My Spider-Man 4 (please give feedback)

[HughJackFan420]

I don't like it too much man. What the people are saying don't seem IC. Sorry.

what people are saying don't seem "IC"??? what's "IC"??? but either way thanks for your feedback

 

[HughJackFan420]

just letting you know i am working on the final draft or something like that for my version of Spiderman 4 and yes it will be in script format and it will be better than this version but if you wanna get an idea of what's happening in my version of Spiderman 4 read on....

any feedback is welcomed as well as constructive criticism and thanks for the constructive criticism in the past I have considered it for my final draft or what i am now working on now.

thanks again.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

just letting you know i am working on the final draft or something like that for my version of Spiderman 4 and yes it will be in script format and it will be better than this version but if you wanna get an idea of what's happening in my version of Spiderman 4 read on....

any feedback is welcomed as well as constructive criticism and thanks for the constructive criticism in the past I have considered it for my final draft or what i am now working on now.

thanks again.

read on? I don't see any preview of what will be happening in your updated version...but I'm excited to see it!

 

[Spider-Girl™]

and as far as "Uncle Ben's clothes"???? Um were you high when you read that because no where in my story was i talking about Uncle Ben's clothes.

Actually I think I was, but *ahem*

Peter: Hi Mr. Ditkovich. Hi Ursula. Sorry I was...ummm...uh...I have nothing to wear. It's laundry day and I was trying to see if my uncle had any clothes I could borrow.

Pete only had one uncle.

As for "IC" it means "In Character" and Asteroid was trying to tell you that for this to be a sequel to the movies, some of the characters aren't in continuity, meaning they aren't acting the way they would/should.

 

[HughJackFan420]

Actually I think I was, but *ahem*

Peter: Hi Mr. Ditkovich. Hi Ursula. Sorry I was...ummm...uh...I have nothing to wear. It's laundry day and I was trying to see if my uncle had any clothes I could borrow.

Pete only had one uncle.

As for "IC" it means "In Character" and Asteroid was trying to tell you that for this to be a sequel to the movies, some of the characters aren't in continuity, meaning they aren't acting the way they would/should.

um ok so i guess you missed the part where Peter Parker was trying to shelter Dr. Connors/Lizard in his apartment building basement and he had to lie to Ursula by saying he's his UNCLE....

I can see Asteroid's point especially when it comes to Venom so I might just have to change a few things but don't worry I have a better script coming. basically the same story just a final draft of a more sharpened and script formatted story for my version of Spiderman 4 but thank you so much for the feedback.

 

[nick_horror]

First let me commend you for your lengthy story. It is obviously a great passion of yours and it took some serious fortitude to post your work on a site devoted to fans, superfans, and ultra-mega-superfans (I myself fall into the second category).

Now to get into it:

As action-packed as this was, I really do not think it would be a successful movie. A comic arc, yes. You have too many characters involved in a story that is only supposed to last two/two and a half hours. Things seemed rushed. The success of the first two Spider-Man films was the simplicity of the characters. The third fell short because of the complexity of the villains. I would pick one strong villain and focus on him, and it might help your story to stand out if you picked a villain that isn't suspected to appear soon.

And the villains just didn't strike me. The two symbiotes were odd. We've already seen Venom and it is highly unlikely that we'd see another alien.

I also think that in the next film Peter and Mary Jane will be getting married. Their relationship is strong enough now that it is the next progression. That's not to say that there won't be problems for the two of them to overcome.

I might also suggest that in future drafts you correct some grammar problems as well as your issue with "Spider-Man" (as previously stated). Honestly, if you are going to post something on a message board read by Spidey fans, it should only go to reason that in something formal like this the main characters name should be spelled correctly. I know it seems ridiculous, but it is something that should not be disregarded in such company.

Otherwise, I found this a good read. It was entertaining without being pushy. Yes, some of the dialogue was not in character, but it is a first draft, right? Things always tighten up in rounds two and three.

Some suggestions if you plan to continue in this endeavor:

-Pick up a couple of screenwriting books. They can help you without you ever realizing it.

-Read some screenplays. There are tons of websites with free screenplays that you can read of your favorite films. See how the pros do it.

-Don't be afraid to cut your own work and piece it back together; it may come out completely different than you intended but it may work.

Take care and keep writing.

 

[HughJackFan420]

First let me commend you for your lengthy story. It is obviously a great passion of yours and it took some serious fortitude to post your work on a site devoted to fans, superfans, and ultra-mega-superfans (I myself fall into the second category).

Now to get into it:

As action-packed as this was, I really do not think it would be a successful movie. A comic arc, yes. You have too many characters involved in a story that is only supposed to last two/two and a half hours. Things seemed rushed. The success of the first two Spider-Man films was the simplicity of the characters. The third fell short because of the complexity of the villains. I would pick one strong villain and focus on him, and it might help your story to stand out if you picked a villain that isn't suspected to appear soon.

And the villains just didn't strike me. The two symbiotes were odd. We've already seen Venom and it is highly unlikely that we'd see another alien.

I also think that in the next film Peter and Mary Jane will be getting married. Their relationship is strong enough now that it is the next progression. That's not to say that there won't be problems for the two of them to overcome.

I might also suggest that in future drafts you correct some grammar problems as well as your issue with "Spider-Man" (as previously stated). Honestly, if you are going to post something on a message board read by Spidey fans, it should only go to reason that in something formal like this the main characters name should be spelled correctly. I know it seems ridiculous, but it is something that should not be disregarded in such company.

Otherwise, I found this a good read. It was entertaining without being pushy. Yes, some of the dialogue was not in character, but it is a first draft, right? Things always tighten up in rounds two and three.

Some suggestions if you plan to continue in this endeavor:

-Pick up a couple of screenwriting books. They can help you without you ever realizing it.

-Read some screenplays. There are tons of websites with free screenplays that you can read of your favorite films. See how the pros do it.

-Don't be afraid to cut your own work and piece it back together; it may come out completely different than you intended but it may work.

Take care and keep writing.

nick let me just say this has been by far the most constructive criticism i've received. i'm currently working on a slightly rebooted version of my Spider-Man 4 script and yes it is in script format. i've taken consideration of what others have told me and advised me on. i also wanted to say that i'm writing to aim for 2 more movies according to the rumors or statements about Sony making 6 Spider-Man movies. now to get on the things to look for in my version of Spider-Man 4 rebooted.

I want to get rid of Venom. i only put him in there for the sake of the little screen time we got of him in Spider-Man 3. I don't wanna make things complex with too many villains.

Kingpin I will also get rid of but I am keeping Max Dillon, Venom and Doc Ock as cliffhangers for set ups of the next 2 installments. in the 6th one i would want to see the Sinister 6 in all it's glory.

i wanna make Carnage one main villain. Lizard I wanna make a villain maybe like a Jekyll and Hyde story to him. Carnage I wanna see in all his glory too. not a bloody massacre but just see him destroy the city using his new powers. i had the idea of using a sample or chemical from the sample of the symbiote to make a cure for Dr. Connors amputated arm resulting in him turning into the Lizard also resulting in Cletus Cassidy running into the sample.

now as far as Black Cat the only reason I would wanna keep her is for the fact that Spidey might need help. because of Hollywood politics we probably won't get Daredevil and Harry Osborn is dead so there's no help from those guys.

there might be some more big changes but i hope in the new version of my Spider-Man 4 things will be more to the liking of you and the fans. again thanks for your criticism it will help me with my final draft.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

As you know, I enjoyed your draft, and I am excited for your final...but when will that be done, exactly?

 

[S_H_F_4839]

Good attempt, it just feels a little rushed to me, that may just be the way I am reading it, but it does in certain parts.

I am in the process of writing a fan fic that serves kind of as a reboot of the series, if you are interested I can send you a link.

 

[HughJackFan420]

Good attempt, it just feels a little rushed to me, that may just be the way I am reading it, but it does in certain parts.

I am in the process of writing a fan fic that serves kind of as a reboot of the series, if you are interested I can send you a link.

ok cool send it please thanks for your feedback though.