Not-At-All-Original-Publications Presents: Spammers in Space!

[hippie_hunter]

Why can't I ever be referred to as "the Don"?

Because it's cheesy, that's why. Do you want to be cheese?

 

[Abaddon]

Cheese can be tasty.

 

[bored]

Just in time for the end of 2006, it's a new installment! Happy New Year, and Happy Chiefs Are Going to the Playoffs Day!

------------------------------------------------


DBella: Bored! Dog Lips! That other guy!

Abaddon: Abaddon, dammit!

Dog Lips: Bella, you're okay.

DBella: Yeah, most of us are fine. Tsuny's speaking backwards, though.

Tsunulia: Ouy teg desu ot ti.

Dog Lips: Where the hell have you even been, Tsunulia? We never see you.

Tsunulia: Ev'I dah eht ulf. Eht ECAPS ulf.

Dog Lips: Ew. Well, we're going to deal with this enterthemadness creep.

Karem-Knight: Then we shall join you! No longer shall we be forced to enter states of mental health which we do not wish to be in! Isn't that right, mighty Space-Thing?

Mr. Thing: Yeah, sure.

Dog Lips: Alright, let's go.



Master Bruce: That missile is taking a while.

FunBobPants: It's clearing the asteroid belt, your highness. Give it time. For now, just watch the jet-stream, which a rocket propelled through the vacuum of space can have thanks to the wonders of alien technology.

Master Bruce: ....

FunBobPants: What?

Master Bruce: That was rather unnecessary.

FunBobPants: Well, it is rather novel.

Master Bruce: We've done it for centuries. And what 'alien technology'? Our people invented it. It's almost as if you're stating it as a cheap excuse for readers, except how can there be readers, when we're sitting in the control room of my ship, talking?

FunBobPants: An excellent question, Master.

Master Bruce: Damn right it is, bee-yotch!



enterthemadness: Hmm... My pod was only meant to bring me here. It was assumed that I could steal a smaller craft from this shift, but all you have are a lander and that craft Elijya came in.

Elijya: Yeah, what's wrong with that?

enterthemadness: It, as some of your world would say, "smells somethin' fierce". Too much of that substance you call Brut, I believe.

Malice: Brut?

Elijya: Well, there was always the chance of meeting hot alien babes on Mars, and I wanted to be presentable.

Malice: What would your wife think of that?

Elijya: She makes my dinner!

enterthemadness: How is this one a ranking officer?

As Malice tried to come up with an answer, Dog Lips and the crew members with him burst into the room.

Dog Lips: Egads, he's got Malice and Elijya!

Malice: Dog, wait!

Dog Lips: Bonzai!

Dog Lips pounced on enterthemadness, who quickly shrugged him off.

enterthemadness: What is this?

Karem-Knight: Retribution!

He pulled a plastic toy knife from his pocket, and threw it and enterthemadness. It went wide right.

Karem-Knight: Oh snap, just call me Sebastian Janikowski.



Meanwhile, in a small, gory room.

Brett Spiner: Ba-zing.



enterthemadness: Stop this foolishness you f-.... Erm.... You, you, yooouuu.... Oh, screw it: you fools!

Malice: We're swiping him from whoever it was that hired him.

enterthemadness: Know this, it is for the chance to work alongside that ravishing woman known as Twylight.

Abaddon: What?

enterthemadness: And the "Cat Fancy" subscription. That kind of sealed it. In the meantime, I must warn you. My now former master, the brutal Master Bruce, has undoubtedly done one of two things. He has either a) hailed your Bridge on the video-screen and pressed his butt-cheeks against the camera, or b) fired a space-missile at this vessel. Since he has done the cheeks thing twice this month already, I am strongly assuming that he has fired the missile.



FunBobPants: Wasn't the missile enough, Master?

Master Bruce: Nope. Few more seconds. Aaaand, done. Okay, have somebody windex that vid-screen off. I think I left a little more than a print.



Malice: Well, what can we do?

enterthemadness: We must move this craft. The entire crew can not fit into that smaller ship, especially with that awful smell. I think I may know what to do.

Malice: Okay, but first, you've got to cure the half of my crew you messed with.

enterthemadness: Indeed. Face me, victims!

Tsunulia: Taht sedulcni em, thgir?

enterthemadness: Yeah.

Tsunulia: Thguoht os.

enterthemadness: Now, all who have felt my power, I have had my fun. It is time for you to exit... THE MADNESS!

 

[enterthemadness]

nice.

 

[hippie_hunter]

Hurray, I'm finally out of the madness!

 

[enterthemadness]

Hurray, I'm finally out of the madness!

Yes..but now you love hippies.

 

[hippie_hunter]

The Madnessss!!!!

 

[bored]

Hippie Hunter: Clowns! Clowns! Cl- Hippies! I'm back, *****es!

Hippie Hunter laughed, and jumped into the air, triumphantly. Unfortunately, he came down at a bad angle and hurt his ankle pretty bad.

Hippie Hunter: Dammit! What's your problem?

Watch it, bub.

Hippie Hunter: Well, the third-person narrator is talking to me again. That's a good sign.

bored: Dude, you need to be looked at.

Hippie Hunter: You know who you sound like?

Watch it, Hunter.

Elijya: Okay, now what do we do?

Malice: Sorry, enterthemadness, but we need to use that space shuttle.

enterthemadness: But... The smell!

DBella: How bad can it be?

Twylight: Let's just check it out for ourselves.

Abaddon: No, Twylight, not you! You have so much to live for!

enterthemadness: Hmm, you must be one of the men who has plagued this lovely young woman so much.

Abaddon: And who are you, the Queen of England?

enterthemadness: Once, at a party.

DBella: Look, I'm going in, okay!

DBella pushed ahead of the group, and through the air-lock.

Malice: Um, did someone leave that thing on this whole time?

Zev: Yeah, uh, that was my bad.

Malice: What were you doing in it?

Zev: ...

Malice: Zev?

Zev: I wasn't doing anything bad.

Malice: Were you trying to get high from lack of oxygen?

Zev: No!

Malice: Zeeeev?

Zev: Maybe.

DBella, ignoring their arguing, entered the ship, with Karem-Knight at her side.

DBella: Ew, it does reek in here.

Karem-Knight: Oh my yes. Shall I Lysol it?

DBella: Lysol?

Karem-Knight: Indeed. I brought several cans into the ship prior to take-off, back on Earth.

DBella: Holly Goodhead said you didn't have luggage, though. You just ran in here.

Karem-Knight: I have my ways, Ms. Ella.

DBella: That's not my last name.

Karem-Knight: Lies! Your name is D.B. Ella. You are Defensive Back Ella.

DBella: Wow, this story went so long without dumb football references, and you've just killed it.

Don't brake that wall, dammit!

DBella: Oh, no, Hippie Hunter wasn't crazy after all!


------------------------

Okay, everyone, I know I just started updating again, but tomorrow I leave for a week and a half long trip to Israel, so it'll be later in the month when you get more. In the meantime, feel free to comment. It boosts my ego... er... encourages me to keep writing funny material.

 

[Abaddon]

Hopefully I kill etm before the end of the month.

 

[enterthemadness]

Hopefully I kill etm before the end of the month.

Same towards your character as well.

I hope the next chapter kicks ass and the ending is all sorts of funny.

Nice job, btw. And have fun on the trip.

 

[Abaddon]

right...character.

 

[bored]

Karem-Knight began singing to himself as he sprayed Lysol around the shuttle.

Karem-Knight: Oh, it is the joy/
Of this happy boy/
To remove the bad stench/
Something that rhymes with "stench"...

DBella: That's enough, KK.

Karem-Knight: If you say so, Defensive Back.

DBella: Stop that. Go get the rest of the crew. It's going to be a tight squeeze in this ship, so I want time to get everyone feng shuied into here.

Karem-Knight hurried out.

Karem-Knight: Everyone, Defensive Back Ella wishes that we all board the craft post haste!

Elijya: Post haste? After haste? I'm lost.

Dog Lips: Dude, just come on.

Elijya: Hey, you can't give me orders! I'm a Mod!

Dog Lips: And by your decision, so am I.

Elijya: Oh, yeah, er...

Dog Lips: And while we've had this conversation, everyone else has started going through the airlock.

Elijya: D'oh!



bored: Man, being back in the shuttle sure brings back memories, huh Abbs?

Abaddon: We spent a few days in here, several weeks ago. So yeah, total nostalgia trip.

Malice: Everyone, I know there aren't many seats, and most of you are sitting on top of other people, and we left Brett Spiner on the Space Station-



Brett Spiner: *cough* Seriously, what is the point of this?



Malice: -but what we need to think about now is how we're all still alive. Now, who's up for going to Mars?!

The crew remained silent.

Malice: Come on, guys. We can still finish our mission!

Holly Goodhead: No, sir, we can't. Most of our supplies were left on the Station. Our supplies are limited on here, and the only people who brought their equipment are the film-makers.

Holly pointed to sinewave, Maxwell's Demon, and Dread, who were in the back of the crowded cockpit. Hey, shut up, how else can I describe the damn thing?

sinewave: Don't mind us.

Holly Goodhead: The simple truth is, we're not even sure if we'll get back to Earth safe and sound, and we've still got an evil alien warlord to worry about. We have, in all likelihood, started an interplanetary conflict during this mission.

Malice: But we have enterthemadness on our side.

enterthemadness: As you Earthlings say, "yo".

Malice: Listen, you negative Nancy-

Elijya: Did you really just call her a "negative Nancy"?

Malice: Yes.

Elijya: Mal, take a nap.

Malice: I don't wanna!

Dog Lips: Malice, nap, or no dessert.

Malice pouted, and sat in his chair. He fell asleep in moments.

Elijya: Good. Now, Holly, I see your point, but I still say we go to Mars. What's the worst that could happen?

Holly Goodhead: We all die due to any number of circumstances?

DBella: Yeah. I mean, we won't last long on Mars, anyway. Everything we needed to set up an outpost is still on the inexplicably versatile Tukiluka Memorial Space Station.

Maxwell's Demon: Um, that may not actually be a problem.

Elijya: Huh?

Maxwell's Demon: We've got a.... colleague.... on Mars. He's already set up a base.

DBella: That's impossible. Nobody's settled on Mars.

Maxwell's Demon: He's sort of keeping a low profile right now.

sinewave: Look, MD, I really don't think we should get in his way right now.

Elijya: What other choice do we have?

Holly Goodhead: Go back to Earth?

Elijya: Quiet, mortal.

Maxwell's Demon: I say we go for it. His name is....




Meanwhile, on the surface of Mars...

journalist: Hello! My name-a Bathrat!

 

[enterthemadness]

Nice chapter, and glad you finally had the time to add one.

 

[Mr Sparkle]

"My Name A-Bathrat!"
LMAO

 

[bored]

In honor of my noticing that this thread has had 2001 hits, here's a new installment!

----------------------------------------

A rocket sped through the vacume/vacuum (depending on who you ask) of space.

Master Bruce: How long until they are destroyed?

FunBobPants: Minutes, sir. In the meantime, it appears that a smaller craft has just left the vessel. I am assuming it's Enterthemadness.

Erundur. One shouldn't assume, Pants.

FunBobPants: Why not?

Erunder: Because when one assumes, it makes an ass of you and me.

MasterBruce: Why is this one even in my employ?

FunBobPants: He's your nephew, sir.

MasterBruce: I have a nephew?

FunBobPants: From your wife's side of the family.

Master Bruce: When was I married?

FunBobPants: *sigh* I was hoping you just weren't talking about it.

MasterBruce: Lieutenant Pants!

FunBobPants: Sir, you became very drunk during the festivities following your coronation.

MasterBruce: Indeed.

FunBobPants: And, well...




Meanwhile, several solar systems away....

Katie Holmes: Where is that husband of mine now? I'm redecorating the Royal Kitchen, and I need to make sure the color scheme doesn't upset him.

Tom Cruise: Well, Katie-

Katie Holmes: That's My Empress Katie, you coked-up midget!




Master Bruce: Intriguing. I am going to go Google this "wife" of mine. Pants, tell me when the Earthlings have been annihilated.

FunBobPants: Certainly, sir.

Master Bruce: Excellent. I take my leave!

He spun his chair around so that he was facing the other direction.

Erundur: He forgot that I'm his nephew?

FunBobPants: That's what you get for that stupid "assume" joke.




sinewave: I'm not hearing him. I'm seeing him, but I'm not hearing him.

Corinthian: Oh, hold on. I fix the, you know, the audio connection. Un momento.... Aqui! Try now.

sinewave: Bathrat? Can you hear me, Bathrat?

A man with a big mustache was on the video-screen.

Bathrat: Yeah! I-a hear you! What you doing, Mr. Sinewave?

sinewave: Look, Bathrat, me and Maxwell's Demon were on the Tukiluka Memorial Space Station, but we all had to evacuate because an alien shot a missile at us. We're coming down to Mars on a rocket ship, and we need to use your outpost.

Bathrat: People! Oh,yofi! Company will be tov m'od! You come-a down, yeah?

sinewave: That's good. See you in about a week, Bathrat!

Bathrat: I look forwards!

The screen went blank.

Elijya: Well, he seemed... odd.

Corinthian: Oh, si, si, he talk funny.

 

[Batman]

Nice.

Though I've begun to question whether my love of Katie was just a long, twisted phase, anymore.

 

[bored]

Can I still use it for a cheap laugh when you appear?

 

[Fran]

Great stuff, bored.

Just wish I could make an appearance.

 

[Batman]

Can I still use it for a cheap laugh when you appear?

Oh, of course. It amuses me. I'd do so myself if I were still in the fanficing game.

 

[hippie_hunter]

I wonder how MB will react when he finds out that Katie has been fired from the Dark Knight.

 

[Batman]

I wonder how MB will react when he finds out that Katie has been fired from the Dark Knight.

...-wha... what?

Y...You're lying.

...

YOU'RE LYING!

...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

 

[Abaddon]

Corinthian: Oh, hold on. I fix the, you know, the audio connection. Un momento.... Aqui! Try now.

Corinthian: Oh, si, si, he talk funny.

lol, I've always imagined Cori speaking like this.

 

[enterthemadness]

another good chapter.

 

[bored]

Bathrat stood outside his outpost, wearing a space-suit. Of course, Mars is technically not space, but who's keeping track? What's that? I am? Aw, crap...

Bathrat: Hello, friends! It is very nice to see you!

sinewave: Hey, Bathrat. Thanks for letting us use this place.

bored: Am I the only one who finds it odd that this guy is here already?

Hippie Hunter: I was wondering about that myself. Seems like it was just a deus ex machina.

Watch it, Hunter.

Hippie Hunter: Hey, what about bored?

bored: What about me?

Bathrat: Come, chaverim! We go inside. I make martinis, and you all use shirutim, yes?

Corinthian: You sound wierd, ese.

Bathrat: Ehhh, you can... You can eat the ****, yeah?

Elijya: Hey now, no arguing, foreigners. Come on, let's get inside.



A few hours later, the crew had made themselves at home in Bathrat's outpost.

Malice: So, what is it you actually do here, Bathrat?

Bathrat: I make the documentary movie-film to study culture of Mars, and bring back to home country.

Malice: What is your home country?

Bathrat: Is great place. We know at home as "Land of Better Than All Countries That Share Border". You know as "Australia".

Malice: Australia?

Bathrat: Ken! G'day mate, ya dingo!



Mr. Thing: Well, we're on Mars, and I still haven't made out with anyone, green alien-woman or otherwise.

Karem-Knight: Fret not, Space-Thing, for oppurtunities always abound. Certainly there is a singles bar somewhere near here!

Abaddon: I doubt that.

Mr. Thing: Oh, just dash all my hopes, huh Abbs? Or would you prefer "Don"? Or "Donna"?

Abaddon: Dude, what crawled up your ass?

Mr. Thing: Squeekness!

Everyone else in the room suddenly fell silent.

Mr. Thing: Um... Yeah... I'll be going.

DBella: That'd be for the best.

Mr. Thing: It wasn't my idea!

Mr. Thing then quickly darted out of the room.

DBella: Well, we're on Mars? Now what?

bored: We die, basically. The Tukiluka Memorial Space Station is probably obliterated by now, and I think this Bathrat guy was just sent here to die.



Meanwhile, in space...

Tukiluka Memorial Space Station: *zomg it's still intact!*



Master Bruce: What is the meaning of this?

FunBobPants: Our missiles only seem to be equipped with charges of confetti, my liege. I don't know how this happened.

Master Bruce: Blast! Now those blasted Earthlings do not face carnage and destruction, but a festive spirit! Well, now what?

FunBobPants: Enterthemadness's craft went to Mars, sir. May I suggest we pick him up?

Master Bruce: Yes. Now, to Mars!

 

[Mee]

Master Bruce: Blast! Now those blasted Earthlings do not face carnage and destruction, but a festive spirit!

Haha! t: