Why do men cheat?

[CConn]

Hello all.

A few days ago, I was having a pretty candid convo with a married friend of mine where he outright admitted that, if given the chance, he'd have an affair. Now this isn't some sleezeball, he's a stay-at-home dad, married for 16-years, moved like 6 times across the country just to be with his wife kind of guy.

So it got me thinking, what is it that drives even guys like that to be okay with cheating on their wives? Is there one universal similarity that causes it? Or does it vary on the person? Why is it that men view affairs as being less...seismic than women do?

I've never officially cheated on a girl, but from my own experience, the similarity that I see between my own discontent with former girlfriends, and my friends experience is lack of engagement and companionship on the woman's part.

In my own experience, I was pushed away from one girlfriend into another girl's affections purely due to constantly receiving negative feedback and criticism from my then-girlfriend. Y'know, I think men like making their women feel special, and feel loved, and generally impressing them as much as possible. Once the woman seems to not be impressed anymore, and starts pointing out what's wrong, rather than stay in awe of what's right, a man will start looking for someone else to impress and amaze.

In my friend's case, his stated problem was his wife's unwillingness to be social or do much of anything outside of "watch Netflix and reread books." So, again, I think that's just another form of her actions making him feel rather inadequate and impotent as a mate, and thusly the desire for someone else is born.

Now, obviously, I'm not trying to excuse cheating or condone it in anyway, just answer the question as to why it occurs so readily. And I don't quite believe its as simple as "men are horny".

 

[redmarvel]

First of all, it's not just men who cheat. I wish I could claim that the fairer sex was innocent of cheating, but that is simply not the case.

Each person that chooses to cheat has their own reasons for doing so. There is no ONE reason why someone would cheat on their spouse.

Here are a few:

1. The "romance" or "mystery" is gone. There are actually simple solutions for this problem. If the romance is gone, put it back in by doing the candle lit dinners and romantic music. If the mystery is gone then try the role playing games.

2. The spouse isn't willing to "do it" any more. This is tougher and depends on why the spouse isn't willing. It could be a medical problem and a full checkup might help. It could actually be a vitamin definciency. Yes folks, multivitamins can help you in ways you never expected. It could simply be that the technique employed to turn your spouse on is the wrong one. If you're just rolling over and saying "honey, let's do it"... well maybe it's time for the romance to be employed. Or... it could honestly be that your spouse is too worn out after a long day and you need to figure out a way to lighten your spouses load.

3. Your spouse is a polygamist. Simply put, there are some people that are just not capable of a monogamist relationship. It may be they lack the empathy to understand that their actions are hurting others. It may be they are just so selfish they don't care. It may be that they are so needy that they need their ego stroked by getting other areas stroked. Or it may be for some other reason entirely. In this instance, you have to decide, can I live with it?

Now, I'm going to stop channelling Dr. Ruth. Though there are still many more reasons why someone would cheat.

 

[Eddie Brock]

Evolution. Plain and simple. It has made men want to seek multiple partners so as to spread their genes as far and wide as possible. It's only the frontal lobe (the rational part of the brain) which drives humanity to total monogamy, and that is a relatively new part of the brain.

 

[CConn]

Evolution. Plain and simple. It has made men want to seek multiple partners so as to spread their genes as far and wide as possible. It's only the frontal lobe (the rational part of the brain) which drives humanity to total monogamy, and that is a relatively new part of the brain.

As I said in my original post, I seriously don't think that's it. It's too simple, it's too base. Despite pop culture's assumptions to the contrary, humans' psychology is a lot more complex and multifaceted than that.

 

[runawayboulder]

It depends on the person and the situation. Some people do it when they're unhappy, some do it because they're idiots or some because it seems like a once in a lifetime opportunity depending on the other guy or girl.

I've never personally done it because my parents were divorced due to infidelity and it destroyed my family. I know first hand what the worst possible outcome could be and I don't want to put be the same way. Some other people in that same situation would still cheat because it's the environment they have been exposed to and emulate the behavior. Like I said, it depends on the person and their state of mind.

 

[Thundercrack85]

Actually most studies have found that women cheat on men as often as men cheat on women. Some recent studies have even found that women cheat more. They're just better at covering it up.

Cheating occurs for a simple reason, people are lousy.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Biologically, men wire wired to "spread the seed" so to speak, to technically speaking, monogamous relationships aren't in our DNA.

But as someone else stated, it's not just men who cheat, it's women as well. And the reasons why are many. No intimacy, your partner changes, you lose attraction to them, the relationship is falling apart, you're just a skeeze, I mean, the reasons why are countless.

 

[Thundercrack85]

That's debatable at best. Some mammals are monogamous by nature. It certainly has some basis in human nature.

Humans seem to be somewhere in the middle. Most are temporarily monogamous.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

That's debatable at best. Some mammals are monogamous by nature. It certainly has some basis in human nature.

Humans seem to be somewhere in the middle. Most are temporarily monogamous.

True, and by no means is that any kind of validation for a man to cheat. We may be biological creatures just like any other animal, but we're also evolved well beyond that as well.

 

[Weadazoid]

I have always considered myself akin to a wolf


Wolves find one true love eventually, and then remain monogomous

It may have taken me a few years but I eventually found my she wolf, and now we have to happy little pups


seriously, my son licks that glass front door and drools all over everything , ah... well what are you gonna do he is teething afterall. I also had to stop him from eating paper junk mail this weekend.

this is what it's like when you have a 18 month old. Well... an 18 month old boy, my daughter was much better, but girls pick up things quicker then boys...


kids are alot like dogs.... but more like wolves



all of this was meant to make you laugh


be happy

 

[TheIrishAvenger]

cus boobs and bums

 

[runawayboulder]

I agree that women are as bad as men when it comes to cheating. They're just better at keeping quiet about it. The biggest problem with a man is he likes to brag, leading them to get caught more and the perception that men are the bigger cheaters.

 

[Thundercrack85]

It's the old joke, on average, men have 5 sex partners. But say the have 7. On average women have 5, but say they had 3.

 

[OctaviusINC]

After watching too many episodes of "Cheaters" I've realized that when most men are caught cheating they lie i.e. "No, she's just a friend. We're just meeting for drinks."

And when most women cheat they blame the men i.e. "Well you're never there for me! You're always working!"

 

[Eddie Brock]

As I said in my original post, I seriously don't think that's it. It's too simple, it's too base. Despite pop culture's assumptions to the contrary, humans' psychology is a lot more complex and multifaceted than that.

It's not pop culture. It's science. The hindbrain, which controls mating, has been around since the brain emerged. It's ancient and animalistic. The forebrain, which controls rational thought, only developed with the emergence of homo sapiens , some tens of thousands of years ago. Thousands of years aren't going to override millions.

 

[Dr. Evil]

After watching too many episodes of "Cheaters" I've realized that when most men are caught cheating they lie i.e. "No, she's just a friend. We're just meeting for drinks."

And when most women cheat they blame the men i.e. "Well you're never there for me! You're always working!"

Not as entertaining as cheating men on Maury who come up with some of the wildest excuses ever.

 

[Eddie Brock]

Note: in no way am I suggesting that the evolutionary explanation justifies cheating. We are all in possession of a forebrain and have the power to inhibit such behavior. The evolutionary explanation merely explains the natural inclination, especially on the part of men. It doesn't mean you shouldn't make every effort to control your urges for your partner's sake.

 

[Mace Dolex]

I myself have never cheated but I think it comes down seriously is that men like some variety, if their wife doesn't open to new things whether it's sex, culture, religion, misc things than the guy starts getting fed up and bored which results in cheating.

I was with my girlfriend for 4 years although we never lived together I feel that if we did we would've broken up in two months because of her personality.

 

[Lighthouse]

I tend to really not like these conversations. These kinds of conjecture statements and anecdotal evidence only perpetuate gender stereotypes. Too me it's no different than "why do women shop".

 

[Anubis]

Men cheat cuz they're human, and humans, as a whole, are a buncha *****e bags.

 

[Scooter]

Women cheat too. And they do it because they're ******** *****.

 

[redmarvel]

Women cheat too. And they do it because they're ******** *****.

Granted, some of us are, but some of us prefer doing it with men. What are you doing it with?

 

[Anubis]

Ohhhhh, Burn!

 

[Spuzz]

We weren't meant to be monogamous, which is why fighting your inner instinct to be otherwise is the best way to show what we humans call love. It's all about self discipline. We all give in to our primal feelings of wanting to hump everything that looks nice to us sometimes. But those who don't and stick with one mate deserve a lot of respect. I've never cheated and intend not to. But at least I think I have an understanding of why people do.

 

[Hotwire]

To quote Chris Rock, which I'm surprised hasn't been done yet, "A man is basically as faithful as his options."

Personally though, I would never cheat. My wife is Puerto Rican, and she knows where we keep the knives!