Mothers: Is it okay to snoop?

[Zero_Vault]

Do you believe it is all right to snoop in your daughter's or son's bag, bookbag, diary, room to find out if he or she is doing drugs, alcohol, or unsafe sex?

Why?

 

[knowsbleed]

If they are having unsafe sex... what do you expect to find in their bag/bookbag/diary/room?

 

[Addendum]

If they are having unsafe sex... what do you expect to find in their bag/bookbag/diary/room?

***?

 

[Zumi]

Not a mother though I know I hated it when my mother pulled things like that. It makes it come across as though you don't trust them and think little of them. Don't snoop, talk.

 

[knowsbleed]

***?

hairgel?

 

[Phallic]

Not a mother though I know I hated it when my mother pulled things like that. It makes it come across as though you don't trust them and think little of them. Don't snoop, talk.

I can understand why they would though it would bother me if my mother snooped around my stuff. (No, I'm not a girl)

Given how teenagers often times keep their emotions to themselves, which often times have devastating and fatal results, it is a lot of the time impossible to tell if your child is really doing well or if he/she is extremely unhappy or doing something stupid.

 

[Ring Deacon]

I am not a mother, but I am a father. And although my son is only 5 right now, I see nothing wrong with going through his bookbag or room when he is a teenager ( I would not read his journal though ).

Now before a ton of people jump on me for this, think about it this way. It is up to me to make sure he is doing his homework and to see if he has brought anything home from school that is for me ( notes from teachers and such ) and if there is gym clothes that need cleaned in there. I am just being a good parent by doing that. It is also my right to go into his room and clean it, if he hasn't done so when told. When cleaning it I may find things that I will have to question him about. I would only do so if it was something dangerous. I don't care if I find a Playboy or two in his sock drawer (my wife might but I will not ), but I would be upset if I found drugs or a gun.

It may make him anger when I go through things ( it made me mad when my mom and dad did ), but now that I am a parent too I see why they did it. It was done out of love, not out of lack of trust. If you get mad at them for looking then you must have something to hide, even if it is something that is harmless it is still dumb to hide it. I got in more trouble for hiding a joint then I did for hiding porn.

 

[Bubonic]

If your a half decent mother in the first place and raised your child in a balanced, trusting manner, it shouldn't come to the point where your kid is a doing all of those things.

If you've been a lousy parent that didn't properly establish expectations, and now your kid is a ****up drinking, doing drugs, and having a bunch of sex, you'll only exasperate the situation by shattering the trust between you two even further.

If you already have a problem child practicing these behaviours, you being a damn snoop is going to trigger massive amounts of rebelliousness.

Ever try talking to your kids, or is it past that point already?

 

[sithgoblin]

^ What he said. It's a trust issue. If you are REALLY concerned about your kid, to the point where you fear for their safety, that's one thing. But if they're just being a normal, antisocial teenager, leave them alone. Raise them to talk about issues with you, or with SOMEONE (like a councillor). But snooping through their stuff? It's a total invasion of privacy, and as we all know, teens need privacy more than just about anything else.

 

[Darthphere]

I pay the rent, I pay the light bill, I drive the punk to school, I put clothes on his back, I put food in his mouth so I will do whatever the **** I want. And if he doesn't like it, I will put my foot up his ass.

 

[turtlefocker]

ask your ****ing husband

 

[sithgoblin]

I pay the rent, I pay the light bill, I drive the punk to school, I put clothes on his back, I put food in his mouth so I will do whatever the **** I want. And if he doesn't like it, I will put my foot up his ass.

And he can pay you back in kind when you're an old man.

 

[Darthphere]

And he can pay you back in kind when you're an old man.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[Bubonic]

I pay the rent, I pay the light bill, I drive the punk to school, I put clothes on his back, I put food in his mouth so I will do whatever the **** I want. And if he doesn't like it, I will put my foot up his ass.

You completely serious?

You really got to keep in mind that when your an old incontinent man who society has forgotten about, it's your children that'll decide whether to take care of you, or drop you off at a discount old age home and proceed with their lives.

 

[Darthphere]

You completely serious?

You really got to keep in mind that when your an old incontinent man who society has forgotten about, it's your children that'll decide whether to take care of you, or drop you off at a discount old age home and proceed with their lives.

It's that train of thought that breeds parents that let their kids destroy any store they go into. You live with this fear of what your kids will do to you when you're old, so you let them run wild. My house, my rules, they don't like it, there's the door. That simple. If I suspect my kid of doing drugs under my roof, you're damn well sure I'm going to investigate. Now, I'm not going to go in there nilly willy whenever I want. But I suspect something, I will take action. And no, don't give me that "Just sit down and talk to them" ********. It didn't work on me, it's not going to work on anyone else.

 

[Lunar_Wolf]

If I were a parent it would come down to age with my son or daughter. Let's say my son was 9 and he was acting odd and looking like he is smoking the bad stuff, then I'd rip he's room apart to find ****. Now if my son is 17, then no I would not go through he's things. But if I were a good parent, none of this would be going on in the first place.

If I did raise he or she good but they got caught up in the wrong crowd, I'd hunt down this group and stab them with their own bong.

 

[Hotwire]

First off, I'm a dad, but if I ever felt that my child was hiding something dangerous from me, then all bets are off. But other than that, I'll leave their stuff alone.

 

[Immortalfire]

Zero Vault is on quite the thread making mission. Must be needing homework help, disguising it as conversation.

 

[Darthphere]

First off, I'm a dad, but if I ever felt that my child was hiding something dangerous from me, then all bets are off. But other than that, I'll leave their stuff alone.

Pretty much. I don't know why people are so afraid of their kids in this day and age.

 

[sithgoblin]

It's that train of thought that breeds parents that let their kids destroy any store they go into. You live with this fear of what your kids will do to you when you're old, so you let them run wild. My house, my rules, they don't like it, there's the door. That simple. If I suspect my kid of doing drugs under my roof, you're damn well sure I'm going to investigate. Now, I'm not going to go in there nilly willy whenever I want. But I suspect something, I will take action. And no, don't give me that "Just sit down and talk to them" ********. It didn't work on me, it's not going to work on anyone else.

There's a difference between discipline and my way or the high way. You have to be stupid to think your kids won't rebel against you. Are you going to kick them out when they do?

Like I said, if it's a situation where the school's ringing me, and other parents are contacting me saying they're concerned, etc, then I think it would be okay to look through their things. If that's what you mean when you say "you suspect" then I agree with you.

But all teenagers go through periods of being difficult. Snooping through their stuff the second they don't want to tell you where they've been is both insane and destructive.

 

[Darthphere]

There's a difference between discipline and my way or the high way. You have to be stupid to think your kids won't rebel against you. Are you going to kick them out when they do?

Like I said, if it's a situation where the school's ringing me, and other parents are contacting me saying they're concerned, etc, then I think it would be okay to look through their things. If that's what you mean when you say "you suspect" then I agree with you.

But all teenagers go through periods of being difficult. Snooping through their stuff the second they don't want to tell you where they've been is both insane and destructive.

"I brought you into this world and I'll take you out"

 

[sithgoblin]

"I brought you into this world and I'll take you out"

Smackdaddy

 

[Darthphere]

Smackdaddy

I hope my kid becomes a heroin addict and we're on an episode of intervention.

 

[Bubonic]

It's that train of thought that breeds parents that let their kids destroy any store they go into. You live with this fear of what your kids will do to you when you're old, so you let them run wild. My house, my rules, they don't like it, there's the door. That simple. If I suspect my kid of doing drugs under my roof, you're damn well sure I'm going to investigate. Now, I'm not going to go in there nilly willy whenever I want. But I suspect something, I will take action. And no, don't give me that "Just sit down and talk to them" ********. It didn't work on me, it's not going to work on anyone else.

I wouldn't let the kids be complete reckless idiots just in the hope they'd pamper me as an old man because I spoiled them as children.

That's just as destructive as being overly controlling.

Plus I don't mean to imply that a firm talk will do sweet **** all if you intervene too late down the line, but there are parenting styles that use high levels of autonomy for the kid, but still demands a lot of responsibility, its a mutual respect thing where you aren't raising your kid with fear, the kid knows what is expected from them, and because of the way you've treated them, they meet you halfway and live life decently.

But it sounds like your not having any trouble with your kid anyways, so I'm sure your not as harsh as your coming off.

I'm just speaking about parents who failed they're kids early on, either by being too laid back, or too controlling, and then when the kid is showing signs of dysfunction the aggravate the situation by being intrusive, and then a lot of these parents wonder why their kids have nothing to do with them later in life.

 

[Darthphere]

I don't have kids.