Why do men cheat?

[Piper Maru]

I know one thing:

Cheating + Maury Povich = Pure Entertainment

Don't forget Jerry Springer!

 

[bullets]

I also think people who "I would never cheat" either don't have that much temptation or take steps to deliberately avoid it. It seems to me people who have looks, power and or status, and or have large, diverse, and well connected social circles tend to cheat more frequently. I also think managing the lifestyle I just described almost takes a kind of person who is willing to take a lot of risks. I just don't think it's a happy accident that most of our nations leaders, and leaders of other nations (and the successful in general) often have pasts riddled with drugs, crazy experiences, awesome war stories, etc. It's the 'devil may care' attitude that allowed them to take the risks that got them where they were. Hence - the cheating.

A man is only as faithful as his options?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

A man is only as faithful as his options?

Yeah, also, it depends on the marriage. It doesn't get talked about simply because it's private, but a lot of couples now are more liberal about threeways and stuff like that.

 

[grout]

Yeah, also, it depends on the marriage. It doesn't get talked about simply because it's private, but a lot of couples now are more liberal about threeways and stuff like that.

"why do men cheat"?

 

[grout]

cus boobs and bums

LOL, Sometimes simplicity is the best answer.

 

[marcvader]

I've had many possibilities to cheat in the past and didn't but looking back in retrospect since the relationships I was in at the time didn't work out, I wish I had.

 

[Rocanrol]

Men cheat for the same reason women cheat...

 

[grout]

Men cheat for the same reason women cheat...

Nope you got it all wrong... women cheat for the same reason men cheat.
See what i did there

 

[regwec]

I've never cheated, probably because I look like a whittled potato.

 

[terry78]

Optimus probably did nail it the best. When you got options, you're more prone to do it. If you know your current mate is the best shot you're ever gonna have, you ain't trying to stray. Now if you're ugly but insanely wealthy and intelligent, you still have options, superficial they may be.

 

[grout]

Optimus probably did nail it the best. When you got options, you're more prone to do it. If you know your current mate is the best shot you're ever gonna have, you ain't trying to stray. Now if you're ugly but insanely wealthy and intelligent, you still have options, superficial they may be.

That was some yoda knowledge.

 

[grout]

Im just messing around in here..

All joking aside,, there is never going to be an answer. Everyone lives in there own universe, reasons will always differ as to "why". What I can say is cheating is not hard for either gender. Staying in a happy relationship can prove to be the hard part with the most rewards.

Honestly cheating will always end in a bad result. Just break it off if you want to hook up with someone else. its really not to difficult, cheating is what gets people in the cluster fuc* in the end. Or if you are a constant cheater just never get in a relationship in the 1st place...at least your being honest with who you hook up with.

 

[bullets]

I've cheated before and would never do it again because of the guilt.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Hello all.

A few days ago, I was having a pretty candid convo with a married friend of mine where he outright admitted that, if given the chance, he'd have an affair. Now this isn't some sleezeball, he's a stay-at-home dad, married for 16-years, moved like 6 times across the country just to be with his wife kind of guy.

So, your friend is willing to destroy his family for a quick fling, but he's not a sleezeball? Who says this is a new thought, maybe he's had these thoughts for a while, maybe he's already acted on them or just hasn't had the opportunity to act on them. His wife would be crushed and think what it would do to his kids. Sure he's moved for his wife's career 6 times, but he's still willing to throw it all away, seemingly, at the drop of a pair of panties. He sounds like a sleezeball who just hasn't had an opportunity to act on it yet.

So it got me thinking, what is it that drives even guys like that to be okay with cheating on their wives? Is there one universal similarity that causes it? Or does it vary on the person? Why is it that men view affairs as being less...seismic than women do?

I'm a guy and consider an affair to be very seismic. More often than not I'd consider it a relationship killer.

I've never officially cheated on a girl, but from my own experience, the similarity that I see between my own discontent with former girlfriends, and my friends experience is lack of engagement and companionship on the woman's part.

Oh so it's not your fault, it's hers, let's see why you say it's hers...

In my own experience, I was pushed away from one girlfriend into another girl's affections purely due to constantly receiving negative feedback and criticism from my then-girlfriend. Y'know, I think men like making their women feel special, and feel loved, and generally impressing them as much as possible. Once the woman seems to not be impressed anymore, and starts pointing out what's wrong, rather than stay in awe of what's right, a man will start looking for someone else to impress and amaze.

Oh, so she didn't shower you with constant love and affection so it's time not to end the relationship but find something on the side. Criticism isn't always a bad thing, she could've been helping you be a better person, for this post, it looks like you could use it. There's more to a relationship than just that honeymoon period, where it's all love and affection, in a strong relationship you shouldn't need to feel like you always need to impress the girl and can give and recieve criticism.

In my friend's case, his stated problem was his wife's unwillingness to be social or do much of anything outside of "watch Netflix and reread books." So, again, I think that's just another form of her actions making him feel rather inadequate and impotent as a mate, and thusly the desire for someone else is born.

Has he ever tried to set up and organize a fun night out? I know in my relationship we make sure to set up one night a week as "date night", we don't answer the phone and go out to dinner or do any activity together. It doesn't have to be much just some time together out on our own and we take turns planning it, maybe your friend should start something like that. He's a stay at home dad, so take the kids to a park or something that day to tire them out, hire a babysitter for the night, cause I'm sure that's part of the reason she doesn't want to go out, the kids.

Now, obviously, I'm not trying to excuse cheating or condone it in anyway, just answer the question as to why it occurs so readily. And I don't quite believe its as simple as "men are horny".

Yeah you are. This whole post is excusing cheating because the woman doesn't do enough for the man.

Evolution. Plain and simple. It has made men want to seek multiple partners so as to spread their genes as far and wide as possible. It's only the frontal lobe (the rational part of the brain) which drives humanity to total monogamy, and that is a relatively new part of the brain.

BS, I hear that excuse all the time and it's just an excuse. If it really was evolution a baby wouldn't be totally helpless when it was born. A kid needs parents and people to take care of them for a number of years, I think evolution also made sure humans normally have only one baby at a time due to how much care it takes to raise one. Unlike a dog who's puppies could reasonably take care of themselves after a month or two.

 

[The Guard]

Optimus probably did nail it the best. When you got options, you're more prone to do it. If you know your current mate is the best shot you're ever gonna have, you ain't trying to stray. Now if you're ugly but insanely wealthy and intelligent, you still have options, superficial they may be.

There’s a lot of truth to the whole “No options, no temptation” thing.

So many people say “I would never cheat”, and yet, so many end up doing it. How do the ones who claim they never would really know that? Have they ever been tempted to do so? Ever had the chance, or a real impulse to do so? Ever even thought about it on a level other than “That’s a horrible thing to do”?

Because plenty of people haven’t experienced any of that. And many of them have never thought about it as a concept beyond the basic idea of it. Try to have a conversation about it with most people and a lot of them sound like blithering idiots who are just spouting the company line.

All joking aside,, there is never going to be an answer. Everyone lives in there own universe, reasons will always differ as to "why". What I can say is cheating is not hard for either gender. Staying in a happy relationship can prove to be the hard part with the most rewards.

There are some pretty consistent reasons why both men and women cheat. They aren’t terribly complex.

-They are horny and/or want to feel attractive and desired.
-They are bored.
-They want variety (see bored)
-There’s a lack of emotional connection with their partner or communication issues.
-They’re selfish and/or incapable of commitment.

It really doesn’t get much more complex than that.

Just break it off if you want to hook up with someone else. its really not to difficult, cheating is what gets people in the cluster fuc* in the end. Or if you are a constant cheater just never get in a relationship in the 1st place...at least your being honest with who you hook up with.

The problem is that its just not always that simple for people. Some people can operate on this level, but not everyone does/can.

What if you’re a married man/woman with several kids who has a nonexistent sex/romantic life, and you are generally unhappy about it? Lets say you really love your spouse and your kids and you’ve tried to work on the relationship and its issues, and just aren’t getting anywhere. Is the logical answer then to break up the marriage and risk harming the kids just so that you can find another partner for a quick fling or sexual release, or to make you feel attractive? Do you get used to being unhappy, as so many do? Or do you potentially look elsewhere for something at the obvious risk of the family breaking up, which seems to be have been the go to solution for people to give when confronted with cheat/don’t cheat in the first place. I think that’s the logic most cheaters employ. That it is better than the alternative. And that may not be sound, but neither is it neccessarily hard to understand.

So, your friend is willing to destroy his family for a quick fling, but he's not a sleezeball? Who says this is a new thought, maybe he's had these thoughts for a while, maybe he's already acted on them or just hasn't had the opportunity to act on them. His wife would be crushed and think what it would do to his kids. Sure he's moved for his wife's career 6 times, but he's still willing to throw it all away, seemingly, at the drop of a pair of panties. He sounds like a sleezeball who just hasn't had an opportunity to act on it yet.
I'm a guy and consider an affair to be very seismic. More often than not I'd consider it a relationship killer.

See, the whole “Destroy your family” thing really bothers me. I really think it depends on the situation and the people involved. To me, cheating is indicative of problems in the relationship, period. Why is it that cheating is looked on as a “destroyer of relationships” but so many other things indicative of problems in a relationship, indeed some things that are potentially more psychologically damaging than cheating, aren’t? I suspect that its because cheating is more glamorous/infamous an issue. Sometimes I think people relish the idea of it and being “wronged” in that particular manner a little too much.

And when it happens, I don’t think “Who is at fault” is the right way to look at it from a relationship standpoint, anymore than I think a relationship argument should ever be about "Whose fault is it?". From what I’ve seen, its generally a combination of the actions of both parties in a relationship that creates motivations for cheating.

I more or less cheated on my wife about a year and a half ago. In dealing with what had happened, my soon to be ex-wife spent a ridiculous amount of time and energy reminding me that it was all my fault (which of course I already knew and had admitted to).

Why?

Because A, she was really angry, and she never got over it, which, as she admitted, was due to "that's how its supposed to be". And B, as came out in counseling sessions, she recognized that her direct behavior and lack of effort in our relationship had contributed to a breakdown in communication between us, and she felt guilty for putting me in the position where I felt cheating was an option.

Does that mean it was her fault? No, I chose to do what I did. But I went to three different marital counselors (religious and otherwise) trying to work out our issues, and not a single one of them spent any time blaming me for what happened and what was happening now. Every single of them started out by looking at what had been going on in our relationship prior to the incident, and to how that applied.

It’s all well and good to say “Why don’t you just end the relationship”, and as I’ve found, it really can be that simple (though very painful). You can walk away from a relationship of 5, 10, 20, 30, 40 or more years.

But things also just aren’t that simple. Human motivations can be simple. Human dynamics tend not to be.

 

[TruerToTheCore]

Sociobiology 101:

Human relationships are formed to raise children. That's what love is for, triggered in your brain. Men cheat to spread their DNA. But since men do not have to raise the child women are often okay with that as long as the man does not fall in love with the other woman. In some way men can multiply their genes and let someone else (the "weaker" man) raise it. Genius!

Woman obviously cannot do this because they need a man to raise a child. They cheat to get better genes for their child since the ones with the good genes are often not those who "stick around". Love is the magic lasso to catch a men and to keep him.

Yeah. That's the truth.

 

[Eggyman]

I've had options, but never did. Maybe they were the wrong options. The closest to cheating I've come is finding someone I want more than the girl I'm with. I'll give myself credit for doing the right thing: ending one relationship before starting another.

I've got a friend who cheats on his missus. He seems to get more enjoyment telling us about it than the act itself.

 

[regwec]

There are a lot of people like that. I find them repellent.

 

[Lantern Venom]

Sociobiology 101:

Human relationships are formed to raise children. That's what love is for, triggered in your brain. Men cheat to spread their DNA. But since men do not have to raise the child women are often okay with that as long as the man does not fall in love with the other woman. In some way men can multiply their genes and let someone else (the "weaker" man) raise it. Genius!

Woman obviously cannot do this because they need a man to raise a child. They cheat to get better genes for their child since the ones with the good genes are often not those who "stick around". Love is the magic lasso to catch a men and to keep him.

Yeah. That's the truth.

That's only the truth in part. You're omitting the morality element. We can talk all day about options and animal magnetism, but a person's ethics can trump it all. If you truly believe that cheating is wrong--not just because of your partner, but a true principle--cheating won't be an issue.

 

[CConn]

So, your friend is willing to destroy his family for a quick fling, but he's not a sleezeball?

...man, you're being unnecessarily argumentative.

I'm not defending him by saying he's not a sleezy. I was describing his personality and demeanor outside of the singular comment he made to me about cheating. Essentially, I was saying, in all other aspects, he's the exact opposite of the kind of guy who you'd think would be okay with that out or thing.

Who says this is a new thought, maybe he's had these thoughts for a while, maybe he's already acted on them or just hasn't had the opportunity to act on them. His wife would be crushed and think what it would do to his kids. Sure he's moved for his wife's career 6 times, but he's still willing to throw it all away, seemingly, at the drop of a pair of panties. He sounds like a sleezeball who just hasn't had an opportunity to act on it yet.

Um, yes. All of that is true. I wasn't trying to say or infer anything otherwise.

I'm a guy and consider an affair to be very seismic. More often than not I'd consider it a relationship killer.

Generally, I'd agree. But at the same time, I have seen relationships go on to be very successful after an affair is forgiven.

Someone I was very close to on here was broken up with her boyfriend for literally years due to a one night stand. Finally, she forgave him, and they're now a pretty successful and happily married couple.

I'm not at all saying that's the right thing to do in every situation, but it can go both ways depending on circumstances.

Oh so it's not your fault, it's hers, let's see why you say it's hers...

No, not at all.

I simply have a personal philosophy that there is next to no legitimately inspired actions, rather that 95% of everyone's actions are merely reactions from someone else.

It's not about blame or fault or anything like that, it's simply how I believe the human psyche works - through my own observations and study.

Oh, so she didn't shower you with constant love and affection so it's time not to end the relationship but find something on the side. Criticism isn't always a bad thing, she could've been helping you be a better person, for this post, it looks like you could use it. There's more to a relationship than just that honeymoon period, where it's all love and affection, in a strong relationship you shouldn't need to feel like you always need to impress the girl and can give and recieve criticism.

No, I'm not disagreeing with that. I'm just looking for commonalities on what could be emotionally disengaging for a guy.

"Shut up and toughen up" is a fine tactic to believe in, but it's also quite unrealistic given how most people think, feel, and react to things.

Has he ever tried to set up and organize a fun night out?

Yes. Many times.

I know in my relationship we make sure to set up one night a week as "date night", we don't answer the phone and go out to dinner or do any activity together. It doesn't have to be much just some time together out on our own and we take turns planning it, maybe your friend should start something like that. He's a stay at home dad, so take the kids to a park or something that day to tire them out, hire a babysitter for the night, cause I'm sure that's part of the reason she doesn't want to go out, the kids.

No, she legitimately has diagnosed and untreated social anxiety disorder.

Yeah you are. This whole post is excusing cheating because the woman doesn't do enough for the man.

No, I'm not. You can believe whatever you want, but I'm keenly aware of how I think and feel, and that's not my feelings on this at all. I'm merely looking for causes when looked at cheating as a reactionary response. If I were to make a thread, "why do women cheat?" I would similarly be looking for causes from the man rather than just going "it's her fault, she's a *****."

 

[Spade]

Speaking as someone who prefers monogamous relationships, I feel a lot more people prefer open relationships than there are those who fess up to it. They just feel pressured by society to go with the flow and be faithful to a single person. Men are easier at this because, frankly, we can be so autonomous sexually. Women have to consider what guys they sleep with, whereas men don't have to cope with a biological consequence for promiscuity- well, barring the clap, and a few other things you get without use of a condom. When we get bored, we can "try new things" with greater ease. With that said, it doesn't make cheating any less messed up than it is. You're using your inability to be honest with a person you loved (or were at least physically attracted to at some point) as an excuse for toying with their sense of worth. If you're going to have more than one partner, tell your current partner before you do anything that you'd like an open relationship, and let the chips fall where they may. If they leave, you had problems anyway, so you can't be surprised if they're the one that has the guts to make it official.

I had a friend who passed away little more than three years back that had an open relationship, and his girlfriend knew everything. There were no feelings of jealousy or betrayal between them because he didn't say anything that put her above the girls he was with. He didn't treat his trysts badly, either. I don't want what he had because I can't do that; I'd like one lady in my life to love, and to maybe make one or two tan babies with. But if you're going to sleep around or love more than one person, don't cheat. Be honest. If you can't be honest, then end it. It's already over, you just prefer a lie to the truth at that point. There's no secondary benefit, even if you're partner's loaded, that will be worth the personal havoc that erupts when you're caught.

I know this kind of deviates from the topic of "why do men cheat," but while we're on the subject, there's my two cents.

 

[Canadian Rider]

Men are pigs.

'Nuff Said

 

[Doctor Evo]

There have been some compelling explanations in this thread based on sexual dimorphism and gender roles within a biological context (some have been much better than others). However, I feel that most of these explanations come with the implicit assumption that men are more prone to cheating than women, and I'm simply not yet convinced that this is the case.

 

[Schlosser85]

The title of this thread is sexist. Women cheat just as much as men do.

 

[CConn]

The title of this thread is sexist. Women cheat just as much as men do.

I'm not suggesting they don't.

However, I truthfully believe men and women have differing emotional responses and cheat for different reasons.

Thusly, "why do women cheat" should be its own conversation.