The Amazing Spider-Man Pitch your Spidey wisecracks

[The Slang]

Like many others, I'm hoping for more jokes from spidey in the reboot. But jokes that are funny and not too lame or strangely gay sounding. ie, "Hey kiddo let mum and dad talk for a little while." Wouldn't have "Let the Grown-ups talk" been a better choice of words? Anyway here's one:

Bad guy: I can't be stopped now, I'm so close to victory.
Spidey jumps into the frame. "I'd say you're about a FOOT away" he says as he launches the guy through the air with a kick.

 

[Reikowolf]

grittier

"**** you I'm Spider-Man! *****"

but seriously, I've always liked:

"Be careful with that gun, you fire it prematurely and women are going to talk"

 

[david icke]

Like many others, I'm hoping for more jokes from spidey in the reboot. But jokes that are funny and not too lame or strangely gay sounding. ie, "Hey kiddo let mum and dad talk for a little while." Wouldn't have "Let the Grown-ups talk" been a better choice of words?

'Strangely gay sounding'? Not sure what that means, especially in this context(edit: ok, it's two guys who are mom and dad, to me the idea of Spidey and JJ being mom and dad makes it funnier, than just two grown ups, not because they are two guys and that would make them gay, but because they are the antithesis of being together on the same page like a couple, makes it a little funnier anyway), and that's another thing, lets'not have Spidey doing any modern day type of gags that border the offensive, like the gay joke, actual gay joke, of 'Did your husband make that for you?' Which sounded Spidey in the way it was delivered and was a taunt, but in words, was not the kind of gag Spidey would make at all.

Anyway here's one:

Bad guy: I can't be stopped now, I'm so close to victory.
Spidey jumps into the frame. "I'd say you're about a FOOT away" he says as he launches the guy through the air with a kick.

I'm sorry, but I'd rather no quips than ok quips that would get old fast on re-watches.

 

[Project862006]

i was fine how they were in the original trilogy i don't want the wisecracks to be so ridiculous it halts the whole scene

personally i saw quite bit of wisecracks in the whole series

 

[Artistsean]

Peter's comments (and Spidey's comments) to Gwen:
"Hi Gwen, nice to meet you. I hope you never get thrown off a bridge."
"Thats just crazy Gwen, Norman Osborn is a great guy."
(as Spider-Man) "Nice to meet you Miss Stacey, I hope Green Goblin never throws you off a bridge in an attempt to get to me."




only kidding, he should never say these things.

 

[Reikowolf]

"I've got 5 reasons you should stop what you're doing"

"one"
dodges gunfire
"two"
shoots web disarming them
"three"
flips over them
"four"
dodges a punch
"five"
trips enemy standing over them


"oh... also, my fist"
punches them out cold

 

[Deaths Head II]

Opponent: I hope your insurance is all paid up!
Spider-Man: Your concern for my welfare touches me deeply. When did you join the Salvation Army?

 

[COMPO]

this one line i liked fom a recent Spider-man Comic"Yeah, well I need a video music award, but you see me attacking Taylor Swift.. Which reminds.. if I don't take donw Kanye who Will?" lmoa

 

[VenomVsSpidey]

look at little goblin jr.....gonna cry?

 

[The Slang]

'Strangely gay sounding'? Not sure what that means, especially in this context(edit: ok, it's two guys who are mom and dad, to me the idea of Spidey and JJ being mom and dad makes it funnier, than just two grown ups, not because they are two guys and that would make them gay, but because they are the antithesis of being together on the same page like a couple, makes it a little funnier anyway),.

Yeh, Jameson was the 'Kiddo' in that scenario. Spider-man and green-goblin were 'Mom and Dad'.

I'm sorry, but I'd rather no quips than ok quips that would get old fast on re-watches.

The thread is, pitch your spidey-wisecracks. Not make innacurate arguments, criticize someone else's suggestion and then offer none of your own. Did Spidey offend you with the husband joke?

 

[Artistsean]

Look to the original comics, new ones too I guess, and the Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon show for Spidey's smart mouthed wisecracks. Especially the new cartoon, I loved the scene between Doc Ock and Spidey:
Ock: "Don't you ever SHUT UP?"
Spider-Man: "No, my fans expect a certain amount of quipage."

Spidey is constantly joking so much that he almost annoys the bad guy into attacking him just to shut him up. That is something I want to see in the movie.
(It might also be fun to hear some inner dialogue like in the comics, "I wish I felt as sure of myself as I sound.")

 

[TheSlag]

grittier

"**** you I'm Spider-Man! *****"

but seriously, I've always liked:

"Be careful with that gun, you fire it prematurely and women are going to talk"

LOL t:

I like ones like this, that similar to the Shrek movies, had something for the adults, that would go over the young kids heads.

 

[The Slang]

Something from the 90's cartoon:

Spiderman is struggling to hold onto a cage as it dangles with the beast and wolverine above a chemical vat.

Beast: Spider-man! Keep us still or wolverine is lost to us!
Spider-man: Sure (grunt) but what ever you do (grunt) just... don't make me laugh.

 

[Spider-Kurt!]

Spider-Man to the Scorpion "Jameson paid for this??? I always thought that guy was to cheap to even buy a full mustache!"


Dr.Octopus "I will tear every limb from your body!"

Spider-Man "As sweet as an invitation as that sounds,I must respectively decline. I guess I'm just a 'stay alive and beat the bad guy' sorta superhero at heart."



Vulture "Do you ever shut up???"

Spider-Man " If I had a nickle for every time somebody told me that,I just might!"


Spider-Man to the Sandman " I'm half way tempted to let you keep the money Sandy. You'll never make the 'Best Dressed Super Villian' list wearing that!"


Mysterio "Who dare challange the mystical might of Mysterio?"

Spider-Man "Better question,what kind of parents would name their kid 'Mysterio'? Rhino? I get. Sandman I get. Even Doc Ock has a certain savoir-faire to it,but Mysterio? Seriously, was the Fish Bowl Bandit already taken?""


Spider-Man to Shocker "Do they call you 'the Shocker' because you have the nerve to wear that get up in public? But then again,who am I to talk?"


Spider-Man to the Lizard "Doc,if you're in there anywhere,you've gotta come to your senses before Tarzan over there (Kraven) turns you into a set of luggage and a belt!"


Spider-Man to Morbius "Let me guess...Team Edward,right? Somebody's taking this whole 'Twi-hard' thing just a liiiitle too far dontcha think?"

 

[spider-neil]

police corner the rhino

*spidey jumping over the police barricade*

spidey - ''excuse me, coming through, whoops mind your head'

*spidey in front of rhino*

spidey - 'excuse me, have you seen the rhino around here? 7 foot tall, stinks of week old fish'


rhino - 'SPIDER-MAN!'

spidey (furiously looking around) - 'where?! 'where?!' 'I'm his biggest fan!'

rhino - 'you'll pay for making a fool out me'

spidey 'can't I make a fool out of you for free'

 

[spider-neil]

*spidey to mysterio*

spidey - 'tell me mysterio, what are you going to do for a head when the goldfish want their bowl back?'

 

[Boom]

"Be careful with that gun, you fire it prematurely and women are going to talk"

This = win.

 

[Rodrigo90]

Spider-Man to Kingpin...

"Are you what ate Gilbert Grape?"

 

[Spider-Kurt!]

Spider-Man to Kraven "What'sthematter? Couldn't decide on being Sigfried, Roy or a pimp so you went with the 'all the above' category?"


Spider-Man to Electro " I'd tell you what you can stick in a socket,Sparky..."

Spider-Man to the Black Cat "Don't think that I'll let you get away with stealing those jewels just because you smell...so nice and...you're wearing a skin tight leotard...and..uh..have a phenominal body..."

Black Cat "All natural..."

Spider-Man " Really?"

Black Cat "Mmm hmm"

Spider-Man "Hold on,I gotta see if I still got Daredevil's phone number."

 

[spider-neil]

spidey - 'so who are you supposed to be?'

fisk - 'the kingpin'

spidey - 'the kingpin? of what? maccy D's?'

 

[DarkSovereignty]

I'd like to see shocker or electro shoot a blast at spiderman, missing and making a hole in the wall, then spiderman looks at the hole and at shocker/ electro, ect. and say "wow, don't you feel inadequate"

 

[Beanjuice]

Spidey kicking a thug in the chin: "Foot bone's connected to the-face bone!"

 

[DACMAN]

Just read any issue of Ultimate Spider-Man.

 

[Gamma Goliath]

i love the remark he makes to rhino in the ultimate spiderman game "is that a horn or are you just happy to see me? "

 

[DACMAN]

"Who comes to a city filled with superheros to rob a bank? Seriously? It's actually kind of insulting."