Kirk v Picard (found long ago on the web)

Discussion in 'Misc. TV Series' started by Whirlysplat, Apr 16, 2006.

  1. Whirlysplat Registered

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    Kirk vs. Picard
    100 Reasons Why Kirk Is Better Than Picard
    1.Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
    2.Kirk never really got into that kinky "Jumpsuit" look.
    3.Kirk has sex more than once a season.
    4.One word: Hair.
    5.Another word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-wig.
    6.Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
    7.Picard is a Frenchman with an English accent.
    8.Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences !!
    9.Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
    10.Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smile.
    11.Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
    12.Two words: Shoulder roll.
    13.Kirk doesn't wear dresses when Admirals arrive for lunch.
    14.Kirk once said: "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty".
    15.Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
    16.Kirk can almost drive a stick-shift.
    17.Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population.
    18.Kirk says, "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
    19.Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
    20.Kirk was never infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.
    21.Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
    22.Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
    23.Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
    24.Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off -- even around those pesky Yeomans.
    25.Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something as stupid as Dixon Hill.
    26.Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
    27.One word: Velour.
    28.Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
    29.When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
    30.When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter, Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
    31.Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
    32.One word: Iman.
    33.Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
    34.If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and **** down its neck.
    35.Kirk says: "Shoot first and wait for retaliation".
    36.Kirk's first officer never tells him to stay on the bridge.
    37.Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
    38.Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
    39.Two words: Funky sideburns.
    40.Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
    41.Kirk never once said: "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!".
    42.Kirk is not politically correct.
    43.Kirk never got dumped by a woman for an intergalactic busybody named after a letter of the alphabet.
    44.Kirk never once wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
    45.If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be dead.
    46.Ever heard of a bar shooter called "Make it so?" No? How about a "Beam me up Scotty" then? See the difference?
    47.One word: Miniskirts.
    48.Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
    49.Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
    50.Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the trombone.
    51.Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
    52.The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly translated as "Go F**k Yourself."
    53.If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
    54.Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
    55.Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
    56.If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
    57.Picard never met Joan Collins.
    58.Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
    59.Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions.
    60.Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
    61.Two words: Line delivery.
    62.Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.
    63.Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
    64.Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulfur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies (Need we say more?).
    65.Kirk is not put off by green skin.
    66.Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippie goofs.
    67.Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
    68.Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.
    69.Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
    70.One word: Fisticuffs.
    71.Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
    72.Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
    73.You can never lock Kirk up for very long.
    74.Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
    75.Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
    76.Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
    77.Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
    78.Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
    79.The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
    80.Kirk's bridge is not beige.
    81.Two words: Crane shots.
    82.Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
    83.Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things like Tribbles.
    84.Kirk is a cultural icon - Picard is just some guy who's really nice.
    85.Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
    86.Kirk would never touch Synthahol.
    87.Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares to call him "four eyes".
    88.Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis and even the Pentagon - easily.
    89.Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
    90.When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
    91.Kirk never once, ever, wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana hammock on shore leave.
    92.Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
    93.Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
    94.When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he means it.
    95.Three words: Flying leg kick.
    96.Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
    97.Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
    98.Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
    99.Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear A ponytail.
    100.One word: Balls.

    - Whirly
     
  2. Superfreak Gramaton Cleric

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    59.Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions.
     
  3. Captain Villa Registered

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  4. Gamma Ray Registered

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    100 reasons aren't necessary.
     
  5. lars573 Registered

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    Kirk sucks. Sisko is the best Captain.
     
  6. swifty Registered

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    38.Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.

    dumb old janitor? :confused: hahah!!!!


    75.Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.

    when the hell did he do that?
     
  7. swifty Registered

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    captain Janeway rules them all.

    she has more balls than all of the other captains put together.
     
  8. MaskedManJRK Registered

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    The list from most badass to least:

    Picard
    Sisko
    Janeway
    Kirk

    That's right, I said it. Wanna fight about it? :o
     
  9. Addendum Registered

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  10. Immortalfire In the pale moonlight

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    Who the heck is that :confused:

    This list sucks.
    Picard rules all. Sisko next. Bald captains rock :up:
     
  11. Addendum Registered

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    Captain Sheridan from Babylon 5 :D
     
  12. Harlekin Business

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    Definitely. This list has just reaffirmed my beliefs. Kirk rules all.
     
  13. Whirlysplat Registered

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    Agreed!

    - Whirly
     
  14. Immortalfire In the pale moonlight

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    Oh, never saw that. TNG and DS9 were on at the time.
     
  15. The Squirrel Le Rongeur

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    :up: They do indeed.
     
  16. ToddIsDead Registered

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    Original Star Trek > Everyone and Everything

    Kirk, Spock, and McKoy will run wild on you.
     
  17. huskerwebhead Registered

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    I'm a diehard Trek fan...but nobody is more of a badass than this man...

    [​IMG]
     
  18. The Question Objectivism doesn't work.

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    Everyone knows that Picard was the best Captain, and DS9 was the best series. Actually, I'd say that Picard and Kirk are tied for the best, with Sisko as a very close second.
     
  19. Wilhelm-Scream Registered

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    GAWD!:eek:

    Looks like when they find a corpse that's been in the river for a week.

    *shudder*
     
  20. Spidey Rules 2 Registered

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    Your talking about Sisko the Prophet, right? That's what killed that show (DS9) for me (all the religious/prohet stuff). The last episodes involving the Dominion were great and I would definately buy the complete series on DVD if it wasn't for the prophet/religious stuff.

    As for the best captain, I definately chose Kirk as my captain. The other three aren't too bad either.

    As for Admiral Adama, I think he's had it tougher than any of these other captains. They've had it easy compared to him.
     
  21. The Squirrel Le Rongeur

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    And that's what I liked about the show.


    To each his own.
     
  22. Superfreak Gramaton Cleric

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    that stuff was good, but you know what DS9 ALSO had over all the other treks: A PLOT
     
  23. Whirlysplat Registered

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    It also had some truly lame characters like Odo and Quark.

    - Whirly
     
  24. The Question Objectivism doesn't work.

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    I had no problem with that stuff. Made it damn interesting.
     
  25. Elijya Registered

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    I'm sorry, but space Captains are *****es



    [​IMG]
     

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