MANAGER
Yeah. Yeah, okay, I’ll call you back later.​

​

He puts the phone down and looks over at Jesse.

JESSE WHITE
Hey, I’m here to work on your bathroom.​

​

MANAGER
I didn’t ask for any custodial service.​

​

JESSE WHITE
Well, I’m pretty sure you did. My boss told me to go to specifically this store, and I don’t appreciate your insinuation that he is a liar.​

​

MANAGER
Look, I don’t mean you any disrespect, it’s just we really don’t need any maintenance on our bathroom. Our employees take care of that.​

​

JESSE WHITE
That’s not what your last customer seems to think.​

​

MANAGER
Excuse me?​

​

JESSE WHITE
When I was coming into this place the guy coming past me said something like “that was the worst bathroom I’ve ever been in”. Now I don’t know about you sir, but I’ve peed in some really nasty places, so this guy must really hate your lavatory.​

​

The Manager sighs, and opens up his drawer, searching his things.

MANAGER
Okay, you’ve convinced me. How much do you cost?​

​

JESSE WHITE​

500.​

​

The Manager looks at him flabbergasted.

MANAGER
500 dollars?​

​

JESSE WHITE
I’m worth every penny, sir.​

​

MANAGER
You better be.​

​

The Manager searches through his desk drawer. He takes out a wad of cash and starts to count it. Jesse looks behind him, at a picture of the man’s family. His daughter is smiling, and he is holding her up proudly in front of the camera. Jesse puts his hand over the manager’s hand.

JESSE WHITE
I don’t like to get paid up front. Otherwise, it feels like I’ve already got my work done. I’m sure you understand.​

​

Jesse walks away from the counter, walking through the store. The manager shouts after him.

MANAGER
It’s fine with me. I might decide you’re not worth all this money anyway!​

​

Jesse walks down the store past a girl with nose piercing and towards the sale on semi-automatics. He looks at the price tag that reads “$1,500”. He looks around to make sure nobody is watching, and he grabs the gun. He puts it in his pocket, takes out his plunger and sets it on the floor. He looks over and sees a bald-headed man in a business suit, staring at him. He nods at the man and heads for the bathroom.

A slightly overweight man walks out of the bathroom wearing a red t-shirt that clings to his man-boobs. Jesse nods to this man too and enter the bathroom. It is a mess. The ceiling is polluted with some kind of deep, dark, black mold. Jesse opens the window and looks out at the back alleyway of the building. There is nobody there. He starts to crawl out of the window when he hears gunshots and falls off the window and hits the cold bathroom floor with a wet thud. He gets up and tries to hear where the noise is coming from.

ANGRY VOICE
GET DOWN ON THE ****ING FLOOR RIGHT NOW!​

​

Jesse edges toward the edge of the bathroom and sees the bald-headed businessman and the woman with the piercings in a panic on the floor. The voice belongs to the fat man who is pointing a gun at the manager.

MANAGER
Look, I don’t know what you think this is but I have nothing for you.​

​

FAT MAN
I think this is a ****ing robbery. And I look around, and I see nothing but expensive guns—expensive guns that I want for free. If you don’t do this for me, I’ll blow your ****ing head off, got it, old man?​

​

Jesse lurches forward and grabs the plunger. The woman sees him and Jesse puts one finger to his lips for her to be quiet. He slouches down behind the stack of Doritos. The robber has all of his attention focused on the cashier. Jesse runs behind the man and grabs the hand that has the SMG in it and forces it down. The he starts beating on the man with the plunger, over and over, until the plunger part falls off. He begins attacking the man with the just the stick, until his face is just a bloody mess. Finally, Jesse stops and throws the plunger on the floor. The manager looks at him in shock.

MANAGER
I…I guess that’s going to cost extra.​

​

JESSE WHITE
No, I think I’ll do this bathroom free of charge.​

​

MANAGER
Well, I…I have to give you something.​

​

JESSE WHITE
I guess I could use a phone call. Oh and…​

​

Jesse reaches into his coat and pulls out the semi-automatic.

JESSE WHITE
Can I have this too?​

​

INT. FRONT DESK
Jesse is standing at the front desk, and using the phone. The police are here, and the manager is talking to them, as well as the bald-headed guy and the Goth. Nobody is paying attention to Jesse, who is pushing the phone into his ear, and making sure he is out of range from the cops.

JESSE WHITE
Hello, Mirko. This is Jesse. Just want you to know, I’ve changed my mind. At about 6:00 in the evening today, I’m walking up to the front doors of that fine establishment you put me in, and I’m killing everyone—all the doctors, the janitors, I don’t know, maybe even the other patients. Then I’m going to kill you, Mirko. You shouldn’t have ****ed with me.​

​

Jesse slams the phone down, nods to the officers, and walks out the door.

 

[Master Chief]

INT. HALLWAY
Pira is walking down by herself when she sees Robin sobbing on the side of the wall, playing with his yo-yo. She stops to talk to him.

PIRA
Robin? Are you okay?​

​

Robin says nothing. He just continues to play with his yo-yo. Pira looks into his young eyes, and she recognizes something. She’s seen it already twice today, and yesterday with Spork.

PIRA
Did you see something? What did you see?​

​

Robin ignores her, but then looks up at her, tears in his eyes.

ROBIN
Where’s Ball Buster?​

​

PIRA
I don’t know…he just left, I thought you…​

​

ROBIN​

We have to find him…we have to find him before he dies.​

​

Pira takes two steps back, mouth agape.

PIRA
Ball Buster isn’t going to die…​

​

ROBIN
Yes he is! Everyone is! I’ve seen what happens to people when they’re here too long. I saw it on the other side of the hype!​

​

ROBIN
We took the pipe-ways. But I think there’s a door here somewhere…it leads to the way out.​

​

PIRA​

A door…I thought I saw something like that…​

​

ROBIN
He loves you, you know.​

​

PIRA
What?​

​

ROBIN
I know he might act like a pompous ass, and he might runaway, but people like that are just trying to hide their feelings. Trust me, pretty lady.​

​

PIRA
Thanks, kid.​

​

Pira walks down the hallway. Robin goes back to playing his yo-yo.

INT. PIPE-WAYS
Webmistress is slouching over, putting her shotgun down and resting. When she stands up, ALTERED EGO is standing behind her, his hair gelled back and looking particularly fetching in his leather jacket.

ALTERED EGO
Hello, Webby. I guess we have a lot to talk about, eh?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Not really.​

​

Webmistress picks her gun up, sighs, and shoves it down the back of her shirt.

ALTERED EGO
You seem rather pissed. What has you down? It must be old Matty, isn’t it? You don’t know whether he’s dead or not. Could that be actual compassion on your face?​

​

Webmistress turns around, looking at him in a dead stare with her silver eyes.

WEBMISTRESS
Tell me the truth. Do you know who Hollow is?​

​

ALTERED EGO
Sorry, sweetheart. I’ve never met him before in my life.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
That’s what I thought.​

​

Webmistress kicks Ego in the face. He tumbles down, and then jets back up and punches her hard right between the eyes. She goes down fast, and then he tries to kick her stomach. She grabs his leg and pulls him down, and then she grabs her gun and points it at Ego’s head. He smiles.

WEBMISTRESS (CONTINUED)
Looks like you didn’t disappear this time.​

​

ALTERED EGO
Guess not.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Let’s go talk to your boss.​

​

INT. EXALTED’S THRONE ROOM
Jolly Johnny is beating himself up, putting the gun to his face. Movies205 is watching him complacently from afar.

JOLLY JOHNNY
Why the **** didn’t we do anything? We just stood there and watched!​

​

MOVIES205​

No need to get discomposed, young Johnny. Clerk had to be extirpated. It was for his contentment.​

​

JOLLY JOHNNY
Contentment? His ****ing neck got slit.​

​

MOVIES205​

You need to tranquilize otherwise you’re going to do something you’ll regret.​

​

JOLLY JOHNNY
No.​

​

Johnny gets up and points the gun at Movies.

JOLLY JOHNNY (CONTINUED)
No, I’m sick of your ********! You set us up!​

​

MOVIES205​

So I did. I only needed you guys for my contingency plan.​

​

JOLLY JOHNNY
So, what? I’m just as expendable as Clerk?​

​

MOVIES205​

No, you’re powerful Johnny. Clerk was too, just not in the abundance of Exalted. I miscalculated his tactics, I’m afraid.​

​

JOLLY JOHNNY
Why aren’t you scared of him?​

​

MOVIES205​

I just said I was. Keep up, Johnny.​

​

JOLLY JOHNNY
**** off. I know you’re taking orders from somebody, and I want to meet him.​

​

MOVIES205​

You know that can’t happen. For right now, you are, what is it you say? Ah yes. **** out of luck. I’m sorry, Jolly, but it just didn’t work out that way.​

​

JOLLY JOHNNY
So we’re just supposed to wait here? …Until he kills us?​

​

MOVIES205​

You work over things way too much. This debriefing is over. Now if you’ll excuse me, for the last brief minutes of my life, I might actually get to meditate.​

​

Movies walks away, and Johnny angrily stomps the ground. He lies down, puts the gun back to his head, and curls up into a ball.

INT. HALLWAY
Ball Buster is against the wall, twiddling his thumbs distractedly. He hugs the wall and around the corner he sees Robin, still sitting there sedately staring into nothingness. When Ball Buster keeps walking towards him, Robin looks up and runs after Ball Buster, hugging his legs.

ROBIN
Ball Buster! You’re alive!​

​

BALL BUSTER
Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?​

​

ROBIN
I just thought…Chain Reaction, and then you said everyone was dead, and then you went away, and I didn’t know what to do, and…​

​

Ball Buster takes Robin off of him and bends down so that he’s holding Robin’s shoulder.

BALL BUSTER
Oh, ****ing Christ. Did I really say that?​

​

ROBIN
Yeah. Yeah, you did, poopy-head!​

​

BALL BUSTER
Well don’t worry, Robin. I’m not going to die.​

​

Ball Buster gives Robin a giant man-bear hug and then looks over at the yo-yo on the floor. Ball Buster picks it up and laughs.

BALL BUSTER
You know, Robin, I always wondered why you carried this around.​

​

Robin takes it and sadly starts playing with it around his finger.

ROBIN
My mom gave it to me, before she put me in this place.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Wait a ****ing minute. Your mother put you here?​

​

ROBIN
Yeah. My dad too. They said I was a freak and that I didn’t belong with the rest of the family. She let me keep this yo-yo because she said that she didn’t want to be reminded of me at all. Anyway, every time I play with this yo-yo I remember how much the outside world sucks. But now I’m starting to think things suck just as much in here. Without you, Ball Buster, I don’t know what I would do.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Holy ****, Robin. That’s some heavy stuff.​

​

ROBIN
My name’s not Robin, by the way. It’s Billy. The guy with the hair told me to come up with a name that represented something close to me, so I jumped at the chance to dress up as Robin, because you know, Batman was always my favorite superhero.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Guy with the hair?​

​

ROBIN
Yeah. He looked kind of like that dude from that old show. You know, with the disco music? My mom liked that show. I ****ing hated it.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Happy Days?​

​

ROBIN
Yeah, that’s the one.​

​

BALL BUSTER
You know Robin, I used to think you were a major dumbass. Now I realize, you were only slightly a dumbass. And I can really relate to you.​

​

ROBIN
I bet that’s right, dickhole.​

​

Ball Buster laughs, and tears start to build up in his eyes.

BALL BUSTER
Come on, Robin. Let’s go talk to Webmistress.​

​

They get up and walk down the hallway.

 

[Master Chief]

INT. ELEVATOR
Spork is convulsing on the floor, and his eyes suddenly pop open. He looks up and sees Excelsior standing over him, grinning stupidly.

SPORK
What…?​

​

EXCELSIOR
Oh, you’re up early Spork. I know you feel like you’re entirely awake but I assure you that the anesthetic has not entirely yet worn off. I’m afraid you’re going to be a little out of it for the rest of the day.​

​

SPORK
Doesn’t sound too different from every other day. Why do you call me Spork, by the way? The other doctors were calling me Patrick.​

​

EXCELSIOR
Because Spork is your real name.​

​

SPORK
Well that’s depressing.​

​

Steven smiles, and starts twirling his cell phone around in his hand like it’s some kind of pistol. He makes shooting noises at points it at Spork, and then smiles a giant fake grin.

EXCELSIOR
You know there’s a doctor in this place that illuminated something to me. I think he’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.

​

SPORK
Well that sounds like an exciting story, really, but you’re kind of a major prick so I think I’m just going to tune it all out.

​

Excelsior laughs and then gets up, and kicks Spork very hard. Spork looks over at him confused.

EXCELSIOR
Do you see that? You might not be able to feel it now but you certainly will later. Keep up the smartass ******** and once you do become sober you’re gonna have the worst hang-over of all time.

​

SPORK
I think you’re using the wrong word. A hangover is—​

​

Excelsior kicks him again and Spork quiets down.

EXCELSIOR
Anyway, this guy, Hollow, was born with the name Timothy. Yet everyone in here that works for him and respects him calls him Hollow Wood Director. And I asked Hollow, why? Why the fake names?

​

SPORK
What did he tell you?​

​

EXCELSIOR​

He said, “What fake names?” That was all the answer he got, but overtime, I understood it. The names carry power. They symbolize a part of your personality that you may not even know exists until that name is given to you. That’s why your name is Spork, not Patrick. No matter what anyone says. Now, I have a question for you, tough guy.​

​

SPORK
What’s that? I didn’t quite hear that one, could you speak louder, I don’t speak dill hole?​

​

Excelsior ignores this latest insult and walks forward.

EXCELSIOR
You were mumbling words in your sleep. I heard Pira and I know who that is, your ****e of a girlfriend. But I have to ask because it’s been bugging me…who the **** is Teddy?

​

Spork looks up at Excelsior confused and then the elevator dings. Excelsior looks up in front of him confused until a pipe collides with his face causing blood to spurt out on the wall and him to fall backwards unconscious. Spork looks up and sees Pira, who grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him out of the elevator.

INT. EERIE HALLWAYS
Pira pulls him out of the elevator just before it swings shut again. Then she rests him down and looks over at him.

SPORK
Pira…you saved me again. You’ve always been saving me. I don’t even know why you waste time on me.

​

Pira smiles and shakes her head.

PIRA​

No, Spork. You saved me. Before I met you, I was a complete nervous wreck. You showed me the truth. You made me sane.​

​

SPORK
I wonder what that feels like.​

​

PIRA
What?​

​

SPORK​

I wonder what it feels like to be sane.​

​

PIRA
Well, I suppose it’s not much different than being insane, you just have more confidence in yourself.​

​

SPORK
I see.​

​

PIRA
Spork…what if I told you I had a way out of this place.​

​

SPORK
No.​

​

PIRA
No? No why?​

​

SPORK
I’ve already tried to escape several times before. It doesn’t usually work out for me.​

​

PIRA
This time it’s different. We have a doctor captive…we can use him to get us out of here.​

​

SPORK
Wait…which doctor?​

​

PIRA
His nametag said Hollow Wood Director.​

​

Spork tries to get up.

SPORK
Pira…it sounds to me like you have a very good chance of getting out. Except it’s a trap.​

​

PIRA
How do you know…​

​

SPORK
Trust me. I’ve been down there. It’d be nothing short of a miracle, an escape from this place.​

​

PIRA
Then come with us. You’ve been down there, you can help us.​

​

SPORK
No, Pira. Look, who’s going with you?​

​

PIRA
Webmistress, Ball Buster, and that Robin kid.​

​

SPORK
Good. Stay with Webmistress, if you’re going to leave, she’ll protect you.​

​

Pira looks at Spork shocked.

PIRA
Why aren’t you coming with me?​

​

SPORK
Because I don’t deserve to leave, Pira! I’m a murderer, and a thief, and a liar. All I have is you, okay?​

​

PIRA
Come with me then. I think what you deserve is a way out. A way to get away from Teddy.​

​

SPORK
You think I care about Teddy?

PIRA
Obviously you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be staying.​

​

They stare silently at each other, standing rigidly. Then Pira starts to cry.

PIRA
Don’t do this to me Spork. I love you.​

​

SPORK
I know you do, Pira. I’m sorry.​

​

He hugs her, and she cries hopelessly into his shoulder. He pats her back.

SPORK (CONTINUED)
There’s a whole world out there for you, Pira. You can shine brightly as the sun out there. You don’t have to be contained in here like me. Look, you have to be strong for yourself from now on, okay? You can’t rely on somebody to protect you anymore.​

​

PIRA
But I want to…​

​

SPORK
I know you do. But you’re stronger than that. I’ll see you later.​

​

Spork helps Pira wipe the tears off her face, and he smiles at her. She smiles back at him, wiping the tears away, but you can tell it is a fake smile. Spork turns around and starts walking down the hallway. Pira watches him until he turns around.

SPORK
You were the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, Pira.​

​

She smiles at him sadly, then turns around and goes into the elevator. The door swings shut, and she starts to cry hard.

EXT. DESERT PLAIN
The Exalted walks across the plain, his robe blowing in the wind. The scars on Jose Mulando’s face appear fresh under the beating sun. In the distance, protestors march and sing songs. In front of the Exalted, the dead bodies of resistance fighters lie discarded, the sun beating down on them. Behind him, military vehicles are fast approaching. The Exalted looks back at them and walks forward, gradually picking up pace. He looks over at the protestors, and then at the bodies. One of the lifeless resistance fighters has an SMG in their hands. It is coated in blood. The protestors are not far away, and the military vehicles are getting closer. He could join them and participate in non-violent protests. Instead, the Exalted picks up the gun. It sticks to his hands, and he shakes it around angrily. A bullet from a sniper pierces through his chest, and he falls down…

INT. HALLWAY
The Exalted falls down on the floor with a thud. Jayna stands above him angrily, and then picks him up by his robe and goes to punch his face but Exalted blocks it with his hand.

THE EXALTED
What seems to be the problem?

​

She kicks his legs from under him and he falls down again, but then he kicks her legs from under her and she falls down on the ground with him. She jumps on top of him and starts punching and kicking him, but he shoves her off of him and she falls down the hallway. He gets up and looks at her.

THE EXALTED (Continued)​

I’m really kind of busy.​

​

She gets up, breathing heavily.

JAYNA
Just tell me…did you kill him?

​

THE EXALTED
It depends. Who are you referring to?​

​

JAYNA
Danger Mouse, you *******. Your apprentice?

​

THE EXALTED
Wait a minute…he died?​

​

The Exalted looks at her confused. She keeps her cold stare on him. He sighs and runs his hand over his face.

THE EXALTED​

It doesn’t make a difference anyway. I mean, he was a good kid, but you mess with forces beyond your control…​

​

JAYNA
You think the doctors did it?​

​

THE EXALTED
Could have been them. Could be the people I’m going to kill.​

​

JAYNA
Who are you going to kill?​

​

THE EXALTED​

The Triad…well I guess there a duet now that I’ve gotten rid of one of them.​

​

JAYNA
You’ve killed one of them already?​

​

THE EXALTED
That’s actually where I just came from…look I don’t know much about them but I can tell you that they’re not good people, I would not be surprised if they did kill your boyfriend.​

​

JAYNA
And you’re going after them now?​

​

THE EXALTED
Well yes, before you started beating the crap out of me.​

​

JAYNA
Then let me go with you.​

​

THE EXALTED
Now look, Jayna…vengeance is a slippery rope…​

​

JAYNA
You think I don’t know that? I’ve been around this place. I’ve seen what’s happened to people when they were clouded by their emotions as you might say. But like you, I happen not to care. You say you’re going to kill these Triad people anyway, then let me come with you.​

​

The Exalted thinks about this and nods his head.

THE EXALTED
Alright, you can come. It’s that way.​

​

He points behind Jayna. She turns around and starts walking that way, and then Exalted sneaks up behind her and hits her in the back of the head. She passes out on the floor cold. He puts his hood back on.

THE EXALTED
I’M SORRY, JAYNA, BUT I’M NOT GOING TO LET MY TASK GET OFF HAND BY SOMETHING AS FOOLISH AS REVENGE. NOW IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I’VE GOT A TRIAD TO KILL.​

​

He walks down the hallway, his knives poking out of his long sleeves.

 

[Master Chief]

INT. PIPE-WAYS
Hollow, his face a convoluted mess, hangs in-between consciousness and sleepiness. He is darted awake when Altered Ego walks into the room with his hands behind his back. Webmistress is pointing her shotgun at him, and she pushes him down on the ground in front of Hollow.

HOLLOW WOOD
Donnie, you ****ing moron.​

​

ALTERED EGO
How did you get down here?​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
Because you failed your duties you ****. You were supposed to be watching her. What the **** were you doing when she knocked me unconscious and dragged me into this hellhole?​

​

ALTERED EGO
Hollow, it’s not my fault. She’s gotten too delusional. You shouldn’t have kept that last writer for so long.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Writer? What is he talking about, Hollow?​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
Ah, goddamnit. Will you shut your ****ing mouth, Donnie?​

​

ALTERED EGO
Your memories aren’t real.​

​

Hollow yanks himself forward and almost tips his chair over. Instead the chair just slams down on the ground with a thud.

HOLLOW WOOD​

You really have gone native, haven’t you, Ego? I didn’t want to believe it because I had so much faith in you.​

​

Ego ignores Hollow and looks up at Webmistress.

ALTERED EGO
That man you have tied up hired writers to change your memories. Implant false images in your head enough and you think they actually happened to you. Of course, once the writers got of control he had to—​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
THAT’S ENOUGH, Damnit! I’m tied up here and I’m going to die because of your incompetence you son-of-a-*****. I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but she won’t have sex with you. Now forget your morals, you can take her and then get me out of here!​

​

Webmistress looks at Hollow in shock and awe.

WEBMISTRESS
Wow, Hollow. It appears you’re even more of an ******* than I had originally assumed. Maybe I should have let Ball Buster finish you, huh?​

​

HOLLOW
Maybe you should finish yourself, skank.​

​

Hollow flinches expecting to be hit but Webmistress does not move. She hears laughter and turns around and sees Ball Buster and Robin standing there. Hollow freaks out and his chair tips over and he falls over, the back of the chair hitting the ground and then his own back.

BALL BUSTER
Oh, I hope I’m not interrupting anything. Hi Ego.​

​

ALTERED EGO
Uh…hi.​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

Ego, you said that our memories weren’t real. Do you mean everything…?​

​

She grabs at the necklace hanging around her neck. The pearl shines in what little light surrounds them.

ALTERED EGO
We could only add on to the memories that you already have and make you think things happen that didn’t. There would still be parts that were real, you just wouldn’t know which parts. Now since I wasn’t part of that project, I can’t tell you for sure, but something like that necklace would help you believe in your fake memories rather than your real ones.​

​

Ball Buster looks at Ego disillusioned.

BALL BUSTER
Wait a minute…does that mean…?​

​

He looks over at Webmistress.

ALTERED EGO
Ha! No, I heard about that one. You two were never dating.​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

Thank god.​

​

BALL BUSTER
So, wait…Am I still a porn star?​

​

ALTERED EGO
I can’t say for sure. But no, I would guess not.​

​

Ball Buster runs both his hands over his face. He looks like he’s going to throw up.

WEBMISTRESS
I was never dating any of them, was I?​

​

ALTERED EGO
No, you weren’t.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Why would you do that? Did you think it was funny, watching me have to pine over all of these guys?​

​

ALTERED EGO
We were trying to cure you.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Cure us of what? What was the point of any of this?​

​

Ego says nothing, he just stares down at the ground.

WEBMISTRESS
So you changed our past…I figured as much in the first place anyway. But what’s wrong with our present? Why do we see things that aren’t there?​

​

Behind her, Hollow laughs.

HOLLOW WOOD DIRECTOR​

You still don’t get it, do you? Why do you think you’re here?​

​

Webmistress turns around and looks at him.

WEBMISTRESS
What the **** do you mean…​

​

Altered Ego gets up and punches Webmistress in the face. She doesn’t have time to react and she falls over. Before he can make a getaway, Ball Buster runs towards him and grabs him by the hair. Robin runs up and punches Ego in the balls, and he groans deeply. Webmistress stands up, and walks over to Ego, wiping the blood off her face. Behind her, Hollow mumbles to himself.

HOLLOW WOOD
Well that failed miserably, but thanks for trying.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Hold him back, Ball Buster. I’m going to beat the **** out of him.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Gladly…​

​

Webmistress pulls back her fist, but Ego puts both his hands up and pleads.

ALTERED EGO
Wait, wait…I can explain! You just have to listen to me, and you have to look inside yourself.​

​

She raises her eyebrows.

WEBMISTRESS
“Look inside myself”?​

​

ALTERED EGO​

There’s two parts to every person, Webby, but for you it’s a little more extreme.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Let him go, Ball Buster. I want to hear this.​

​

Ball Buster looks at her questioningly.

BALL BUSTER
Are you serious?​

​

WEBMISTRES
Yes, I am. Keep your hands where I can see them, Ego.​

​

He lets Ego go and Ego does as promised, keeping his hands in the air.

ALTERED EGO
You’re two different people, Alexia.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Really?​

​

ALTERED EGO
One is a murderous *****, a killer, a warrior…you might as well be a lesbian.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Are you getting somewhere with this?​

​

ALTERED EGO
And the other…​

​

He gets closer and grabs her hand. For some reason, she lets him. He kisses it.

ALTERED EGO
…Is beautiful, feminine. A real woman.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
What’s your point.​

​

ALTERED EGO
You have an option. You can continue on this crusade, this farce, or you can admit to yourself that this is not who you are. You aren’t a killer, Webby. You’re a beautiful flower.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Now, see, that’s where you’re wrong.​

​

Webmistress picks up her shotgun and shoots him in the head. The blood and the brains spill out the back of his head and onto Ball Buster’s shirt and the wall behind them. Smoke comes out of her shotgun, and Ego falls to the ground dead. Robin watches, his mouth agape.

 

[Master Chief]

HOLLOW WOOD
AH JEEZUS, WHAT THE ****? WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?​

​

BALL BUSTER
Ah, man. I like this shirt too.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Alright…​

​

Webmistress gets out a switch-blade and walks over to Hollow. He is still muttering to himself, crying out and screaming profanities. She cuts the rope keeping him on the chair off but leaves the ones that tie his hands to his back on. She picks Hollow up and he looks at her in fear. She looks over at Ball Buster.

WEBMISTRESS (CONTINUED)
Ball Buster, take Hollow.​

​

She gives Hollow to Ball Buster. Ball Buster smiles at Hollow and Hollow looks like he’s going to need to change his pants.

WEBMISTRESS
We’re going now.​

​

BALL BUSTER
What about Pira?​

​

ROBIN
I saw her before. She said she was going to the other side of the Hype. I told her to be careful.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Good, we’ll meet her there. We’d better be careful too, I have a feeling that now they’re going to be looking for us.​

​

Ball Buster caries Hollow forward and Robin follows him. Webmistress picks up her shotgun and looks down at the dead body of Altered Ego.

WEBMISTRESS
I can’t wait to get out of here.​

​

INT. EXALTED’S THRONE ROOM
Johnny gets up from his sitting position and turns around to see that Movies205 is still meditating.

JOLLY JOHNNY
You know what, I’m really sick and tired of you, man.​

​

MOVIES205​

That’s glorious, Johnny. Just be careful, don’t let your frustration take a hold of you.​

​

JOLLY JOHNNY
**** you, Movies. I’m not going to ride the coattails of you or anyone from now on. This is the first day of the rest of my life. From here on out, I’m my own man!​

​

Johnny walks towards the door but is greeted by a knife in the chest. The Exalted takes the knife out and slashes through Johnny’s eyes. The red-haired warrior falls over. Movies205 darts for the gun Johnny previously had in his possession, and he points it at The Exalted. The Exalted moves forward, one last knife left in his sleeve…the knife meant for the leader of the Triad.

THE EXALTED
SO WE MEET AGAIN, MOVIES205.​

​

MOVIES205​

I suppose we’ve hit a crossroads.​

​

THE EXALTED
I SUPPOSE WE HAVE.​

​

Movies raises up his gun to fire but The Exalted throws his knife and it latches into the top of Movies205’s skull. He starts to bleed from his ears.

MOVIES205​

...You…lied…to me.​

​

He falls over, dead. The Exalted walks around the room, silent. He takes his hood off, and looks over at what he has just done.

THE EXALTED
…That’s it?​

​

He walks around and looks at them lying motionless.

THE EXALTED (CONTINUED)
That was the all-powerful triad?​

​

The Exalted’s question is answered by a loud metallic noise that reverberates off the walls. He turns around to see where it was coming from but sees nothing. Then the noise is heard again, and all the lights turn off.

Silence. There is only darkness now, a black darkness that does not waver. Then the lights come back on, only now they are blue and fluorescent. Exalted’s face looks strange in this light. He looks around and sees nothing, and the sound comes back. Honey Vibe appears in front of him, a piece of shrapnel lodged through her stomach.

HONEY VIBE
Jose…you did it.​

​

THE EXALTED
Honey…!​

​

He runs to her. He tries to take the shrapnel out but she stops him. She takes her hand and runs it through his face.

HONEY VIBE
It’s too late Jose…you did everything you could.​

​

The Exalted shakes his head.

THE EXALTED
No…No it’s not. I’m going to help you get out of this. I won’t let anything happen to you.​

​

The noise is louder than it’s ever been, and the room goes dark again. There is silence, except for heavy breathing.

THE EXALTED (CONTINUED)
Are you okay Honey? …Honey?​

​

There is the sound like a generator coming back on and the lights come back on as normal. The Exalted looks around, Honey Vibe is gone. So are the bodies from before. Everything is gone except the blood drenched knife lying on the floor. The Exalted looks around, eyes in shock. He runs his hand through his hair, through his scars. Then he turns around and sees who is standing behind him.

He is a strange-looking fellow. He wears a brown overcoat that he sticks his old, wrinkled hands in, trying to look laid-back but not looking it one bit. There are cold, calculating eyes behind his glasses and a smile that clings to his face like rubber.

CREEPY GUY
Hello, Exalted.​

​

THE EXALTED
What…who are you?​

​

CREEPY GUY
It depends on what you mean. My birth name is Edward Jonathan Gamble. Over the years, however, I’ve accumulated several aliases. One of them is Matrix. Another one is Mr. Thing. But who I am I think you know, oh Exalted One.​

​

The Exalted goes pale, and then nods.

THE EXALTED
Teddy.​

​

He claps, smiling approvingly.

CREEPY GUY
You always were one of my favorites, Jose. Too bad, because now I have to kill you.​

​

The Exalted tries to fight back but Teddy raises one arm back and the hooded one goes flying back against the wall. He is locked there, both hands pressed against the wall against his wall by something outside of his own will. Teddy picks up the knife on the floor.

CREEPY GUY (CONTINUED)
Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you got rid of the Triad. They were a bunch of sorry saps in the first place. They thought they were special, that they were the people behind the curtain. They really had no idea. Well, Eric knew, kind of, but not really.​

​

THE EXALTED
What didn’t they know?​

​

CREEPY GUY​

They made two mistakes. You see, control wasn’t really in their hands, or any doctor’s. The truth is, the patient does it for themselves. They’re not really going to progress at all unless they have a push in the right direction. A push from somebody like me.​

​

Teddy moves the knife around in his hands, playing with it.

CREEPY GUY
It’s not like you guys weren’t crazy as **** before I started to mess with you. But you really weren’t any crazier than the average guy on the street. So I made you what you all secretly wanted to be. Pedophiles, murderers, rock stars, porn stars.​

​

THE EXALTED
Jesus…Chain Reaction…​

​

CREEPY GUY
I should thank you for that by the way, I don’t think she would have ever really considered suicide until your little pep talk. Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, the doctor’s second mistake.​

​

He bends down and gets close to Exalted’s face. You can tell he’s been waiting a long time to tell this to someone.

CREEPY GUY (CONTINUED)
Their second mistake was that they stopped at the memories. They thought this **** hole of a place would be enough to crack you. And they were probably right, but I wanted to play it safe. So I ****ed with you, I ****ed with all of you. I suppose I can feel a little sad about it now, now that my work is all falling apart, but really, why should I? I mean, this is so much fun right?​

​

The Exalted looks at him, completely out-of it.

​

CREEPY GUY (CONT.)
Oh, I’m sorry. I should back-track, shouldn’t I? You see, I was one of the first patients here. First real one anyway. Before Hollow came here, this was almost a regular type of place. Phillip didn’t necessarily to a bad job, but he didn’t do a great one either. Then Timothy came in with his machine idea. Said it was a good way with dealing with patients, as shock therapy isn’t really acceptable anymore is it? So they decided to test it out. On me. They figured out right away that it wasn’t working. I was adapting to it, changing it to make my perfect past. So instead of dropping the idea entirely, they hired writers. Johnny was their first, and he wasn’t very bright, so they brought in Clerk, who in turn turned out to be a drunkard. And this whole time they were bringing more people into the program: you, Alexia, Nicholas. But they weren’t paying attention. They didn’t even notice me.​

​

He drops the knife on the ground with a shutter. Exalted tries to move but he can’t. Teddy reaches into his coat and pulls out a gun now, and he looks eerily similar to the one Movies205 had before.

CREEPY GUY (CONT.)
And that’s the thing, really. They made it so easy. It was almost like, they wanted me to do it. And that’s the last thing I want, you know. To be Hollow’s puppet. Anyway, so when they do notice me, they tell their writer at the time, Movies205, to put someone in to try to stop me. Like that will even work. And when I found out about this, I found out from Movies himself, and he had the nerve to tell me this person was a female. I knew of course that that wasn’t true, which brings me to you, Exalted.​

​

Teddy ***** the handgun and the points it at Exalted.

CREEPY GUY
We’ve killed each other’s pawns. You the triad, and I sent my henchmen to kill Danger Mouse, which is a shame. You could have really used him, you know. Now, it’s just you and me. I wish I didn’t have to do this. If there was one person in this place I considered my better half, it would be you. You were just so content to live the fantasy. Sorry, Exalted. You really were my favorite. Except for Spork, of course. That guy really loves his looks.​

​

He stands up. The Exalted looks at Teddy as he smiles. The gunshot is loud and noisy. But Teddy’s gun has not fired. He look at it confused, and then he looks down at his shirt and sees that he has been shot through the stomach.

 

[Master Chief]

CREEPY GUY
What…?​

​

He falls over, staring at the Exalted. Behind him, Jayna holds her gun, barely able to stand. There is a large bump on her forehead. Exalted looks at her shocked, feeling terrible about himself, until Jayna smiles at him. Then she collapses on the floor, keeping her gun pointed at Teddy.

INT. EERIE HALLWAYS
We begin a long tracking shot, focusing on our heroes. Webmistress runs through the hallways, keeping her shotgun pointed in front of her. Ball Buster caries Hollow and Robin runs beside him, all of them following the golden-haired warrior. She turns around and looks at Hollow.

​

WEBMISTRESS​

Ball Buster, ask him if we’re going the right way.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Why the hell would I do that? He’s just going to lie to us.​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
Or maybe I’ll tell the truth, just to **** with you.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Exactly.​

​

Webmistress walks back to Ball Buster, giving him a cold stare through her icy golden eyes.

WEBMISTRESS
Listen dumbass, we don’t have much time. Now ask him if we’re going the right way, unless you have some better ****ing plan?​

​

BALL BUSTER
Not really.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
That’s what I thought. Now ask him.​

​

BALL BUSTER
(Sigh)
Are we going the right way, Hollow?​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
No.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Good, I feel better now.​

​

She continues down the same path they were going before. They all follow her down the hallway, and Robin tugs at Ball Buster’s shirt.

ROBIN
Hey, Michael…?​

​

BALL BUSTER​

Yeah, what’s up?​

​

ROBIN
I really don’t like this place.​

​

BALL BUSTER
None of us do, that’s why we’re escaping.​

​

ROBIN
No, I mean, this place specifically. Look.​

​

Robin points behind them at a camera. Ball Buster stops, and Mirko smiles.

BALL BUSTER
Webmistress…​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Yeah?​

​

BALL BUSTER
Don’t move.​

​

She stops, and turns around and looks at him.

WEBMISTRESS
Are you worried about the cameras? I saw those already.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Oh, my bad. Never mind then.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
(Muttering)​

****ing idiot.​

​

BALL BUSTER
I heard that. You know, you and Mattie don’t have to be so hurtful.​

​

Webmistress looks back at him with angry golden eyes.

BALL BUSTER (CONTINUED)
Oops, my bad. I’m sorry I said his name.​

​

She keeps walking until they get to an elevator. She motions for them to stop, and then she has them all line up against the wall. On the floor there are fresh footprints and a white note with two stick figures and a teddy bear lying on the floor. Webmistress bends down and picks it up.

WEBMISTRESS
Pira was here.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Should we take the elevator?​

​

WEBMISTRESS​

No, let’s take the stairs.​

​

HOLLOW
Are you sure? I think you should take the elevator. I think it would be a good idea.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Shut up, Hollow.​

​

Webmistress kicks open the door to the stairway with her feet. She points her shotgun forward, making sure nobody is coming, and they dart their way down the stairs.

INT. STAIRWAY
Ball Buster carries Hollow down the stairs and he’s having sort of a rough time doing so, Robin runs in front of them behind Webmistress.

HOLLOW WOOD
You know, I really don’t get it Ball Buster.​

​

BALL BUSTER
What?​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
Why do you waste your time with that child? What do you think you’re going to do with him when you get out? Make yourself his legal guardian?​

​

BALL BUSTER
Who said anything about making it legal?​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
You really shouldn’t delude yourself into thinking that you’re some kind of martyr.​

​

Ball Buster pushes Hollow down the stairs until he hits the wall of one walk way. Webmistress and Robin look back at them. Ball Buster grabs Hollow by the neck and shoves him into the wall.

BALL BUSTER
Do you want me to bust your balls again?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Ball Buster…contain yourself and be quiet for a second, will you?​

​

She walks down the stairs towards the door that says “main floor”. Ball Buster lets go of Hollow and smiles at Robin, who looks at him strangely. Webmistress holds up a sign for them to stay above her, and she opens the door and then darts behind it. Two security guards, one fat and one skinny, come through the door and see Ball Buster, Hollow and Robin above them.

FAT GUARD
Dr. Wood?​

​

They both raise their guns at Ball Buster but before they can do anything Webmistress grabs the gun out of the skinny one’s hand, shoots him and then shoots the fat one who topples over on top of the skinny one. Ball Buster carries Hollow down the stairs lopsidedly and puts his hand over Hollow’s mouth to prevent him from screaming profanities. They step over the bodies of the two security guards and walk down to the main hallways.

INT. MAIN HALLWAYS
We are in the same tracking shot as the gang walks out of the stair way looking restless. Webmistress leads them, looking at either corner making sure nobody’s coming. All across the walls in the main hallways are pictures with various names on them. In all the pictures people are smiling. Webmistress leads them forward, and then she puts her hand over Ball Buster and clings him to wall. Robin gets to idea and clings to the wall too. Doctor Matt walks by them, oblivious, and messing with his glasses. Once he is gone, Webmistress takes her arm off Ball Buster and puts one finger to her mouth to motion for him to be silent, then runs her hand across her throat to illustrate what will happen if he does not be quiet. Ball Buster rolls his eyes around and shakes his head to illustrate his maturity level. They keep walking forward and suddenly a familiar voice cuts through the hallways not too far off.

FAMILIAR VOICE
Look, goddamnit, I’m telling you what I know! He called my phone, and he said he was going to come here and kill everyone! It’s 5:49 right now, which means we got about ten minutes before he storms through that door with an AK-47 or something. Now I don’t care how you do it, but let me talk to Hollow!​

​

They keep walking tell they get just outside the Main Hall. The familiar voice had belonged to Mirko, and he’s arguing with Morg, who does not appear to be pleased.

INT. MAIN HALL
Morg has his hand on the phone, annoyed.

MORG
Look, I don’t like this either, but Hollow is busy right now, okay?​

​

Webmistress runs forward and points her shotgun at Mirko and then at Morg. Behind her, Ball Buster carries Hollow forward. Hollow looks at Mirko angrily, and Mirko looks like he’s going to crap himself.

WEBMISTRESS
Put your hands where I can see them.​

​

Morg edges nervously in his desk. He looks nervously at his phone. Webmistress directs her gun at him.

WEBMISTRESS (CONTINUED)
Don’t even think about using that.​

​

Ball Buster watches what Webmistress is doing, but Hollow is staring at Mirko more coldly than ever.

HOLLOW WOOD
I hear you were waiting for me. What is it you wanted you sick twisted ****?​

​

MIRKO
Hollow, I just thought that they’re might be some trouble so I came over…​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
Yeah, there’s some ****ing trouble. You want to know how I’ve been spending my day? It’s not been very pleasant. I had my balls busted, Mirko. Now who’s clever idea was it to make Michael here behind me a ball buster?​

​

Mirko looks extremely nervous.

MIRKO
You…you think this is my fault?​

​

BALL BUSTER
Wait a minute, whoa…this is the guy that wrote our memories?​

​

Mirko and Hollow ignore Ball Buster’s question and stare at one another. Webmistress walks away from Morg, keeping her gun pointed at him. She walks toward the doors, checking to see if they are open. When she turns away from him, Morg starts pressing numbers on his phone.

HOLLOW WOOD
Don’t play coy with me. You’ve probably been waiting for this moment for a long time, haven’t you, Mirko? I bet you think this is some kind of grand revenge, getting these patients to tie me up.​

​

MIRKO
I don’t know anything about this, okay? Look, if you’ll just listen to me, I think these guys are the least of our problems right now.​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
Listen to you? Why would I listen to you? You’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.​

 

[Master Chief]

Hollow Wood is drowned out by the high-pitched, steady beat of an alarm. Morg has set it off. Webmistress turns around, sees what he has done and shoots him. The impact of the gunshot sends him flying backward and the phone goes off the hook. There is a ding and the elevator has hit the ground floor. Mirko looks around at what is going on, looks at Hollow, and then darts out the doors. He runs off while Hollow screams at him.

HOLLOW WOOD (CONTINUED)
MIRKO! You ****ing coward!​

​

Pira steps out of the elevator and walks over to Ball Buster. There are fresh tears on her face. Robin also runs up to Ball Buster, though lord knows where he just was. Webmistress looks over at them, slinging her shotgun over her shoulder.

PIRA
Hi guys.​

​

ROBIN
You made it! Pimpin’!​

​

BALL BUSTER
Hey Pira. What’s with the tears? Where’s Spork at?​

​

PIRA
Never mind. Can we just please go?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Of course.​

​

Webmistress opens the door but then hears footsteps. She turns around and fires her shotgun. Doctor Matt falls to the ground dead; the gunshot had hit him right in the skull. Behind him, D.L. and Heather stand shocked. Webmistress takes her gun and shoots D.L., sending him flying backwards. She goes to shoot Heather but is thrown to the ground. She looks up and sees Mirko standing there, looking at her angrily. Mirko looks over at Heather sadly, and Hollow, who is standing with Ball Buster next to the doorway, looks at him confused. Webmistress gets up, grabs her shotgun and points it at Mirko. He raises his hands in the air, he is prepared to die. Webmistress stares at him through her golden eyes, and then shakes her head. She walks out the front door, and Ball Buster, Robin, Hollow and Pira follow her out. Mirko looks over at Heather, who is breathing heavily.

HEATHER
Why did you save me?​

​

MIRKO
…It’s my fault.​

​

EXT. BLUE BUILDING
Webmistress walks outside, the sun shining at her. As she looks around herself, her eyes go from yellow to an abstract brown. She stands there for awhile, getting used to the feeling.

Ball Buster shoves past her, leading the angry Hollow forward until they get to a bicycle rack. Robin walks up from behind them and Ball Buster motions for him to come closer. Michael and Robin tie Hollow to the bicycle rack.

Pira walks up to Webmistress. She looks around the parking lot and sees nothing there.

PIRA
Hey, how exactly are we getting out of here?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Don’t worry. I have a plan.​

​

Webmistress walks out into the wide parking lot and Pira follows her. Ball Buster and Robin finish tying Hollow up then walk away.

BALL BUSTER
Stay here.​

​

They meet up with Pira, Webmistress still walking forward.

PIRA
So what was your plan?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
I was lying…I never had one.​

​

PIRA
Well, this is slowly turning into a huge ****ing nightmare.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Whoa, did you just swear?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
I know, right?​

​

ROBIN​

*****, I swear all the cock-****ing-***-guzzling-anal-raping time, folkmoots.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Very eloquent, Billy. You’re catching on fast…​

​

Webmistress looks forward because she hears something. She walks away from the rest of the crew, and they look at her strangely.

Mirko and Heather come out of the building. Mirko looks over at Hollow tied to the bicycle rack who is giving him a cold stare. Then he looks over at the four escapees and then freezes when he hears the loud squeaking noise of tires hitting rubber.

MIRKO
Oh **** me.​

​

A psychedelic looking van drives up to meet our escapee friends. On the side is written “PSYCHADELIC PLUMBING”. The van comes to dead holt when it sees the four of them standing there. Jesse gets out of the van and looks at them in a trance. Ball Buster looks at him confused.

BALL BUSTER
Hippie Hunter…?​

​

JESSE WHITE
What the hell…what the hell are you guys doing?​

​

WEBMISTRESS
What does it look like? We’re escaping. What are you doing?​

​

JESSE WHITE
Oh ****...​

​

Jesse reaches behind his shirt and pulls out a semi-automatic.

JESSE WHITE (CONTINUED)
…I was gonna storm the place.​

​

WEBMISTRESS
Too late. We’re gonna need to use your van.​

​

Webmistress runs up to the van and hops in the side door. Ball Buster, Pira and Robin climb in the back. Jesse looks around frantically, and then sees Mirko standing there with Dew just outside the front door. He looks at Mirko, and Mirko stares back at him. Jesse shakes his head and ***** his semi-automatic.

JESSE WHITE​

What the hell am I doing?​

​

Jesse climbs in the front seat of the van.

 

[Master Chief]

INT. VAN
Webmistress clicks her belt on. Jesse frantically searches his pocket for keys. There are no seats in the back of the van and Ball Buster and Pira stand exhausted.

WEBMISTRESS
Could you hurry up…?

​

JESSE WHITE
I’m trying to go as fast as I can.​

​

Webmistress looks out the window. Cops are coming out the front door, as well as other doctors. Jesse finds his keys and fumbles around.

WEBMISTRESS
You need to go faster.

​

Jesse puts the keys in the ignition and starts the van. Ball Buster suddenly comes to his senses and looks around.

BALL BUSTER
STOP!

​

JESSE WHITE
What is it?​

​

BALL BUSTER
Where’s Robin?

​

They look around frantically. Ball Buster is freaking out, his hands run through his hair. Pira looks frightened.

PIRA
I thought I saw him get in?

​

BALL BUSTER
You thought?​

​

PIRA
I don’t know, it’s your job to watch him.​

​

Ball Buster shakes his head and kicks open the back of the van.

BALL BUSTER
****! You’re useless without your boyfriend.

​

He jumps out of the van and Pira looks forward, scared for her life.

EXT. PARKING LOT
Ball Buster jumps out of the van, looking around everywhere. He runs at a frantic pace. Behind him, Jesse and Webmistress get out of the van, both with guns in their hands. Ball Buster runs towards the cops and the doctors out front, frantic.

BALL BUSTER​

Rob—Billy! Billy, where are you?​

​

Jesse and Webmistress are running towards Ball Buster, but he ignores them. Pira gets out of the van, all the light shading out of her face.

BALL BUSTER
BILLY!

​

The doctors look at Ball Buster. Some get out their guns and point them at him. Ball Buster walks towards them, every gun, and every eye on him. He looks through the doctors and sees that Heather is escorting young Robin by pulling his hair. Billy turns around, sees Michael coming towards him, and punches Heather in her private region.

ROBIN
YOUR BALLS HAVE BEEN BUSTED!

​

Robin runs forward, past all the cops and the doctors, and jumps into Ball Buster’s arms. Behind him, Jesse and Webmistress keep their guns on the cops.

BALL BUSTER
I was so worried I lost you. Don’t ever do that to me again.

​

ROBIN
Third time’s the charm.​

​

BALL BUSTER
Don’t even…don’t even joke about that. You’re my reason for living. Now come on, we’re getting out of here.​

Ball Buster puts Robin down, and the kid runs towards the van. Pira helps him in the van, and looks back at the other three escapees. Jesse and Webmistress keep their guns pointed at the other people, and Ball Buster looks around skeptically. Jesse turns to Webmistress.

JESSE WHITE
Hey, I just have one question.

​

WEBMISTRESS
What’s that?​

​

Jesse puts his gun down and turns to face. For a split second, she puts her shotgun down to.

​

JESSE WHITE
What happened to Chain Reaction?​

​

BLAM.

Ball Buster looks around, confused. Then he looks down at his chest, and sees that he is bleeding. A bullet has pierced through his skin. He looks forward at Billy, who has gotten out of the car and is running towards him, screaming. Jesse and Alexia rush to help him, but there is no help. He falls to the ground and lies there, motionless. Behind him, Phillip holds a handgun and looks forward, his giant rotund sunglasses hiding whatever feeling he may have.

Pira grabs Robin and shoves him, kicking and screaming, in to the van. Webmistress looks angrily at Phillip and the other doctors, and then rushes towards the van. Jesse runs his hands through the door and runs towards the van, and gets in the front seat.

All the doctors, all the cops just stand there. Then the other doctors and cops disappear, and the only ones standing there are Phillip, Mirko and Heather who is untying Hollow from the bike rack.

INT. VAN
Everyone sits in the van silently. Jesse tries to start the van but only the low guttural purr of the engine is heard, choppy and sullen like a bad cough. The van won’t start. He slams on the pedal.

JESSE WHITE (CONTINUED)
What the hell…?

​

He slams at the breaks and then the van turns on. Led Zeppelin is blasted and Webmistress quickly turns it off. For the first time ever it looks like there are tears in her eyes.

In the back of the van Pira stares at the ground, not because she is scared but because she has no other route now. She is sullen, and she looks up to see Robin gazing into nothingness. He is not crying, he is only staring forward, his eyes seeming to focus on everything but at nothing at the same time.

The van starts, and they hit bumps in the road, and they all rock back and forth, not saying a word.

EXT. BLUE BUILDING
Hollow grabs at Phillip and shoves him to the ground in a mad fit of rage. Phil tries to get him off of him, and then finally shoves him off. Behind them, Mirko is trying to soothe Heather’s pain.

HOLLOW WOOD
You idiot! Do you know what you’ve done?

​

PHILLIP
Yes, I do. I just saved lives by getting rid of a reckless individual. An individual that you and your team of doctors corrupted!​

​

Hollow gets up and laughs.

HOLLOW WOOD
Are you really that arrogant? You funded my research, you knew what it was that I was doing.

​

PHILLIP
Oh, if I knew how far you had taken this, this’d never of happened in the first place.​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
********! It was about the money with you, Malice. It always has been.​

​

PHILLIP
No, don’t you even try to lecture me. You’re the most crooked person I’ve ever met in my life.​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
Yeah, well who pays me?​

​

Phil shakes his head, and grabs his gun.

PHILLIP
You want to get angry at me because I shot a ****ed-up individual that you helped create? You know who I should of shot Timothy? I should have shot you.

​

HOLLOW WOOD
Well, you have your gun out, don’t you? Shoot me now!

​

Phil takes his gun and points it at Hollow.

HOLLOW WOOD
You can’t even do it, can you?

(Beat.)​

I SAVED THESE PEOPLE! They lived exciting lives thanks to me. You know how many people hate their bland existence?​

​

PHIL
Yeah, and those bland people are dead now thanks to you.​

​

HOLLOW WOOD
Oh, that’s really fair.​

​

Phil gets closer to Hollow, this time getting angry. He grabs Hollow by the collar and starts punching him in the face, over and over. Mirko and Heather watch entranced.

PHILLIP
You want to know what’s fair? You want to know what’s fair!

​

Phil gets up. Hollow’s face has been beaten in, and he laughs loudly as blood drips down his chin. He tries to get up, but has trouble. His whole body has been beaten.

HOLLOW WOOD
Always the philanthropist, eh Malice? I hope you burn in—

A gunshot. Hollow is shot though the head. The blood spills over Phillip, and then the van drives away in a rush.

 

[Master Chief]

INT. VAN
Webmistress roles her window up. Driving, Jesse looks over at her and smiles.

JESSE WHITE
Nice shot.

​

WEBMISTRESS
I missed.​

​

The van keeps driving, until eventually they crash through a wide gate. There are big words written on the gate, though we can’t make them out now because they’re covered in vine.

EXT. HIGHWAY
The van makes its way out, and then they drive into nowhere.

EXT. BLUE BUILDING
Heather and Mirko walk over to Phillip. Phillip stands there and a slight wind catches his face and draws out a piece of snot that floats out over the horizon.

HEATHER​

Where do you think they’ll go? Do you think they’ll come back after us?​

​

PHILLIP
You’re assuming they’ll even remember why they’re in a van, or even what just happened. ****, we got to send everyone home…I might have no choice but to shut this place down. And I had such high hopes for it. That means you have to go home first, Mirko.​

​

Mirko shakes his head.

MIRKO
No, I’m not leaving. This is my fault, I’m going to try to fix it. I’m the reason that these people reacted the way they did. I’m the reason people died. It’s my fault.​

​

PHILLIP
Mirko…​

​

MIRKO
No, Phillip, it’s my fault, I was the one who changed their memories, made them viol—​

​

PHILLIP
I KNOW, MIRKO! Just go home.​

​

Mirko stands there silently, defeated. He looks over at Heather, but she just gives him a cold stare. He starts walking towards his car, and then he stops and turns to face Phillip.

MIRKO
You know, Hollow might have been a huge ****ing bastard, but he was right about you.​

​

PHILLIP
And how’s that, Mirko?​

​

MIRKO
You only care about the money.​

​

Mirko keeps laughing, and Philip laughs to himself. He turns to Heather.

PHILLIP
Can you believe that guy, Dew?​

​

HEATHER
I quit.​

​

PHILLIP
What?​

​

HEATHER
I quit, Malice.​

​

Heather walks away from Phil and walks to her car. Phil stands there, angry and afraid.

PHILLIP
You think this means anything? There are other doctors that will work for me. I’m the one who’s gonna have the last laugh. This will be a great place, a refined place from now on without you people here to ruin it. This place was here before we got here and it will stay here. It doesn’t matter who’s in charge. This is a minor indiscretion. YOU CAN’T TAKE THIS PLACE AWAY FROM ME! THIS IS MY MONEY!​

​

INT. EXALTED’S THRONE ROOM
Jayna gets up, barely able to stand. She looks over at Exalted, who is sitting there in a daze. She smiles at him.

JAYNA
You know, I’ve been thinking over the events of these past few days.​

​

THE EXALTED
Please don’t.​

​

JAYNA
No. I’m glad I chose for me and Danger Mouse to be with you, and not someone else here.​

​

THE EXALTED
Thank—​

​

He stops because he sees two doctors enter the throne room. He looks at them confused. Jayna turns around and sees them and tries to say something but they grab her. Exalted tries to get up and go after them but another doctor grabs him by the mouth. On the ground, half-alive, Teddy grins. Next to him, a ferret runs around happily.

FADE TO BLACK.​

FADE IN.​

​

INT. HALLWAY
The hallway is long and monotonous. Spork sits there next to the wall. He looks around, and bangs his head on the wall.

SPORK
What am I doing? I should have gone with Pira. I don’t know why I always take the bad ending instead of the happy one. Who’s to say one is more real than the other? But no, I just had to listen to my ****ing penis again. Well **** that, I’m gonna go with Pira, I still have time, I can be the hero, I can…​

​

Spork stops because he sees something on the floor. It’s a piece of glass, and in the glass is his reflection. Except in the glass, Spork doesn’t look so sexy anymore. In fact, there are scratches all over his face. He looks old, tired. It looks like he has been beaten several times. Spork touches his perfect face, and in the reflection he is touching the deep red scar. He looks at it confused, and then a bat hits him on the head.

Spork falls over and then looks up and sees Excelsior standing over him. Excelsior smiles at him, and then he handcuffs Spork’s hands behind his back. He makes Spork stand up, and they start walking.

EXCELSIOR
Thought you could get away from me, didn’t you?​

​

SPORK
Not really…I guess I had my hopes.​

​

Spork looks down at the glass perplexed.

EXCELSIOR
Get walking. It’s time for you to go to your own very special room.​

​

Excelsior leads Spork down the hallway. As he walks, he sees other doctors walking down the hallways. Some doctors walk past carrying Exalted. Spork looks at him, perplexed. Exalted has his hood off and it looks like he has been severely beaten. The doctors brush past them and carry him down the hallways. Behind him is Jayna, also being carried by two doctors. Her hair hides her face, and she has a much darker disposition to her than Spork is used to.

The doctor keeps walking and Spork starts to look in the other rooms. In one room he sees a gay guy playing with stuffed animals. He is being watched by other doctors. In another room he sees a man in a Jason Voorhees mask, who is also being put in heavy surveillance. In yet another room Spork sees a man hunched over in a white coat, his facial hair just starting to grow in. He looks extremely depressed, and when he looks up it is hard to recognize Matt Murdock without glasses. For some reason, Matt smiles at Spork, and Spork looks at him confused, but keeps walking.

As they continue walking, they are lead past a creepy looking guy with glasses on. Spork recognizes him, but he can’t put his finger on it. The guy grins at him, a huge, wide grin. Spork would like to stay with this guy for longer, but Excelsior shoves him forward.

EXCELSIOR
Come on, Spork, we’re almost to your room. Someone special is in there waiting for you.​

​

Excelsior drags Spork into a dark room with no lights on, and then shoves him in.

INT. DARK BLUE ROOM
Spork looks around the dark blue room. It is bare except for two metal sheets. On one metal sheet a bald-headed man is tied to the sheet, it is Victor Von Doom. Victor looks at Spork as if he has never seen him before. The doctors grab Spork and help him onto the sheet. They tie his wrists to the sheet, and then his legs. Then they walk away.

VICTOR VON DOOM
Hey…do I know you?​

​

SPORK
I don’t know. Maybe.​

​

VICTOR VON DOOM
You seem pretty cool.​

​

Spork laughs to himself.

SPORK
How do you know that? You just met me.​

​

VICTOR VON DOOM
I guess that’s true.​

​

There is a long silence as the two of them just sit there. Then Victor turns to Spork with an inquiry.

VICTOR VON DOOM​

[FONT=&quot]Hey – can I be your side-kick?[/FONT]

 

[Master Chief]

INT. HALLWAY
The hallway is vast and eerie. We go past rooms and rooms, secret alleyways, doctors with hidden agendas, ferrets that should not exist, people with blank stairs. We go down an elevator, and then we get to a main hall.

INT. MAIN HALL
The main hall is flooded with cops and doctors examining the bodies on the floor. We go past them, past Phillip standing there, talking on his phone, and we go outside.

EXT. BLUE BUILDING
Ambulance and police cars pull up to the front of the building. Police sanction off the crime scene. Sitting there unattended by anyone, Ball Buster’s dead body lies as if completely discarded. On the road, tracks by a van can be seen. We continue to track out until we get to a gate, crushed and destroyed. Vines no longer cover the gate’s front, and we can read it now. Printed there on the front in bold letters are simple, ominous and observational words: “HYPE MENTAL INSTITUTION: SINCE 1999 PROTECTING THOSE IN NEED”

FADE TO BLACK.​

​

​

 

[The Last Meatbag]

*slow clap*

 

[Master Chief]

yea all cred gose to jj coz I haven't done s**t since the like, 13th episode

 

[JOLLY JOHNNY]

*slow clap*

Haha, I just wasted 3 years of my life. Now for some real writing. Maybe.

 

[SapphirePrima]

This is my favorite Hype Story. It was good how you guys took over a dozen random characters and created a story and fit them all in.

Good job!

 

[Master Chief]

It's the only one that real friKin sweat was put into, thx for being a faithful readEr.

 

[Matthew Murdock]

Ah, I remember signing up for this.

What a great ending, JJ and co. did good by putting this thing to rest after 3 very long years though.