Math is the Key to the Perfect Ass

[Erzengel]

And what are you m'am? Once again Geeks know the way to get in good with the ladies.

Excuse me miss, I'm guessing you are like a 75 in the ass department.

FEW women would claim to have the perfect bottom. But for those in need of reassurance that it is within reach, a scientist has come to the rescue by working out a mathematical formula they believe adds up to the perfect posterior.

The magical figures are (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V. Though the equation looks rather complicated, it is, according to the scientist, simple.

It assesses shape, bounce, firmness and symmetry – all factors that add up to the bottom line.

S is the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom,
C represents how spherical the buttocks are,
B measures muscular wobble or bounce,
while F records the firmness.
V is the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom,
and T measures the skin texture and presence of cellulite.

David Holmes, a psychology lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan University, England, devised the formula.

He asked about 2000 women across Britain to assess their bottoms using a simple points scale.

For example, those who believed theirs resembled a trodden doughnut scored just one point for shape, whereas those with a small peach scored the maximum five.

Points were then entered into the formula and the closer a bottom scored to 80, the nearer it was to posterior perfection.

"The perfect female derriere has firmness to the touch and a resilience that prevents undue wobble or bounce, yet looks soft with flawless skin," Dr Holmes said.

"Slender thighs and a hip-to-waist ratio of 0.7 will frame the perfect bum, well perfectly."

Dr Holmes said that Kylie Minogue, whose celebrated bottom relaunched her career with the help of a pair of hotpants, would almost certainly score a perfect 80.

"Kylie would score amazingly well on sphericality and symmetry. Her bottom is pretty much perfect in these areas, more so than the likes of Charlotte Church or Jennifer Lopez, who have more curvy posteriors," he said.

"While no one, of course, can be sure of the firmness and texture of Kylie's bottom, from the exposure it has been given in the newspapers it is obviously muscular and is likely to score highly in these categories also."

Dr Holmes's research revealed that men and women had different opinions when it came to deciding on the best bottoms.

While women preferred the larger, curvier behind of Lopez, men found Minogue's pert symmetry more agreeable.

 

[Mentok]

Bah, I came up with this equation back in highschool... All it got me was detention and a fail in Maths

 

[JesusOfNazarath]

now is this based on a white or black girl's ass?

 

[Strange]

now is this based on a white or black girl's ass?

You of all people should know that not all asses are created equal.

 

[Erzengel]

Bah, I came up with this equation back in highschool... All it got me was detention and a fail in Maths

I take it you didn't do as well in English.

 

[FreeRadical]

Genetics or implants is the key.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

I'm sorry that is in no way the perfect a$$...there is nothing that remarkable about it

 

[Leto Atrides]

Study by David Holmes, or as he's known to his colleagues, "The Grant Money Furnace".

This is pretty much based on Kylie Minogues ass being the ideal. I'd agree, but I know others don't. Some like the big bottoms, and not "a small peach".

 

[Hades]

The problem with this is that everybody has a different view on what is ideal.

 

[Erzengel]

I only know of one perfect ass.

Her name is Keyra.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

I only know of one perfect ass.

Her name is Keyra.

 

[FreeRadical]

What is going on today, what's the facination with bottoms. Is it because it's Easter?

 

[Hades]

Why even bother wearing pants...

 

[Hades]

What is going on today, what's the facination with bottoms. Is it because it's Easter?

It is? Whoa, where have i been.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

What is going on today, what's the facination with bottoms. Is it because it's Easter?

Thats Sunday chief

always she could lose a little fat, but keep that a$$

 

[MaskedManJRK]

What is going on today, what's the facination with bottoms. Is it because it's Easter?

Everyone loves a good ass.

But yes, I agree with Leto Atrides, I prefer the big bottoms, meself.

 

[Abaddon]

I take it you didn't do as well in English.

They call Mathematics "maths" in Europe.

 

[PWN3R]

I only know of one perfect ass.

Her name is Keyra.

Red X's are so sexy....

 

[Erzengel]

Red X's are so sexy....

Must have a bandwidth limit because everyone above you saw it.

But

 

[jaguarr]

Must have a bandwidth limit because everyone above you saw it.

But

I'd like to carry HER one! Ha-cha-cha-chaaaaaaa!!!!

jag

 

[THWIP*]

Must have a bandwidth limit because everyone above you saw it.

But

YEP, KEYRA'S CORNERED THE MARKET ON THE "BEST ASS" BIZ..........SHE COULD CRACK WALNUTS WITH THAT BOOTY.

 

[FreeRadical]

Must have a bandwidth limit because everyone above you saw it.

But

You can poke someone's eye out with that.

 

[The Aquaman]

Must have a bandwidth limit because everyone above you saw it.

But

Creesus.

 

[PWN3R]

Must have a bandwidth limit because everyone above you saw it.

But

Dang my bad. You know what your talking about.

 

[DOG LIPS]

I love this ****ing thread.