Is this a moral obligation to inform someone they have been cheated on?

[Ozbridge]

Like the thread title: Is this a moral obligation to inform someone they have been cheated on? Or turn a blind eye because it is something between the couple and not the third person's business?

And I understand that there might be different answers to different situations. Are the couple dating? Married? Married with kids? What is the relationship of the third person to the couple? Parent/ Sibling/ Best friend of the person being cheated on? Of the person doing the cheating? Or even a child of the couple in question?

It's something that I have made a decision on in the past, and to this day I still wonder whether I did the right thing.

 

[MadVillainy]

If it's your friend getting cheated on, I'd tell them either directly or indirectly.
If it's between a couple that consists of 2 of your friends ignore it.
If it's between people you don't know, ignore it

 

[Greens]

If it's your friend getting cheated on, I'd tell them either directly or indirectly.
If it's between a couple that consists of 2 of your friends ignore it.
If it's between people you don't know, ignore it

This, pretty much.

I don't know if I would call it a moral obligation. I wouldn't think less of you if you didn't tell.

 

[MadVillainy]

To add to that, if your friend is cheating on their significant other, depending on where you stand either talk to your friend or ignore it.
But I will say your friend is kinda a jerk if they're cheating on their SO around you and expect you to keep their lie

 

[Schlosser85]

If it was a close friend, I’d feel obligated.

 

[Flash525]

If it's your friend getting cheated on, I'd tell them either directly or indirectly.
If it's between a couple that consists of 2 of your friends ignore it.
If it's between people you don't know, ignore it

Pretty much this; if you owe(?) something to a friend that you know is going to be hurt by someone else, then they should be told so they can get rid of the trash and move on.

If it's between a couple of friends, then you'd need to tread carefully else you may lose one of them, and if it's strangers, quite frankly it's nobodies business but theirs.

 

[Donner]

I would tell because with **** like STDs and STIs going around, I would want to be told if it was me. Avoid the syphilis!

 

[Marvolo]

I've been in this situation and it was a damn cluster**** for everyone involved. I'll attempt to distill this into a manageable length post.

Friend 1 hooked up with Friend 2's girlfriend and Friend 1 confessed to me. He said it wouldn't happen again and knowing that he was a habitual one night stand guy I wagered it wouldn't happen again. Plus, Friend 2's relationship was rocky to say the least and I figured the relationship would eventually end and Friend 2 need never know that Friend 1 had betrayed him and that his girlfriend cheated on him. Months passed and the relationship was still limping on and I hadn't said anything to anyone about what happened. Then Ex 1 of Friend 2 found out about the affair and found out that I knew about it and she ran to Friend 2 and told him everything. The proverbial **** hit the proverbial industrial turbo fan. If it had ended there I'd still have some guilty feelings about not telling Friend 2 about his girlfriend cheating with Friend 1. But it didnt end there.

Friend 2 broke up with his cheating girlfriend (now known as Ex 2). Then Friend 1 and Ex 2 started hooking up and dating on and off. That lasted for a while. Then Friend 2 ended up getting back together with Ex 2. She cheated on Friend 2 again and got knocked up and said it was Friend 2's baby. For 2 years he thought that was his son and he lived with her and helped her raise the baby. Then she cheated again and he had a DNA test done and found out that the kid wasnt his. He broke up with her again. Then Friend 1 started hooking up with Ex 2 again.

After all that nonsense I just said to hell with all that drama and stopped caring about whether I did the right thing or the wrong thing. Right or wrong, I did what I did because I wanted to protect two close friends.

In another situation, if I knew someone was cheating on someone else Idk whether I'd tell anyone or not. Itd depend on the circumstances and what was at stake and who was involved and how much I care about the people involved.

 

[Teelie]

That is a situation where he was going to get burned no matter what you said.

 

[Ozbridge]

Thanks for the replies folks. But what about it’s your family though? What if you discover your brother-in-law cheats on your sister? Or your sister cheats on your brother-in-law? Or one of your parents cheat on the other?

One of those 3 situations has happened to me when I was barely a teenager.

 

[Flash525]

Thanks for the replies folks. But what about it’s your family though? What if you discover your brother-in-law cheats on your sister? Or your sister cheats on your brother-in-law? Or one of your parents cheat on the other?

One of those 3 situations has happened to me when I was barely a teenager.

That's a tough one! I'm tempted to say give them [the cheater] an ultimatum; end the affair (or the relationship) else you'll out them. It doesn't take away the fact they've been unfaithful, but it does give them the opportunity to do the right thing, then you've just gotta' live with the little secret whilst keeping an eye on said individual (in my eyes, once a cheater, always a cheater).

That's what I'd be tempted to do, however whether that's what I'd actually do, I don't know.

My brother is a bit ... well, he hasn't (to my knowledge) cheated on anyone, but sure enough usually when (a) relationship he's in concludes, he's with another girl within a month - and it's such a scenario that anyone would think that the new coupling has been ongoing for months in itself. I have always wondered whether his failed relationships have failed because he's had someone else (intimately or otherwise) on the side to move onto.

I've yet to catch him out, though I remain suspicious.

 

[XtremelyBaneful]

what if your friend is the one doing the cheating

 

[Flash525]

what if your friend is the one doing the cheating

All you can really do is inform them how much you disapprove. Make snide remarks at every available opportunity. Defeat their dishonour with words.

 

[Donner]

I was told off by the friends of my best friend for not telling her earlier and I lost my friend (who had "cheated") because I told at all. There was no winning.

 

[MadVillainy]

Thanks for the replies folks. But what about it’s your family though? What if you discover your brother-in-law cheats on your sister? Or your sister cheats on your brother-in-law? Or one of your parents cheat on the other?

One of those 3 situations has happened to me when I was barely a teenager.

It's simple in 2 of the cases
-Brother in law is cheating on my sister? I tell my sister. Easy. I have loyalty to my sister. I care more about my sister than my brother in law
-Sister cheats on my brother in law? Tell her I don't approve at all. Distance myself in some ways

The parents one is a tough one though

 

[Milk Tray Guy]

If it's your friend getting cheated on, I'd tell them either directly or indirectly.
If it's between a couple that consists of 2 of your friends ignore it.
If it's between people you don't know, ignore it

Exactly this.

 

[random_havoc]

The Golden rule as given by Jesus is pretty simple: do to others as you would have them do to you.

So, if you were being cheated on wouldn't you want to know?

I say tell the person being cheated on. It's one of the worst betrayals a person can do, if you care about the other person you shouldn't let them keep getting betrayed, possibly for years to come.

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

It depends.

My best friend back in the day had a girlfriend who consistently was disrespectful towards me.

So to make a long story short, when he cheated, I pulled out the popcorn every time.

 

[Fading]

I'm not going to say it's a moral obligation in all cases. Like in the case of a stranger. If it were me though, I'd want to know. In the case of dating, I'd like to know so we could break up before the relationship became more serious. In the case of a marriage I'd like to know my wife was breaking her vows, especially before I ended up unwittingly taking care of another guys kids. I mean I still would, because it's not the child's fault. Of course that's assuming you don't just divorce.

At any rate, that's me. The thought of continually being treated like a dope by the person I'm supposed to be closest with on this planet doesn't sit well. I'd want someone to tell me. That's me though. You're family, and friends may feel differently. I'd say it's a case by case basis, and to know the answer you'll have to think deep on how they would react.

Maybe the best bet would simply be to confront the cheater, instead of going straight to the victim. Give an ultimatum that the cheating stops, or their significant other finds out. If they honestly care about their SO, they'll stop out of fear of losing them. If they don't, then they won't care if they find out, and good riddance.

 

[Warhammer]

The Golden rule as given by Jesus is pretty simple: do to others as you would have them do to you.

So, if you were being cheated on wouldn't you want to know?

I say tell the person being cheated on. It's one of the worst betrayals a person can do, if you care about the other person you shouldn't let them keep getting betrayed, possibly for years to come.

This is the real answer.

If this is a friend, f*** someone else's feelings if they think you are an assh*** for illuminating the truth. Be tact. If you (figuratively) were being cheated on, I highly doubt you'd be thinking "Well, if Steve knew something, he probably should mind his own business and not say anything." If you have the opportunity to truly do good for someone and you choose not to do it because "eh, it's not my business" or "it will work itself out," it's a shame.

If your significant other was cheating on you, you'd want to know as soon as possible from whoever it was, especially a friend, regardless of how close you two are.

 

[Black Narcissus]

*Hank Hill walks in*

Bwhaahaaaah!

 

[Jenocide]

I'd say something. But I have a big mouth.