Batman Begins Just a bit BB related excerpt I wrote...any good?

[Schlosser85]

Hi, I wrote little just-for-the-heck-of-it excerpts of basically my own version of a BB novelization of a few scenes, and I was just wondering if you guys think it's any good:

Through a haze of her own terror, she saw the Scarecrow mask looming up, over her, Crane’s eyes staring fixedly out at her with the intensity of a psychopath. The mask stared in silence for a moment, as if savoring the sight of an enemy reduced to writhing helplessly before it, and then spoke, not in Crane’s voice, but in a voice of its own, a low, throaty whisper, almost like an animal: “who knows you’re here?”. Rachel didn’t answer, she couldn’t, her mind was reeling, and Scarecrow shouted, “WHO KNOWS?”. To Rachel’s distorted mind it was a blast of noise, a ringing explosion of incoherent sound. Maggots dripped from Scarecrow’s mask, and she screamed.

The light went out.​

Crane spun, startled, tearing his mask off, hearing his men already cocking their weapons in alarm. Fear was suddenly permeating the room, not just from the troublesome woman prostrate before him, but from these armed men. Crane’s blood was rushing through his veins, and he licked his dry lips, and he realized it was coming from him too…and it excited him. Grinning around at the darkness, half in a perverse
amusement, half in a mask of panic, he said,
“He’s here.”
“Who?” one of the men asked, hoisting his weapon. Crane smiled.
“The Batman.” The mention of the name rose the terror level in the room from a six or even to about thirty-five. There were immediate sounds of more guns being cocked, weapons being hoisted, eyes frantically scanning darkness they couldn’t penetrate.
“What do we do?”
“What anyone does when a prowler comes around,” Crane answered, almost surprised at how eerily calm his own voice sounded,
“Call the police.”

 

[In a Pickle]

Very good.