Not-At-All-Original-Publications Presents: Spammers in Space!

[enterthemadness]

Me too.

 

[Batman]

Me seven.

 

[bored]

Master Bruce stumbled down to the bar. It felt like an eternity since he'd left his room, going down to what he assumed would be a waiting appletini. When he finally arrived, the bartender had his drink, and was looking unhappy.

The Spawn: Good lord, man, what took you so long?

Master Bruce: What do you mean? I got a little lost finding the elevator, and at one point hit my head on an exit sign, and then I blacked out for a little while, and then I finally found the elevator but then it took a while for it to get to my floor, but other than that I came right down.

The Spawn: Whatever. It feels like I've been waiting a year and a half to give you this. Your lackey ordered it for you.

Master Bruce: Ah, my delicious, completely masculine appletini.



Erundur struggled to get out of his restraints. He was stuck in a closet.

terry78: Ah yes, zees hangers, zey are good for holding le prisoners. Or le hookers. Or le David Carradine.

Hippie Hunter: Why are you still here? And why are you using topical humor?

bored: Also, too soon. Way too soon.

terry78: Am waiting for mah teep.

bored: What accent are you using, exactly?

terry78: Oh, so sorry. You see, I ahm one of zee few soorvivors of ze Bathrat massacres. Le syphillis, it warped my mouth, and now I talk like what you Earthlings call a "Eurotrash stereotype".

bored: I thought Bathrat killed all the Martians.

terry78: Oh no, a few of us have survived zees long.

A figure appeared in the doorway.

Hippie Hunter: And he's just let you live? He was really sure that he'd killed you all.

terry78: Oh, he does not know. We worry zat he vould try und keel us all.

Bathrat: That-a right, chaver.

terry78: Crap.



Meanwhile, down the hall, Abaddon skulked outside another room.

Abaddon: Twy?!

No response from the room he stood outside.

Abaddon: Twylight?! Are you still in there? It's me, your paramour, Abaddon!

He sat by a wall and pouted.



Master Bruce: Bartender, have you seen the lackey who ordered this fantastic, totally manly beverage on my behalf?

The Spawn: Oh yeah, some Earthlings showed up and, I don't know, they looked like they were arguing. I think they knocked him out and dragged him upstairs.

Master Bruce: Should you not have informed me of this earlier?

The Spawn: I figure that guy probably takes enough guff as it is. Thought I'd give him a break, you know? Honestly, I stopped paying attention after they grabbed the kid. You know that beer pong champ, enterthemadness? I could swear I saw him wandering around with a French maid on his arm.

Master Bruce: WHO? WITH A WHAT ON HIS ARM?!

The Spawn: Enterthemadness. With a french maid.

Master Bruce: Ah, thank you.

Master Bruce slurped down his appletini, slammed the glass down in a manner that, in the hands of a stronger man, would have shattered it, and walked away. At the doorway of the bar, he paused, and thought.

Master Bruce: Enterthemadness... Beer pong champion... French maid.... Heyyyy, waitjustagoshdarnminutehere!



Abaddon: Twy? Please tell me if you can here me. I can here all sorts of pounding noises coming from your room.

The door on the other side of the hallway opened.

Twylight: Abbadon?

Abaddon: Twylight? My love, what are you... doing... across....

Twylight: This is my room. I'm sharing with Holly.

Abaddon: Okay, that is so hot in itself, but let me ask you, what is that noise coming from enterthemadness's's's's room?

Twylight: That isn't etm's room. It's Zev's. And the door appears to be slightly open.

Abaddon looked, and noticed that the door was, in fact, open. He walked in quietly. Inside, Zev was sitting on his bed, dabbing his eyes with a tissue.

Zev: It's... so... sweet...

Abaddon: Zev? Why are you crying?

Zev: Abaddon? Oh, I, um...

Abaddon: Are you wearing the hat from Twy's french maid outfit?

Zev: MAYBE!

Abaddon: Could you hear me pining?

Zev: Yes, and I'm crying because I thought your unrequited longing was sweet, dammit!



Master Bruce: Deskman!

terry78: My name, eet ees terry78, not "Deeeeeskman".

Master Bruce: Irrelevant, you piece of Andromeda trash!

terry78: Oh no, mah accent ees from medical eeshoo.

Master Bruce: Whatever! I seek the one known as "enterthemadness".

terry78: Sorry, but nobody ees signed een under zat name.

Master Bruce: Blast! Mark my words, strange man, I know he is here, and I will find him. And when I do, both he and you will suffer for your insolence!

Terry78, who had suffered enough that afternoon, after being subjected to the worst wedgie of his life at the hands of the destroyer known as Bathrat, winced.

Master Bruce: Now, I take my leave of you. I am going to find my errant minion, and... and... and... GIVE HIM A STERN TALKING-TO.

 

[enterthemadness]

OMG, I am reading this after Conan!

 

[enterthemadness]

Awesome. Glad to see you continually it, man.

 

[bored]

Funbobpants: Sweet, I finally found the pool!

terry78: You found eet? I showed you where eet vas!

Funbobpants: I have no idea what you just said.

Funbobpants charged in and did a cannonball.

terry78: Zee pool, eet ees not veddy deep.

Funbobpants floated back to the surface, grimacing.

Funbobpants: My ass! My beautiful ass! It's going to have a bruise now! Wait, I've got an idea! I'm going to take a picture of that bruise, and put it on the internet for all of my friends to see. Hey, funny-talking bellhop, can you do the hono-

terry78: No. I leef now. You haff insulted my medeecal eeshoo for ze last time.

Funbobpants: Damn. Hey, enterthemadness! We were just coming to find you! Can you photograph my rectal bruising?

enterthemadness: What?

Funbobpants: C'mon, dude. I won't tell anyone it was you. Go on, enter... THE MILDLY HOMOEROTIC. Just for a minute.

enterthemadness: I really have no reason to stand for this.

Enterthemadness grabbed his towel and left for his room. After a moment of Funbobpants standing in the water, looking disappointed, the alien mercenary/beer-pong legend reentered.

Funbobpants: Good, I knew you'd change your mind! Seriously, I think this bruise is gonna be something epic.

enterthemadness: Are you here by yourself?

Funbobpants: What do you mean? Huh?! Etm, you scoundrel!

enterthemadness: I mean did you check into this hotel with any other members of Master Bruce's flagship? Because I saw Erundur earlier.

Funbobpants: Oh, yeah, we're all here. Heck, even Brucey himself is here. Come to think of it, we came to Mars to find you. We saw you escape from that space station, and wanted to make sure you were okay.

enterthemadness: Ah, I see. Well yes, I am just fine. You, on the other hand, must do something for me.

Funbobpants: What?

enterthemadness: Funbobpants, you know where I am. And if my former master knows that I am in this very hotel, he will be very upset. So, to protect myself and my new employers, I need for you to enter... THE MADNESS.

Funbobpants: Zombohnoeztehcatchphrase! WatewtfamItalkinliekdis?

 

[enterthemadness]

Awesome. Been so long, I need to re-read the whole thing to under who is who though.

 

[bored]

leave comments, or bored will be sad

------------------------------------------------------------

Enterthemadness tried to reach his room quietly. With Master Bruce nearby, he knew he'd be in trouble. Not physical trouble, mind you. Master Bruce was not all that imposing. He was, however, afraid of awkward moments.

Twylight: Hey, etm, there you are!

enterthemadness: Oh, um... Hi.

Twylight: Is something wrong?

enterthemadness: No, I'm just slinking back to my room is all. Definitely not trying to avoid anyone.

Abaddon: Ah, look at that, Twy! He's trying to avoid you without openly admitting it!

Twylight: Where the hell did you come from?

Abaddon: I definitely wasn't hiding behind a plant.

enterthemadness: We are in a corridor on the fifth floor. There aren't any plants here.

Abaddon: Oh, right.

Abaddon nervously glanced back at the piece of wall-paper he'd torn out and draped over himself. It happened to be flower-print, just for the record.

Suddenly, as if granting Abaddon's wish that something might appear and take away attention from his Twylight-stalking, bored and Dog Lips showed up.

Dog Lips: Man, that was a good nap.

Twylight: Oh hey, Dog Lips. It feels like I haven't seen you in a year and a half.

Dog Lips: Heavy sleeper, yo.

bored: Abba, what did you do to the wallpaper?

Abaddon: Dammit!

enterthemadness: Dog Lips, could I have a word with you? In private?

bored: Oh, dude, you're going to have to get him nice and liquored up before he'll do anything like that. Maybe tell him he's pretty, too.

enterthemadness: Silence, bored. You don't even do anything!

bored: Huh?

enterthemadness: You're just a random hanger-on to more interesting characters.

bored: Characters?

Hippie Hunter: Are you getting this? Tell me you're freaking getting this!

everyone else: ...

Hippie Hunter: Wasn't talking to any of you.

Twylight: So who were you talking to?

They can't hear me, Hunter. NONE BUT YOU CAN HEAR ME!

Hippie Hunter: Oh, screw this, I'm going to watch Space Skinemax.

Hippie Hunter stormed off, not realizing that their hotel would not get Space Skinemax, as they were on Mars, not in space. And Martian soft-core porn just isn't that good.

enterthemadness: In all seriousness, Dog Lips. If you, Malice, and Elijya could meet me in my room in the next fifteen minutes.

bored: Damn, boy, give 'em time to get ready! Whooooo!

enterthemadness: Moving on. I believe there is a problem.

bored: It's okay. It happens to us all. Yea-uhhhh!

Dog Lips: What do you need to talk about?

enterthemadness: I believe we may be... in trouble.

bored: Penicillin, yo'. Works every time.

enterthemadness: Let's leave that one behind, shall we.

Dog Lips: Not so fast.

enterthemadness: I'm not making a pass at you! Elijya, maybe, but not you.

Dog Lips: ....... Well, anyway, bored was right. You really will have to get me good and drunk first.

enterthemadness: Sir.

Dog Lips: Dammit, buy me shots! I didn't become a moderator just to discuss important matters, or take responsibility for those around me, did I? No, I did to make people do stuff for me. Which reminds me, bored, I'm going to need you, Malice, and Elijya to meet me in my room in fifteen minutes.

Bored ran away, fast. As Dog Lips and enterthemadness made for the bar, bored rounded a corner, and bumped into a regal-looking figure wearing a cowl.

bored: Sorry, sir!

Master Bruce: Not as sorry as you will be, Earthling.

bum-BUM-BUUUUMMM

 

[enterthemadness]

Another good chapter. I like how...the characters make hints at being in a story and the SHH! board.

 

[bored]

Enterthemadness woke up after a short nap. His phone was ringing.

enterthemadness: If this is another crank call from Abaddon, I will be very upset.

He lifted the receiver.

Master Bruce: Enterthemadness?

enterthemadness: Y-yes? Hello, Master Bruce! What a pleasant surprise!

Master Bruce: Enterthemadness, could you kindly explain a few things to me?

enterthemadness: Listen, Master, those Earthlings were a tenacious bunch. After punishing them for their insulting Elton John rendition, I needed a bit of "r-and-r" time.

Master Bruce: Rap music and Ricolas?

enterthemadness: N-no. Rest and relaxation. Sending so many into... the madness is just taxing.

Master Bruce: Mmm, so why are so many astronauts from Earth in the very hotel you are staying at?

enterthemadness: It has excellent summer-time rates.

Master Bruce: Aside from that! And why was my nephew hanging in one of their closets?

enterthemadness: What Erundur does in his spare time is really his business, not mine.

Master Bruce: And why did FunBobPants, my chief lieutenant, come to me with a tremendous bruise on his ass, one which he claims you already saw?!

enterthemadness: Um, he was helping Erundur?

Master Bruce: Enough! I've captured one of your new Earthling friends, and he has told me everything!

bored: I'm so sorry, etm! I had no choice!

enterthemadness: What have you done to him, Master Bruce?

Master Bruce: I have my methods, enterthemadness. I have my methods.


An hour earlier....

Master Bruce: Have you seen an alien beer-pong champion/mercenary, by any chance?

bored: Um, why do you ask?

Master Bruce: I am the one who sent him to dispatch a group of Earthlings for subjecting me to an amateur rendition of "Rocket Man", by the Neptunian musician Elton John.

bored: Neptunian?

Master Bruce: Yeah, you didn't know that?

bored: Had no idea. But anyway, no, I'm not telling you where he is.

Master Bruce: A-ha! You have seen him!

bored: Crap.

Master Bruce: Earthling, know this. He and your kind have both insulted me greatly. I will not rest until I have punished his treachery. So if you tell me what room he is in, I will buy you ice cream.

bored: Yay, ice cream!



bored: I'm sorry, etm. It's... it's Cherry Garcia. And it's delicious! Om nom nom... *sob* I have betrayed you!

Master Bruce: I have this one and several other members of this somewhat annoying band of Earthlings held captive in the bar. Seriously, I cannot bear listening to the one known as "Dread" speak without drinking heavily. All "commies" this and "tree-huggers" that. On my world, "tree-hugger" is the name of a member of the clergy!

enterthemadness: Don't hurt them, Master Bruce. Their employment package included such a great dental plan.

bored: You got a dental plan?!

Master Bruce: Come here and face me, enterthemadness, and I will show mercy. Also, apologize to Erundur. He can't sit down for a week.



Enterthemadness made his way to the bar.

The Spawn: Damn, I'm going to get so many tips tonight.

Master Bruce: At last, the treacherous enterthemadness has returned to face his Master Bruce!

bored: Is that "his Master Bruce"?

DBella: I think he meant "his master, Bruce".

Karem-Knight: Would he not then say "his master, Master Bruce"?

Hippie Hunter: Dammit, he said "his Master Bruce"! Read the text a few lines up!

bored: What the hell are you talking about, HH?

Yes, Hunter, what are you talking about?

Hippie Hunter: One day, when I've worked myself up to Moderator, I'm so going to get you for this.

Can't moderate the power, homes.

Master Bruce: Listen to them, etm! One of them talks to himself, one of them thinks he's a seven-year-old street urchin from Victorian Britain, and that Bathrat character is a parody of a film that has not been topical in three years!

enterthemadness: Master Bruce, I knew you'd be upset. But, well, I need to be known as more than just a galactic beer-pong champion. If only there was a way I could get you to see.

The Spawn: If I may, I think I know how you could properly express yourself. On Earth, there is an ancient art form which you could utilize. It is known as "karaoke".

enterthemadness: Ah, yes, I know of this "karaoke". Master Bruce, if you would let me, I think I know how to show you why I did what I did.

Master Bruce: Very well. I shall grant you this one chance.

The Spawn set up the karaoke equipment in an open space, and handed enterthemadness a microphone.

enterthemadness: Check, check. Okay, the microphone is working.

He took a deep breath, and let the music start. Master Bruce sat down, removed his cowl, and watched.

enterthemadness: Ooh ooh ooh aah/ Gotta make a change
For once in my life/ It's gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference/ Gonna make it right

Master Bruce: Interesting.

enterthemadness: As I turned up the collar on/ A favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind/ I see the kids in the street
With not enough to eat/ Who am I to be blind
Pretending not to see their needs?

A summer's disregard/ A broken bottle top
And a one man's soul/ They follow each other
On the wind ya' know/ 'Cause they got nowhere to go
That's why I want you to know

I'm starting with the man in the mirror/ I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer/
If you wanna make the world a better place/
Take a look at yourself and then make a change, yey/
Na na na, na na na, na na na na oh ho

Master Bruce tried his best to hide it, but a tear was forming in his eye.

enterthemadness: I've been a victim of/ a selfish kinda love
It's time that I realize/ There are some with no home
Not a nickel to loan/ Could it be really pretending that they're not alone
A willow deeply scarred/ Somebody's broken heart
And a washed out dream/ They follow the pattern of the wind ya' see
'Cause they got no place to be/ That's why I'm starting with me

Enterthemadness extended his hand, and Master Bruce approached him. Cautiously, he leaned into the microphone.

Master Bruce: I'm starting with the man in the mirror/ I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer/
If you wanna make the world a better place/
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

enterthemadness and Master Bruce: No message could have been any clearer/ If you wanna make the world a better place/
Take a look at yourself then make that change

Master Bruce began to cry, and embraced enterthemadness.

The Spawn: Works every time.

 

[enterthemadness]

Wow. I can't believe how big of a role I had in your story. Is this the end of it? After so many years?

 

[enterthemadness]

So good, posted it twice.

 

[bored]

This isn't nearly as incoherent and unwieldy as it needs to be for me to conclude it. As long as I need a place to unload lots of arbitrary/esoteric/scatalogical (take your pick) humor, I'll be throwing things onto this bit of silliness, or something similar. Honestly, it's just been a lot of fun to do it again.

 

[enterthemadness]

This isn't nearly as incoherent and unwieldy as it needs to be for me to conclude it. As long as I need a place to unload lots of arbitrary/esoteric/scatalogical (take your pick) humor, I'll be throwing things onto this bit of silliness, or something similar. Honestly, it's just been a lot of fun to do it again.

It's been nice reading your work.

Reading this, makes me want to start a spinoff fan fic or something. Dog Lips had one going but never wrapped it up, I think.

 

[bored]

Oh dude, half the Fan Fiction section used to be goofy stories starring Hype members. It started with a "comic" that tomwelling4supes did a while back, then Dog Lips did one of his own, then he and a few others sort of took the concept and ran. DL had "Hype Zombie Apocalypse", which was probably the first really major Hype-fic, then I think it was Abaddon who had a long-running parody of "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer". Master Bruce had "Master Bruce Begins", a pretty accurate parody of "Batman Begins", and I think a few others. For my part, I had "Hype World, An Epic", which was written basically like this but even longer and even less coherent (ultimately, it was a testament to how much I liked Drakon when he first became a mod). Speaking of that, I know at least one mod reads this, and I've been wondering if there is any place in existence where the thread containing my first Hype fic still exist. It isn't on this site anymore, and I have been nostalgic since somebody bumped the Hype Encyclopedia thread over in Community. If you know anything, a future installment of this story will feature many high praises directed at you.

And now, back to teh stupid...
--------------------------


The three moderators sat in the jacuzzi of the Four Seasons Mars.

Malice: So guys, it has been brought to my attention that we have technically completed our mission of traveling to Mars.

Elijya: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I told you that. Five minutes ago.

Malice: Yeah, but Dog Lips hadn't gotten here yet.

Dog Lips: I'm still not really paying attention.

Dog Lips closed his eyes and relaxed as a water jet blasted him in the back.

Dog Lips: Mmmm, that's how Big Doggy L likes it.

Malice: Well, here's the problem. We have no way of returning to the Tukiluka Memorial Space Station, and by extension, returning to Earth. The escape pod we took to this planet isn't functioning anymore, and I think we all know why that is.

Elijya: Dammit, Karem-Knight wanted to drive so badly! How could I say "no" to him?

Dog Lips: By saying "No, random Victorian-era-English street urchin, you cannot guide this expensive vehicle to the surface of an alien planet"?

Elijya: Quiet, you.

Dog Lips: Hey, I'm a moderator! I don't have to take that from you!

Elijya: I'm older.

Dog Lips: ......

Malice: Look, this is a very serious problem.

Dog Lips: Agreed. If we are to return to our home planet, we'll have to construct a very large catapult, and fling the members of our crew home, one by one. Now, this is a very dangerous means of transportation, but it is our only way home. I suggest we test the first few models on Dread.

Malice: Actually, I had a more sane idea. We ask the aliens who are also staying here for a lift.

Dog Lips: The ones who tried to kill us before?

Elijya: We're cool with them now, remember? Enterthemadness and their leader sang "Man in the Mirror" together at the karaoke bar last night?

Dog Lips: No, enterthemadness is cool with them again. That Master Bruce character is still mad that he heard us singing "Rocket Man" a while ago.

Elijya: Oh, we got that worked out. We sang "Come Sail Away" with him later on. Dude's a Styx fan.

Malice: As it turns out, they did a concert on his home planet a few years ago, and totally saved their economy.

Dog Lips: Well, so much for our other plan.

Malice: What other plan?

Dog Lips: *sigh* Nothing. I'll be back.

Dog Lips climbed out of the jacuzzi, grabbed his towel, and left the room.

Elijya: Was he just wearing a g-string?

Malice: You mean you're not?



Dog Lips: Hey guys, sorry, the problem's taken care of.

bored: So we don't get to play for everyone?

Abaddon: We practiced so hard.

Dog Lips: I know, but they've already patched things up with Master Bruce via musical expression, so we're going to have to wait for another time.

bored: Curses. One day, our death-bubblegum-gangster-polka-jazz fusion combo will have its chance. Now what should we do with all of these instruments we stole?



Master Bruce entered the jacuzzi. He was also wearing a g-string. All important people do that. It's how they identify each other.

Master Bruce: You would ask a favor of me, Earthlings?

Malice: Yes. Nothing huge. We just need a lift home, or at least back to our space station, which can take us the rest of the way.

Master Bruce: Your space station can move?

Malice: Yep.

Master Bruce: Isn't that just a, you know, space ship?

Malice: Don't get technical on us. But anyway, we can't afford too many more nights in this snazzy hotel. We've all got outstanding tabs at the bar, and Karem-Knight keeps ordering pay-per-view.

Master Bruce: Hmmm, yes, I suppose I could help you, but there will be a cost.

Dog Lips: Not it.

Malice: Not it.

Elijya: Dammit!

Elijya pouted, then moved closer to Master Bruce and began to lower his head into the water.

Master Bruce: Um, no, not what I had in mind.

Elijya: Oh, thank Xenu!

Master Bruce: If I am to give you Earthlings a "lift", I shall require you to help me deal with a situation I found out this morning has arisen on my throne-world.

Malice: The wife's getting lonely, eh? Elijya's having that same problem.

Elijya: She makes my dinner!

Master Bruce: No, well, that's probably also happening. Rather, I am told that a rather successful coup is taking place while I am gone. If you can help me put this rebellion down, I shall give you a ride home. No need for that space station of yours. It probably smells bad, with nobody being on it for so long.



Meanwhile, on the Tukiluka Memorial Space Station...

Squeekness: I lay claim to this level of Space-Earth! None shall enter without my permission!

Brett Spiner: Not for long, knave, for the top floor of Space-Earth is now under my control! Have at thee!

The two began sword-fighting with towel racks.

 

[enterthemadness]

Oh dude, half the Fan Fiction section used to be goofy stories starring Hype members. It started with a "comic" that tomwelling4supes did a while back, then Dog Lips did one of his own, then he and a few others sort of took the concept and ran. DL had "Hype Zombie Apocalypse", which was probably the first really major Hype-fic, then I think it was Abaddon who had a long-running parody of "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer". Master Bruce had "Master Bruce Begins", a pretty accurate parody of "Batman Begins", and I think a few others. For my part, I had "Hype World, An Epic", which was written basically like this but even longer and even less coherent (ultimately, it was a testament to how much I liked Drakon when he first became a mod). Speaking of that, I know at least one mod reads this, and I've been wondering if there is any place in existence where the thread containing my first Hype fic still exist. It isn't on this site anymore, and I have been nostalgic since somebody bumped the Hype Encyclopedia thread over in Community. If you know anything, a future installment of this story will feature many high praises directed at you.

And now, back to teh stupid...
--------------------------


The three moderators sat in the jacuzzi of the Four Seasons Mars.

Malice: So guys, it has been brought to my attention that we have technically completed our mission of traveling to Mars.

Elijya: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I told you that. Five minutes ago.

Malice: Yeah, but Dog Lips hadn't gotten here yet.

Dog Lips: I'm still not really paying attention.

Dog Lips closed his eyes and relaxed as a water jet blasted him in the back.

Dog Lips: Mmmm, that's how Big Doggy L likes it.

Malice: Well, here's the problem. We have no way of returning to the Tukiluka Memorial Space Station, and by extension, returning to Earth. The escape pod we took to this planet isn't functioning anymore, and I think we all know why that is.

Elijya: Dammit, Karem-Knight wanted to drive so badly! How could I say "no" to him?

Dog Lips: By saying "No, random Victorian-era-English street urchin, you cannot guide this expensive vehicle to the surface of an alien planet"?

Elijya: Quiet, you.

Dog Lips: Hey, I'm a moderator! I don't have to take that from you!

Elijya: I'm older.

Dog Lips: ......

Malice: Look, this is a very serious problem.

Dog Lips: Agreed. If we are to return to our home planet, we'll have to construct a very large catapult, and fling the members of our crew home, one by one. Now, this is a very dangerous means of transportation, but it is our only way home. I suggest we test the first few models on Dread.

Malice: Actually, I had a more sane idea. We ask the aliens who are also staying here for a lift.

Dog Lips: The ones who tried to kill us before?

Elijya: We're cool with them now, remember? Enterthemadness and their leader sang "Man in the Mirror" together at the karaoke bar last night?

Dog Lips: No, enterthemadness is cool with them again. That Master Bruce character is still mad that he heard us singing "Rocket Man" a while ago.

Elijya: Oh, we got that worked out. We sang "Come Sail Away" with him later on. Dude's a Styx fan.

Malice: As it turns out, they did a concert on his home planet a few years ago, and totally saved their economy.

Dog Lips: Well, so much for our other plan.

Malice: What other plan?

Dog Lips: *sigh* Nothing. I'll be back.

Dog Lips climbed out of the jacuzzi, grabbed his towel, and left the room.

Elijya: Was he just wearing a g-string?

Malice: You mean you're not?



Dog Lips: Hey guys, sorry, the problem's taken care of.

bored: So we don't get to play for everyone?

Abaddon: We practiced so hard.

Dog Lips: I know, but they've already patched things up with Master Bruce via musical expression, so we're going to have to wait for another time.

bored: Curses. One day, our death-bubblegum-gangster-polka-jazz fusion combo will have its chance. Now what should we do with all of these instruments we stole?



Master Bruce entered the jacuzzi. He was also wearing a g-string. All important people do that. It's how they identify each other.

Master Bruce: You would ask a favor of me, Earthlings?

Malice: Yes. Nothing huge. We just need a lift home, or at least back to our space station, which can take us the rest of the way.

Master Bruce: Your space station can move?

Malice: Yep.

Master Bruce: Isn't that just a, you know, space ship?

Malice: Don't get technical on us. But anyway, we can't afford too many more nights in this snazzy hotel. We've all got outstanding tabs at the bar, and Karem-Knight keeps ordering pay-per-view.

Master Bruce: Hmmm, yes, I suppose I could help you, but there will be a cost.

Dog Lips: Not it.

Malice: Not it.

Elijya: Dammit!

Elijya pouted, then moved closer to Master Bruce and began to lower his head into the water.

Master Bruce: Um, no, not what I had in mind.

Elijya: Oh, thank Xenu!

Master Bruce: If I am to give you Earthlings a "lift", I shall require you to help me deal with a situation I found out this morning has arisen on my throne-world.

Malice: The wife's getting lonely, eh? Elijya's having that same problem.

Elijya: She makes my dinner!

Master Bruce: No, well, that's probably also happening. Rather, I am told that a rather successful coup is taking place while I am gone. If you can help me put this rebellion down, I shall give you a ride home. No need for that space station of yours. It probably smells bad, with nobody being on it for so long.



Meanwhile, on the Tukiluka Memorial Space Station...

Squeekness: I lay claim to this level of Space-Earth! None shall enter without my permission!

Brett Spiner: Not for long, knave, for the top floor of Space-Earth is now under my control! Have at thee!

The two began sword-fighting with towel racks.

Wow. This was better than the last part.

seems like I am your only reader though, least the only one posting.

 

[bored]

Much as I appreciate the enthusiasm, try not to repost the entire entry right under the original one.

--------------------------------------------------

Abaddon: So, bored, have you heard from anyone on Earth recently?

bored: Nah. Should I call Brian Peppers and see how he's doing?



Meanwhile, back on Earth...

Wolf Blitzer: The reign of the lemurs dressed as famous athletes continues. It is speculated that Lemur Dwayne Wade is not the leader, as initially believed, but rather, they are being controlled by a deformed pervert in a wheelchair and a cardboard cutout of starlet Eliza Dushku. Meanwhile, a turf war in Los Angeles between Lemur David Beckham and Lemur Landon Donavan has threatened to escalate to envelope all of southern California....



Abaddon: Eh, screw it. They're probably fine.

bored: Well, how are we going to keep ourselves entertained now? I mean, it was pretty dull the last time we were on a large space-ship.

Abaddon: Yeah, but dude, this time it's an alien space-ship!

Erundur: How is this alien? It was constructed five miles from my house.

bored: Which was on another planet.

Erundur: Um, no, they were on the same planet.

bored: But it wasn't Earth.

Erundur: So? We're not from Earth. You are. You are now on our space-ship. Technically, you are the aliens.

Abaddon and bored looked at each other, then back at Erundur.

Erundur: I'm suddenly very nervous.



Master Bruce: So, Dog Lips, how did you get your name? Are your lips truly those of a "dog"?

Dog Lips: Just your mother.

Master Bruce: How did you know?

Dog Lips: ...... Anyway, it's biblical.

Master Bruce: I have read the Earth text known as the "Bible". At no point did I come across the name "Dog Lips".

Dog Lips: Get the Leet-Age Edition. All the names are modernized. "Dog Lips" is "John the Baptist".

Master Bruce: Intriguing.

He began taking notes.

Master Bruce: What about the figure known as "Mary Magdalene"?

Dog Lips: Robert Pattinson.



Holly Goodhead: Know who hasn't been in this story lately? Me.

Hippie Hunter: Listen to this! Listen to this! You're letting this happen?

Yep.

DBella: It's as if you haven't been allowed to be active in some time.

Holly Goodhead: Almost like I was "banned" from this adventure in between its beginning and the present.

DBella: How queer.

Mr. Thing: Continue on, ladies.

DBella: And I didn't even remember that you were with us.

Mr. Thing: Oh, I've lurked in the shadows.

Karem-Knight: By shadows, mighty Space-Thing means "the restroom", as a result of bad cooking!

Mr. Thing: I grow tired of you.



bored: Know anything about this rebel leader Master Bruce wants us to help put down?

Dog Lips: I tried to find out, but we ended up getting into a long discussion likening biblical prostitutes to sparkly metrosexual vampires. He mentioned something about a figure he didn't like a few times, though. Somebody by the name of "Knowsbleed".

Abaddon: Think maybe that's the guy?

Dog Lips: Eh, who cares? It's going to take us a while to get to his throne world anyway.

bored: Meaning we have time for lots of self-contained, arbitrary exploits aboard this space-ship?

Dog Lips: Exactly. Also, the massage parlor includes "happy endings", if you know what I mean.



Two hours earlier...

masseur: Your massage is done, Dog Lips. Would you like to finish watching "Disney's The Little Mermaid" before you leave?

Dog Lips: You know damn well that I do.

 

[enterthemadness]

*Bump*

Forgot to comment on the last piece. From what I remember it was a nice read. If I can remember, I'll try and start reading from the beginning.

 

[bored]

Bored and Abaddon, after sitting around for a couple of weeks, looked out one of the many large windows in Master Bruce's space-ship.

Abaddon: The universe looks so... big.

bored: I read once that it's because the universe really IS big!

Abaddon: Damn, dude. Did they teach us that when we were training to become astronauts.

bored: I think so, actually.

Abaddon: Wow. Ever wonder what it would have been like if we'd paid attention the entire time when we were working on that?

bored: Wasn't that the point of us sitting with Dog Lips and Tukiluka?

Abaddon: Dude, don't go there.

bored: It's been years. We have to acknowledge it sometime.

Abaddon: Tuki DIED because we wanted him to help us in astronaut school!

bored: Yeah, but he died a hero. They named the space station after him, remember?


Meanwhile, down in the bayou...

Tukiluka: Most of you don't even remember me at this point, do you?


Abaddon: Bored, the four of us agreed to split up study materials, and thanks to that, Tuki drowned during a low-gravity simulation.

FunBobPants: Hey Earthlings? How're you doing? Having an expository conversation?

bored: Yep.

FunBobPants: Cool. Hey, that reminds, did I ever tell you of the time I woke up naked in a closet with Wilford Brimley? Guys? Earthlings? Hey, why are you walking away?


Meanwhile, so that I can fill up some space, back on Earth...

Wolf Blitzer: The resistance against heavily-armed lemurs dressed as famous athletes has suffered a severe setback. The ninja chinchillas dressed as rock stars report that Chinchilla Mick Jagger has chlamydia, and can no longer assist them. Lemur Tom Brady has released the following statement.

Lemur Tom Brady: *on video screen* Sqeak.

Wolf Blitzer: Does his villainy know no end?


bored: So did you bother to read the dossier on Knowsbleed?

Abaddon: Skimmed it. It sounds like he's been working on this rebellion since Master Bruce's coronation. Also, he's got the halitosis something fierce.

bored: Damn. I just got that he's allergic to polyester.

Abaddon: Must be difficult, what with most clothing in this part of space made from that material.

bored: I wonder if that's what motivated him to revolt?

Abaddon: Perhaps it was. Maybe a man can only go so far living in a society which advocates a fabric that is inaccessible to him. What would you do in such a situation, bored?

bored: I don't know. Maybe he isn't truly the villain. Maybe... society is.

The two pondered on this for a moment.

bored: Of course Master Bruce is offering us a ride to take him down.

Abaddon: Good point.

 

[enterthemadness]

I got no laughs from that. But still, thanks for another chapter.