they say john lennon was shot by a man he met a few hours previous. but if you play a yoko record forward, and at normal speed, it's obvious he killed himself.
they say john lennon was shot by a man he met a few hours previous. but if you play a yoko record forward, and at normal speed, it's obvious he killed himself.
Blonde, brunette & a redhead are stranded on a deserted island. They come across a genie's lamp and rub the genie out. The ladies agree to split the 3 wishes amongst eachother, giving them each a chance to wish themselves home.
Brunette: "I wish I were home!"
The genie grants her wish.
Redhead: "I wish I were home!"
The genie sends her on her way.
The genie glances over at the blonde, noticing the sad look on her face.
Genie: "Why are you so sad?"
Blonde: "I wish my friends were here."
Blonde, brunette & a redhead are stranded on a deserted island. They come across a genie's lamp and rub the genie out. The ladies agree to split the 3 wishes amongst eachother, giving them each a chance to wish themselves home.
Brunette: "I wish I were home!"
The genie grants her wish.
Redhead: "I wish I were home!"
The genie sends her on her way.
The genie glances over at the blonde, noticing the sad look on her face.
Genie: "Why are you so sad?"
Blonde: "I wish my friends were here."
There are these three employees and they're doing inventory at a store late at night. The manager finds this lamp and rubs it. Out pops a genie who offers three wishes.
The first worker was excited: "I want to be on a tropical island drinkin' fruity drinks and being surrounded by girls in bikinis!"
POOF. He's gone.
The second worker was even more excited! "I want to be in a snow lodge in the alps sipping on hot chocolate and surrounded by snow bunnies!"
POOF. He's gone.
The manager looked upset and thought for a moment: "I want those two back here by the morning to finish inventory."
^That reminds me of the Genie joke from "Boondock Saints."
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Two guys walk into a bar, but they realize they don't have any money for drinks.
So they head over to a 7-Eleven and buy a hot dog. Guy #1's plan is to order drinks, then have Guy #2 pretend to give Guy #1 a BJ, in which they'll be kicked out of the bar in disgust without having to pay.
They go back to the bar and the plan works no problem...so they decide to hit a few more bars.
10 bars later the guys walk out...but Guy #1 looks like hell as he staggers...
Guy #2: "What's wrong?"
Guy #1: "I think we should call it a night I'm too tired...and I'm really hungry."
Guy #2: "Not me."
Guy #1: "Why?"
Guy #2: "Because I ate the Hot Dog 5 bars ago..."
Blonde, brunette & a redhead are stranded on a deserted island. They come across a genie's lamp and rub the genie out. The ladies agree to split the 3 wishes amongst eachother, giving them each a chance to wish themselves home.
Brunette: "I wish I were home!"
The genie grants her wish.
Redhead: "I wish I were home!"
The genie sends her on her way.
The genie glances over at the blonde, noticing the sad look on her face.
Genie: "Why are you so sad?"
Blonde: "I wish my friends were here."
I heard this one today, it's actually pretty funny.
So this duck walks in a bar and hops into a bar stool, the bartender asks what he wants to drink. . . . . . .he gets no response cause he's talking to a duck.
There's 3 tampons walking down the street. Which one will stop to talk to you? None, cos they're all stuck up c***s.
A white horse walks into a pub and the bartender says, "Here, this pub's named after you" and the horse says, "what, Steve?"
Two canibals in the jungle eating a clown and one turns to the other and says, "does this taste funny to you?"
Two fish in a tank and one turns to the other and says "so, do you know how to drive this thing?"
(an auditory one) Two balloons in the desert, one turns to the other and says "watch out for that cactusssssssssssssss ssss ssss"
If a blonde and a paper plane are thrown off a bridge which one will land first? The paper plane because the blonde stops to ask directions.
3 women, a brunette, a redhead and a blonde are on the run from the police and they run into an old barn, where they find 3 empty sacks. They all climb in one and shortly after the police come in.
A policeman kicks the first sack with the brunette in and she says "Woof". The policeman leaves it alone.
He kicks the 2nd sack with the redhead in and she says "Meow" so he leaves it alone.
He kicks the 3rd sack with the blonde in and she says "potatoes".
Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.
Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.
The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were upset at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.
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