I'd like you cool dudes to check out my music!!!

[ShayneBishop]

Hey, check out my music page. They're a few songs I just threw up. Its hiphop but not...its different but not werid different. I just try to stray away from traditional hiphop music. I also dont cuss in my rhymes "because I curse enough in my real life" (from a song). I produced the last song Post It and its Post it as in NOTE so when i say "even tho things ended in a negative post it" i mean 'note'.
a little background on me. before I moved to Ventura I was in a couple bands, punk bands. I grew up with hiphop but left it when it started to go down hill in about 98. I'm mostly 'punk' now but I love to rap, its so much fun and I dont need a band to do it. Ideally I wish i could start a hiphop band like Gym Class Heroes or Atmosphere. Anyway, please check it out and any feed back would be appriciated and add me!!
www.myspace.com/believeinbishop

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

I wish you would keep the toxins and garbage locked up in your mind.

 

[DOG LIPS]

Wil, you're not being a cool dude.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Sorry, I will be doper in future.

 

[The-Dark-Knight]

Is the music good, i got dodgy ears today should i listen?

 

[Johnichi Chiba]

I don't know if uh rapping is the best route for you...

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Is the music good, i got dodgy ears today should i listen?

He Rapped over "What If God Was One Of Us?" by Joan Osbourne.
His style is kind of "Weird Al minus sense of rhythm" meets "That episode of Beauty and the Geek where they have to Rap".

 

[ShayneBishop]

I don't know if uh rapping is the best route for you...

I never thought so but I've been ghost writing for rappers for years and i wrote a **** load of songs for diff artists on Fueled By Ramen. Patrick Stumps been pushing me to really make an effort at doing it myself for months so I did but then again, i suck at mixing and use mostly my buddys production.

 

[ShayneBishop]

He Rapped over "What If God Was One Of Us?" by Joan Osbourne.
His style is kind of "Weird Al minus sense of rhythm" meets "That episode of Beauty and the Geek where they have to Rap".

Whats funny is you're all over this thread hahaha you dumb ****.

 

[ShayneBishop]

He Rapped over "What If God Was One Of Us?" by Joan Osbourne.
His style is kind of "Weird Al minus sense of rhythm" meets "That episode of Beauty and the Geek where they have to Rap".

and its not a cover so where does the weird al come in?

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

and its not a cover so where does the weird al come in?

The timbre and tone of your voice and your stilted, awkward rhymes.
It's very "White", like when he Raps for comedic value.

Don't ask for feedback if you don't want it.
I'm not calling you names like "dumb ****".
It's just that when it comes to cool samples, Joan Osbourne is no James Brown, and there are some glaring rhythmic mistakes in the Rapping and your voice sounds kind of tentative, young and "White" in a non-entertaining way.

*SHH poster Wilhelm-Scream's feedback complete*

 

[The-Dark-Knight]

He Rapped over "What If God Was One Of Us?" by Joan Osbourne.
His style is kind of "Weird Al minus sense of rhythm" meets "That episode of Beauty and the Geek where they have to Rap".

Best review ever, now i have to listen.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Best review ever, now i have to listen.

You should, and give your own feedback.
Artists benefit from feedback, especially from strangers.

 

[The-Dark-Knight]

Will i was expecting it to be really funny, it wasent, it was actually ok, i dont really listen to rap but it was ok.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

No, it's not funny at all.
When I said "Weird Al", I didn't mean LYRICAL style, I meant RAPPING style...the execution/delivery.

 

[ShayneBishop]

The timbre and tone of your voice and your stilted, awkward rhymes.
It's very "White", like when he Raps for comedic value.

Don't ask for feedback if you don't want it.
I'm not calling you names like "dumb ****".
It's just that when it comes to cool samples, Joan Osbourne is no James Brown, and there are some glaring rhythmic mistakes in the Rapping and your voice sounds kind of tentative, young and "White" in a non-entertaining way.

*SHH poster Wilhelm-Scream's feedback complete*

Its one thing to give feed back and its another to make ignorant comments. Its supposed to be very white. I want to stray from typical rap as much as I can. I do need to work on my delivery, i know that much....Ok, now i see what ur saying. yea it does sound like that, thats fine.

So, what are the glaring rythmic mistakes? and based upon your feedback, what can I do to fix said problems?

and its not going on cd or anything, its mainly about the lyrical content as opposed to a catchy chorus. I dont want it to be on the radio.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

I do need to work on my delivery, i know that much....Ok, now i see what ur saying. yea it does sound like that, thats fine.

Yeah, I'm not saying "Maybe Rap is not for you." like the other guy did.
If you enjoy creating music, then *b00m*, it's for you.
But you have a lot of room for improvement.
I like some of the White sounding Rappers, so that's why I was careful to say, " 'White' in a non-entertaining way."

So, what are the glaring rythmic mistakes?

I'm not going to enumerate them all.
Going through and identifying them yourself would be a necessary exercise.

 

[jaguarr]

You are going to make a killing on the Bar Mitzvah circuit, kid.

jag

 

[Johnichi Chiba]

You are going to make a killing on the Bar Mitzvah circuit, kid.

jag

Mazel Tav, *****!

 

[jaguarr]

Mazel Tav, *****!

I'd like to throw you a Bris. :heart:

jag

 

[The-Dark-Knight]

Is jag=Darth i heard they were the same user?

 

[Kritish]

My ears hurt.

 

[Johnichi Chiba]

I'd like to throw you a Bris. :heart:

jag

Just be gentle when you're down there doin' the deed on me.

 

[jaguarr]

Is jag=Darth i heard they were the same user?

Jplaya thinks we're the same person. Jplaya is also an idiot. And wrong.

Just be gentle when you're down there doin' the deed on me.

jag

 

[Johnichi Chiba]