Secretly evil things you would love to do

[Silvermoth]

Hi everyone,

completely anonymous, but what’s some evil things you would love to do one day?

for example: whenever someone says “please give a warm welcome to ...” I’m always tempted to yell “f**** off so and so” just to see the look of shock on people’s face

 

[MadVillainy]

It's a trap. This guy's a cop

 

[BrollySupersj]

Destroy a celestial body. Who needs Saturn anyway?

 

[Lily Adler]

Pick your nose is going to be on here.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Pick your nose is going to be on here.

 

[Schlosser85]

I don’t think this is “evil”, but punch customers in the face with impunity from any consequences.

I got hollered at by this white trash woman with three teeth the other day, and I had this seething feeling of “who the **** are you to yell at me?”, and I dearly wanted to just slap her mouth shut. The fact that I couldn’t stuck in my craw hard.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

 

[Flash525]

Things we'd like to do? Scarlet Johansson? In all seriousness...

• Burn down my place of employment (but knowing my employers, I'd be one of the monkey's clearing up the debris).
• Joyride in a Police Car.
• Remove all Christmas decorations that are put up before December 13th.
• Remove any Easter themed items that are on shelves before March.
• Remove any Halloween themed items that're on shelves before October.
• Tell kids that Santa isn't real, and neither is the tooth fairy, BUT if they misbehave the Grim Reaper will come for them in their sleep.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Things we'd like to do? Scarlet Johansson? In all seriousness...

• Burn down my place of employment (but knowing my employers, I'd be one of the monkey's clearing up the debris).
• Joyride in a Police Car.
• Remove all Christmas decorations that are put up before December 13th.
• Remove any Easter themed items that are on shelves before March.
• Remove any Halloween themed items that're on shelves before October.
• Tell kids that Santa isn't real, and neither is the tooth fairy, BUT if they misbehave the Grim Reaper will come for them in their sleep.

That attitude.

 

[Flash525]

That attitude.

I'm somewhat methodical and realistic - at least where themed holidays are concerned.

The rest? That's just for the lol's.

 

[InCali]

I had a couple of friends who were married and came to visit me. The wife had been annoying me because she kept trying to fix me up with her friends. The day they got there, I decided to make dinner. Knowing that the husband loved Mexican food, I made a big pot of some really, really good beans from scratch. I made some dip, burritos, had a small taco bar, plenty of chips to encourage him to eat them (which wasn't hard). We had plenty of beer and hung out talking until they went to bed.

When they got up in the morning, I told my friend (husband) "Those beans came out pretty good." His response was "They still are". His wife's response was "Oh my god. He was farting all night and it really stunk. I could hardly sleep at all."

Revenge is sweet.

I know this is about things I would love to do, but I don't like living with regret.

 

[MilkmanDan]

I don’t think this is “evil”, but punch customers in the face with impunity from any consequences.

I got hollered at by this white trash woman with three teeth the other day, and I had this seething feeling of “who the **** are you to yell at me?”, and I dearly wanted to just slap her mouth shut. The fact that I couldn’t stuck in my craw hard.

I'd settle for being completely free to tell stupid and obnoxious customers what I really think. Not that I can't see the appeal of punching them. In fact many years ago when I worked at a fast food place I did get into a fist fight with a customer. And since neither one of us was seriously hurt it felt kinda cathartic after months of smiling politely to the endless parade of drunken jerks we served during night shifts.

 

[Schlosser85]

I'd settle for being completely free to tell stupid and obnoxious customers what I really think. Not that I can't see the appeal of punching them. In fact many years ago when I worked at a fast food place I did get into a fist fight with a customer. And since neither one of us was seriously hurt it felt kinda cathartic after months of smiling politely to the endless parade of drunken jerks we served during night shifts.

I've pretty much stopped faking being overly polite to jerks. A guy the other night joked that "you guys really love your muzzles, huh??", referring to our multiple "no one may enter without a mask" signs (which still aren't enough for some people who just blithely ignore them), then acted kind of pissy when I didn't even try to make any response or indulge him with a patented fake customer service laugh. Slapped his stuff down on the counter and left without another word.

 

[Flash525]

@Schlosser85 its a shame that rules can't be implemented by where retailers can outright refuse to serve anyone who isn't wearing a mask.

 

[Hobgoblin]

I’d have an affair. I won’t though.

 

[Kahran Ramsus]

Eat pineapple on pizza.

 

[Eddie Dean]

I would redacted redacted redacted parody satire

 

[MissMarvelous]

"Accidentally" send my last boss my current paycheck and accidentally call her cheap. Not only do I make almost twice of what she used to pay me, but also new my boss is a great person

 

[Schlosser85]

I’d have an affair. I won’t though.

I’ve been the “third” person before. It’s just a recipe for disappointment.

 

[Hobgoblin]

I’ve been the “third” person before. It’s just a recipe for disappointment.

Yeah, I’m sure it’s even worse than it seems. Lots of reasons to not do it besides the basic sliminess of it.

 

[Flash525]

Eat pineapple on pizza.

That's not evil though. That's a treat.

 

[AndyTrevino]

Take a dump in every single IKEA in-store model toilet

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Take a dump in every single IKEA in-store model toilet

Like... At one location?

Or...

Or...

...


Like in the whole world?


If so....

Stock up on boxes of this:




Godspeed and success.

 

[AndyTrevino]

Like... At one location?

Or...

Or...

...


Like in the whole world?


If so....

Stock up on boxes of this:




Godspeed and success.

I'm talkin' the whole world

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

I'm talkin' the whole world

Colon bloooooow and yooooooooooooou... in the mornin'.